Cele|bitchy

Is Sparkles a terrible boozehound monster in need of rehab?
Hot Guy Friday: Lars and the Real Dong
Colin Farrell is made of lies, claims he’s all about “monogamy”
Ashton Kutcher signs on to ‘Two & a Half Men’ for $600K an episode (update)
Jude Law ruefully admits: “I’m too old to be a lothario”
Linnocent hired a new publicist to help with cracked-out image
Angelina Jolie will not be answering any questions about Bin Laden
Shania Twain bars ex husband’s mistress from seeing her son
Jennifer Aniston’s latest SmartWater ads: pretty or meh?
Rachel McAdams vs. Diane Kruger: which blonde looked better?

Is Sparkles a terrible boozehound monster in need of rehab?

Posted: 13 May 2011 09:00 AM PDT

I've known Robert Pattinson was and is a boozehound for a long time. There are stories about him during production of the first Twilight film, sitting in his hotel room, hammered, while all of the rest of the cast were chilling out. Sparkles often references alcohol and liquor in his interviews, but over time, it seems like his life is less alcohol-focused. You know what I mean? When you're 20, your life can revolve around when and how you're going to party and get wasted. And then a few years pass and it no longer becomes your focus, although you're probably drinking and partying about the same. Anyway, The Enquirer claims that Sparkles' friends and family are worried about his blatant boozehound tendencies.

Robert Pattinson's drinking problem has his friends and family fearing he's going off the deep end. In a bizarre British interview, Pattinson recently admitted he's lonely and often sits in his hotel room getting loaded.

"I just hang there and get drunk," the actor confessed. "It's terrible. No one ever asks me to do anything. When I'm not working, I'm still one of those people who calls up their entire phone book to say, 'Hey, what are you doing? Are you doing anything tonight? Can I go with you?'"

Pattinson has been dating Kristen Stewart since 2009 - but apparently he is still lonely and drowning his unhappiness in booze.

"Rob's drinking has been a concern for a while now," a close source told The Enquirer. "He's adored by millions and his career couldn't be better, but he's sitting in hotel rooms waiting for the phone to ring. He sometimes questions his fame and says it isn't worth it. He's clearly having issues with stardom and we want him to get help before he turns into a Hollywood casualty."

Back in September 2010, Robert turned a recording session into a booze-fest where no music was recorded. And his drinking has only gotten worse, says the source.

"It seems like Rob's been turning to the bottle more and more often. He's been living the wild life in LA - and needs to get his act together before it's too late."

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

I'm probably going to sound ignorant, but I always feel like the British (and Europeans in general) have a different (better, healthier) attitude towards alcohol and alcohol consumption. I think Americans tend to fetishize alcohol, and when someone drinks too much, they are just labeled an "alcoholic" and told to stop completely. Other countries don't see it as so black-and-white, IMO. Now, is Sparkles an alcoholic? Or does he just drink to waste time, because he's bored or whatever? Because it's fun for him? I don't know. I would tend to think that he's not an alcoholic, he just likes to drink, but he could probably stop or limit himself if he wanted. We won't know until he starts showing up to awards shows, drunk off his ass and slurring his words. Surrressly.

Sparkles: "Does anybody else see that elephant? *HIC*"

Sparkles: "BOOOOOOOBS. *HIC*"

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Hot Guy Friday: Lars and the Real Dong

Posted: 13 May 2011 08:01 AM PDT

Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling has odd taste in ladies. I know some (many) of you would be equally happy if Ryan Gosling either went back to Rachel McAdams OR if he came to your house to give you "the Gosdong special." I'm not one of those ladies. I don't want him to go back to Rachel - and I think they've both moved on anyway. But the fact of the matter is that Gosling is single and ready to mingle, despite some brief Olivia Wilde and Blake Lively action. Who will be the one to get Gosling to settle down? Who will he sing to in bed? Is it you?

Jude Law. I just figured, why not? There are about a million new photos of him at Cannes (he's on the jury), and he's looking great. "Great" meaning "his hairline is kind of wonky but he's still up for getting you pregnant." And why not? Jude babies for everybody! (PS… I wrote that before I discovered how many “pouty” photos there are of Jude in Cannes - seriously, if you want a pouty baby, you should go for Jude).

