Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

YOU GUYS! It’s 1/11/11 11:11:11!!!

Posted: 11 Jan 2011 08:12 AM PST

Everyone!!! Looks at your clock!!! Do you know what RIGHT NOW IS??

IT’S 1/11/11 11:11:11!!!!!

This is by far the luckiest time and day of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make a wish!

What’s that?

November 11?

*pause*

Carry on then.

Here’s An Awful Video Of Jersey Shore Heads Dancing To Miley Cyrus

Posted: 11 Jan 2011 08:11 AM PST

Childishly Naive Remaining Sliver Of Brain: It’s 2011! Maybe the internet won’t mindlessly suck the life out of us this year!

TMZ: Here’s a video of the Jersey Shore cast’s heads dancing to Miley Cyrus and a medley of other songs in front of a colorful background for two minutes!

Childishly Naive Remaining Sliver Of Brain: [Gone]

Here’s…something:

Domino’s Fires Legitimate Pizza Genius

Posted: 11 Jan 2011 07:49 AM PST

Well, you really did it this time, Domino’s Pizza. No, not make delicious, freshly baked pies. (Are they a sponsor? I digress.) You just happened to fire a LEGITIMATE GENIUS who was an assistant manager at one of your stores. If this “Employee Record Warning” is to be believed, one of your employees, albeit one who may or may not have had a drug problem, rolled into one of your distinguished pizzerias and began espousing the sort of information that only the President of MENSA would care about. Talk of Narwhales and Rick James. For God’s sake, this man could recite Pi to the 46th digit!! And did you make him President of the company?

No.

You fired him like so many large pepperonis.

I mean really, who uses the word “porcine”? Other than this guy?

(Via!)

Can Someone Explain How Tron Was Worse Than Avatar?

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 02:29 PM PST

I saw Tron: Legacy over the holidays and really enjoyed it; despite some confusing and unexplained plot elements, and an easily overlookable cheesy moment here or there, I thought it looked absolutely amazing, and I was so engaged by the look of the film the entire time, I wasn’t really wrapped up in any of its mediocre details.

So, can someone explain this to me:

How can it be that Tron: Legacy was negatively reviewed by about half of the collective movie press, while one year ago, Avatar was the runner-up for the Best Picture Oscar and won the Golden Globe for Best Drama, essentially deeming it the best or second-best film of the year?

Let’s discuss after the jump. I’ll try not to use the F-word:

First, I cite this Avatar comparison not as an arbitrary “well-reviewed movie I didn’t like” reference point or to just continue beating the admittedly trendy I-hate-Avatar dead horse, but because the overwhelmingly positive critical and popular response to Avatar last year appeared to set the precedent that we can judge special-effects movies positively if the special effects look good.

When Avatar came out, everyone decided it was ok to love a movie that looked great and represented a huge step forward technologically, even if the plot and script and acting weren’t entirely up to par (or in the case of Avatar, were terrible). Then Tron: Legacy came out, and it also looks amazing (more amazing than Avatar, I’d argue), also apparently represented a technological step forward with its wholly unique appearance, and had a plot that was at least original (if occasionally baffling) that didn’t lamely compare to Dances With Wolves and mark some half-assed parallel to colonialism and the Iraq War, and all the sudden, critics decided that even though the film looked great, it couldn’t be considered a good movie because the plot was stupid.

Furthermore, I assume some people thought the plot of Avatar was superior to that of Tron, or that the special effects were more captivating; I don’t agree with these assessments, but even if a number of people felt this way, do we really believe the films were so disparate that Tron barely deserved a hint of critical praise, while Avatar deserved to be considered the second-best film of the year by the Academy in a year of Inglourious Basterds, District 9, and Up? How is it that the idea of Tron getting an Oscar nomination seems completely laughable (it is) while Avatar getting a nomination and almost winning seemed inevitable from the get-go?

I freely admit that the super-positive hype leading up to Avatar may have led me to judge it more critically when I first saw it, while the generally ambivalent reviews of Tron (including from my like-minded friends) caused me to be surprised by how incredible the film looked. Even so, I’ve watched Avatar again since I saw it in the theaters and still disliked it long after the hype had subsided, and found the special effects to already be showing the early signs of looking dated — I predict the Tron effects will age more gracefully, like The Matrix, while Avatar’s will age more closely to the CGI in Phantom Menace, but that’s beside the point — I just mention this to argue, at least as objectively as I can, that even setting aside the inverse hype leading up to the two films, I still preferred Tron, so there’s more going on here than just a kneejerk reaction against the more popular of the two.

