Crushable

I Like 'Star Wars,' But You Guys Are Freaking Me Out
12 Awesome Lesser-Known Celebrity Marriages
Sunday Cute: Baby Monkey Going Backwards on a Pig
Dina Lohan and Rebecca Black's Mom Have Parenting Tips for Mother's Day
Creepy Things That Seem Real But Aren't: Slender Man
5 Things You Didn't Know About the Tony Awards
Video: Jon Hamm Picks Up Hitchhiking Muppets In His Spare Time

I Like 'Star Wars,' But You Guys Are Freaking Me Out

Posted: 08 May 2011 10:15 AM PDT

Star Wars is great. It really is. It was a game changer for science fiction, and without it, it’s almost certain that the genre wouldn’t have developed the way it has in the years since. Further more, I grew up in a family full of nerds, so of course Star Wars was a big part of that (the Holy Nerd Trifecta being, of course, Star Wars, Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings). In fact, I don’t really remember a time when my brother and I didn’t know what Star Wars was. It was always there; and not only did we watch the original movies, we also watched The Ewok Adventure and the holiday special (shudder), and my brother had one hell of an action figure collection. Most of our friends were similarly taken with Star Wars, and given that we were children of the 80s, this shouldn’t really be a surprise. A New Hope (though we wouldn’t call it that for over a decade) was originally intended to be a children’s film, after all, which explains the simplicity of the plot. Imaginary Star Wars games were therefore a more or less permanent fixture in our playdates, and the more people we had to play them with, the better. One of my brother’s friends even had the Ewok treehouse playset, and believe you me, that thing was AWESOME.

So yeah, I like Star Wars. But Star Wars mega-fans? No offense, but man, you guys freak me out.

There are a lot of things I’ll do for Star Wars. I’ll laugh at related jokes (like this one); I’ll be familiar enough with the mythology to be able to speak somewhat intelligently about it and/or have solid opinions about it (Han shot first!); I’ll quote the scripts at appropriate moments; I’ll play an assortment of related video games; I’ll write about it on Crushable; and I’ll punch Jake Lloyd and/or Hayden Christensen in the face if presented with the opportunity. There are also, however, a lot of things I will NOT do for Star Wars. I will not fanatically try to convert the masses; I will not fight to the death anyone who disagrees with my opinions about the mythology; I will not join the Church of Jediism; I will not dress up; and I will not, for any reason, willingly lose sleep in favor of anything Star Wars-related.

Allow me elaborate on this last point:

The Phantom Menace came out when I was in eighth grade, and boy, were we all excited. It had been awesome enough when the original trilogy was re-released in cinemas, allowing those of us who had only ever seen it on itty bitty television screens to experience it in all its big-screen glory; but now, there were NEW movies! WHOA! What an event! But there’s excited, and there’s EXCITED, and I fell into the former category. I had some friends, though, who were definitely card-carrying members of the latter, and these were the guys who were the very first in line for the very first showing. And I do mean first; even at the tender ages of twelve and thirteen, they camped out in front of the cinema the night before it was released just to make extra sure that they didn’t miss anything. Naturally, my parents would not let my brother or me set up shop in front of the cinema all night (not even my dad, who is a bigger nerd than my brother and I put together); but more to the point, I didn’t feel the need to do so in the first place. Given how disappointing The Phantom Menace was, this was in retrospect a wiser decision than any of us had counted on it being. But even it had been the greatest cinema event of all time, I still probably wouldn’t have done it, because that, my friends, is a level of ridiculous that I just can’t justify. I will not stay up all night simply to secure tickets to a Star Wars movie. I won’t do it for Lord of the Rings either, and I’m a much bigger Tolkein fan than a Lucas fan (Frodo lives!). Heck, I won’t even do it for Shakespeare in the Park, and I REALLY love Shakespeare.

It’s possible that I’m just not passionate enough about anything to do these sorts of above-and-beyond activities; but I don’t really think that’s the case. I’m pretty darn passionate about most of my interests, because honestly, I don’t see the point of doing something if you’re not going to invest in it. Maybe it’s more that for me, the major overarching interest that drives all my other interests is the nature of storytelling, and for that, I don’t need to dress up. I don’t need to camp out in weird places. The stories speak for themselves, and they’re always there to come back to. They’re not going anywhere.