Seth Meyers. Many of us have been fans of Seth for years. Personally, I've always liked him and found him funny to hilarious, but I've never really gotten all hot for him. Seth's hotness is the kind that sneaks up me. He's the dude that I would have been friends with years and then suddenly, in a vodka haze, I would be all "I'm gonna hook up with Seth tonight, he's HOT." And of course he wouldn't hook up with me. Because he just thinks of me as a "friend" too. BOO. By the way, this will turn (most of) you on… Seth's White House Press Correspondents' speech/roast:

Peter Dinklage. Dinklage came in as a request last week, and at first I was all "Yeah, I like him, but is he HGF-worthy?" A few days later, CB was all "Peter Dinklage is HOT!" And I really started thinking about it - some women have no problems dating men who are shorter. Why not go for the gold with Dinklage? He's handsome, he's a really talented actor, and he's got mad steeze.

Paul Bettany. Oh, Paul. I lack the proper words to describe how I worship thee. When looking at your lovely face, I feel like writing poetry. A haiku about my love:

Cute blonde or ginger
No matter, humor and dong
Really turn me on.

I wrote that about my Bettany love. Do you think he'll like it?

Johnny Depp (By CB) We just did Johnny as the dessert about two months ago, but he just got the hotness back and definitely deserves a repeat. Back then I couldn’t find any flattering recent photos of Johnny and had to run older ones, but he now looks like he’s erased about ten years. However he did it, it’s a welcome change. Not that I wouldn’t have clung for dear life onto the Johnny of several months ago. Some weight and scraggly hair cannot disguise this man’s sex appeal.

Michael Ealy (By CB) Ealy is 37 and most recently starred on The Good Wife and Californication. He was also in Seven Pounds. I just love his piercing eyes. He’s one of those rare guys who looks great no matter what kind of facial hair he’s working.

Mark Wahlberg (By CB) We’ve only featured Marky Mark once on HGF, and that’s surprises me. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s so surly, or that he’s moved so far from his sexy image. I remember watching Planet of The Apes just waiting to see him take off his shirt, (I don’t think he ever did, but there’s plenty of his hot chest in Date Night) and who can forget Boogie Nights and that prosthetic package he should have been born with? He’s the sex. Somehow the grumpy dad routine just makes him hotter to me.

Christoph Waltz (Bedhead) We’ve had several requests for this hot guy, and it’s no wonder why that is the case. He might be relatively new to American audiences, but Christoph thanklessly toiled away for decades on various European television programs before getting his really big break from Quentin Tarantino just a few years ago. When he appears onscreen, Christoph completely owns his characters with an intensity that few have ever matched. And when we see him offscreen, he appears completely gracious and adorably thankful for his success. Forgive me for saying the obvious here, but “That’s a bingo!”

Cillian Murphy (Bedhead) Talk about jawbones that could cut glass, right? Cillian is so pretty that it almost hurts to look at him, and he’s not so bad at the acting thing either. Beyond blockbusters like last year’s Inception, he gives pretty unforgettable performances in indie films such as the haunted soldier in The Edge of Love, which is well worth checking out if you haven’t yet had the pleasure.

Joaquin Phoenix (Bedhead) This guy is an actor through and through, and I think there was a collective sigh of relief (after the obligatory “I knew it, that little f*&#er!”) when we finally received confirmation that his recent Unibomber shtick was all just a ruse. In fact, we at Celebitchy recently celebrated his much anticipated and (now) confirmed return to the big screen in the upcoming Paul Thomas Anderson-directed CO$ film. That movie can’t arrive soon enough!

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Bedhead) Finally, a former child star who didn’t royally screw up his life and has nicely made the transition to bona fide grown-up actor. From television shows (”Third Rock from the Sun”) to indie romantic comedies [(500) Days of Summer] to summer blockbusters (G.I. Joe and Inception), this actor can do it all. Also, he attended and graduated from an Ivy League college without getting all snotty about it. Suck it, James Franco.

RZA (Bedhead) Now, here’s a true renaissance man. RZA is not only a very prolific and accomplished rapper, instrumentalist, and music producer, but he has now moved onto conquering cinema as well. In fact, he’s currently working through the post-production phase of directing his very first feature film, The Man with the Iron Fist, which is due out later this year. In addition, you might have already spotted him in various movies, including in Coffee and Cigarettes alongside the irresistable Bill Murray.

