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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Crushable

Crushable


Hazing Week Essay: Why Pledging A Sorority Is Necessary, From An Unapologetic Hazer

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 10:52 AM PDT

When we think about hazing, most often we take the side of the victim. But obviously hazing has existed as an American tradition for centuries; their must be something to it, right? We got Moriah, the Pledge Mistress of her sorority (which shall remain nameless), to explain why pledge is a time-honored tradition, and anyone saying otherwise are a bunch of wimps.

Bitches ain't shit. And if you were Pledge Mistress of the most exclusive sorority on campus, you would understand that.

As Pledge Mistress, I’m in charge of creating the pledge schedule and directly communicating with the pledges. My word is law for them, and the actives defer to my judgment during this "pledge period." But I digress. I don't really understand the idea that "hazing" is this terrible thing where a sorority tortures you against your will for weeks. All of these girls are doing this voluntarily. I don't force anyone to do anything, though the pledges quickly learn to do what I want, and to do it with a fucking smile. I’m teaching them courtesy, traditions, and helping them understand the politics of sorority life. I'm the figurative "Jiminy Cricket" of their entrance into sorority life. That's right.

Pledge serves two purposes: to learn the traditions and to bond as a pledge class. If the active sisters of the sorority are constantly interacting and encouraging the pledges, the process loses its value. A pledge class is to be unified with each other, not us. A support system foraged during pledge doesn’t disappear with time or seniority. Because pledge is such a stressful time for actives, they submit to the Pledge Mistress to maintain structure. Therefore, being a Pledge Mistress is a position of respect and does not cause tension within the active portion of the sorority.

In pledge, it isn't my business to know if you're tired, sick, or overwhelmed; it's simply not my problem. Pledge is not a time for sleeping, eating, or having fun. It is time for the pledges to learn exactly what is expected of them, and their place in the sorority. I tell the pledges what to do, and they had better well do it, or there will be consequences. So what if I ask them to do impossible tasks in an impossible time frame? It's do or die. Girls who don't want this don't belong in my sight. I don't have time to deal with insipid little upstarts.

It's crazy how easy it is to slip right into "pledge mode." Blank expression, condescending tone, and possessing general clout all make up what I need to command the attention and trepidation of these girls. Compassion is an emotion that has no place in pledge. I’m just doing my job. If the pledges aren't terrified of me, I've failed. If they don't dread the sound of my heels clicking down the hallway, I have been unsuccessful. If they don't have 'Nam style flashbacks of pledge when seeing a particular facial expression of mine, then I haven’t been effective.

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Video: Kristen Wiig Fights With Kid For Ten Minutes In Bridesmaids DVD Bonus Feature

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 10:21 AM PDT

Remember the scene in Bridesmaids when Kristen Wiig‘s character gets fired for calling a snotty teenage customer a cunt? For anyone who thought that scene was way too short, there’s a longer version on the newly released DVD Blu Ray edition, which some kind person saw fit to upload to Youtube.

Over the course of the ten-minute-long clip, Annie trades barbs with the horrid little shit (played by Mia Rose Frampton, daughter of Peter Frampton), and much of it feels improvised. It’s pretty impressive that they were able to improvise so well in character, especially considering Frampton’s young age and lack of experience. This kid holds nothing back, going after Annie’s body, age, and even her dried out old eggs. (“My eggs are wet!” Annie is forced to respond, ludicrously.) In return, Annie tells her she’s going to get bulimia and all her teeth are going to fall out, and also that she’s going to grow hair between her boobs.

Who wins this epic battle of wits? I’d have to say the kid, since Annie gets fired at the end. But you should watch it and judge for yourself.

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Patti Stanger AKA The Millionaire Matchmaker Gets Her Own Hot Dog

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 10:19 AM PDT

Would you eat a hot dog named after Bravo’s own Yente for millionaires, Patti Stanger? If you’re in Los Angeles, you totally can. Papaya King in LA is offering a Patti Stanger-endorsed gluten-free hot dog, features two chili dogs topped with onions, mustard and sauerkraut, wrapped in butter lettuce. For just $4 you can have this and a medium soft drink — but what’s four bucks to those in the company of Patti Stanger?

Here’s are two reasons why I wouldn’t eat this hot dog: 1. A lettuce bun sounds disgusting; and 2. Patti Stanger is a repulsive homophobic succubus. On Andy Cohen‘s Watch What Happens, Patti made some super derogatory comments about gay men and their alleged promiscuity. She later appeared on Joy Behar’s show to clarify her comments, but only made things worse by discussing how she’s trying to “curb” this behavior.