It did, after all, happen such a long time ago in a galaxy so very far, far away.

Post from: Crushable

I Like 'Star Wars,' But You Guys Are Freaking Me Out

12 Awesome Lesser-Known Celebrity Marriages

Posted: 08 May 2011 08:51 AM PDT

We’re all familiar with the concept of the high-profile celebrity romance; powerful marketing tools, these sorts of romances keep your name in the papers, and regardless as to whether the news is good or bad, press is press. But for every Alex Pettyfer, Dianna Agron, Robert Pattinson, and Kristen Stewart, there are also loads of celebrity couples that manage to fly under the radar, and while the relationships may therefore be lesser known, they are no less amazing. Here are twelve of our favorite awesome but lesser-known celebrity marriages:

Post from: Crushable

12 Awesome Lesser-Known Celebrity Marriages

Sunday Cute: Baby Monkey Going Backwards on a Pig

Posted: 08 May 2011 07:20 AM PDT

Baby monkeys are adorable. Pigs are also (perhaps bizarrely) adorable. So what happens when a baby monkey rides around backwards on a pig? ADORABLE OVERLOAD. Happy Sunday, everyone!

Post from: Crushable

Sunday Cute: Baby Monkey Going Backwards on a Pig

Dina Lohan and Rebecca Black's Mom Have Parenting Tips for Mother's Day

Posted: 07 May 2011 03:22 PM PDT

Just in time for Mother’s Day, The Daily Beast asked some famous people’s moms to give parenting advice.They have some moms of actual famous people like Matt Damon, thrown in with a few of Crushable’s favorite memes/trainwrecks:

Georgina Marquez, mom of Rebecca Black (pictured):

“One time, [Rebecca] forgot her schoolbooks three days in a row, and we went back each time to get her books. I gave her a warning that if she forgot again, she was going to lose all her stuff. So, the fourth time, we didn’t go back to get her book, and I took all her toys away. That drove the point home. She never again forgot her schoolbooks.”

Dina Lohan, mom/enabler of Lindsay Lohan:

She was always good in school and was like my little buddy. She never really got into too much mischief young. She was a late bloomer.

Well, if Rebecca Black’s career takes off as much as Lindsay’s did, I’m glad that her mom seems to be slightly more reasonable than Dina Lohan.

Post from: Crushable

Dina Lohan and Rebecca Black's Mom Have Parenting Tips for Mother's Day

Creepy Things That Seem Real But Aren't: Slender Man

Posted: 07 May 2011 02:44 PM PDT

We’ve all heard the stories: There was a killer upstairs! There was a killer in the backseat! They sold my kidney on the black market! And while once they may have frightened us, these days, no more. We are no strangers to urban legends; even the ones that have their roots in truth have lost their bite. They’re funny, maybe a little silly, but certainly not scary.

But here’s the thing about urban legends: They evolve. They find new forms. And when they reappear, they get scary all over again.

The modern age is a particularly interesting time for these sorts of tales. The ease of communication allows them to spread faster than ever, and now, they have not only words, but also images and videos to enhance their impact. The lines blur more easily between fact and fiction, and in some cases, being told a tale is no longer a passive experience– indeed, some may find themselves becoming part of the stories themselves. In this series, I’ll be bringing you a new tale each week. You may have heard of these tales, or you may not have; but odds are that even if you don’t think you believe in them, a tiny part of you does. Or wants to. Or simply can’t help it. So come on in. Draw up a chair. Have I got some stories for you.

WARNING: There’s a lot of creepy contained within, so consider yourselves warned and proceed at your own risk.

Allow me to introduce:

THE SLENDER MAN
The Slender Man first appeared with nothing more than a pair of pictures picture and a few words. These were the pictures, and these were the words. Can you spot him?:

“we didn’t want to go, we didn’t want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time…”

1983, photographer unknown, presumed dead.