Paul Walker (By CB) Kaiser told me that Paul is a frequent request, and it reminded me that I saw him walking down the street once in NY City in 2002. My friend was all “don’t look now, but that’s the guy from Fast and Furious.” He was very pretty in person, but didn’t stand out much in New York. He’s still so lovely, and The Fast and The Furious is still what he’s known for. I doubt that he takes a bad picture. Walker is our dessert today and he’s Key Lime Pie. Refreshing and sweet with that delicious crumbled cookie crust.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame, PRPhotos, Vanity Fair, GQ, Details, Esquire, Flaunt, W Magazine, Entertainment Weekly, Google Images.

Colin Farrell is made of lies, claims he’s all about “monogamy”

Posted: 13 May 2011 07:56 AM PDT

Yesterday, somebody was trying to tweet me suggestions for Hot Guy Friday, and she listed "Jude Law, Colin Barrel…" Which really should be Colin Farrell's handle, right? We could call him Colin "Double Barrel" Farrell. It's kind of perfect. Anyway, Colin is on today's Ellen DeGeneres show, and he's really trying to win us over. Like, he doesn't want us to think that he's out there, boning randoms whenever the urge strikes. Oh, Colin. I don't believe you.

Despite his playboy reputation, Colin Farrell is a one-woman kind of guy. During a Friday appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the 34-year-old Horrible Bosses actor says he’s single — and he’s not exactly on the prowl, either.

“I was never much for dating,” he explains. “I was much for a few things, but I kind of usually went decent-ish amount of time.”

“So you’re a monogamous person?” host Ellen DeGeneres asks.

“Yeah?” Farrell, who has two sons from two different relationships, responds.

“That was a question,” DeGeneres, 53, laughs. “That was not an answer.”

“No, I think when I answer yes to something like that, I’m kind of shocked myself that I’m answering yes,” Farrell explains. “That’s why it was a question. I’m kind of like, ‘Colin do you really believe yourself?’”

[From Us Weekly]

The subtext: Colin isn't even a good enough actor to pull off the monogamy line. I think Colin wants to believe it of himself: that he's the kind of guy who is looking for a stable, monogamous relationship. And hey, maybe he is. Maybe he's a serial monogamist who goes from one stable relationship to another. But I doubt it. I think that even though he's sober and his life is on a much healthier track, Colin will still bone pretty much any girl, at any time. By the way, that's why I've always kind of loved him too: realistically, I have a shot. He will bone anything, ergo, he will bone me. I have a shot with him for one night (or one hour, whatever).

In other Colin news, he's signed on to work with his In Bruges director again, in the film Seven Psychopaths (horrible title, I hope they change it). He'll be working with Sam Rockwell (yes!) and Christopher Walken. Also, you know how Colin is doing the Total Recall remake? Ethan Hawke just signed on too. Yay!

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame & Pacific Coast News.

Ashton Kutcher signs on to ‘Two & a Half Men’ for $600K an episode (update)

Posted: 13 May 2011 07:44 AM PDT

In news that shows just how out of touch and clueless the producers of Two and A Half Men must be, they’ve hired Kelso to replace the lead formerly played by gold-toothed megalomaniac, Charlie Sheen. Ashton Kutcher will star on the show now that Charlie Sheen is unable to do anything other than smoke crack and talk about how great he is. He’ll also get a “huge payday.” I think this means that 1. the show just jumped the shark with fireworks going off in the background and 2. Kutcher is the new Ted McGinley. We just heard that Hugh Grant was in final talks to join the show when he pulled out unexpectedly due to the work commitment. So Kutcher is their second choice, and I bet it’s one they’ll regret soon enough.

Ashton Kutcher appears to have won the Two and a Half Men sweepstakes.

‘Two and a Half Men’ Seeking Sheen Replacement as CBS, Warner Bros. Agree to Split Cost

Two sources close to the deal-making tell The Hollywood Reporter that the actor is putting the final touches on a deal to replace Charlie Sheen as the star of TV's No. 1 comedy. CBS, studio Warner Bros. and Kutcher's reps at CAA declined to comment on the situation but a deal is said to be all but signed. The exact dollar figure he will be paid is not known but a source says Kutcher is getting a "huge payday" to join the hit sitcom.

