Cele|bitchy

Gwyneth Paltrow deigns to explain her hangover cure (not for peasants)
Jennifer Lopez in a silver spiderweb catsuit: fabulous or ridiculous?
Penelope Cruz in Cannes, in Stella McCartney & Marchesa: tragic or lovely?
Julia Roberts & Tom Hanks cover the June issue of W Magazine
Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert wed; also, some Followill got hitched too
Sarah Jessica Parker in Cannes, in Elie Saab: much better or still rough?

Gwyneth Paltrow deigns to explain her hangover cure (not for peasants)

Posted: 15 May 2011 07:37 AM PDT

Gwyneth Paltrow just doesn't understand how there are people in the world who weren't born with famous parents, who didn't exploit their family connections to get a head start, and have the world handed to them at an early age. She thinks everyone is like her, making millions of dollars for a few days of work here and there. She thinks everyone is just waiting - holding our breath - just wishing that a few more morsels of snotty perfection would fall from her elegant mouth, gracing us with her brilliant advice. So Gwyneth - who is likely a functioning alcoholic, in my opinion - decided to deign to give the peasants hangover advice. For real!

Perhaps Gwyneth Paltrow can teach the Jersey Shore cast a thing or two.

In an interview with England’s Closer magazine, the 38-year-old Oscar winner — who’s a big fan of Guinness beer and red wine — says she rarely gets sick after a night of too much drinking.

The reason? “I have a great hangover cure,” she explains. “I take a cold shower in the morning and then I go into the sauna and drink a lot of water throughout the day. Green tea also helps!”

The actress, who wed Coldplay frontman Chris Martin in 2003, adds that she’s a lot more fun than people give her credit for.

“The biggest misconception about me is that I am uptight,” she shrugs. “I don’t know why that exists, but I hope if people watch Glee that maybe they will develop a different impression of me.”

[From Us Weekly]

You know Gwyneth isn't talking about a sauna at your gym, either. She's talking about her own private sauna, in her home. Because that's what she recommends - first, build a multi-million dollar home with a built-in sauna for hangovers, THEN you can drink. More from Goop:

"What also helps me when I'm feeling a little spotty - as they say in my home, the greatest city in the world, London - is to rub diamonds on my body. Ten carats or greater - small, peasant diamonds won't help, that's what my deal friend Queen Rania told me. Or was it Deepak Chopra? No, it was Yoko Ono. I also find it terribly useful to just go ahead and schedule The Peacock Colonic. Have you never heard of that? Oh, I forgot, it's a elite-members-only perk at The Platinum Rich People's Club. The Peacock Colonic is where they stick foie gras, peacock tears and cavier up your bum and… well, it's too difficult to explain. But it's worth every farthing of the 5000 Euros! Nelson Mandela recommended it to me over a dinner of veal with gold leaf and Portobello mushrooms soaked in Genghis Khan's genetically reimagined blood. Delicious! Anyway, I must be off. I'm planning a dinner for Beyonce, my new best friend President Hu Jintao and Thomas Pynchon, who just called and told me that he thought my cookbook was the best-written piece of literature, ever."

Photos courtesy of WENN and Pacific Coast News.

Jennifer Lopez in a silver spiderweb catsuit: fabulous or ridiculous?

Posted: 15 May 2011 06:27 AM PDT

These are photos of Jennifer Lopez performing at Wango Tango yesterday. She's wearing some kind of silver, web-like catsuit that is not particularly flattering, but even Spiderman is like, "Fabulous bitch." Jennifer really is so dated, isn't she? A diva-version of Spiderman's suit? Big, gigantic hair? A "rap break" in your hit song? Yes, this is 1999.

The other night, when I was waiting for Bones to come on (sidenote: how much did Thursday's episode of Bones make you cry? I was sobbing), I put it on Fox and watched the last 10 minutes of American Idol. I managed to catch the tail end of a performance by Jennifer Lopez, and while the performance was not technically "good" (or even really a vocal "performance"), I ended up admiring Jennifer's hustle. That ass managed to hustle her way back into relevancy, didn't it? Not only relevancy - Jennifer now has a new generation of fans who don't even remember the original Jenny from the Block. And those of who do remember the J.Lo from a decade ago… well, maybe we're muttering "This too shall pass (Gigli)." But I also think we should give it up for Jennifer. Her hustle really is awesome. She's really working for this comeback, and we should just let her have it. Why not? She's so much more fun than so many of the other marginally talented pop stars.

