Best Week Ever |
- Five Other Movies That Eric Stoltz Got Fired From
- CAPTION THIS: What Would David Mamet And Patrick Stewart Talk About?
- Watch: Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis And Bruce Willis. Willis Still Way Better Than Kutcher.
- Favre + NY Post = D*ck Jokes!
- Sesame Street Knocks It Out Of The Park
- The Mad Men Theme Song, As Interpreted By The Gorgeous Daughter Of Brian Williams
- 10 Possible Subtitles For Scream 4
- Even Monsters Have a Sense of Humor
- Andy Richter Joins Conan’s TBS Show, Pre-Empting Panic About That
- Eric Stoltz Was Marty McFly For A Little
- Queen Elizabeth Admires Her Own Portrait
- The Courteney Cox Wedding Ring Zapruder Film
- Congratulations, Hawaii Five-0, You Won At DVR
| Five Other Movies That Eric Stoltz Got Fired From Posted: 13 Oct 2010 08:17 AM PDT Poor Eric Stoltz. Yesterday, for the first time in his long and illustrious career, he found himself as one of Twitter’s Trending Topics; sadly, all the hullabaloo was not to celebrate his skills as a thespian, but rather because embarrasingly awful footage of him as Marty McFly was released to the public for the very first time. Well, not to kick a guy when he’s down or anything, but we here at BWE.tv made some phone calls to the high powered studio executives we have in our Rolodex — we literally each have a huge, circular Rolodex sitting on our desks next to the Tandy 1000s that power this blog, thanks Viacom! — and found out that poor Eric Stoltz was cast in several other high-profile roles over the years, only to be replaced (again!) by more famous and better-looking actors.  Bruce Willis had difficulty securing permission from the producers of Moonlighting to take time off from the TV show, so an eager John McTiernan decided to roll cameras with Stoltz playing the hard charging, tough talking New York City policeman John McClane. Sadly, even though Stoltz looked great in a tank top, it turns out he didn’t have any chemistry with Bonnie Bedelia.
 After encountering numerous protests during Do The Right Thing‘s release, studio executives convinced Spike Lee that Malcolm X would play better in Middle America if he cast a white actor in the lead. Eric Stoltz was brought in to shoot test footage that, we’re told, turned out quite excellent, but a tragic Vespa accident derailed the movie that surely would’ve won him an Oscar.  Anyone who’s anyone in Hollywood initially turned down the role of Woody in Toy Story for fears that Tim Allen would spend hours upon hours begging them to make a cameo appearance on Home Improvement. However, desperately needing a paycheck, Stoltz took the bait. However, his now-infamous refusal to have his likeness rendered by computer animators led Pixar to cast a washed up TV actor named Tom Hanks in the role instead.  James Cameron normally spends years writing, conceptualizing, storyboarding and rehearsing his films before ever shooting a frame of footage, but it wasn’t until halfway through production on his $300 million masterpiece that he realized that the role of Rose would work a lot better if it were played by a girl. Sorry, Stoltz!  Tyler Perry, exhausted from writing and directing films and television shows, thought that he might be able to conserve some energy and get better performances out of his actors if someone other than himself played Madea this time around. The reasoning was pretty solid, if you think about it: if Hollywood’s genius makeup people could convincingly turn him into a woman, surely they could turn ANYONE into a woman. Anyone, that is, except for Stoltz. [Thanks to Dan Hopper and Lauren Deiman for their Photoshop genius!]  |
| CAPTION THIS: What Would David Mamet And Patrick Stewart Talk About? Posted: 13 Oct 2010 08:24 AM PDT Here’s David Mamet and Sir Patrick Stewart at the afterparty for the soon-to-be-seen-by-me Broadway play A Life In The Theatre, talking about, well, whatever David Mamet and Patrick Stewart have to talk about:
