Cele|bitchy

Sandra Bullock denies boning Ryan Reynolds: “He’s not my lovah”
Gwyneth Paltrow on SNL: How did she do?
Globes fashion: Halle Berry, Heidi Klum and the rest of the worst
Globes fashion: Nicole Kidman and the problem with neutrals & light colors
Globes fashion: Christina Hendricks and the shoulders & boobs problem
Globes trend: Sandra Bullock & the bangs trauma nightmare
Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation at the Golden Globes
Globes fashion: Catherine Zeta-Jones and the “bitches in green” trend
Globes fashion: Claire Danes & Emma Stone go for Calvin Klein sorbets
Natalie Portman’s Globes acceptance speech: over the top or sweet?

Sandra Bullock denies boning Ryan Reynolds: “He’s not my lovah”

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 08:44 AM PST

Here's an interesting turn of events - Sandra Bullock told Al Roker in a new interview that she's NOT rubbing her bangs on Ryan's gerbil dong. Girl fight cancelled? Or is Sandra just playing a game, not confirming that she and Ryan Reynolds are hittin' it? Sandy's got a history of denying stuff that ends up being true, so who knows?

There’s only one man in Sandra Bullock’s life right now – her son, Louis. In an interview with Today’s Al Roker, Bullock made it clear that rumors of her and newly single Ryan Reynolds being an item aren’t true.

“I think there will be a collective sigh amomgst women across the united States when I say he’s not my lovah,” Bullock, 46, says on the red carpet before Sunday night’s Golden Globes. “He’s just an amazing friend for 10 years … but I don’t get his loving after dark.”

Bullock, who is currently working on Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close with Tom Hanks, added Louis is the only man in her life right now, saying “it’s all I can handle.”

And as for her 1-year-old, romance is a few years off: He is “off the market ’til he is 18,” she says.

[From People]

She's so specific about how they're not having sex… so I tend to believe her. So where are those reports coming from? They're just hanging out as friends…? Sure, I'll believe that on Sandra's side. But now I've got to wonder if Ryan wants more and Sandy's all "No thanks." Ah, peace has been restored and now we no longer have to hear stories about Scarlett calling Sandy a man-hungry tramp.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Gwyneth Paltrow on SNL: How did she do?

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 08:20 AM PST

The Goop’s big gig hosting Saturday Night Live got overshadowed by the Golden Globes the next night, which she didn’t attend. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see her pinched face presenting something, but she was probably busy baking cupcakes for a bake sale or feeding her children flax oil. I’m not a big fan of SNL and I find that the bits run on too long with too little payoff in terms of humor, but Gwyneth wasn’t bad. She can act and she’s good at doing comic bits, as we saw on Glee. I think she could find a home on television in some kind of thinly veiled sitcom that panders to her need to seem like a do-it-all supermom. Maybe she could even poke fun at herself. She did some of that on SNL and it served to humanize her a little. There was still the stench of try hard about her, which has pretty much characterized her entire press tour for the poorly reviewed and little seen Country Strong. (I’m pretty sure I jacked that opinion from Lainey.) Anyway they opened the show with a duet with “Kenny Rogers” in which she pretended not to know the words to Islands in the Stream. Cee-Lo Green came out and joined in, but the much anticipated “Forget You” duet never happened.

Gwyneth played a snooty socialite in the next spoof of a 50s game show. She had a couple of funny lines.

And in another bit Goop played Taylor Swift performing at a Bah Mitzvah. She exclaimed “I’m a foot taller than the tallest guy here” and proceeded to sing a Jewish-themed You Belong With Me.

Then Gwyneth played a record executive who used creative substitutions for swear words. This bit was a dud.

As a “songwriter” to Garth and Kate, Gwyneth was just as annoying and cringe worthy as those two. I guess that’s the point but I didn’t get it.

Then The Goop got her bitchface on to play a Spanish announcer on Sports Center. You know this was her idea, since she showcases her Spanish language skills at every opportunity. The whole gag involved them sounding Spanish until they had to pronounce English words and phrases, during which they used heavy American accents. It was dumb except for the faux commercial, which cracked me up.