Nice work, Patty! I stick to Pink’s hot dogs, thanks.

(via)

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Did A Miley Cyrus Sex Tape Get Leaked Online?

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 09:44 AM PDT

This could be a hoax or a story just beginning to break, but here’s what we know so far: Celeb Dirty Laundry says they got their hands on a sex tape that’s rumored to feature everyone’s favorite Disney star Miley Cyrus.

It all boils down to the video, which both CDL and Earsucker say they’ve obtained copies of. (But good luck trying to find it yourself; sites have been posting alleged Miley Cyrus sex tapes for years.)

Neither site is especially convinced that it’s Miley in the video. Earsucker says the woman bears maybe a small resemblance; Celeb Dirty Laundry reports that the video itself is “really graphic and raunchy.”

While we would just weep over Miley’s lost childhood if this were true, there’s one person who’d be impressed: Jamie Foxx. In 2009, he ragged on Miley on his Sirius satellite radio show The Foxxhole, after she threatened to “ruin” Radiohead because they hadn’t wanted to meet her backstage at the Grammys that year.

Jamie joked that Miley needed to stop being such a brat and a poseur: ”Make a sex tape and grow up. Get like Britney Spears and do some heroin. Do like Lindsay Lohan and start seeing a lesbian and get some crack in your pipe. Catch chlamydia on a bicycle seat. That’s what I want.”

For the moment, let’s pretend like Miley does have a tape floating around, even if it’s not the one mentioned above, and tackle the most important question…

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A First Look At Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Mini Clothes For Little Girls

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 09:35 AM PDT

Gwen Stefani has been running her apparel line Harajuku Lovers since 2005. The brand, which features clothing, accessories and perfume, is named after and inspired by the fashions of the Harajuku area of Tokyo. Which means: lots of big bows, ruffles, cartoons and other childlike indicators. Now Gwen’s collaborating with Target on a collection called Harajuku Mini, creating clothing for actual children. Which makes me wonder, how do you infantalize an infant?

Around the time she launched Harajuku Lovers, Gwen began performing and appearing everywhere with four Japanese backup dancers dubbed her Harajuku Girls. She was widely criticized for the move — Margaret Cho in particular launched at attack on Gwen, arguing that the singer was perpetuating negative stereotypes about Asian women. Gwen’s Harajuku Girls were silent, infantalized (one of them was even given the stage name “Baby”), and sexy all at once. And the clothing brand reinforced these qualities, offering stacked pink wedges side by side with ice-cream-cone-print travel bags.

This first look at Harajuku Mini yields nothing inappropriate. It appears to be t-shirts and tutus: stuff that little girls wear all the time. Yet, something still rubs me the wrong way — the offerings are very similar to the adult apparel, and I feel like endorsing the spin-off brand is a tacit endorsement of the main label. If you’re saying that this stuff is appropriate for little girls to wear, then you’re pretty much implying that Harajuku Lovers is trying to turn women into little girls. Gwen’s outfit is nearly interchangeable with her pint-sized model’s here. The only difference is that Gwen’s little girl clothes are sexed-up.

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The Fake Courtney Stodden And Doug Hutchison eHarmony Video Is Hilarious

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 09:27 AM PDT

Comedienne Beth Crosby (known on YouTube as Crosbylicious) has played all manner of famewhores, from Kate Gosselin to Hailey Glassman. But now, she takes on her most challenging role: Courtney Stodden, in all her eye-rolling, lip-licking glory!

In this fake eHarmony video, Courtney and hubby Doug Hutchison babble on about their relationship, and how they’re just looking for the same things as anyone else: A woman who it’d be illegal to have sex with in at least 11 states (for him), and a reality show (for her).

We can’t imagine how many awful interviews Beth had to watch in order to get down Courtney’s whining drawl, but she’s scarily good at it: The way she gropes Doug and pants like an overheated poodle is just amazing.

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Nancy Grace Has A Wardrobe Malfunction On ‘Dancing With The Stars’ [NSFW]

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 09:01 AM PDT

After impressing everyone with the size of her boobs on the DWTS premiere, Nancy Grace has gone a step further and impressed everyone with the size of her areolas…unintentionally, we assume.

Following a rousing quickstep number, the camera panned over the audience while host Tom Bergeron said, “here we go, just to help you out there a little bit. Holy cow. That’s all right. On the European version that would be perfectly fine.” (I love the nervous way his voice cracked on “fine.”) What was he helping her out with? Sharp-eyed viewers saw a split second of a partially exposed areola before the camera person cut swiftly away, thoughts of FCC fines no doubt dancing in his or her head.