T.R. Knight also stars in the play, which makes a lot of sense — he quit his last job because of vulgar insults hurled at him, and now he’s starring in a David Mamet play. Smart.  |
| Posted: 13 Oct 2010 07:32 AM PDT Every morning I listen to John Richards on KEXP. He is SUCH a good DJ. So good. The best. You should really listen to him. The first song of his show always wakes me up and it’s usually something rad like The Pixies’ “Where Is My Mind?” or an LCD Soundsystem song so I start dancing in bed and then dance my way out of bed and two feet over to my computer where I will stay for the rest of the day. Even when I’m not part-time blogging (pause for you to be impressed) I don’t want to leave the house until noon because I want to hear the entire show. You get it. But this morning? First thing John plays is Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah” transistioned into Leonard Cohen’s “Famous Blue Raincoat.” COME ON, John! I mean, it’s obviously a genius music connection, but I usually want to break down and cry maybe around 3pm when the Internet has sufficiently sucked away my soul, not first thing in the morning. NO MORNING EMO. Point being, thank goodness for this new Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis with guest Bruce Willis: So funny. I love how Bruce Willis is so funny. So much funnier than the Kutch. That’s HOW IT’S DONE, Kutch. Learn from your elders. By the way, after Leonard Cohen John went into Bon Iver’s “Skinny Love” and then into Elliott Smith’s “Miss Misery”! I guess it’s healthy to cry. But they should be happy tears! Let us celebrate! The Chilean miners are being rescued! Dios Mio.  |
| Posted: 12 Oct 2010 02:44 PM PDT Brett Favre was accused of allegedly sending lewd photos and messages to female members of the Jets’ staff back when he played in New York two years ago, a charge which blew up this weekend to the point where Favre finally had to tearfully apologize to his teammates for the distraction. Favre’s Vikings then played the New York Jets last night, and the Jets won. What do you think – will the New York Post opt for the d*ck joke headline or will they classily avoid it?
They didn’t just settle for the d*ck joke headline — they settled for three d*ck joke headlines. Also, where it says “Favre’s pick 6 seals Jets’ win,” the “P” is supposed to be a “D”. And “Win” is supposed to say “D*ck.” And that “Cuomo Phobe!” headline isn’t supposed to have that first “O”, and it’s also about Favre, not Andrew Cuomo. So they really went above and beyond today.  |
| Sesame Street Knocks It Out Of The Park Posted: 12 Oct 2010 02:02 PM PDT This video is best to watch without significant foreknowledge of what is about to happen. So go ahead and do that now please. Okay, pencils down (like a test!). It was a Sesame Street parody of the Old Spice commercials. And it starred GROVER by the way. Elmo can chill out for a little. He’s been in my face too much. “It is a clam with two tickets to the thing you love.” YES! Holy sh*t that was good. Right? I was having serious issues with the internet today, but we have now made way up. This probably brought Mr. Hooper back to life. Thanks, Videogum.  |
| The Mad Men Theme Song, As Interpreted By The Gorgeous Daughter Of Brian Williams Posted: 12 Oct 2010 02:02 PM PDT
Allison sings lead in this stirring, one-shot mash-up between RJD2′s “A Beautiful Mine” (better known as the Mad Men theme song) and Eden Ahbez’s classic song, “Nature Boy” (which Baz Luhrman drew a lot of his Moulin Rouge inspiration from). As the Videos Recorded Live people mention on this video’s YouTube page, there’s no dubbing, no lip syncing and no Auto-Tune in this awesome video. Really, the only thing it’s missing is an Ida Blankenship cameo.  |
| 10 Possible Subtitles For Scream 4 Posted: 12 Oct 2010 01:34 PM PDT David Arquette just leaked that Scream 4 may have a subtitle, as part of a full sentence that went something like “Stop asking me about the divorce, pay attention to my other stuff. What other stuff? I don’t know, Scream…Four, or something. I hear it might have a subtitle. There, run with that.”