The deal came together quickly in the wake of Hugh Grant passing on the opportunity to join the show. Now sources say Men creator Chuck Lorre has crafted a storyline to introduce Kutcher in a way that satisfies the network and studio. "It's really funny," says one source. "People are going to love it."

Broadcasting & Cable reported Thursday that Kutcher's name was surfacing as a possible Sheen replacement. The actor, who starred in the winter hit No Strings Attached, would be taking first regular series gig since catapulting to stardom on Fox's That 70's Show. He also executive produced the hit MTV hidden-camera series Punk'd, among others.

Kutcher brings a youthful fan base to the CBS show, as well as a big online profile with 6.7 million Twitter followers, which could help CBS promote the show.

“Chuck’s really happy,” another source says.

[From The Hollywood Reporter]

I’ve watched a few episodes of this show in light of Sheen’s spectacular meltdown, and Kutcher is in no way similar to Charlie’s character. He’s usually typecast as a doofus, not a smooth talking womanizer. (Although he may be one in real life.) This steaming pile of show with stupid jokes and very contrived plot lines is inexplicably popular around the world. I’ll reluctantly admit that Kutcher could step in with his floppy hair and awkward cluelessness and steal the show. I never understand why people watch it anyway. It’s like the TV equivalent of a cold cheeseburger. It only hits the spot when you’re incredibly hungover and there’s nothing else in the fridge.

UPDATE BY KAISER: TMZ reports that Ashton has signed on for $600,000 an episode. In what world is he worth that much?

Demi and Ashton are shown at the launch of their sketchy DNA foundation on 4/14/11. Credit: WENN.com

Jude Law ruefully admits: “I’m too old to be a lothario”

Posted: 13 May 2011 07:44 AM PDT

Honestly, we’ve been having a bit too much fun with the entire running joke that Jude Law will impregnate someone at Cannes. It’s such a ridiculous yet highly probable notion, and I’m completely unable to stop hearing Barry White music every time I look at these new photos of serious/reflective/professional Jude acting out his duties as Juror.

Admit it — you hear the music too, right? Despite Jude’s real-life (and well-founded) reputation as a manwhore, however, the actor laments that his days as an onscreen loverboy have passed. He points towards evidence of this fact within his new role as the wronged husband in the latest adaptation of Anna Karenina, according to Daily Mail’s Baz Bamigboye:

Jude Law is mentally preparing himself to play the spurned husband in Anna Karenina opposite Keira Knightley.

That's not a role Jude has ever played on screen — and certainly not off it.

“I'm the cuckold. I'm the husband she discards,” the actor joked as we chatted at the official opening night dinner for the Cannes Film Festival, adding ruefully: “I can't play the dashing young blade in films any more, those parts don't come to me.”

Jude is sitting on the festival's jury with the panel's chair Robert De Niro and fellow Hollywood star Uma Thurman.

He told me he was excited to be working with director Joe Wright and that Tom Stoppard's adaptation of Tolstoy's classic novel was a masterpiece in itself.

“It’s an excellent screenplay, you just want to be a part of it,” he added.

As I revealed when this column broke news of the project last November, Keira will play the eponymous heroine, who humiliates her husband Karenin when she falls for handsome army officer Count Vronsky.

Aaron Johnson will play Vronsky. And Wright told me he's hoping to also cast Saoirse Ronan, who was in his adaptation of Atonement alongside Keira, and can be seen on screens now in his scorching psychological thriller Hanna.

[From Daily Mail]

Aww, poor Jude! He does sound a bit regretful that he won’t be shagging Anna Karenina senseless as Vronsky, doesn’t he? Well, he can rest assured that playing the jilted husband will demonstrate some flexibility in the acting department. As opposed to, you know, the flexibility that he often seeks in his random and various bedmates. Fortunately for Jude, he’s highly in demand not only in cloakroom closets but also on the big screen, and we’ll see him later this year in Contagion: The Sienna Miller Story as well as A Game Of Shadows, which is Guy Ritchie's follow-up to Sherlock Holmes. Remember, more paychecks = incentive to impregnate more women. Get in line, bitches!

Linnocent hired a new publicist to help with cracked-out image

Posted: 13 May 2011 07:05 AM PDT

It's been a hectic week for Linnocent, what with her cracked-out sentencing (three years of probation, ha!) and her partying at the Marmont, the release of tequila-and-antibiotic-soaked probation report, and all of those braless, selfless hours that she's been mandated to work at the Women's Center. Then, yesterday, there was this suspicious little item on Radar:

Lindsay Lohan has hired a new publicist in an attempt to rehab her image. The troubled starlet has hired Hollywood publicist Steve Honig of The Honig Company, whose clients include Fiore Films, the production company that is producing Lohan’s upcoming role in the mob bio-pic Gotti: Three Generations.

Honig will handle all of LiLo’s public relations and publicity. Lindsay hasn’t had a full-time publicist since she parted ways with Leslie Sloane several years ago.

Lindsay formally pled no contest Wednesday to a misdemeanor grand theft charge, and she’s eager to put the past behind her and move on.

In a statement to RadarOnline.com, the Mean Girls star says: “I am glad to be able to put this past me and move on with my life and my career. I support the judge’s decision and hold myself accountable for being in this situation. I have already started my community service at the Downtown Women’s Center and thank everyone there for their warm welcome. I hope to be able to fulfill my obligation without any press attention. I think the media spotlight should be on issues such as homelessness and domestic violence instead of on me.”

Lindsay has an uphill battle to stay out of trouble given her past history. Lindsay will be on probation for three years in connection with the grand theft.

[From Radar]

Hiring a new publicist? How is she affording this again? Oh, right. She's a hooker. Meanwhile, there's some confusion as to whether Linnocent has been fired from Gotti: Three Generations, because she no longer appears on the cast on IMDB. The Gotti producer - the same one who sounded like Linnocent is giving him beejs on the regular - tells The Wrap that Linnocent is still attached to the film, but IMDB hasn't been updated. Ten bucks says she never ends up doing it. All of those beejs for naught!

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Angelina Jolie will not be answering any questions about Bin Laden

Posted: 13 May 2011 06:30 AM PDT

As we saw yesterday, Angelina Jolie did the photo call for Kung Fu Panda 2 wearing this beige Ferragamo sack. I kind of hate the sack, but everything non-sack-related, I adore. Angelina's face… when the light hits it, you get it. It's the "aha moment" in Oprah speak. "Aha, that's why she's considered one of the most beautiful women in the world!" So, these are just some additional photos from the KFP photo call, because Jolie didn't make any red carpet appearances last night, boo! I know Angelina and Brad are due on the Tree of Life red carpet on Monday, but I don't know if she or Brad will make any kind of appearances before then.

Yesterday, I read this funny story that I just wanted to share. New York Magazine covered the KFP press conference at Cannes, and their description of what went down is kind of hilarious. All of the reporters just wanted to ask Angelina questions, and she even fielded questions about international incidents. Like she's the president.

Press conferences are a strange beast of journalism in any case, but try going to one about a cartoon Chinese bear featuring random, impertinent questions from reporters from seemingly every continent on the planet, except for maybe Antarctica. Then throw in the incongruous pairing of Angelina Jolie with Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman, and you might get close to the bizarre experience that was the Kung Fu Panda 2 press conference at Cannes this morning.

The questions centered mostly on Jolie's children, Jolie’s motherhood, Jolie playing tough women, Jolie playing a tigress, Jolie's great popularity in China, what Jolie thinks about bin Laden ("I'm here in the context of Kung Fu Panda; I'd rather not get into such a heavy issue"), and when Jolie was going to come visit China. No one asked when Jolie was going to adopt a Chinese baby, but we got there five minutes late.

The last time the Kung Fu Panda gang was at Cannes, Black accidentally spilled the beans about Jolie's pregnancy, and then Hoffman spilled the beans about her due date, overtaking the news cycle. This time around, both kept mostly quiet, seemingly amused by the single-mindedness of the room's hive mind. Not prompted by any question, Hoffman leaned into the mike and said, "I do feel if we had a male director, I would have had a bigger part." Later: "Since I finally got asked a question … " One reporter asked the group, "Where do you find inner peace?" Hoffman replied, “I've never been so at peace as I am at this moment, being this famous, in front of all these cameras, and sitting next to Angelina."

