Crushable |
- Video: Kids Continue To React To Viral Videos
- Bridalplasty Recap: Cockroaches And Veneers
- Why You Should Be Taking All Your Birth Control
- Gallery: The Hot Guys From Retro TV Shows
- Teen Mom 2's Appears In Court. Just In Time For Her Show's Premiere!
- Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me" Might Be The Worst Song Of 2011
- Crushable Quotable: James Van Der Beek On Internet Immortality
- Why Is Jar Jar Binks Trending?
- Romancing The Bone: No Really, Blowjobs Are Sex
| Video: Kids Continue To React To Viral Videos Posted: 10 Jan 2011 11:04 AM PST And in other news, the ouroboros of viral videos where kids talk about other viral videos continues to be popular on the Internet. We would like to say we’re immune, but some of these quotes are priceless. Plus, who else but a child could sum up David After the Dentist so succinctly with “They’re not good parents”? Guess what kid? Neither are yours. Post from: Crushable Video: Kids Continue To React To Viral Videos  |
| Bridalplasty Recap: Cockroaches And Veneers Posted: 10 Jan 2011 11:02 AM PST
Next, surprise!, Shanna brings in a troop of special guests: The Army of the Mothers-in-Law, aka the financiers of their sons’ decisions to invest in prefect RealBrides that will give them a lifetime of happiness and terrific oral sex. For this week’s challenge, Shanna takes the brides and their future moms to Venice Beach, Los Angeles’ largest robot-part landfill. Here, the women (paired with their kin-to-be) go on a scavenger hunt wherein they must snap instant photos of wacky and unusual things. Including: • A dog on someone’s head Dominique and her mother-in-law win the competition with their speedy and inventive photographs of the very wackiest things around. Lisa Marie and Kristen lose the challenge and they both blame their mom-in-laws, proving that their 45-second session with a family therapist taught them absolutely nothing. This means that Lisa Marie is a bottom bride for the fourth time and should be rocket-blasted to the moon on principle alone. But first! Dominique takes a trip to Dr. Dubrow and explains that she’d like a shiny new set of teeth. Dr. D pawns her off on the evil mad scientist Dr. Sherri Worth, who gives Dominique a set of veneers made from recycled moondust. Dominique leaves with a smile that is utterly blinding, except it’s okay because it’s Sci Fi and everything is like that Val Kilmer/Mira Sorvino movie from the late 90s about the blind dude who gets his sight back just in time to see every cute high school girl try to emulate Britney Spears‘ persona from the “Baby One More Time” video. Back at the house, Lisa Marie pokes herself in the eye with her engagement ring and leaks tears for 10 straight hours. Kristen calls Lisa Marie a “cockroach that just won’t die,” which seems really mean until you realize that cockroaches look like aliens and aliens are revered in the Bridalplasty universe. The final decision about who will stay comes down to Allyson, who’s good friends with both of the bottom brides but chooses Kristen because Lisa Marie is too negative, and because she’s secretly kinda creeped out by cockroaches. Next week: The husbands arrive to test out the plastic quality of their brides’ orifices. *We mean E!, we think Post from: Crushable Bridalplasty Recap: Cockroaches And Veneers  |
| Why You Should Be Taking All Your Birth Control Posted: 10 Jan 2011 10:52 AM PST
Meanwhile, I realized how dumb I sounded approximately two seconds after I said it. After all, we’re so careful with everything else regarding our reproductive health that throwing away one fourth of my prophylactics every month because I was pretty sure that was okay bordered on self-destructive negligence. So I went home and did a little research. Although it turned out the BC I was on did have seven days of sugar pills, I was still taking a gamble by throwing them out before getting a new pack. The reason birth control comes with a 28 pills to begin with is to keep you in the habit of taking one pill, every day. According to WebMD, remembering to take your birth control is kind of like the most important part, obviously:
Every time I threw out my pack early, I had to make sure I’d remember to get my next pack exactly one week later. And for every day you don’t take your pill, you’re getting more and more out of the habit of taking it at the same time every day. But let’s say you were really good about remembering to pick up your prescription: was there any chance that not taking your last week of pills could land you in pregnancy problems? The answer is that it definitely can happen, especially if you switch to a new kind of pill like the “Mini-pill” which contains Progestin rather than Estrogen. According to Wikipedia:
Even though the end of the month pills I was trashing did turn out to be placeholders and not active pills, I got a bit freaked out after reading all this. Especially because I realized I didn’t even know the name kind of pill/hormone combo I was on. And even armed with this new information, I’m going to start taking the sugar doses, because birth control is one drug where the habit forming part is a good thing. If nothing else, because I’ve realized that this excuse would sound pretty stupid/ridiculous if I ever had to use it: “I got pregnant because I forgot to take the sugar pills!” Post from: Crushable Why You Should Be Taking All Your Birth Control  |
| Posted: 10 Jan 2011 10:08 AM PST Happy Palindrome Day! Today’s date is 11011. That’s a palindrome. And there’s already a campaign afoot make that a trending topic on Twitter. Join the cause, if you love mirroring numbers. (Twitter) Post from: Crushable  |
| Gallery: The Hot Guys From Retro TV Shows Posted: 10 Jan 2011 09:39 AM PST
Post from: Crushable Gallery: The Hot Guys From Retro TV Shows  |
| Teen Mom 2's Appears In Court. Just In Time For Her Show's Premiere! Posted: 10 Jan 2011 09:22 AM PST
Tomorrow night, MTV will premiere the second season of its hit show. Are you ready for the new cast of the show? They’re just like the old cast – namely underage mothers – but now with more prison time! Jenelle has already gotten in trouble for following in the footsteps of Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood and throwing punches on camera. Now she’s got a matching criminal record to go along with Amber’s as well. Jenelle and her baby daddy were arrested last year for breaking an entering and drug possession. Meanwhile, she has already lost custody of her son Jace. Her mom Barbara is now officially doing the parenting for him. She was released on $2000 bail in December, and appeared today in court. Ratings boost! Ooft. It looks like she’s got even more ish than Amber, and we’ll be seeing more news about legal troubles over the next few months. Post from: Crushable Teen Mom 2's Appears In Court. Just In Time For Her Show's Premiere!  |
| Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me" Might Be The Worst Song Of 2011 Posted: 10 Jan 2011 09:15 AM PST The new Britney Spears single leaked a day ahead of schedule — and it’s a good thing, because it definitely would not have been worth the wait. With double-entendre-from-hell lyrics like “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” and a generic pop beat, we couldn’t get halfway through the thing before our officemates started screaming for us to put some damn headphones on already. Here’s a round-up of some of the best comments about the song: From Vulture: “In breaking news her next single will be titled “did it hurt? when you fell from heaven?” seriously i couldn’t even finish listening to this.” From Just Jared: “All that buildup for this? Awful.” From The Prophet Blog: “I'm not actually that impressed. hmmm maybe it will be a grower.” Are we wrong about “Hold It Against Me”? Let us know what you think about the tune. Post from: Crushable Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me" Might Be The Worst Song Of 2011  |
| Crushable Quotable: James Van Der Beek On Internet Immortality Posted: 10 Jan 2011 09:12 AM PST
But James, who is taking over Funny or Die’s Twitter feed later today to continue promoting Van Der Memes – can’t help but let his illusions of grandeur slip through the cracks once in awhile. Like while talking to The Washington Post, which is probably the first major interview the actor has been asked to do in over a decade.
“No, not immortality, exactly. It’s not like I’m calling myself a god here or anything…ha ha ha. That’s for the people to decide.” Just kidding James, you seem like a really down to earth guy with a good head on your shoulders and a sense of humor. Call us! Post from: Crushable Crushable Quotable: James Van Der Beek On Internet Immortality  |
| Why Is Jar Jar Binks Trending? Posted: 10 Jan 2011 08:40 AM PST
Twitter itself is no help, as it looks like no one on the social-networking platform has any idea what this Jar Jar Binks thing is about either. Unfortunately, as many people who use Twitter are aware, every time someone asks “Why is Jar Jar trending?” they end up contributing to the hashtag’s popularity. Like the kid in class who acts out because he doesn’t care if the attention he gets is positive or negative, Jar Jar Binks can only be destroyed as a trending topic if we refuse to promote him. So please, stop asking why Jar Jar is trending, you’re only making it worse. But what started the conversation about Jar Jar in the first place? The blog Hip-Hop Jedi has two possible theories: It’s either because of a new Jar Jar iPhone app that lets you translate English into that ridiculous gibberish of Jar Jar-ese, or because of a 6-year-old story about a life-sized Jar Jar sex doll. Since we can’t seem to find the app anywhere, and it’s unlikely that an old forum story would suddenly surge in popularity, we’re going to withhold judgement until George Lucas announces that this was all part of his viral marketing scheme to release the next 3 Star Wars movies as a Jar Jar Binks spin-off. Post from: Crushable Why Is Jar Jar Binks Trending?  |
| Romancing The Bone: No Really, Blowjobs Are Sex Posted: 10 Jan 2011 07:56 AM PST