Scream 4: Yes, Seriously Scream 4: Yes It’s Another Scream Movie Scream 4: Remember Scream? Scream 4: No It Didn’t Happen Already, You’re Thinking Of Saw 4 Scream 4: What? Scream 4: How Should I Know Why They’re Making It Now, I’m Just The Movie Scream 4: Don’t Get Mad At Me, You Asked! Scream 4: Look, You Seein’ The Movie Or Ain’tcha? Scream 4: Money Never Screams Other important Scream 4 subtitles? Leave ‘em in the comments.  |
| Even Monsters Have a Sense of Humor Posted: 12 Oct 2010 12:05 PM PDT Laura Ingraham and Gretchen Carlson are two people who are on Fox News (Ingraham doesn’t actually host a Fox News show, but she’s on the network a lot). Recently, Ingraham joined Carlson on Fox and Friends and they… sort of danced to Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice. And it is really awful to watch. But you’ll like it. If you’re not familiar with these two people, please try to keep in mind that it is okay to laugh at them because one of them is mean and the other is offensively dumb. I won’t say who is which because that would be rude. Thanks, Arianna Huffington.  |
| Andy Richter Joins Conan’s TBS Show, Pre-Empting Panic About That Posted: 12 Oct 2010 11:15 AM PDT
Well never mind, we don’t have to travel back in time and worry about that, because Andy is indeed officially joining Conan on his new TBS show:
Still got it! Nothin’ like a little statement humor to convey some info about the ‘biz. In Andy’s Tonight Show departing speech (which, like all Conan vids, NBC has completely obliterated off NBC.com and Hulu), he jokingly pleaded with the crowd “Long story short – I spent some money…” and told Television he’d take any work it offered him, so seeing him decide to reunite with his longtime comedy partner who he’s absolutely perfect with and who’s now on a buzz-generating cable endeavor with more supposed creative freedom than its network predecessor is hardly a surprise. It’s just, well, good. That’s my strong, controversial opinion.  |
| Eric Stoltz Was Marty McFly For A Little Posted: 12 Oct 2010 10:33 AM PDT Apparently, Eric Stoltz had originally been cast to play Marty McFly in Back to the Future. They shot five weeks of footage with them before they decided to go with Michael J. Fox instead. So, that’s crazy. Here’s some video about all that. Ha! Stoltz!
He was much better in Back to the Monster Face. This is one of those Tom-Selleck-was-almost-Indiana-Jones things where you can understand what they were thinking, but whoa, that would have been a really not as good movie. Now, let’s steal the time machine from Back to the Future so we can go to the mid 90s and get Eric Stoltz replaced by Michael J. Fox in Chicago Hope as well. (That was for moms. Moms love Chicago Hope.) |
| Queen Elizabeth Admires Her Own Portrait Posted: 12 Oct 2010 10:26 AM PDT When you’ve been Queen of England for almost 60 years, can you still be flattered when someone commissions yet another portrait of you? We can only imagine:
For the record, I didn’t Photoshop that, the speech bubble actually came out of her mouth as the photo was taken. Crazy, right? This news day is whatever the opposite of “slow” is. Tall? Yeah, that.  |
| The Courteney Cox Wedding Ring Zapruder Film Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:36 AM PDT Courteney Cox and David Arquette have allegedly split up, a report which TMZ followed up with this shocking photo of Courteney Cox NOT WEARING A WEDDING RING:
Wait, that’s as far as you’re going to zoom in, TMZ? You’re only zooming in one time to this low-quality photo to prove that Courteney Cox is not wearing a wedding band? And you call yourself a news organization where guys smart-assedly pitch topics on a Handycam then insert goofy voices onto photos that whoosh by? Pathetic. To truly get to the bottom of this Courteney Cox scandal, our BWE Science-ologists (not that other thing) have blown up the photo an additional 10x in our state of the art Forensixx Lab 2000, which has a laptop with Photoshop on it. Behold, an EVEN MORE ZOOMED IN image:
Hmmm, still inconclusive. Are we sure she’s not wearing a ring? Better zoom in even more:
Now, it really, really looks like she’s not wearing a ring, and even though one photo of Courteney Cox without a visible wedding ring probably doesn’t confirm anything, we’d better be absolutely, positively sure. Let’s zoom in another 100x:
AHA! She IS wearing a ring! TMZ totally dropped the ball on this one. They’re still together. This blog post just got its own CSI. It’s in Kansas City and “Squeeze Box” is the theme song.  |
| Congratulations, Hawaii Five-0, You Won At DVR Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:26 AM PDT
Yeah, alright. That’s fine. I didn’t really expect Hawaii Five-0 to appeal to, you know, anyone at all, but good for that show! The article goes on to say that The Event on NBC ranked second among the most DVRed premieres. Have any of you watched that show? It is garbage. If you didn’t watch it, here’s a quick recap of what your thoughts would have been during the first two episodes- Episode 1: Oh hey, I can kinda see how this might be – Episode 2: Nope! No, that guy had the same goatee in a flash back to five years ago. And then you would have immediately stopped watching The Event. But, back to Hawaii Five-0… It’s just a remake of a cop show that was the same as every other cop show except there were palm trees, right? Either way, it’s the big winner of this new ratings category, and now we all have to put this show into the part of our brains where we reluctantly keep things that we know other people will reference. Did anyone out there watch it? Was it anything?  |
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