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Saturday, May 14, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

What Happens When You Combine Lady Gaga And Meth?

Posted: 13 May 2011 01:59 PM PDT

The answer to the above question is “I Am Your Grandma,” a song about a robot who is also a grandma.

Now I’ve never tried meth. I’ve seen Intervention and I don’t WANNA try it. And now, thanks to “I Am Your Grandma,” I don’t have to. That’s because “I Am Your Grandma” has everything a bad meth experience needs! (cue Stephon): It’s got crazy melted wax baby masks, Buster Keaton impersonators, Madame puppet half-masks, ballerina clowns, mirror-hair-ham-faces, serial killers from space… you won’t wanna miss it.

**Only You Kind Of Will!**

While there is something quite catch about “I Am Your Grandma,” there is also something quite “What is this thing of sin sticking like cancer in my brain canal? GET IT OUT GET IT OUT” about it. So be warned: If realistic human sobbing baby masks aren’t your “thing,” don’t watch this. And if they are your thing, have a seat over here:

(via Reddit)

Mischa Barton Tried Acid For The First Time (Probably)

Posted: 13 May 2011 11:54 AM PDT

And newsflash: SHE LOVES IT!

OK, of course, we kid: Mischa Barton DID NOT try acid before donning this hypercolor Memoirs of a Geisha get-up at the The Goldberg Sisters Benefit Performance for The Disaster Relief Effort in Japan Gala in LA yesterday. And actually? We kind of love this look. Really, it should be more socially acceptable to leave your house with an airbrushed day-glo face and feather salad in your hair for, say, a business lunch, or to do a fan dance for a local businessman. Admit it: If Mischa Barton looked like this every single day of her life, you’d probably be thinking to yourself “Huh. I wonder what Mischa Barton’s been up to lately? Why isn’t she on the latest Fox hour-long tragidramedy? I miss that crazy gal of a bitch!”

Instead, however, this is the Mischa Barton we’ve grown accustomed to. Make-up free, dazed, and decidedly UN-geisha-like. So listen, Meesh, it’s Mich, hear me out: Geisha face your way to success. I guarantee it will work!*

*My guarantee’s are worth less than nothing.

Lisa Ling To Hyperactive Evangelical Wannabe Chiropractor: ‘Really?’

Posted: 13 May 2011 12:31 PM PDT

People aren’t watching enough OWN. Seriously. If you aren’t watching The Oprah Winfrey Network, you’re missing out. Gayle King is out of her mind. “Behind The Scenes” showcases Oprah being a total weirdo (just try keeping count of the times Oprah candidly uses the term “crazyass”). And “Master Class: Maya Angelou” had us both sobbing and lactating.

But one of the network’s gems is “Our America With Lisa Ling,” in which Lisa delves into social issues like any other newsmagazine show, albeit with a certain youthful zest that makes it feel less staid than “60 Minutes” and “Dateline.” (Is “Dateline” still on TV? What year is it?)

One on recent episode, Lisa explored evangelical faith healers, and boy oh boy, is there a lot to work with here. Whether you’re agnostic or, say, The Pope (in which case, awesome hats, dude), it’s easy to see why Lisa looks mildly terrified. A bunch of sweet, well-intentioned kids bounce up and down in a room, screaming like it were a nursery school full of oversized toddlers, all of whom suffer from major separation anxiety.

“Do you need any healing in your body?” says Zack Wilcox, who should definitely take off his shirt for Jesus (just a suggestion). He’s essentially the leader of the group, and, call us crazy, but when he approaches a guy in a wheelchair (who, without explanation, is holding a kick snare drum and being followed by a procession of Scots in kilts) and tells him he can “get out of this wheelchair and walk today,” we’re like, Yyyyyikes, Zack.

It’s fantastic that he wants to give this guy hope, of course, but then when he approaches another stranger to see if his “neck pops much,” it’s clear that seeing a religious teenager think he can perform magical chiropractic tricks is definitely a reason to set your DVR.

It’s a bad day for religion.

