Thursday, November 18, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Every Arnold Schwarzenegger Scream Ever

Posted: 18 Nov 2010 09:08 AM PST

Yessss, finally! This should save us some time. Here’s every Arnold Schwarzenegger scream strung together into one giant 7-minute scream, about 6 minutes of which come from Total Recall. It supposedly includes every Arnold movie ever, but I don’t see Hercules In New York, the movie where they dubbed over his voice with an American actor – sorry, dude that did that, you are not welcome in this video.

Anyway, here’s what’s been playing in my office for the last twenty minutes:

Also, that embed is a lesson in how to properly select a screengrab for your Youtube video. Well played.

(via FilmDrunk)

Are You Not Pleasing To The Eye? Be In A Kings Of Leon Video!

Posted: 18 Nov 2010 08:52 AM PST

My BFF’s 4 Life The Kings of Leon, want YOU, Physically Deformed Person! You have one day to be in their music video. Reports NME:

Kings Of Leon are trying to recruit fans with “physical deformities” to star in their next music video.

The band, who created an internet stir with their last video, for ‘Radioactive’, sent out a request to fans to take part in a two-day shoot tomorrow (November 19), set in a dockside bar in New England.

Although the original advert has been taken down from Newyork.craigslist.com, Aux.tv reports that the Followills were after “characters with scars, pockmarked skin, physical abnormalities or deformities” to get involved.

Fans were being offered $300 (£188) per day for the privilege of looking “unattractive,” “rough around the edges”, and/or “a little slow”.

HOT. Dockside bar! Deformities! A Little Slow! You know that’s you. I don’t know how, but DO IT.

In other news, how weak is our dollar? $300 is £188? If I lived in England I would never be depressed because I’d always feel richer than Americans. Because money is everything.

The Roti Express Song & Dance Will Be In Your Head For Life

Posted: 18 Nov 2010 08:30 AM PST

In his infinite generosity, our Internet lord and father has provided us with yet another inexplicable, mind-melting music video that makes nothing resembling sense. Or perhaps in a way, it makes TOO much sense. That “way” being, not. Huh? Yeah.

Click below to introduce The Roti Express Song & Dance into your head for the rest of the day:

(via @mikestill)

Do NOT Yawn In Professor Reasonable’s Class

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 02:30 PM PST

Let’s face it – audible yawns are THE WORST. Actually I just thought of 9 billion worse things. But they are annoying and impolite, that we can all agree upon.

Professor Reasonable over here, though, really hates yawns. He hates them so much, he ends up being far more unreasonable and impolite about them than the person yawning, and his resulting superwhite academia anger is really uncomfortably amusing:

Dude, you’re never gonna be able to cheat on your wife with sexually confused undergrads who are impressed by the deep conversations you’re able to have with them as long as people are yawning in your face and getting away with it. Good luck having someone come up to you after class to anonymously snitch on the yawner, unless you’re literally lecturing this guy.

(Gossipberry, via Buzzfeed)

Britain Can’t Take The Heat: Beyonce Perfume Commercial Banned

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 01:46 PM PST

Beyonce Knowles, a singer/song writer from Texas, has a perfume called Heat. Here she is in a commercial promoting the fragrance. The spot was banned on British day time television because it’s too sexy.

Is that a House of Dereon dress?

Whatever, it’s no Calvin Klein rape ad.

Via The Daily Mail

More Like Bruce Memesteen, Amirite?

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 04:21 PM PST

As a long time fan of Bruce Springsteen, nothing excites me more than a Springsteen media blitz. Whether he’s gabbing with Dave Letterman or crotchsliding his way into our nation’s living rooms during the Super Bowl, my general rule is that I can never have too much Bruce in my life, especially now that the E-Street Band seems to be on hiatus.

This week, The Boss released The Promise, an album that consists of 21 outtakes and alternate versions of tracks from his seminal 1977 release, Darkness On The Edge Of Town, which is intended as a companion piece to the recent HBO documentary of the same name. As a means of promoting it, he appeared on both NPR’s Fresh Air and Late Night With Jimmy Fallon yesterday, the latter of which produced a moment of undeniable awesomeness, but also one that has me semi-conflicted. Here’s the moment in question, where “Neil Young” and Bruce duet on Willow Smith’s timeless anthem about the need to struggle when confronted by the oppressive behavior of one’s tormentors, “Whip My Hair.”

Pretty great, right? OR WAS IT?!?

I am conflicted! On one hand, it feels silly to complain about something that clearly brought joy to so many people (including, it seems, Bruce himself). On the other, though, I am beginning to resent our society’s ever growing need to turn everyone and everything into a meme! I mean, come on, this is BRUCE FREAKING SPRINGSTEEN we’re talking about, not some guy whose record label made him do something wacky so he could go viral and trend on Twitter in an attempt to get people to pay attention to him. I respect and admire Bruce not because he turns up in a disposable late night talk show clip and make me laugh for 30 seconds on a random Wednesday morning in 2010, but rather because what he stands for as an artist is pretty much the exact opposite of that!