In the last bit she played Heidi Klum hosting a show with Eliot Spitzer and put on her default smug face again. She did an ok impression of Heidi but this wasn’t funny.

Verdict: Try hard as usual, but not bad. She should be on TV.

I also have to include this digital short with Andy Samberg and PeeWee Herman. It was clever and included a cameo by Anderson Cooper. This was the best part of the show.

Globes fashion: Halle Berry, Heidi Klum and the rest of the worst

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 08:19 AM PST

I honestly gasped in horror when Heidi Klum came on screen. I mean… she looked like a damn clown. The makeup was garish and awful, the dress… might have been cute at a beach party, but on the Globes red carpet, it's just terrible. The hair was bad too. Heidi really needs a great stylist - she's a beautiful woman, she's got that amazing body after four kids, for the love of God, someone get her a good makeup artist and a decent stylist.

Eva Longoria looked like hell, correct? And it was all about what was happening with her face. My immediate reaction was that she'd gotten some divorce plastic surgery, although it could be Botox too. Some think that it's just a bad makeup job. Maybe. But whatever it was, it was terrible. As for the dress… I would have liked it on someone else.

Halle Berry, you are a gorgeous woman with a beautiful face and a body to kill for: why do you insist on dressing in this trashy, tacky hot mess? It is beneath you. You are better than this. Remember when you used to ALWAYS be the best dressed on the carpet? You need to go back to that.

Much like Megan Fox, Christina Aguilera could make ANYTHING look trashy. I don't hate or love Christina's black-lace dress, which is probably best. The best she could do was be "meh". She's lost some weight and she looked sober-ish on the red carpet, so it's probably a "win" for Christina.

I am in physical pain saying this, but I did not like Sofia Vergara's dress at all. It looked like a reject costume from Moulin Rouge. It made Sofia look kind of cheap. Damn, I hate saying that. Do you think she'll still let me motorboat her?

Jennifer Lawrence in Louis Vuitton. Much, much, MUCH too fussy for someone so young and so beautiful. The dress wasn't bad, but it should have gone to someone older.

Kyra Sedgwick… I love you, but NO. No no no no.

Why was little miss prom queen invited? Ugh. Carrie Underwood is the very definition of a pageant bitch. All fake smile and tight hair and mall dress.

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.

Globes fashion: Nicole Kidman and the problem with neutrals & light colors

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 07:34 AM PST

Nicole Kidman looked like hell last night, didn't she? It's as if she's punishing herself post-Botox marble-head. Now that her face is back to moving a little bit, Nicole was like "Eh, I'm just going to run a brush through my hair and throw on this ugly off-white dress." You know what killed me about the dress? It was seriously unflattering on her body - Nicole ALWAYS wears clothes that will make her look thin, and this dress made her look like she had (GASP) gained weight. Maybe she has gained some weight - if she has, seriously, good for her. But she needs to learn to not wear ill-fitting off-white dresses with waist bows. I would have though Nicole already knew that!

Milla Jovovich… maybe I don't "get" her, but I thought the dress was ugly, I thought her styling was boring, and I didn't know why she was there. At all. She was just one big WTF? to me.

Megan Fox in Armani… more pink than neutral, but whatever. My mom thought her dress was really pretty, and maybe it was and I just can't see it. Megan could turn even the prettiest dress into something tacky and trashy. She just has that quality - even fine couture looks like a stripper's coverup on Megan.

I honestly didn't hate Jennifer Lopez's dress, I really didn't. It was an interesting choice for her, and surprising covered-up and mature. It's like… she realizes she's in her 40s! Gasp. However, her makeup and hair was horrible. The makeup especially was just terrible.

ScarJo makes it onto our bad hair post, and our bad neutrals post. I absolutely hated this gown on ScarJo. So matronly, and it washes her out terribly.

Kaley Cuoco - I would ordinarily ignore her, but she presented and she was kind of adorable when she got to give the Globe to her costar Jim Parsons. The dress is kind of awful, though. Just the wrong color for a blonde. It washes her out.