[via Showing Christ's Love]

– Eliot Glazer

Summer Heights High Fans Rejoice!! Extended Angry Boys Trailer Is Here

Posted: 13 May 2011 11:08 AM PDT

Last monthish, we brought you an all-too-short trailer from Chris Lilley’s latest opus Angry Boys. While the trailer was severely lacking in our expected amounts of Mr. G and Ja’mie (“Weird name, I know, but you’ll get used to it.”) it was still CHRIS LILLEY, GOD OF CHARACTERS WHO CAN HELP HEAL LIVES.

Well fannnntastic newsahhh! Today we bring you an extreeeemely generous trailer of the show — nearly 8 minutes long — of just what we can expect from Angry Boys. Can you spot any themes? We can! Balls. Lotttts of balls.

Angry Boys FULL TRAILER from Luke H on Vimeo.

This Rabbit Has Been Waiting His Whole Life For This Coach

Posted: 13 May 2011 11:46 AM PDT

If you got the Rudy reference in the title, then congratulations!! We’ve both seen Rudy way too many times. As this post can prove. On a separate note, ohhhh myyyyy Godddddahhhh:

THOSE LEGS. THE STYLING IN THE AIR. CAN YOU HANDLE IT?? Because I don’t think I can. I’ve never known this kind of determination in my LIFE:

Here’s what my heart is doing right now over the empty baby carriage I bought and plan to fill with athletic show rabbits:

Rebecca Black, Meet Gabbie Rae

Posted: 13 May 2011 09:47 AM PDT

Rebecca Black was one big ol’ exercise in irony, wasn’t she? A kid who paid money to record a song and music video, both of which were really, really bad, but cemented her as the biggest YouTube video of 2011? Yeah, that sounds about right. And who said irony was dead? (Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter did, actually.)

Rebecca was birthed from Ark Music Factory, an actual factory (we wish!) where parents poop out money so that their kids can basically have the best Bar Mitzvah video ever. And now, Big Boi of Outkast, is entering that market with Purple Kidz, a similar record label that will be feature a roster of young artists, and will be run by both Big Boi and his sixteen-year-old daughter, Jordan. That’s right: Big Boi’s kid got a f*cking record label for her birthday! Not bad.

Here’s the weird thing, though: Jordan must be doing something right, considering that the first “big” act out of the gate is 12-year-old Gabbie Rae, whose song, “Neverland,” is actually pretty good, as is the cute video. Someone tell CJ Fam that there’s a new kid in town, and she’s not going down without a fight.

– Eliot Glazer

Simon Van Kempen ‘Performs’ ‘Live’ ‘Music,’ Triggering The End Of The World

Posted: 13 May 2011 08:58 AM PDT

There’s a theory that the end is nigh, and that 2012 will be the end of us, according to the calendar of the Mayans or something? In American culture, the existence of cultural memes like Bristol Palin, Donald Trump for President, and Simon Van Kempen, it can be argued, prove that any formidable element of talent is no longer necessary in achieving even the slightest modicum of success. We now live in an age in which wealthy people can become significantly more wealthy by having sex on camera with Brandy‘s brother. It’s sad, you guys.

The aforementioned Simon Van Kempen is married to Alex McCord, a cast member on The Real Housewives Of New York City, itself an exercise in validating negative ideas about grown women who behave like teenagers you hate. Simon likes attention a lot, too, so he recorded a “song” called “I Am Real” in which he opines about being a “celebrity” and being bad-mouthed by middle-aged women on Twitter.

Instead of reading to his kids last night, he showed up at Andy Cohen‘s playhouse to “perform” the song on Watch What Happens, Cohen’s vanity project talk show in which his staff giggles at the boss’s puns while the facets of society crumble around us all. All eleven viewers sat agape as Simon (who later performed the song at New York gay club Splash, because, sure, okay) fumbled in place beneath a mirrorball, doing this weird thing with his mouth that was either meant to be “sexy” or the signs of a mini-stroke.

It will, in fact, give you nightmares. And don’t be surprised if Andy Cohen charges you for those nightmares. Dude’s got to make a living, right?

[via Popdust]

– Eliot Glazer
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