One of two recovered photographs from the Stirling City Library blaze. Notable for being taken the day which fourteen children vanished and for what is referred to as “The Slender Man”. Deformities cited as film defects by officials. Fire at library occurred one week later. Actual photograph confiscated as evidence.

1986, photographer: Mary Thomas, missing since June 13th, 1986.

And with that, a legend was born. Sightings of the Slender Man were reported across the country, then across the globe, and images ranging from photographs to woodcuts revealed his presence throughout history. The Slender Man is tall and thin– unnaturally so– with exceedingly long limbs. Some reports claim that his limbs are tentacles. He has no facial features. He wears a black suit. The impression one gets of him is that he is attempting to fit in– possibly even to disguise himself as one of us– but that something is a little bit… off. He is the familiar made strange, and for that very reason, he is terrifying. He often appears just before the disappearance of a child, or, in some cases, children. Plural. He has also been known to dissect and reassemble adults by removing their organs, bagging them in plastic, and replacing the them in the body cavity, after which the bodies would be found impaled on tree branches. Tale has built upon tale, and in the telling, he has been found in words, images, and even in sound:

No matter where you go, Slender Man will follow. Maybe you’ve seen him yourself.

But is he “real”? Nope. That first appearance of his came as result of a Something Awful thread entitled “Create Paranormal Images.” His maker? A SA user known as Victor Surge. Almost as soon as Victor introduced his creation to the forums, it began to take on a life of its own, until eventually, it moved beyond the forums to the internet at large. These days, the Slender Man is known to be entirely fictional, but for a time, he made the already hazy line between ficton and reality just a little less solid in that way that only the best legends can.

This still does not stop me from checking under my bed periodically. Just in case.

Post from: Crushable

Creepy Things That Seem Real But Aren't: Slender Man

5 Things You Didn't Know About the Tony Awards

Posted: 07 May 2011 01:15 PM PDT

Earlier this week, the nominees for the 2011 Tony Awards were announced. But what are the Tony Awards, you ask? They’re one of many awards geared towards the theatre industry (others include the Drama Desk Awards and the Obie Awards). The Tonys, though, strictly celebrate theatrical excellence on the Broadway stage. This year’s ceremony is fast approaching– it airs on June 12 at 8pm on CBS– so for the uninitiated, here’s a quick rundown on the awards:

1) “Tony” is short for Antoinette Perry.
Antoinette Perry was the actress and director who founded the American Theatre Wing, the organization behind the Tonys. One of the many things Perry and the American Theatre Wing did was to establish the Stage Door Canteen, which entertained American soldiers during World War II. After Perry’s death in 1946, the Antoinette Perry Awards for Excellence in Theatre were established in her honor– also known as the Tony Awards.

2) 2011 will mark the 65th anniversary of the Tony Awards.
Yep: The awards have been going strong for 65 years, the first ceremony having been held in 1947.

3) The venue isn’t always the same.
The first couple of decades, the annual awards ceremony was held in the ballrooms of such fancy-schmancy hotels as the Waldrof Astoria and the Plaza. In 1967, it was held in a Broadway theatre for the first time: The Schubert. It spent another couple of decades bouncing around Broadway houses; then, in 1997, it was held at Radio City Music Hall, where it would stay for the next thirteen years. This year, however, the ceremony will see yet another change of venue. Due to the fact that the Cirque du Soleil show Zarkana had previously booked the space, the Tonys this year will be held at the Beacon Theatre on 74th St. At 2,894 seats, the Beacon is roughly half the capacity of Radio City, though no less sumptuous.

4) Chris Rock will NOT be hosting the ceremony.
Rumors were bouncing around that Chris Rock, who can currently be seen on Broadway in Stephen Adly Guirgis’ nominated play The Motherf**ker with the Hat, was going to host the awards. However, this has turned out not to be the case.

5) Neil Patrick Harris MIGHT be hosting the ceremony.
Neil Patrick Harris, on the other hand, may be returning as this year’s host. Harris made for a dynamic Tony emcee in 2009, so bringing him back could be an excellent idea. Want proof of his awesomeness? Highlights included his response to Bret Michaels bashing his head on the set (“ANd Bret Michaels brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “headbang”) and his closing number: