Crushable |
- Lessons From 'Jersey Shore': Steroids, Not Alcohol, Will Make Your Butt Bleed
- Sorry Mom, I Can't Sue Cecily von Ziegesar For 'Gossip Girl, Psycho Killer'
- Celebrity Lookalikes: Are Pauly D And Justin Bieber Switching Places?
- Gallery: Andrew Garfield Continues To Gimp Out In 'Spider-Man' Fetish Costume
- Lost In Translation: It's The Morning After. And Time For You To Leave.
- Gallery: A Guide To Miley Cyrus' Budding Tattoo Addiction
- 'Ocean Salty From Whale Sperm' And Jersey Shore's Top 10 Best Quotes
- Video: Watch Community's Troy And Abed Debate Important Things
- Crushable Quotable: 'Bridalplasty' Winner Allyson Donovan Chose Health Over Plastic Surgery
| Lessons From 'Jersey Shore': Steroids, Not Alcohol, Will Make Your Butt Bleed Posted: 04 Feb 2011 11:12 AM PST
“Why is Ronnie’s ass bleeding? I don’t know!” says Sammi. Don’t worry Sammi, no one expects you to know. But why did we need to see the actual exam? Is this season supposed to have some anti-drinking message (Snooki getting arrested, Ronnie’s ass bleeding after a long night of pounding shots, Deena showing the Situation her cooze)? If so, it’s kind of a roundabout way to tell kids about the dangers of alcoholism, since drinking usually doesn’t lead to ass-bleeds. You know what does though? Steroids. Well, at least tangentially. On anabolic steroids, it’s easy to get a hemroid if you start lifting too much above your weight. Combine that with the dehydration of getting drunk every night, and you’ve got some red stools on your hand. Still, Ronnie should be used to bloody shit, since that’s what Sammi gives him every week. Post from: Crushable Lessons From 'Jersey Shore': Steroids, Not Alcohol, Will Make Your Butt Bleed |
| Posted: 04 Feb 2011 11:00 AM PST Surprise! People continue to think John Mayer is a heel. The singer still gets heckled for treating Jennifer Aniston badly when he does press events. (Us) Post from: Crushable |
| Sorry Mom, I Can't Sue Cecily von Ziegesar For 'Gossip Girl, Psycho Killer' Posted: 04 Feb 2011 10:21 AM PST
She was referring to my own teen girl fan-fiction, Bret Easton Ellis Rewrites The Baby-Sitters Club, which I posted weekly for a while this summer. Cecily’s planning something similar, but Gossip Girl, Psycho Killer sounds way more like the parody that Bret did himself called All That Glitters for Funny Or Die:
See, the difference between Baby-Sitters Club and Gossip Girl is that it’s very easy to imagine the kids on Gossip Girl killing off each other in a drug-fueled rage, while it is funny/satirical to imagine the sweet, repressed girls from Ann M. Martin’s children’s series slowly losing it. Because don’t people take drugs and die all the time on Gossip Girl ? I’m pretty sure that is a consistent plot line . So Psycho Killer is not a “satire” of the Gossip Girl series, as much as a quick rewrite of characters who already resemble the teens who populate the world of Less Than Zero and Rules Of Attraction. Satire is what Bret originally did to rich kids in his books. All Cecily is doing is using the popularity of her own characters on TV to sell more books under the guise of “Wouldn’t it be funny if Blair killed chuck with an ice-pick?” In essense, she is writing the ultimate fan fiction, but about her own work. So no mom, I will not be suing Cecily von Ziegesar for “stealing” my idea, because my idea is still better. Also, then I’d have to sue Bret Easton Ellis for All That Glitters (which suffers from the same not-really-satire-if-it’s-exactly-what-you-write-about dilemma), and I don’t think I can win a case against the guy who wrote the source material for my fiction. But hey, if they want to hire me to write a couple of these books, I’m open to the idea. Post from: Crushable Sorry Mom, I Can't Sue Cecily von Ziegesar For 'Gossip Girl, Psycho Killer' |
| Celebrity Lookalikes: Are Pauly D And Justin Bieber Switching Places? Posted: 04 Feb 2011 10:03 AM PST
