Best Week Ever |
- In Praise Of Community’s Señor Chang
- Everyone Realizes Oregon Trail Was Terrible, Right?
- Bielebers Lurk Outside BWE Offices
- Get Ready For The Gayest Spiderman Yet!
- Steelers Vs. Packers: Whose Parody Songs Are Worse?
- Little Fox Tongue Makes Effective, Time Consuming Window Cleaner
- Finally, The Perfect Nail Polish To Wear When You’re Giving A Homeless Person The Finger
| In Praise Of Community’s Señor Chang Posted: 04 Feb 2011 07:34 PM PST
Community is the best show on television. There's little use arguing otherwise. In fact, I feel safe in going on the record that it will retain that title until some evil genius producer develops Snooki Presents: The Real Animal Hoarding Kardashian Housewives Of The Playboy Mansion and sells it to VH1. But back to Community… The first season of the show was, by all accounts, staggeringly good, but Dan Harmon and company have put the creative pedal to the metal in this, the show’s second year. With every episode, the team challenges themselves to raise the conceptual bar and totally eviscerate the traditional notion of what a sit-com “should” be; the rate with which they succeed at surpassing these incredibly lofty goals is, frankly, unparalleled. In addition to having an enormously talented writing staff, the show draws much of its strength from its ensemble cast. Rather than having to worry about placating one or two “stars” while everyone else orbits around aimlessly, the show is blessed with a cast that genuinely seems to be in sync with one another. Depending on the episode, the core cast — Jeff, Britta, Abed, Shirley, Troy and Annie — each takes their turn in the spotlight. However, if I were to point to one character whose game has been significantly stepped up since Season One in a way that changes the show’s entire landscape for the better, that character would have to be Señor Ben Chang.
One of the great developments of the show’s second season has been the removal of the barrier that precluded Señor Chang from interacting with his Spanish 101 students socially, on their own plane. By revealing in the first season finale that Chang actually doesn’t have any teaching credentials and also needs schooling at Greendale, the show turned Chang from an adversarial authority figure into an emotionally fragile peer who will stop at nothing from winning the gang’s approval. Early on in the season, we saw his anger issues manifest themselves when Chang hilariously and spookily morphed into Greendale’s Gollum, setting up the arc of his character for the entire season. Depending on the situation, he’s either been cracking one-liners (“Gaaay-ayyyy!”), saving the day (his turn as “Drugs” in the “Celebrity Pharmacology” episode was PRICELESS; “I’m gonna deep fry yo’ dog and eat yo momma’s face, and after that wear your little brother’s skin LIKE PAJAMAS!”), or struggling to ingratiate himself with the cool kid posse led by Jeff and Britta (see the clip below from last night’s “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons” episode in which he excitedly dressed up in LITERAL blackface for a round of D&D). While the Outsider Who Wants To Be An Insider is a common television trope (see also: Tom in Cougar Town, Lutz on 30 Rock), there’s something about Ken Jeong’s performance that elevates his character above the level of cliché and keeps things unpredictable. Specifically, I think it’s attributable to the fiendish sense of desperation that Jeong laces all of his characters with; that particular Acting choice really informs the character of Señor Chang, a person whose desire to be ADORED by his peers is, sadly, outweighed by his inability to appear like he’s trying too hard. Sure, Chang is a jackass, that much we can agree on. However, the question remains: Is he a lovable jackass or an insufferable (and possibly evil) one? Thankfully, Community and Jeong refuse to commit one way or the other, which is just another of the myriad reasons why this show remains the best on television. PS: Magic user baby WHAAAAAAT? |
| Everyone Realizes Oregon Trail Was Terrible, Right? Posted: 04 Feb 2011 02:02 PM PST
With Facebook’s much buzzed-about Oregon Trail game to be released shortly, let’s take a second to discuss the excitement surrounding the re-release of everyone’s most vividly remembered educational video game about sh*tting yourself to death. For the past ten to fifteen years, any time the game “Oregon Trail” has come up in a conversation, my friends and I immediately launch into nostalgic musings about dysentery, throwing away 3700 pounds of buffalo meat, and naming characters “BUTTHEAD” so when they die the school computer informs me that BUTTHEAD HAS DIED. Oregon Trail was an absolutely irremovable piece of my educational upbringing, and to this day remains a guaranteed instant bonding experience between myself and anyone born within 5 years of me, simply with the mere mention of a banker dying of cholera (which comes up in casual conversation all the time.) Sometimes, however, overwhelming positive nostalgia on a subject causes us to forget that the thing itself was, in an objective sense, pretty much just terrible. Which is totally fine – just because a thing is stupid doesn’t mean that we were wrong for liking it as kids or are wrong now for remembering it with genuinely loving reflection – but when Facebook is set to release an Oregon Trail game, and that game is a loose adaptation of the original that includes purchaseable in-game upgrades, and hordes of internetters my age are giving themselves whooping cough with excitement, now’s the time to remind ourselves of a truth that our collective memories have clearly obscured: Oregon Trail was a terrible, terrible video game. My friend Jeff Rubin perfectly summed up the game in this Tweet:
Truth! So what gives me, Blogger McWhinerson, such an advanced perspective? Let me explain: I was a huge fan of playing Oregon Trail in class. SO BIG A FAN, in fact, that I forced my mom to actually buy me the game so I could continue playing it at home. Once the initial rush wore off — I can play for forty-one minutes without anyone telling me to stop! — the absolute inanity of this acquisition quickly revealed itself to me, even to my feeble video-game-obsessed whatever-year-old brain. When I was playing the game in class, I was playing it instead of doing school. When I was playing the game at home, I was playing it instead of playing one of my 4,000 far more entertaining Nintendo games (well, 3,999 better games, Hydlide was unplayable), or playing with my 8 billion action figures, or if I felt so daring, going outside. When you’re ranking Oregon Trail against other post-1980 video games, it not only doesn’t stack up, it practically makes you embarrassed for ever having derived enjoyment from it. Anyone who’s ever purchased the He-Man DVD set knows this feeling.