Now, I don’t begrudge Springsteen or Fallon or anyone involved in the creation of this bit for making it happen, because, at the end of the day, they all agreed it would be a good idea and the bit was admittedly great. Additionally, I acknowledge the awkwardness of raising an issue like this on a comedy site that exists largely to shine a spotlight on memes and viral stars and the like. However, it pains me to realize that we’re only going to be subjected to MORE stunts like this in the future, the quality of which will likely end up closer to this Queen Latifah and Cloris Leachman spoof of Paranormal Activity than the awesomeness we saw last night. Like Susan Powter once said, “Stop the memesanity, folks!”

In related news, I am old.

HOLY F*CK: Is SNL Actually Going To Be Funny This Week?

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 12:52 PM PST

Let’s put it this way: I watched this week’s Saturday Night Live at around 3 in the morning with two of my best friends in the world on my couch while the three of us were all a little tipsy, and there wasn’t a single laugh to crack through our lips for the entire hour (with the exception of the Keenan broken leg sketch, but again, let me reiterate, we were drunk). It may have been the all time worst Saturday Night Live episode in the history. Yes, it’s cliche to say it at this point, but seriously: What the hell? The writers and actors on the show are actually funny. How could this unfunny bastard show possibly have made it to air?

But “Good News” is looming on the horizon: Anne Hathaway is back. We know she is a stellar host, albeit one who loves to sing. (Another singing monologue? I fear my heart cannot take it.) But hey… wait a second… these promos for the show… they’re funny? Wait, wait, seriously guys, pay attention: They’re funny. And they even use special effects! Please please please please don’t f*ck this one up, guys. There are middle schooler weekends depending on it.

Man Shoots TV After Watching Bristol Palin On Dancing With The Stars

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 12:42 PM PST

As always, it takes a mentally unstable dude with a shotgun to say what we’re all thinking (and by “say” I mean “shoot with a gun”):

According to a report in the Wisconsin State Journal, Steven N. Cowan was allegedly so upset by Palin’s performances on Monday night’s show – she danced the paso doble and the waltz – that he fired a gun at his television, prompting a 15-hour standoff at his Black Earth, Wis., home…

While watching the semi-finals with his wife, Cowan jumped up and swore after seeing Palin perform, seemingly upset by her dancing skills, according to a criminal complaint.

The 66-year-old then retrieved his shotgun, which he loaded and fired at the TV, before allegedly pointing it at his wife, who fled the scene and called 911.

Hrm – well the wife part isn’t TBS very funny, but let’s chalk it up as a testament to how disturbing those Bristol performances can really be, and also to the man’s documented history of mental issues (probably in a 1% / 99% ratio give or take, but who’s counting?)

Besides, I can relate – my computer monitor has had a knuckle-shaped dent in the center ever since this. (Kidding, obviously – I couldn’t dent it, I just cut my hand and cried for forty minutes)

Poodle On Tiny Horse Is Hilarious; Suspicious

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 12:09 PM PST

Dear Nobel Prize Committee,

For your next round of giving away your prized medals, we ask that you consider Russian poodle trainer Irina Markova. It is because of Irina that we have the above photo: A small, shaking poodle who appears to be riding on horseback. See, it’s a trick, Nobel committee! Because the legs you see on that horse actually belong to the poodle. (Pause for Swedish laughs.) I know.

But don’t let that pained look in the dog’s eyes fool you! Irina convinces her dogs to get into these hilarious get-ups with tiny dog treats. So, sure, he hates living his life, but on the other horse dog hand, dried beef tips. See? It’s totally cool, Nobel guys.

In conclusion, there is nothing these paragraphs could possibly say to take your attention away from the above photo. And so, I will end this abruptly.

[PHOTO: Splash News Online]

Breaking: Spain Produces High Quality Lids

Posted: 17 Nov 2010 01:55 PM PST

Oh man. This is great. This is a Spanish infomercial for a pot with a lid which, I assume, is touted to be unbreakable.

I’d like everyone to just pause and appreciate the pun from the title.

Here is the English transcript of the video for those of you who don’t speak Spanish. I studied in Sevilla, summers. My family has a villa there. So I’m fluent.

“You put the lid on when you want to cook. But before we demonstrate the actual use of this product, we should first show how this lid was inspired by Bruce Willis in the film Unbreakable, as this is top is indeed, unbreakable. You don’t believe me? Check this ess out! Tapas!”

Lid smashes

“Look at this! Who is responsible for this? Someone get me Bruce Willis on the phone! This is his doing! Lorca!”

Play this in slow motion to the La Boheme death scene and it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

Huffington Post
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