Best Week Ever |
- Presented Without Comment: Woman Answers Cat
- Bill And Ted’s 3 Is Definitely Happening
- 10 Things The Dark Knight Rises Should Borrow From The Joel Schumacher Movies
- Trailer Mix: The Beastie Boys Short Film, Starring Everyone Who Is Funny
- Justin Bieber Fan’s Freudian Slip
- Watch The Hilarious Web Series Tiny Apartment Featuring Robert Loggia And The Best Christian Bale Impression Ever
- GOAL: Watch A Show Pony Penalty Kick
| Presented Without Comment: Woman Answers Cat Posted: 08 Apr 2011 09:20 AM PDT (Thanks Kevin! And Earth!)  |
| Bill And Ted’s 3 Is Definitely Happening Posted: 08 Apr 2011 09:09 AM PDT
The long-rumored third Bill & Ted’s movie took another step towards reality this week, with Keanu Reeves telling MTV News that a finished script is very close:
As so often happens with news about really late sequels to great movies, my initial reaction was just nostalgic gut enthusiasm for Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, which remains unironically one of my favorite movies of all time. But really, the actors are both in their mid-40s, and the last installment came out 20 years ago and featured both characters battling a wacky grim reaper played by Colonel Stewart from Die Hard 2 to literally escape death. Not sure where you go from there? Alex Winter offered this somewhat hopeful quote:
“We don’t want to make a cynical ‘here’s Bill and Ted — you guys are our kids, now YOU guys go be Bill and Ted and the franchise can live for another 25 years! It’s not that. It’s a straight up, what’s the funniest and most surprising take on where Bill and Ted would be right now if we stopped back in on them?” He added, “Dickweeds!” Or he should’ve. I don’t know — no George Carlin, 20-year layoff, characters we last saw as high-schoolers now in their 40s… is there any way this could work? If the film tries to stay true to the spirit of the originals and isn’t self-aware, as Winter claims, wouldn’t that make it even tougher to watch? Are they still gonna be speaking in late-80s slang? Will Bob Genghis Khan be involved? Right now, still just too many questions for me to fully digest this news. So, what do we think? “YAY, MORE BILL & TED’S!” or, “Huh, more Bill & Ted’s?”  |
| 10 Things The Dark Knight Rises Should Borrow From The Joel Schumacher Movies Posted: 08 Apr 2011 08:29 AM PDT All humans unanimously agree that the Batman film franchise peaked with Joel Schumacher’s dynamic One-Schu Punch of Batman Forever and Batman And Robin in the late-90s. As Christopher Nolan prepares to shoot The Dark Knight Rises, the third installment of his widely-panned, Oscar-winning “Really Amazing Series Of Movies” (the industry term), it’s time he takes a lesson from history with this list of 10 Things The Dark Knight Rises Should Borrow From The Joel Schumacher Movies, if he wants the third installment to be TRULY memorable.
The Dark Knight was an immensely comprehensive film, opening and closing the books on two iconic Batman villains, but it still left far too many questions unanswered, including most notably, “How tight is Batman’s ass in his bat suit?” Spandex-tight? Sweatpants tight? Assless-chaps tight?? Establishing Batman’s ass-tightness early and often in The Dark Knight Rises will reaffirm Bruce Wayne’s humanity and fragility beneath his iconic exterior, and will allow the audience to connect with the ass as it grows and changes over the course of its many assventures, which is essential to any form of art.
Perhaps no single moment in Batman And Robin better encapsulates Gotham’s everpresent struggle to survive than the iconic scene when a bulldog is peeing on a fire hydrant, gets frozen by Mr. Freeze, then when Freeze is defeated the dog gets unfrozen and walks away. Replicating this shot in The Dark Knight Rises would not only provide the film with a central metaphor of a city desperate to relieve itself in the face of insurmountable obstacles, but also you could add a fart noise to the dog when it walks away and put that in the trailer.
Another crucial scene in Batman And Robin involves Arnold Schwarzenegger “conducting” a chorus of Ice Goons in a sing-along of Christmas carols. The Tom Hardy Bane character should emulate this behavior, because it sets up that the villain isn’t just like non-stop evil, but he also takes the time to have his goons sing Christmas carols, but that in a way makes him MORE evil. It doesn’t have to be the exact same Christmas carol in The Dark Knight Rises, just close.