First off, Oregon Trail is way too easy. 98% of the game was text-based randomness, and the only two action-based segments in the game — hunting, and the “going down the rapids” raft ending (in the Apple II version) — were insultingly easy to anyone who’s ever hopped over the first Goomba in Mario 1. The raft part was practically in slow motion, to the point where you’d have to deliberately go out of your way to die on it; frickin’ calculator games took more skill to beat. And this was back before graphing calculators even existed — literally the only calculator game was typing “BOOBIES” upside down, and that was tougher than beating Oregon Trail. Secondly, there’s only like, nine things that can happen in the entire game. Once you’ve beaten it as every profession (which isn’t hard once you realize that you don’t need to buy food, just get bullets and hunt and instantly have enough food for the entire game), and intentionally killed yourself with every possible ailment (“Snakebite! Sweet”), there’s absolutely no conceivable excuse for wasting more time on it. The only excitement I ever got from playing Oregon Trail at home was naming a character “Damon” after my friend with a broken leg and rooting for him to get a broken leg in the game. That, and graduating BUTTHEAD to ASSHOLE. Third, you can already play Oregon Trail online for free. Or if you have an emulator or a Wii or just own old systems, you can play equivalently nostalgia-inducing games that are way better — the Mario games, the Zelda games, the Castlevanias, the Mega Mans, nearly every 80s arcade game — with about the same amount of cost and effort. I’m not saying don’t check out the new Facebook Oregon Trail game when it comes out, I just figured that with the recent explosion of “OMG! Oregon Trail’s back, BABY!!!” comments (from VinceVaughnQuotes.gov), a call to sanity on the nostalgic deification of Oregon Trail was in order. It’s a game we all loved and continue to love reminiscing about, which is great, but let’s not forget exactly why that’s the case: Oregon Trail was always hilariously bad. (Screenshots via cdevroe.com and @BleepBloopJeff) |
| Bielebers Lurk Outside BWE Offices Posted: 04 Feb 2011 01:23 PM PST
Working in Times Square bestows plenty of threats upon its 9-5ers – terrorism, trampling by tourists, unintentional photo bombs – but perhaps none are as frightening as the days Bieber Nation is on the prowl. Justin Bieber is the guest on MTV’s The Seven today, which means hordes of teens in purple #neversaynever glasses have been camped outside our dear offices since 5AM. We took the opportunity to document some of the most bundled, dedicated, and shockingly well-behaved* Bieber fans. *We should note that upon reentering our office, some already-admitted girls were waiting in the lobby, had torn off their coats and were frantically applying body shimmer to their cleavage.
Not to be trusted.
Sweet Between Squeals
Yell “Bieber!”
Mother-Daughter Bonding Over The Biebs
That’s So Raven.
World’s most patient chaperone.
VIBielebers
Thrilled to meet the life-size version.
(L) Looking as cool as possible while freezing and waiting to see Justin Bieber. |
| Get Ready For The Gayest Spiderman Yet! Posted: 04 Feb 2011 11:49 AM PST Love Spiderman, but wish he was gayer? Good news: Shots from the new Spiderman 4 sequel have arrived, and they pretty much don’t get gayer than this!