Luckily for everyone who wants to perv on Nancy Grace (which is…a lot of you, apparently?), Gawker‘s Matt Cherette took a screencap at just the right moment, producing the NSFW-ish picture you see above. Nip slip aside, she managed to do quite well in the competition…a full video of her segment, below.

Related: how hot is her dance partner, Tristan MacManus? Here’s another amusing screencap of the pair. (Pair of people, I mean.) They’re both like, “LOL oops!”

(Nip slip screencap via Matt Cherette)

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Style Icon: Courtney Stodden

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 08:46 AM PDT

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The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: Yes, Then Zero

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 09:56 AM PDT

Joshua Friesen is a man in his 30s who’s obsessed with pop culture. This is how his brain processes Gossip Girl.

DAVID O. RUSSELL
? Are you kidding me, Gossip Girl? Not six months ago, he was in a tux at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel hoping to collect an Oscar for directing "The Fighter." Now he has a cameo on a CW soap opera? The only possible explanation here is blackmail. Remember, George Clooney once punched this guy in the jaw. O. Russell's all over You Tube screaming at poor Lily Tomlin. By all accounts he's a miserable human being. The producers must have something so terrible on him, something so heinous that he's at their beck and call. Or he's stopped taking himself so seriously and he's just having a good time. It could go either way.

Anyway, here's where we stand at the opening of season five: Dan discovers his novel is about to be published against his will, and if that happens, Blair's engagement to the Prince of Monaco could be threatened. Serena's a fast-rising PA working in Hollywood. Nate's hooking up with an older woman who may have sinister intentions, and who may have once been Elizabeth Hurley. Chuck is busy pretending not to be shattered by the impending nuptials, and Blair may be pregnant by someone other than the prince. We're off to a fast start.

A quick side note here: How long do we really expect Blake Lively to hang around? She's a style icon with a budding film career. She doesn't need this show. And when was the last time there was such a disparity in the career mobility of one cast member versus the others? Penn Badgley peaked when he dated Lively, Taylor Momsen's best-case scenario is a long rehab stint in her 30's, and Ed Westwick's British. Lively has star potential and she must know it. Once she's gone, who's going to watch a show about Chuck, Dan, Nate, and Blair? Nobody, that's who. Now a few observations about episode one:

• It was a nice touch to feature F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Beautiful and the Damned in this episode. After all, Fitzgerald was famous for chronicling the lives of the idle rich, and Gossip Girl is a show about the idle rich. Congratulations writers, you've convinced me you attended college. And did anyone else notice that the book Dan is desperately trying to keep under wraps happens to be a chronicle of the idle rich? Could they actually be implying that Dan Humphrey is the next F. Scott Fitzgerald?

• Blair is marrying the Prince of Monaco, which would make her the next Princess of Monaco, a title once held by Grace Kelly who was one of the most beautiful and elegant women in history. That's a stretch even by this show's standards.

• Are they trying to turn Chuck Bass into some kind of superhero? He jumps off buildings, races motorcycles up Laurel Canyon, and charms any women he wants. How long until this guy starts solving crimes? Actually, that might be a great spin-off once Blake leaves the show.

• And how about Chuck revealing his injury from the motorcycle crash, the one he's been hiding from all his friends? That metaphor's thinner than Chase Crawford's resume.

• One more thing about Chuck: What's with all the cravats? I know fashion is a big thing with this show, but if I wore a cravat in public, I'd get punched in the throat.

• Was that Jenny Lewis I saw at the Hollywood party? Between Lewis and O. Russell, this show's in danger of turning into Entourage. Will Jeremy Piven's hairpiece be next to cameo?

• If I see JLo and her stupid Fiat commercial one more time, I'm going to buy a Chevy Suburban.

Well that was episode one. God only knows what's in store this season. Apparently the ratings have been dwindling, so that usually translates into outrageous storylines and stunt casting. I'm pretty excited. No matter what happens, I'll be here to walk you through it. See you next week.

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Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Supervillains Emerge

Posted: 27 Sep 2011 08:30 AM PDT

Monday night's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills sent Adrienne and Kim to Sacramento, Camille to Hawaii, and Lisa way too far into Taylor's personal space. We also met new "friend of the Housewives" Brandi Glanville, former model turned tabloid fodder. Here's a look at "Gossip Girls," dramatically reenacted by Barbies.

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