My point? I love J.Lo and I'm not ashamed of it.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Penelope Cruz in Cannes, in Stella McCartney & Marchesa: tragic or lovely?

Posted: 15 May 2011 05:55 AM PDT

I will not discuss Penelope Cruz's hair in this post. I've already discussed my feelings on Penelope's ever-changing bangs (trauma) situation here and here. I'll just say that for the Pirates of the Caribbean 4 photo call early Saturday in Cannes, there were no bangs. And then they magically appeared for the Cannes premiere, hours later. I will, however, talk about Penelope's dress. This junk is… just tacky. It's Marchesa, obviously. I guess Marchesa's designer, Georgina Chapman (wife of Harvey Weinstein), just built an entire collection of budget, unflattering, trashy-looking lace dresses (remember Rachel McAdams?) for the film festival and Harvey encouraged all of the young actresses in his films to wear the designs. Should I try to say something nice? Eh. The color isn't horrible (but it's not good either). Other than that, I hate the entire look.

I think Johnny looks really nice, though. I think Johnny and Penelope make such an attractive red carpet couple. They seem very at ease with other, so much so that I wonder where the hell Vanessa Paradis and Javier Bardem are. Maybe Pene and Johnny get some "freebie" time together, huh?

Here are some photos from the photo call earlier in the day. I don't even like Penelope's dress here either! It's Stella McCartney. I hate the way the neck and the shoulders of the dress are cut. I find that style so unflattering on ALL women.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Julia Roberts & Tom Hanks cover the June issue of W Magazine

Posted: 15 May 2011 05:53 AM PDT

Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks appear on the cover of W Magazine for the June issue, all to promote The Movie That Will Save America, Larry Crowne. The shoot is mostly All About Julia (OF COURSE) because it would be TACKY to do a photo shoot that didn't focus on Julia making her little "Blue Steel" duck-faces. Tom looks… he looks good, I guess. It's weird seeing him in a fashion magazine, but as he's aged, he's gained some gravitas, so in at least one of the shots, he looks like he's about to fire all of us from our jobs. The interview is kind of meh - Lynn Hirschberg interviews Tom and Julia separately, for some reason. I would imagine the interview would have been a lot funnier if Tom and Julia were in the same room together. You can read the full piece at W, here. Here are some highlights:

Tom Hanks on Larry Crowne, which he cowrote, directed and stars in: "The movie is about combating cynicism. People are naturally optimistic, but you have to choose to walk away from cynicism. You have to say, I am going to combat cynicism today. I had this idea about a unique guy who loses his job and then, at the end of the movie, realizes that it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He thought he was going to die, but it turned out great!… People are afraid of change. People say, I can't do this or that. Why? Because I'd have to change something. Well, yes: You should change. The idea of change makes them nervous, but I think change is good. Always."

Hanks on making the change from comedy to drama: "I told my agents that I wasn't going to play pussies anymore. I was tired of playing, "Oh, boo-hoo—I was in love, but oh, boo-hoo-hoo." There comes an age when you can't do that anymore. I wanted to play men instead of boys. In your mid-30s, it's time to start playing guys of compromise. And as you get older, men of bitter compromise [Laughs]."

Don't say "bellhop" around Hanks: "Bellman. Bellhop and bellboy are derogatory terms. Call them "sir." Terms of respect go a long way in that job."

Writing a part for Julia: "I had some teachers [in junior college] who looked like Julia. I would see them and think, I love you. So there was never anyone but Julia. Still, even after she said yes, I was the boss. That meant I got to say, "You don't wear this dress, you wear that dress." And Julia's Julia—she can be intimidating [Laughs].

Julia Roberts on how she didn't go to college: "No. This was my first college experience. And the first time I had to speak in front of a classroom, I was apoplectic. All these faces looking up at me, thinking, What is she going to teach us? I needed to find my composure. It was very hard—it was terrible, in fact."

Julia on what classes she'd take if she went to college: "I guess I'd take a class in homeopathy or psychology—something that I would use in my life. I did actually start taking sewing classes recently. I can wear what I've sewn, if I'm not in a strong wind. And I'm taking piano lessons with my kids. We can blame this new frontier on Tom Hanks. I sat next to a musician at a dinner party at Tom Hanks's house, and I started thinking about piano lessons. In your 40s, you're supposed to learn new things so your brain doesn't turn to mush. So I'm practicing scales."

Julia on being directed by Tom Hanks: "God, no. We knew each other socially. When I was in Rome, shooting Eat Pray Love, Tom sent me the script and said, "Tell me what you think." I couldn't stop smiling when I read it: It's topical, but very positive. It contains this moment in history in a very interesting way. The movie says, You can lose your job and your way and still rescue yourself. Larry Crowne creates a self-excavated utopia, and I love that idea, that message. And Tom is so good at making fun of himself. In the beginning of the film, he's wearing pleated khakis. No one should wear pleated khakis onscreen."

On playing a character that likes her liquor: "I spend a lot of the movie woozy. Why did Tom Hanks think of me when he thought of a drunken schoolteacher? What does that mean? He has me chugging margaritas. It's hard to chug a margarita! [Laughs] I asked why it couldn't be straight liquor, and he said it was funnier if it was a drink made in a blender."

Julia on not doing so many romantic comedies nowadays: "I think it's called growing up. Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age."

Julia on whether she'll ever direct: "No. I can direct breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I take pride in my kitchen, but I'm not going to direct a movie."

Julia takes credit for Javier Bardem's Oscar nomination for Biutiful: "Yes, I was the loudmouth on that. It was such a crazy travesty that the movie wasn't getting attention. And it's fun to throw your weight around. That's one of the perks of what we do."

Julia didn't get to keep the red gown from Pretty Woman: "No, even though it was made for me, they didn't let me keep anything from the movie. But I did get to keep the wedding dresses from Runaway Bride. They're all boxed up in my garage. I've never opened them. It'll be fun one day when Hazel [Roberts's daughter] is taller. She can play dress-up with her friends."

[From W Magazine]

Eh, what is there to say? Julia sounds so full of herself, but that's nothing new. She's a legend in her own mind, but I have to say, I kind of agree with her on a few points. I like that she's self-aware enough to say something like "Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger… It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age." She's saying that a smug look on her face, I know, and it's very Gwyneth Paltrowesque: "I have a husband, children, a career and money. I don't even remember a time when I didn't have it all."

Here’s the trailer for Larry Crowne. I know my mother is going to make me go see it.

Photos courtesy of W Magazine.

Blake Shelton & Miranda Lambert wed; also, some Followill got hitched too

Posted: 15 May 2011 05:52 AM PDT

I have no idea which of these wedding stories you want to hear about more, so you're getting both of them in one post. Yesterday, Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton got married in Texas, and on Friday, Caleb Followill of Kings of Leo married Lily Aldridge (Victoria's Secret model) in California. Do you care about one of the couples more than the other? Personally, I care more about Blake and Miranda, but because I think Blake might have some issues (the alleged homophobia stuff) and I was stunned to see that Miranda - while very cute/pretty - is 27 years old yet looks a decade older.

It’s official: Miranda Lambert is a married woman! The 27-year-old “House That Built Me” singer wed longtime love Blake Shelton late Saturday evening at Texas’ Don Strange Ranch, the couple confirms to Us Weekly exclusively.

Wearing her mother’s wedding dress, Lambert walked down the aisle in front of 550 family members and friends (including Reba McEntire, Cee Lo Green, Martina McBride, Dierks Bentley, Charles Kelly and the Bellamy Brothers).

“I’m married to my best friend!” Lambert told Us after the ceremony. “Looking forward to a lifetime of laughter.”

Added Shelton, 34: “I wanted to be married to Miranda the day I proposed. Finally, it’s official!”

Dating since 2006, The Voice mentor asked for Lambert’s hand in marriage last May. “I fumbled it up a little,” he told Us of the proposal. “It’s funny how you rehearse those things and go over what you want to say, but I probably screwed it up.”

Fortunately, Lambert didn’t seem to notice. “He did a really good job,” she insisted. “He’s always nervous around me, though — and that’s how I like it!”

This is the first marriage for Lambert; Shelton was married to Kaynette Williams from 2003-2006.

[From Us Weekly]

It all sounds very sweet. I like that Miranda could have gone with some big designer wedding dress but she wore her mom's. That's cool.

Moving on… Caleb and Lily's wedding sounded a lot more expensive and fancy:

It was a ceremony fit for a King and a Queen. When Kings of Leon rocker Caleb Followill wed Victoria’s Secret supermodel Lily Aldridge at San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito, Calif. on Thursday, the couple were joined by Caleb’s bandmates and brothers, Nathan and Jared Followill, as well as his cousin, Matthew Followill.

Hours before the intimate ceremony began, Caleb, 29, and Aldridge, 25, enjoyed a family breakfast on the patio overlooking the garden. “Caleb and Lily had coffee and pastries and everyone sat around chatting,” a source tells Us Weekly. “There was a relaxed vibe and everyone took their time eating and taking in the nice weather.”

Once the meal was over, Aldridge and a girlfriend left to begin prepping for the 5:30 p.m. ceremony; Caleb and his family stayed behind, where they tanned by the pool, drank champagne and played horse shoes. “Caleb seemed very relaxed and not nervous at all,” the insider notes.

Aldridge, who wore a custom-made Vera Wang gown, and Caleb, who looked dapper in a Gucci suit, “said their vows underneath a big tree with twinkle lights” just before sunset. “Lily cried throughout the whole thing,” a second source tells Us. Once the ceremony was over, the couple and their guests had dinner in front of a big stone fireplace, the source adds.

“It was a perfect day,” Caleb told Us on Friday.

The couple spent their first night as newlyweds in the Lilac Cottage, a one bedroom cabin featuring a king bed, a masonry fireplace, heated bathroom floors and an outdoor sunken hot tub and rain shower. The price? $1,200 a night.

The following morning, “Caleb and Lily met with their family again for a big relaxed brunch,” the source says. “Everyone sat outside for hours chit chatting and talking about the night.”

[From Us Weekly]

Meh. See, this one is boring to me. Rock star marries Victoria's Secret model. It's such a cliché. At least the Blake-Miranda pairing has some drama!

Congratulations to everybody, though. Mazel tov!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Cannes, in Elie Saab: much better or still rough?

Posted: 15 May 2011 05:52 AM PDT

Sarah Jessica Parker arrived at the Cannes Film Festival on Friday, and she had a lot of duties. She's trying to promote her film I Don't Know How She Does It, which doesn't come out for months and months. She was also there to be "the American celebrity" at the premiere of a Chinese detective film Wu Xia (which will be called Dragon in America). I think her real reason for showing up at the festival was to show off this Elie Saab dress. It's certainly unique, isn't it? I'm not saying that in a crude "It's so ugly, I'll just call it 'unique'" kind of way. This Elie Saab is a great improvement over that tacky, FUBAR Valentino from the other day. While I think this dress has faults - that black lace/netting junk at the too-high neckline, waist and wrists, for one - I appreciate that SJP went for something different. Hey, at least it's not Marchesa.

The fabric - the patterned silk georgette - of the body of the gown is rather beautiful. I would like to see that fabric used for a sleeveless, long, full-skirted sundress/gown. It would be more appropriate for Cannes, and it would just be prettier overall. Technically, this gown is from Elie Saab's Autumn/Winter collection, though, which is why it's long-sleeved.

For another event, SJP stepped out in a doily. The actual dress wasn't so bad (kind of Miss Havisham, but it's okay), but then she wrapped a doily around herself. And then there's the problem with the pearls…hh, SJP. Crazy woman.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.

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