Here is Andrew Garfield getting up close and personal with some sort of “bad guy.” Unless the movie is called Spiderman 4: No Homo, this is pretty much the g-est superhero movie still we’ve ever seen. i.e. This will be the greatest movie. But can you really blame the guy? CHECK OUT DAT ASS:
Looks like Spidey got a little hot and bothed…  But sorry, Kirsten Dunst, you never had nearly as much chemistry with that dude in the mask as this greasy-haired bandit.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m interested in Spiderman. That easy. [Photos: Splash News] |
| Steelers Vs. Packers: Whose Parody Songs Are Worse? Posted: 04 Feb 2011 10:48 AM PST Sports Parody Songs: The Jason Statham Movies of songs. The type of songs where, in the name of vague fandom, we completely abandon logic, rhyming, proper lyrical scanning, and the basic “Emperor’s New Clothes” ability to say “Wait a minute, everything about this is f***ing terrible.” Which, of course, is what makes them great. Sunday’s Packers/Steelers Super Bowl not only matches two excellent teams at “actual football,” but also two teams whose internet and local radio parody songs are absolutely, flat-out astounding (-ly terrible. But that’s the idea.) Let’s go through a series of exceptional Packer and Steeler parody songs genre by genre to determine whose (awful) songs truly reign supreme (-ly worse):
“Go Pack Go” “Steel Defense” Yikes – off to an excellent start of painfulness. It’s hard to call the Packers one way worse here, cause they’re kids and they’re adorable and they’re trying their best, plus they’ve got a little dance going on and the lyrics are super topical (includes the results of this year’s playoffs), but that being said, I am going to call the Packers one way worse here. Never forget – song parody kids are the song parody grownups of our future. VERDICT: Packers.
“Sack You” (to the tune of “F*ck You”) “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Packer” Jesus Christ, we’re 4 videos in and this list is already insufferable. By which I mean AMAZING! Amazingly insufferable. What am I covering in this block of text again? Whatever, this “verdict” gimmick is already off the rails. That first note in “Sack You” is just not at all what any human ear expects to hear, even when preadjusted for sports song sh*ttiness; the Packers rap is pretty unbelievable too, but I think it’s performed with at least 3-4% self-awareness, so it’s off the hook. VERDICT: Steelers.
“Holy Driver!” “Stairway to Seven” Ronnie James Dio has almost certainly been rolling over in his grave since the second you clicked on that “Holy Driver” embed, but not because it’s bad, Dio was already rolling over in his grave because he’s just constantly doing that since he rocks so hard even in death. Led Zeppelin, similarly, are already constantly rolling over in their graves thanks to high school kids who’ve just purchased guitars, even though Robert Plant and Jimmy Page aren’t dead yet. Until you clicked on “Stairway to Seven,” now they both are. Nice work, you. VERDICT: Steelers.
“Packarena” (click pic below to play)
“Polamalu” (to the tune of “Mahna Mahna”) Everyone loves the Muppets’ “Mahna Mahna,” and because there’s only one word, there’s very little here to butcher. The Macarena, on the other hand? Just, wow. I’ll never forget when I was visiting a prospective Catholic high school that I almost attended and the priest told a joke, “Did you hear McDonald’s just bought the rights to the Civic Arena [stadium in Pittsburgh]? They’re gonna rename it The MACARENA.” Whatever slim, lingering thread of caring about religion that I still had was severed at that very moment. Verdict: Packers, in a landslide.
Johnny Dollar – “Seven – We’ll Be In Heaven” “Mister Rodgers’ Neighbors” I already mentioned yesterday that the Johnny Dollar video is my favorite thing possibly ever, and while I get the Aaron Rodgers rationale behind the second one, Mister Rogers himself is from Pittsburgh (I actually met him three times – NAAAME DROPPPP! I get into so many clubs this way). Green Bay can’t really claim this tune for Super Bowl usage – should’ve stuck with “Sack-same Street”. Verdict: Packers.
“Steeler Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” “The Pack is Beating You” (to the tune of “Tonight I’m Lovin’ You”) “Cheese And Packers” “Lord Loves a Steelers Fan” FINAL VERDICT: Sports Song Parodies – Whoever wins, we lose. If I had to pick though, probably Steelers. Everything that can possibly ever be said about Sports Song Parodies was summed up in this climactic resolution shot from WarGames:
Have a different verdict? Feel free to argue away in the comments. |
| Little Fox Tongue Makes Effective, Time Consuming Window Cleaner Posted: 04 Feb 2011 10:44 AM PST The following video has already gone viral three times over, but we would be remiss not to alert you as it features one of our favorite things in the world: Animal faces pressed up against glass. You might remember our list, entitled 50 Animals Squashed Against Glass. Well this little Russian fox would have surely made it to #1 had he been around. If you are a fan of small animal teeth (hint: you are), watch: This fox is a’ite, but he still doesn’t hold a candle to our favorite animal smushed up against glass, Mr. Hambleypants:
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| Finally, The Perfect Nail Polish To Wear When You’re Giving A Homeless Person The Finger Posted: 04 Feb 2011 10:22 AM PST
Want to flip off the homeless but can’t get your hands on the perfect nail lacquer to get your message across? Well good news. A company known as Models Own has put together a bottle of nail polish that costs… are you ready? Hmm… a Russian Oligarch? Well, it seems pretty obvious who that person is, right?
Oh Johnny Weir, you fabulous son of a bitch. You deserve it. And only you. |
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