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.

Globes fashion: Christina Hendricks and the shoulders & boobs problem

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 06:56 AM PST

Okay, I'm kind of stretching for this "trend" post, but in my mind, all of these bitches are connected because they've all got too much stuff happening above the waist. Sometimes it's strange or off-putting shoulder details, sometimes it's crazy stuff happening in the bust. So… that's how I'm connecting them (don't yell at me, bitches). Let's take Christina Hendricks up there, the very definition of "top heavy" (her photo is in the dictionary under "top heavy"). The red gown is Romona Keveza, likely made specifically for Christina. While I like that Christina didn't go for a pastel (those tend to wash her out), the red shoulder piece completely overwhelms the look. It's too editorial, and it's just wrong on a woman who is already extremely top-heavy. But I like the red, Chrissy!

One of the highlights of the evening was all of the Lea Michele cutaways - the reaction-shot camera was stuck on her, and her over-acting and fake crying was absolutely hilarious. Plus, the bitch lost. And Jane Lynch made fun of her. So the fact that Lea wore a "pretty pink princess dress" with this ugly bust-shoulder detailing, made of cheap-looking taffeta, was pretty awesome. She looks like a Pepto-Bismal carpet stain.

This is a Pear-Ass intervention. Jennifer Love Hewitt has NO IDEA what to wear now that she's gained some weight. Like, she doesn't realize that MORE fabric makes her look heavier. And yes, the extra fabric and detailing on the bust is tacky as hell, and completely ugly.

Piper Perabo in black, with what appears to be a tacked-on shoulder bow. I don't hate the idea of a shoulder bow, and the dress would be slightly boring without it, but the bow just seems like an afterthought. And it's totally limp too. Also: Ugh, I can't believe she was nominated.

I didn't hate Julia Stiles' dress. It was kind of too much tulle, but I got it. And the shoulder detailing is appropriately balanced by the fuller mermaid skirt.

I said this last night in the Open Post - Natalie Portman has taken the "Rose Boobs" throne away from Charlie "Rose Boobs" Theron. All hail the new Rose Boobs! But seriously, did anyone take a good look at Natalie's dress? It was a MESS. The fit was completely off and there was too much fabric and weird bunching. As for the Rose Boobs… well, I thought the effect was really tacky and cheap-looking. Whatever.

Leighton Meester -this dress was just hideous, all over. Not least of all because of the dumb shoulder detailing.

January Jones usually shows too much skin, but did anyone else see her pop her boob back into her Versace as she got out of her limo? I guess her boob came out to wish everyone well at the Globes. But yeah, January Jones… tacky or sexy? I can't decide. She's so pretty, and her figure is amazing, but the whole effect was rather tacky, IMO.

Anne Hathaway was probably the best of the big-shoulder trend. This dress was really, really beautiful on Anne, and it would have been mind-blowingly gorgeous without the puffy shoulder detail. Imagine if this dress had just had straight-cut shoulders and arms. Can you picture that? How gorgeous would Anne have looked in that? With these shoulders, the whole thing looks dated.

UPDATE: OH GOD I forgot Julianne Moore’s monstrosity. Julianne might have been the worst dressed of the night! God, this was hideous.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Globes trend: Sandra Bullock & the bangs trauma nightmare

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 06:11 AM PST

How horrible did Sandra Bullock look last night? I mean… the dress was not good, but it could have been saved if Sandra had been styled well. Sandy is almost 50 years old - it's time to stop with the little-girl bangs trauma and the rocker-chick "I don't give a frig" styling. Be a professional. Be classy. Unfortunately, Sandra decided to go for some radical bangs trauma… because that's what boning Ryan Reynolds will get you.

Bad choices, bad hair, bad bangs. Speaking of boning Ryan Reynolds and having the horrible hair to show for it, Scarlett Johansson….

Totally Bride of Frankenstein. What's worse is that ScarJo thinks this is a "high fashion" and "editorial" look. Yes, there are models in fashion magazines who will have this hair. That doesn't mean it should be worn on a red carpet.