When another reporter asked the group about their favorite cartoons growing up, Hoffman said, "Being perhaps the oldest person in the room — if anyone is older, please stand now — I remember the first film I ever saw was Bambi." No one stood. He also cited a rendition of Pinocchio in which the puppet lays too close to the fire and has his legs burnt off. "What version did you see?!" asked a horrified Jolie.

[From New York Magazine]

Other Brangelina stories - they're being sued by a former secretary who worked at their French estate. The chick is suing for $75,000 for… I'm not sure. She was fired for "absenteeism" but she claims she was on sick leave. Meh. And there was also this story in the Enquirer this week:

When BRAD PITT filmed a totally uncredited cameo for the new Bosnian War film/ love story baby-momma ANGELINA JOLIE's directing, it was just for a giggle – he and Ange thought it'd be fun to see whether moviegoers would spot him in his blink-and-ya-miss-it role playing a soldier shot by a sniper – but suddenly, Brad's brief scene's NO laughing matter.

Director Jolie just fired the first shot in what's shaping up to be "World War 3" with the film's producers! Said a behind-the-scenes insider: "Trouble started brewing when Angelina turned over the final cut of the film, which still has the working title of 'Untitled Bosnian Love Story' – but at three hours screen time, it's way too long. It needs to be cut to two hours and a half, or less. After viewing it, editors recommended cutting Brad's surprise cameo. It's a short, valiant death scene – but not significant to the story line, so producers told director Jolie to chop it."

Angelina's "Tomb Raider" response: I'LL BE CHOPPING, BOYS – BUT IT WON'T BE BRAD'S SCENE! "She was furious, and immediately pulled rank as the film's director and writer," said the source. "She told the powers-that-be that Brad's scene stays… period! Angelina knows that because the news that Brad shot the scene leaked to the press, fans will thrill to the challenge of trying to spot the superstar – so she's flatly refused to 'kill' her live-in's death scene."

And why would producers kill a built-in publicity coup like that? Stay tuned.

[From The National Enquirer]

Once again, meh. I might have to turn in my Brangeloonie Platinum Membership Card, but I am so not excited about Angelina's Bosnian film. I think the whole thing - while made with good intentions - sounds like a hot mess, a disaster of epic proportions. I'm not looking forward to the release, because I feel like Angelina is going to bashed soundly, and she will deserve a great deal of it.

Sigh… let's just go back to looking at pretty pictures.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Shania Twain bars ex husband’s mistress from seeing her son

Posted: 13 May 2011 05:51 AM PDT

At first glance this story sounds completely reasonable, considering that Shania Twain’s ex husband was seeing her best friend and assistant behind her back when they were still together. Then you realize that Shania married the mistresses’ ex husband and is currently spending time with that woman’s daughter (it’s complicated, but if you think of it like a partner swap it makes sense). In that context she seems like she’s still got an ax to grind when she should maybe let it go and let her son see his dad with his new partner, presuming they’re still together. She got wronged, but she’s moved and it’s fine for her to see the other woman’s kid, but not the other way around. It’s been three years now. Here’s the story, and hopefully it makes more sense than I’m explaining:

Even though Shania, 45, allows her son, Eja, 9, to spend time with [her ex] Mutt, she’s made it clear that Marie-Anne [the mistress] can’t go anywhere near him. Meanwhile, Shania treats Frederic, 41, [Shania's new husband] and Marie-Anne’s 8 year-old daughter, Johanna, as part of the family. While the two kids are close, they can only spend time together when they are with Shania and Frederic. “Shania laid down the law with Mutt,” a source close to the family tells In Touch about keeping Marie-Anne away.

And who could blame her? Once her closest confidante, “Marie-Anne used all those private conversations they had just to get closer to Mutt,” the source says. “Shania will never forgive her, and she doesn’t want her around Eja.”

But despite Shania’s no-stepmom rules, Johanna often visits Shania and Frederic’s home in Canada and even tags along on family trips. “Shania told Frederic she thinks of Johanna as her own daughter,” says the source.

[From In Touch, print edition, May 23, 2011]

Shania said on Oprah that the other woman was her best friend. When she realized that her husband was acting weird (because he was boning the best friend, natch) Shania asked Marie-Anne if she saw a change in Mutt, and Marie-Anne was all “no, he’s the same” or whatever. So I get that she doesn’t want to see her, and that she doesn’t want her kid around that wench. However, this makes me realize how kind of vengeful Shania’s new romance seems. I like her and find her to be a genuine person who feels things deeply. Taken in this context though (she sees the other woman’s kid as her own daughter and is now sleeping with that woman’s husband) it just all seems kind of creepy, like Shania had an agenda and didn’t just fall in love when her heart was broken.