We’ve entered some bizarro world where Pauly D is making 13-year-old girls soak their training bras in frustrated tears and Justin Bieber’s doing body shots out of Snooki’s rhinestone-encrusted bellybutton. If you recall the Halloween goings-on of every celebrity on earth like we do, you’ll remember that Pauly dressed up as Biebs for the holiday. And today Justin released behind-the-scenes photos from his Rolling Stone cover shoot where he looks exactly like Jersey Shore’s resident DJ. Justin and the JS gang have been hanging out lately — so maybe some Freaky Friday type of switcheroo went down? (via) Post from: Crushable Celebrity Lookalikes: Are Pauly D And Justin Bieber Switching Places? |
| Gallery: Andrew Garfield Continues To Gimp Out In 'Spider-Man' Fetish Costume Posted: 04 Feb 2011 09:49 AM PST
Unless these photos are not actually taken from the set of the new movie, but instead from a sex dungeon in midtown operated by the Smacka-Smacka Spidey guy, it looks like this Spider-Man reboot will involve a lot of crime-fighting and face-smothering. With Spider-Man’s crotch. Oh my god, what are we looking at here? Post from: Crushable Gallery: Andrew Garfield Continues To Gimp Out In 'Spider-Man' Fetish Costume |
| Lost In Translation: It's The Morning After. And Time For You To Leave. Posted: 04 Feb 2011 09:45 AM PST
I'm writing about how annoying you are and how staring at me from the bundled mess of sheets you've become tangled in is not cute. I'm ignoring you because pillow talk ended over two and a half hours ago. And that for one reason or another, my constant questioning of whether or not you need a ride home isn't a strong enough nudge to tell you LEAVE. And how the hell do you think that it's alright to be wearing my favorite button-down, wrinkled to hell now that you somehow thought it would be better to grab that from my closet rather than the handful of large cotton tees lying around the floor well within reach? I'm all for wasting away a day underneath my comforter. By myself. Or with good company. But you're not good company. And I don't quite understand why you think I am. Let's face it – we figured out after about five minutes of sober conversation that we have 1) nothing in common, 2) nothing in common, and 3) absolutely nothing in common. I'm not complaining about last night. It was fun. From whatever memories weren't promptly torn from my head by all those boilermakers I think it was a rambling fine time. And when I woke up to the sun pouring in through my blinds and the blurred heap of woman beside me straightened itself into you, I didn't feel poorly about my decision making. You're attractive. You know that. I know that. But, good god, you are a moron. And that is alright by me, that is if you had rolled out of bed at a decent hour, squeezed back into your jeans, grabbed your jacket and headed for the door. That would have made everything okay. Instead, you stayed in MY bed…where is your morning-after etiquette? I was friendly this morning. Even charming if I may say. I made you a cup of coffee. But I thought that would stir your senses into being…sensible. Not scrambled to where you think you're welcome to stick around. While you may have been as physically intimate with me as possible, that does not mean we are intimate across the board. We had what essentially boils down to flesh and bones interactions, which is clear as day now that the steam from our bodies rubbing together has faded. Nothing more. You should not feel comfortable enough to rummage through my clothes. And lazy Sundays (or whatever day it is) aren't in our vocabulary. There is little to talk about. That is why we drank heavily and proceeded to strip each other as fast as possible when we stumbled into my apartment. 'Cause talking…well, it just would've been too damn hard. We're not going to walk over to campus holding hands. We probably won't talk to each again. Aren’t there unwritten ground rules for this, especially after what was a one-night stand? Nice morning cuddle, and if nothing comes of that cuddle, snag your clothes and go. Obviously this would be different if we were in a relationship. But we're not. We're not even friends. Why…why… WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE? (Photo via motifake) Post from: Crushable Lost In Translation: It's The Morning After. And Time For You To Leave. |
| Gallery: A Guide To Miley Cyrus' Budding Tattoo Addiction Posted: 04 Feb 2011 09:15 AM PST
