Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Garbage Pail Kid: Snooki Says She Sometimes Wakes Up In A Garbage Can

Posted: 05 Jan 2011 07:58 AM PST

Well, I never. Snooki S. Snookerton, star of The Jersey? Sure! taped an episode of Ellen and said some wacky things. Reports The Huffington Post:

Recalling something the ‘Jersey Shore’ star had said in a previous interview, Ellen asked, “Now, when you say if you didn’t black out it’s a good night for you, are you serious?”

Dead serious, she said. “Yes, because I want to remember my night and sometimes I just don’t. It sucks. So you’re like, “What did I do? Why did I wake up in a garbage can?”

And when Ellen asks how often that happens, Snooki casually responded, “Oh, like once a month.”

That being said, Snooki has no regrets, even if she does acknowledge that she has younger fans: “Well, I don’t want to be a role model,” she told Ellen.

I assume she means a garbage can metaphorically, as in The Garbage Can of her soul. It’s like, if I wake up in a shame spiral, I’m not literally in a spiral. Right? Right.

Also, have you looked at images for Garbage Pail Kids lately? They are so disgusting. If I were Dan Hopper I’d have made some sort of brilliant photoshop of Snooki as a Garbage Pail Kid but I’m not, so just imagine that the playground horse is a garbage can and the book is an empty bottle of grain alcohol and her glasses are a sombrero.

Take It From Shocked 1960s Woman: Don’t Shoplift

Posted: 05 Jan 2011 03:51 AM PST

I actually saw this anti-shoplifting poster in a drug store yesterday, in the year of our Lord 2011:

I’m guessing from every aspect of what my eyes are looking at that this poster wasn’t made in 2011. Probably not in 2010 either; I’m guessing either 2009 or maybe even some other time in the past half-century. But when you’ve got a story that detailed and affecting and hard to read, it stands the test of time.

Just remember: S.T.E.M. An acronym as true and necessary today as it was during the Johnson Administration.

No Strings Attached Releases New “Ashton Kutcher’s Ass” Red Band Trailer

Posted: 05 Jan 2011 03:56 AM PST

The Ashton Kutcher / Natalie Portman romancomed No Strings Attached (that’s short for “romantic comedy”) is currently locked in a neck-and-neck Hollywood “same idea” rivalry with the Mila Kunis / Justin Timberlake vehicle Friends With Benefits, another movie about friends who have sex that’s named after an expression that humans have heard.

In an apparent effort to differentiate the two undifferentiateable movies, No Strings Attached has gone one step further and released a Red Band Trailer, meaning, the same trailer but they say “f*ck” and “d*ck” and Ashton Kutcher shows his ass (regular ASSton ASScher over here!) Because I love the F-word and the D-word and the A-real-thing, I now cannot wait to see this salacious orgy of swearing and asses – balls in your court, Friends With Benefits (showing JT’s balls):

(via Film Drunk)

Oh, Some Birds And Fish Died? Let’s get Kirk Cameron To Talk About It!

Posted: 04 Jan 2011 03:22 PM PST

As you’ve probably heard, there was an instance in Arkansas of a bunch of fish dying suddenly, and then a few days later, a bunch of birds died as well. So, immediately, Anderson Cooper was like, “Get me Candace Cameron‘s brother!!” I think I’ve had a fever dream about this exact thing happening on CNN. What is this?

Oh, so this isn’t the Apocalypse?! Are you sure? You’ve gotten confirmation from Kirk Cameron about this? Oh, you have. Good, that’s good. But just to get a second opinion someone should get Buddy from Charles in Charge on the phone.

Thanks, Videogum and Crooks and Liars.

Let’s Play A Google Game

Posted: 04 Jan 2011 01:01 PM PST

Listen, it’s a boring day. But here’s a thing you can do: Type something or someone’s name into Google followed by the word “is,” and see what the internet thinks of them. Do it. You’ll learn a lot. Did you know that many people think of Justin Bieber as a 51 year old gay man?

Holy sh*t, there’s proof?! Sounds gross.

And while most of us are aware that a lot of insane people out there think Barack Obama is some sort of idiot Antichrist Muslim, you probably did not know that, for the most part, he is just a fun way of getting around.

“Oh, you have a Huffy? Psht. My bike is the president.” – Kids

But, back to the Muslim thing, it looks like people actually have a pretty positive view of Islam in general.

They really look out for each other. That’s nice. People also seem to think rather highly of Christians.

They’re free lord pumpkin someones. Pretty good, right? So, Christians and Muslims are cool. Let’s see what the internet thinks of Jews.

Oy. I can’t say for certain that thinking “a Jew is a Jew is a Jew” is negative in and of itself, but if you also think one is hiding behind you, chances are you’re not thrilled about them as a people.

So, that got depressing pretty fast. We should move on to something more uplifting. Say… kittens.

Really, internet? We couldn’t keep a kitten search pleasant for five suggestions. Free lord pumpkin, that’s ridiculous.

Before we finish up, let’s try to learn about someone we haven’t though about in a while. How about… George Wendt. You know, Norm from Cheers. Is that guy even still alive?

Well, okay then. That was efficient. I guess that is all you really need to know about George Wendt. Good job, internet.

Go ahead and try it yourself. If you find an interesting one, let us know. Don’t do Henry Winkler, though. I already did him. He is apparently gay and dead from a papaya allergy.

Someone Get This Homeless Guy On The Radio

Posted: 04 Jan 2011 11:00 AM PST

Some of you are probably jonesing for some solid pop culture stories, but there’s just really not any good celebrity news today. I’m sorry. There’s a Michael Jackson court thing going on and something I don’t know whatever who cares Lindsay Lohan, but aside from that, there’s nothing. So, instead, let’s talk about a guy who should be a celebrity. His name is Ted Williams, he lives in Ohio, and his voice is perfect. It’s really unbelievable.

Come on, TMZ. Let’s start covering this guy with live streaming video. We’ll even listen to him talk about Michael Jackson’s doctor if that’s what it takes.

And if you are for any reason at all looking for a black John Kerry impersonator, this is your guy.

Thanks, The High Definite.
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