Clearly, Avatar was more of a right-place, right-time release from a giant name with absolutely invincible Hollywood momentum behind it, while Tron was widely viewed as a nice-looking but unrevolutionary special effects-driven Disney remake. I personally enjoyed Tron far more, and while I can completely accept that not everyone else did, I’m still absolutely bowled over by how completely differently these two “awesome-looking, questionable plot” films were received by the masses. Is it acceptable to say “This film looked great and I loved it, even though the story was kind of dumb,” or isn’t it? And how did this standard completely reverse itself in the span of a year? Or was Avatar really that great and Tron really that poor and I’m completely and utterly off-base?

The following observation is by no means revelatory, but I chalk up this Tron/Avatar disparity as yet another example of how important the branding of a film and the Hollywood momentum behind it can completely dictate its critical and popular reception. Well, that, or just don’t put CGI’d young Jeff Bridges face in your movie. Several lessons learned.

Do You Not Have Bangs? You’re Gross.

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 01:46 PM PST

I had no idea that not having bangs was like being fat or pale. Apparently people without bangs are super ashamed of their appearances and cannot hold roses in a seductive manner. Thank goodness there is this hot new product Undetectables: Designer Bangs, which will hide your unsightly forehead and make you feel way more attractive.

“Get Bangs Dot Com”? YES PLEASE. All I can think of when watching this is how one of these women will finally be making out with the guy of their dreams because they look so effing hot with these new bangs and mid-banging their bangs fall off and the dude is all WTF!!?? And he grabs his clothes and storms out and the woman sits alone, sad, bangless and high forehead-ed, looking into the black abyss that is now her life.

Thanks, Videogum

VIDEO: Jackée Appears On Bravo Both Stunning And Drunk

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 12:22 PM PST

Last night gave us an unexpected gift hand-delivered return receipt requested from God himself, as 227‘s Regina King and Jackée Harry joined Bravo’s Andy Cohen (“The most charming man in late night!” — My Jewish Mother) on his talk show Watch What Happens Live.

The premise of this addictive talk show is simple: Get celebrities drunk and talk about The Real Housewives with them. You know what else is pretty simple? The Theory of Evolution. What do these things have in common? They are both genius.

And the bar was literally raised last night as these fine women of 227 arrived at the show already sloshed, which means only one thing: This was to be Andy Cohen’s finest half-hour.

So great was this 80s reunion that Jackée started trending on Twitter! Causing some people to think she died. (Questlove was obviously relieved.) Luckily, Jackée is more alive and wasted than ever.

We’ve put together a highlight reel of last night’s episode, featuring more signature Jackée noises than any other video on the internet. Grab the nearest martini and watch immediately.

A.MAY.ZING!!!

Our only question??? Where was Meeeeeehrayyyyy?

Follow Michcoll On Twitter.

Follow BWEtv on Twitter.

Dude From In The Heights Raps His Final Thank You Speech

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 11:01 AM PST

The Tony-winning Broadway musical In The Heights closed yesterday, and after the last curtain call, writer Lin-Manuel Miranda addressed the crowd with one final thank-you rap, a fitting conclusion to the show that white people agree was “Really good! Sure was a lot of rapping though.”

It’s a liiiittle lame, but so are all musicals, so it works. There’s also more applause breaks than a frickin’ State of the Union (the Triple-X movie), but I suppose if someone was rap-thanking me, I’d be clapping a lot too:

I Want To Hold Britney Spears’ “Hold It Against Me” Against Me

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 10:58 AM PST

Good day to you, Americans. Here is what I want you to do right now. Take your right arm, position it at one end of your desk, windshield wipe all of the papers and folders and other crap off your desk onto the floor, and place two giant speakers where your bull-ess work once sat. Then, get your pressing play finger ready.

BECAUSE THE NEW BRITNEY SINGLE IS HERE.

IT’S CALLED “HOLD IT AGAINST ME.”

YOU WILL HOLD IT AGAINST YOU ONCE YOU HEAR IT. PRESS PLAY.