So is a blowjob or muff-diving really sex? O man, yes. A thousand times yes! Maybe I just have a bee in my bonnet (note to self: stop constantly wearing bonnets), but it's hard for me to comprehend why anyone who has received oral sex would not consider it to be sex. It's got that same great sex feeling! It's even more baffling to me why anyone who has ever GIVEN ORAL SEX wouldn't think it was sex. Guys, of course it is! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here! Oral sex is just as much sexing as intercourse because it is as emotionally-fraught and risky (disease-wise) as full-on boning, and with it comes the responsibilities to oneself and others that intercourse requires. And not only can I loudly insist that oral is sex, but I have the facts to prove it. Fact #1: Oral sex involves naked wieners or vaginas, a hallmark of many people's sexual experiences. Fun Fact #2: Oral sex requires said sexy parts be touched by the hands and/or mouth of someone other than the owner of said genitals. Fun Fact #3: Call me new-fashioned, but if somebody gets bodily fluids in or around their body, then they just had sex with someone else (or are near someone with amazing reach/aim). The defense rests, your honor! Which is not to say there is no distinction between intercourse and going down on someone. For example, blowjobs and eating a hot boxed lunch at the Y (please someone email me some tolerable cunnilingus euphemisms for future columns) have the beautiful benefit of not getting you pregnant. How great is that?!?! (Answer: very, very great). Maybe I'm a hypochondriac or I just watch too much TLC, but I am personally convinced I am pregnant all the time. Watching my face as I view I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant is like watching The Exorcist, what with the screaming and gnashing of teeth I'm doing. So it's nice to be able to sit back, relax and not having to pick out baby names for your phantom fetus. If a girl finds herself dealing with the same level of pregnant-terror (or, you know, a more normal amount), oral sex is a shining beacon of awesomeness that, despite what you may have heard in fourth grade, cannot get you pregnant. Ah yes, oral sex offers all the good times of intercourse, but few of the negative aspects. Until you get gonorrhea of the throat. Ugh! That exists! (My mom was a nurse!) Also, it is truly disgusting and horrible to think about, which is one reason I vote that we begin talking about oral sex as the full, valid sexual experience it is. By valuing intercourse overall, it gives the impression that only one specific form of boning is "real," as in "valid" or "worth getting an STD test form," which is patently false. Of course, there will be a section of the population that will be hesitant to lump oral sex buddies in with their sexy-sex partners because, well, THERE IS A LOT MORE they don't want to cop to. Which is why I'd also like to have a moratorium on the entire concept of someone's number. Not because my own is so staggeringly high (I wish!) or devastatingly low (I wish!), but because it's an arbitrary number that neither reflects someone's moral character or (let's be honest) how good they will be in the sack. Throwing one or two or 20 more names on the Sex Pile doesn't make anyone a slut. Slut is a Middle English word for "a dirty, untidy, or slovenly woman,” and honey, I wrote this column in my pajamas at 3:00pm. Okay, so in the end, what is the moral of my insane rambling? Why should we care if oral sex gets the full-sex treatment? Because we should choose intercourse as The One True Sex, when it is only one facet of an awesome sex life. Both intercourse and beejs can be deeply intimate and personal, or something you do because the cable's out, and sometimes both within a ten -minute time span! Physically and emotionally speaking, the only difference is that intercourse can get you knocked up, and let's be honest, most of us are actively trying to prevent that from happening any time soon. So f a women isn't comfortable with P-in-V yet, then she should go ahead, put on a crown from Burger King and declare herself Blow Job Queen. But hey society, let's not fool ourselves into thinking that blowjobs do not constitute Sex With A Capital XXX mentally and orgasmically. Doing otherwise just spreads confusion and herpes simplex 2. (Photo by MajorIsh) Post from: Crushable Romancing The Bone: No Really, Blowjobs Are Sex  |
A friend and I were discussing our birth control pills yesterday (this is what we talk about when you’re not around, fellas!) and I mentioned that I always throw my pack out when I get to the seven days of “inactive” pills. She looked at me like I had just said I secretly poke holes in condoms just for the thrill of it. “Don’t worry,” I said, “Those last seven pills are just placebo pills anyway.”
We had so much fun (and controversy!) with last week’s “
Teen Mom’s Jenelle Evans appeared in court today. Just in time for tomorrow’s premiere of the new season!
James Van Der Beek: he is just a normal dude! With last week’s introduction to 
Me-sa confused! America’s most-hated CGI character JarJar Binks is now the #1 trending topic on Twitter, much to the dismay of almost everyone on Twitter. You may remember Jar Jar as the borderline racist house lizard from The Phantom Menance, Attack of the Clones, and Revenge of the Sith, though he was considered too annoying to log in much time in the 3rd Star Wars prequel. So why has the Gungan been gaining traction on Twitter for the past three days?
As girls begin to explore the boner-filled wonderland that is Human Sexuality, they will eventually run into a discrepancy between our society's definition of what constitutes sex and the large variety of activities people watch on RedTube with the sound off. That is to say, many people do not consider oral sex to be "real" or "actual" sex. Not me though! As a result of this pervasive idea, many young women (and men) might invest in a pair of quality knee-pads, but would never dream of counting a mouth-lover as a full sexual partner. And that's an idea I take umbrage with!| You are subscribed to email updates from Crushable To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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