There’s a famous scene in Batman Forever when characters are foolishly wandering the dangerous streets of Gotham, and they’re immediately confronted by a huge gang of street thugs in like neon paint and stuff who almost beat them up. This should happen in The Dark Knight Rises too, because the gang dudes’ neon paint establishes just how fearless they are — they don’t need to dress in not-neon stuff to be intimidating, because they’re confident that they can be both dangerous and neon. It’s very similar to the Mutants gang that takes over Gotham in the Dark Knight Returns graphic novel, if they were making out while playing laser tag.
Granted, this won’t really be a pun if Bane or Catwoman says it, but it’s just too good of a line not to use in another Batman film, and with a two-movie buffer between B&R and Dark Knight Rises, it’s totally ok again. They should have Catwoman holding an iced tea when she says it, then she can jiggle her glass after she says it and there you go.
The part in Batman And Robin where Alicia Silverstone races in a super dangerous underground motorcycle race tells the audience that she’s not just a pretty face, but is a dame with a dark side. The DARK Knight rises can use that dark side for whichever ex-Clueless star plays the new Batgirl (Stacy Dash? Wallace Shawn?) Either way, the Dark Knight motorcycle video game will be even better than the Star Wars pod racing game, and the scene will be just as important and loved by the internet.
This wasn’t technically in Batman Forever, just a McDonald’s commercial as part of their commercial tie-in, but it’s too good of a scene not to replicate. Even if The Riddler isn’t in the movie, The Riddler should go into McDonald’s and get a glass of Batman and be like “Now I’ve got him!”, because the whole crowd will be in suspense, like “Oh no does The Riddler really got him? Can he now break the glass and win? Or does The Riddler not realize that’s a glass and Batman is a guy?” It adds layers to the movie, which are good in scripts.
Batman Begins and The Dark Knight both dropped the beach ball off their circus podium on this one — adding a Seal song to the soundtrack will ensure that the CD gets prominently displayed in the front $9.99 section of Best Buy, the last remaining area where compact discs can be purchased in exchange for money. This will bring an entirely new demographic of gift-buying aunts and compact-disc buyers (largely the same demo) to see The Dark Knight Rises, boosting its box office by tons. Then EVERYONE will be happy!  |
| Trailer Mix: The Beastie Boys Short Film, Starring Everyone Who Is Funny Posted: 07 Apr 2011 01:22 PM PDT What do you do when you’re one of the longest lasting and most respected hip hop acts in the world? You make a thirty minute video starring all of your famous comedy friends in conjunction with the release of your eighth album, that’s what you do. Here is the trailer for Fight For Your Right-Revisited by The Beastie Boys: It looks great, though I’m not completely clear on the plot points on this one. I’m thinking there’s some sort of Bill and Ted-esque time travel involved? No Circle K though. There’s also a nice little Will Ferrell cowbell moment for all you Urban Outfitters ironic t shirt enthusiasts out there. Also, not gonna lie, Elijah Wood looks sort of badass rapping. Sorry, I just blacked out, what did I just say? Finally, Danny McBride, TEXT ME. Let us marry.  |
| Justin Bieber Fan’s Freudian Slip Posted: 07 Apr 2011 12:22 PM PDT
I know. I know. It looks like JB to her. But I think this is the most eloquent summation of Bieber Fever, thus far. Getty  |
| Posted: 07 Apr 2011 11:38 AM PDT Jessie Cantrell, Mike O’Gorman and Patrick Driscoll have, for my money (I have so much money), the funniest web series around, called TIny Apartment. This is the latest episode and, in addition to Mike’s spot on impressions of Sir Alec Guinness and Christian Bale, it features everyone’s favorite screen acting legend, Robert Loggia. “Use the forks, Lukes!” Also, I think Loggia should read every book ever and put them all on audio cassette (tapes are coming back in a major way, didn’t you know?). I would buy them all and never listen to my Sounds of the Ocean again because they would be so soothing.  |
| GOAL: Watch A Show Pony Penalty Kick Posted: 07 Apr 2011 10:05 AM PDT If you play soccer or watch soccer, where do the cute boys go to watch FIFA in NYC? Just tell me. For a friend. Also, if you play soccer or watch soccer, you know that a penalty kick is not so much a difficult shot as it is a mind game. If you think about it too hard, you’ll most likely screw it up. If you try to be too clever in tricking the goalie, you’ll probably hit the bar and then want to die and in some countries you actually might die. Usually, if you don’t think and keep to your technique, you’ll score. And, if your technique happens to be doing a back flip in the same motion as you kick the ball, so be it. Whatever works: But, I mean, what a show pony.  |
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