Ahh, the sweet, smooth, robotic slut sounds of Britney Spears. It’s all so familiar! In the best kind of way.

Now, let’s be honest, the song is not groundbreaking. This isn’t C&C Music Factory territory. But let’s consider when you listen to Britney Spears songs:

1. At a bar.

2. In a club.

3. In the car, alone.

4. In your room, alone.

5. In your room, alone, crying.

6. In your room, alone, dancing.

7. Wasted, anywhere.

So how does “Hold It Against Me” hold up?

Um, here’s a hint: You would be happy to listen to it in any of the above-mentioned scenarios. It’s just the perfect amount of repetitive beat to fall nicely into the background of another Saturday night of “ceiling is spinnings.”

In fact, the more I listen to it, the more I like it, as is the case with most any Britney song. So far, it’s not hitting my “Entire Blackout Album Sweet Spot,” but I can definitely see myself applying Black Swan eyemakeup to my face while listening to this pre-party and then smearing said eye-makeup off my face with vodka shots at the various clubs I’ll allow you to believe I go to.

The song also features one of my favorite techniques employed in song: The ol’ “Singing Underwater” bit, done perhaps most professionally in the “Still The One” remix by the glorious Shania Twain. That alone earns it a “Dead Man’s Float Thumbs Up.”

But the most exciting thing about this new song is it means that there’s another Britney Spears music video coming to us in the immediate future. If it’s half as re-re-genius as “Oops I Did It Again,” then it’s a regular Christmas in January Miracle!

CONCLUSION: Let’s face it, Britney could release a demo album of her retching up Jaegermeister into a hotel sink and I’d probably buy it on Itunes. Compared to that, this is a walk in Prostitute Park. (Apparently a place.)

This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

These Kids Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop Reacting To Viral Videos

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 10:57 AM PST

This is another installment of the web series, Kids React To Viral Videos by the Fine Brothers. It’s a very entertaining web series! There is some business that should be addressed before this episode, though.

In the past, it has been noted that Dylan looks like Data from The Goonies. An eagle eyed commenter, however, has pointed out that Dylan, in fact, looks much more like Grant Imahara from Mythbusters. That commenter is, like, whoa super right. Also, it has not yet been mentioned that Zach looks like Bill Maher. I apologize for this oversight. Please continue on to the video now which, in part, will include discussions about David After Dentist and Justin Bieber getting a bottle thrown at him.

“Oh man, they should make a calendar counting down the days until Lia turns 43.” – Guy who is into somewhat mature women, but still says really creepy things about kids.

Thanks, the Fine Brothers.

Whitney Port’s New Show Seeks To Find The Man Who Most Resembles A Plastic Doll

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 10:05 AM PST

Here is the trailer for Whitney Port’s new reality web series competition: Genuine Ken: The Search for the Great American Boyfriend wherein Whitney tries to find the man with the least amount of genitals. That’s what Ken’s known for, right?

I don’t understand what they’re competing for? What is the specific goal here? A date with Whitney? To date somebody? To be crowned “The Great American Boyfriend” by a girl who has notably poor taste in men? It can’t be to win a date with Barbie, though these dudes actually seem like they would be super psyched to win a date with a 11.5 inch plastic doll with great jugs. No, but seriously, WHAT IS THE POINT? Never mind. Don’t answer that. I’d rather my “What’s the point?” question be answered about so many things other than this show.

Via Fashionista

Marshawn Lynch’s Crazy TD Can Only Be Improved By Super Mario Sound Effects

Posted: 10 Jan 2011 09:35 AM PST

Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch scored the touchdown of the year in Saturday’s Seahawks/Saints playoff game, breaking a half dozen tackles on a 67-yard run that ended up being the game-winning score.

The internet, doing its duty as a citizen that is the internet, promptly responded with the appropriate Super Mario Bros. themed remix:

Rarely does a remix of a clip make way more sense than the original clip, but this video really does explain a lot. Or maybe those sound effects actually happened live and I didn’t have my tv turned up loud enough?

Sidenote: Remember when the Bills drafted a running back in the first round again this year then traded Lynch (their 1st pick in ’07) to Seattle for a 4th and 6th round pick? Anyone feel like remixing those transactions with this sound effect?
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