I hestitate to call out Helena Bonham Carter, especially over her hair, which was only one small part of HBC's crazy-bitch styling (also included: two different colored shoes). But the hair was a spectacular mess. Just the icing on the crazy cake, really.

Michelle Williams: "Hi, I'm the second coming of Mia Farrow, aren't I precious?" Me: "No, your 30 years old, it's time to grow up and stop with the 10-year-old-boy haircut and the 10-year-old-girl daisy dresses." What's even worse? The fugly daisy dress is Valentino. WTH?

I actually like Olivia Wilde's Marchesa dress (shock), but I thought she ruined the look with her dumb bangs trauma. Her hair wasn't red-carpet. It wasn't Golden Globes. It was much too informal for this event. And you know she was aiming for "I'm such a hippie, I can wear this fancy gown with simple beach hair." And she can't.

Did you see the back of Helen Mirren's head? Her new haircut is HIDEOUS. It looks like she cut it herself. With a weed-wacker. It's all choppy and cheap-looking. As for Tilda Swinton… well, she's an alien. I mean, am I supposed to critique the hairstyles of aliens?

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN.

Michael Douglas gets a standing ovation at the Golden Globes

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 05:38 AM PST

Michael Douglas rounded out the Golden Globes very nicely last night when he presented the award for Best Picture. The crowd went wild, cheering for him and all standing up. Michael quipped “there’s got to be an easier way to get a standing ovation.” He looked great and you could tell that he’s put some weight back in since he’s successfully completed cancer treatments.

I have so admired the way Douglas has handled himself both during his cancer battle and now that he’s tentatively beaten throat cancer. That was a nice tribute to a great actor and a very admirable man. Maybe Douglas will get some more much deserved accolades at the Oscars this year, which are coming on February 27.

Douglas was on Leno on Friday, and he told Jay that after going through cancer he appreciates life more. “I smell the roses. I wake up in the morning and each day is special.” There are rumors that Douglas is currently in talks with a publisher and may be working on an autobiography. That story seems to have originated in the Daily Mail and I wouldn’t put much stock in it, but I hope it’s true. I would love to read his memoir.

Here’s an interview with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Hones on the red carpet. They say it’s a date night for them. I love Catherine’s dress!

Globes fashion: Catherine Zeta-Jones and the “bitches in green” trend

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 05:36 AM PST

Greens and green-blues were a huge trend last night, which surprised me. Usually, the "trend" of the evening is something horrible, like garish red lipstick, or barely-there beige. But several high-profile nominees and fashion girls were wearing gorgeous shades of green, and it was like my personal Christmas. I love a bitch in a jewel tone. Catherine Zeta Jones up there wore one of the most memorable of the green dresses. I think it's Versace…? I'm pretty sure. It reminds me so, so much of Gone With the Wind, specifically the part where Scarlett gets Mamie to make her the dress out of the drapes. Right? That was totally CZJ's inspiration.

Next up: Mila Kunis in Vera Wang. It was custom-built for Mila after she approved a sketch from Vera Wang. The house made Mila's gown in four days. I have to say, this wasn't my favorite on Mila. The girl can wear anything, and this seems so very fussy on such a young actress. But I did like the one-shoulder aspect, and I loved that Mila wore a bright jewel tone.

Did you know that Mila played the young Angelina Jolie in the HBO movie Gia? True story. And Angelina and Mila both chose the same shade of emerald green. I'm surprised Angelina ended up in such a big trend - usually, Angelina marches to the beat of her own hideous, glittery-sack-wearing drummer, fashion-wise.

Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan… I have to admit, I loved this look on Elisabeth. The hair was funky (although I love the shade of blonde), but the dress was simple and well-cut and the whole effect was lovely.