This is the other woman. No sh*t.

And this is Shania’s ex.

And this is her new man (inset photo)

Shania Twain is shown on 5/12/11, 5/9/11 and 5/4/11. Credit: WENN.com and Diane Cohen/Fame Pictures. She looks better when her hair isn’t poofed out. Photos of her ex and his mistress are credit: Bauergriffin

Jennifer Aniston’s latest SmartWater ads: pretty or meh?

Posted: 13 May 2011 05:51 AM PDT

Here are some newly-released print ads for Jennifer Aniston's gig with SmartWater. There are so many SmartWater ads with Aniston - I remember the first few campaigns, Aniston was fully clothed, and there was, like, poetry about bottled water as Aniston was seen tossing her hair back. In the past year or so, SmartWater decided to sex it up and Aniston has been seen with less clothes, which I think she enjoys - she loves taking off her kit for photo shoots in general. The above image is the better photo from this latest round, I think. Her body looks great, it's a cute little outfit, and Aniston's face is Photoshopped to look like Natalia Vodianova. It's a lovely pic, but Aniston doesn't really look like that. Also: why are these images being released now? They were obviously shot months ago, before Aniston's haircut. Why now? Why this week?

The second image is kind of weird. I've never seen a celebrity exit a limo with a dazed look and a bottle of SmartWater in their hand. But sure. Why not? Aniston probably needs to hydrate after doing vodka shots in the back of the limo. Or who knows, the SmartWater bottle could be filled with vodka, like Linnocent fills up her Red Bull cans with… liquid crack, I guess.

By the way, in other Aniston news, I thought this one of the most interesting stories of the week: you know how Aniston is moving to NYC and she bought two huge apartments in the same West Village building that she's going to turn into one even bigger, two-floor apartment? Well, Aniston purchased the apartments under the name "Norman's Nest Trust" - Norman is her dog. Her dog owns the apartments. Well, her dog's trust owns the apartments. Odd. I'm sure there's a business explanation for it, but that story just amused me.

Photos courtesy of WENN, SmartWater via The Mail.

Rachel McAdams vs. Diane Kruger: which blonde looked better?

Posted: 13 May 2011 05:48 AM PDT

These are photos from last night's premiere of Sleeping Beauty in Cannes. I'm too lazy to look up the movie or tell you anything about it (meh), mostly because I just want to talk about fashion and cute couples. First up: Diane Kruger and her lover Joshua Jackson. Now, you know I love Josh. He's adorable. And you know he just gives in and lets his girl dress him. So I'm not sure who to bash for his shoe choice. Were those kicks Josh's call, or Diane's? One of them should have vetoed it. Dress shoes for the Cannes red carpet, please. As for Diane, she wore this metallic Calvin Klein that looks like they just poured liquid gold onto her body (a la Goldfinger). You can even tell that the bitch isn't wearing (nor does she NEED to wear) Spanx. Amazing. So, beautiful couple, and my only complaint is about his shoes.

Next up, Rachel McAdams walked the red carpet arm-in-arm, hand-in-hand with her lover Michael Sheen. On another day, they might have been heady competition for Josh and Diane, but not this event. Because for this event, Rachel went with one of the trashiest looks I've ever seen on her. It's some kind of God-awful jumpsuit/pants/bustier combo by Monique Lhuillier. In a hideous beige/nude that does nothing for Rachel's coloring. Of course, Rachel's coloring isn't being helped by the fact that her hair is bleached to infinity and beyond, and it looks like a cheap bleach job too. She looks so… budget. And yes, she and Michael look adorable together, but I also think he's kind of like "Seriously, even I, Welsh Jesus, know that you could do better, babe."

But do you know who looked even worse than everybody put together? Bryce Dallas Howard. WHY WOULD YOU WEAR THIS TO CANNES?!?!? I think she's pregnant (?) but that's not an excuse to wear an oversized SMOCK.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Cele|bitchy

Cele|bitchy

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