Miley Cyrus may only be 18 years old, but at the rate she is acquiring tattoos, she may run out of space for wistful sayings and drawings soon. According to People, Miley has gotten her fifth tattoo, a dream catcher on her torso that is meant to represent her siblings:
Have you forgotten what other great ideas for tattoos Miley has had in her short life? No worries. We’ve got you covered! Post from: Crushable Gallery: A Guide To Miley Cyrus' Budding Tattoo Addiction |
| 'Ocean Salty From Whale Sperm' And Jersey Shore's Top 10 Best Quotes Posted: 04 Feb 2011 09:08 AM PST On last night’s episode of Jersey Shore, our pint-sized quote machine Snooki told audiences all over the world that she wouldn’t go into the ocean because it was salty from all the whale sperm. What? Don’t believe her? Google it.No really, she’s asking you to Google it. So we did. Apparently Snooki gets all her info from Urbanlegends.com, the top hit for “Whale Sperm Ocean.” This is definitely Snooki’s watershed “chicken or fish of the sea” moment, and she’ll be joining Jessica Simpson in the Hall Of Fame For People Who Are Dumb About The Ocean. But are we ready to give her the prize for the dumbest thing ever said on Jersey Shore? Lets take a look at some of the other priceless quotes from the past three seasons before deciding. 1. “This situation is indescribable. You can't even describe the situation that you're about to get into the situation." – The Situation 2. “I would send her a picture of my c*ck and a pack of bubble gum and say, chew on this!” – Ronnie 3. “I am so excited because we are going to see the crocadillies.” – Snooki 4. “Ronnie’s new nickname is IFF. The I’m F*%ked Foundation. He’s a client and the president!” – Pauly D. 5. “Tall, completely jacked, steroids, like, multiple growth hormones … that’s the type I’m attracted to.” – JWOWW Post from: Crushable 'Ocean Salty From Whale Sperm' And Jersey Shore's Top 10 Best Quotes |
| Video: Watch Community's Troy And Abed Debate Important Things Posted: 04 Feb 2011 09:08 AM PST Community has been totally killing it lately, and last night’s Dungeons and Dragons-themed episode was no exception. One of the points the show always delivers on is those Troy-and-Abed tags at the end of each ep. Last night, the two guys participated in a raging debate: Which is better to have, giant ears or a tail? After watching, we’re team giant ears all the way. Post from: Crushable Video: Watch Community's Troy And Abed Debate Important Things |
| Crushable Quotable: 'Bridalplasty' Winner Allyson Donovan Chose Health Over Plastic Surgery Posted: 04 Feb 2011 08:47 AM PST
After winning, Allyson was eligable to receive all the plastic surgery procedures on her wishlist, which came in at over a dozen. Instead of taking them all, Allyson opted to cut her list down to only a few surgeries, including dental work to fix the rot and abcesses (ugh, sorry, we know it’s early) that were a result of her diabetes:
Hey! That’s kind of a good thing. Now we know to never judge a show by its horrendous, utterly insulting cover. Post from: Crushable Crushable Quotable: 'Bridalplasty' Winner Allyson Donovan Chose Health Over Plastic Surgery |
And…now we’ve gone there. Jersey Shore devoted part of its episode last night to the footage of Ronnie getting an extended proctology exam after his butt starts bleeding.
I wasn’t aware that Gossip Girl authoress Cecily von Ziegesar was 
I have a raging headache. It feels like Egypt inside my noggin'. It's not the Coors Original or umpteenth shot of Jack that has me off kilter. Nope. It would have to be THAT YOU'RE STILL LYING IN MY BED.
Confession: When we began covering E!’s reality show Bridalplasty, we decided instantly that the series was completely without any merit other than pure schaudenfreude-based entertainment. But the show had a surprisingly optimistic outcome! The final prize of a plasticized dream wedding didn’t go to the frontrunner, skinny “| You are subscribed to email updates from Crushable To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
| Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
No comments:
Post a Comment