Okay, so maybe Amy Adams wasn't wearing emerald green, but her blue-green dress was still on trend, in my opinion. Plus, she had that funky shoulder piece that was also part of a disturbing trend. I know Amy is my mother's pretty princess Cinderella and everything, but Cinderella needs to do something different with her hair. I will give Amy bonus points for being such a good sport every time she loses to her Fighter costar Melissa Leo, though. So, to review: blue-green, bad hair, funky shoulder piece, but Cinderella is a classy bitch, so it's all good.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Globes fashion: Claire Danes & Emma Stone go for Calvin Klein sorbets

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 05:12 AM PST

Emma Stone and Claire Danes were two of the better-dressed stars at last night's Golden Globes, and both opted for strikingly similar Calvin Klein gowns. That's not the only comparison - both wore these sorbet-colors, both are now blonde after spending a lot of time as redheads and brunettes, and both are very slender, petite little things. Also, there's some kind of comparison to be made about both of them seeming older than they really are - Emma Stone was one of the youngest nominees last night for Easy A at 22, and she seems wonderfully precocious and professional. That used to be Claire Danes, didn't it?

Anyway, I preferred Emma Stone's dress to Claire's, but I liked both women a lot. I just think Emma's got balls to not only wear such a figure-hugging gown in this off-beat color when most young women likely would have chosen basic black. I love the little cap-sleeves too - such a great choice for someone young. I'm so glad Emma didn't go for some traditional strapless, tits-out gown. She looks so classy and pretty.

Emma also had a great moment when Robert Downey Jr. read out the names of the Best Comedic Actress nominees. RDJ riffed on how he only knew how talented the ladies were if they slept with him, and went on to name-check all the women in the category, saving Emma for last. Emma kept her poker face on as RDJ pretended to be engaged in a torrid affair with her. It was great!

Claire's moment came when she won Best Actress for Temple Grandin, a terrific movie and one of Claire's best roles ever. It was so exciting to see the real Temple there, and see Claire and Temple embrace. Lovely.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Natalie Portman’s Globes acceptance speech: over the top or sweet?

Posted: 17 Jan 2011 04:42 AM PST

Natalie Portman won best actress at the Golden Globes last night for her role as a damaged ballerina in Black Swan. She was wearing a pink satin Viktor & Rolf dress emblazoned with a giant red fabric rose at the bustline. The dress was prettier on camera, but it was a bizarre choice and didn’t particularly flatter her. It wasn’t awful I guess.

There’s some talk about Natalie’s acceptance speech, during which she went on about her co-star and now fiance, Benjamin Millepied, the “the ballet K-Fed.” Ben had a live-in girlfriend ~~with a baby~~ at home when he met Nataile on the Black Swan set, so it might not have been the best idea to make a reference to the way they fell in love, but Natalie did it anyway. (Update: The guy didn’t have a baby at home. My bad!)

At first Natalie gave a shout out to her grandma Bernice in Cincinnati and mentioned that her mom and dad were there at the Globes. She thanked them “for bringing me into this world and giving me such a wonderful life.”

Then she started talking about Benjamin, as she’s been known to do throughout this press tour. “Thank you to Benjaim who is helping me continue this creation of creating more life. Benjamin choreographed the film and also you might remember him in the movie as the guy when they ask ‘would you sleep with that girl?’ he’s like ‘no.’ He’s the best actor, it’s not true, he totally wants to sleep with me.” [guffaws]

Natalie thanked her manager and her fellow actors including “Mila ‘Sweet Lips’ Kunis,” which was cute. She then gushed over the film’s director, Darren Aronofsky, and that’s when she started to bug me.

“Darren I met you ten years ago when we talked about this for the first time. Thank you for continuing to work on this movie and then to give me such a beautiful, beautiful gift with this role. Every time we finished our takes you would say ‘now do this one for yourself.’ And that gave me such beautiful inspiration as an actor to not just be a muse - that I could create on my own as well. I love you so much and you’re the most wonderful and I’m so grateful to you.”

It’s pretty typical as far as speeches go, but it could do with some toning down. I’m kind of hoping she doesn’t win the Oscar, although it’s likely that she will.

Also, doesn’t Darren Aronofsky look like the creepiest guy at the porn convention?