Best Week Ever |
- TWEENPOCALYPSE: Justin Bieber Makes Out With Random Fan
- Guy Gets Licked By Lions, Keeps Getting Pants Ruined
- Eddie Furlong’s Lost Japanese Noodle Ad
- Let This Video Be Your Spirit Video: Minnesota Death Star
- Wait, Brenda Jenkins & Theo Huxtable Are Dating?
- Baby Elephant Is So High Right Now, You Guys
- 14 Movies From 2010 You Already Forgot Existed
- Middle Aged Lady Child Actor Back On Morning Television
- These Royal Wedding Plates Will Make Your Lonely British Foods Extra Bitter
- The New Yorker Does Injured Spider-Man Cover
- MSNBC Gets Very Silly Man To Talk About Very Sad Things
- Happy Birthday From The Creepiest Man On The Internet
- What Do You Get The Lady Who Has Everything Except A Beard?
- Guess The NY Post Headline: Auburn Wins National Championship
- There Is A New Sudoku App And Why Is Anyone Playing Sudoku Anyway?
| TWEENPOCALYPSE: Justin Bieber Makes Out With Random Fan Posted: 12 Jan 2011 09:23 AM PST
Look at your calendars and remember this day. Burn the date deep into your memory and then look up at the sun, stretch your hands towards the sky, and rejoice. The impossible has become possible. There is now a .00001 percent chance Justin Bieber might makeout with you. The above snapshot was taken by some random young ladies a few months ago in Toronto, Canada, following a Bieber concert. According to the photographer, “Justin and my friend Michelle kissed behind the Four Seasons Hotel downtown a few months ago while he was in town for a concert… I didn’t feel right about releasing it before, but now its fine cuz its been a while.” (Ed. Note: Attention Mensa.) So who is this lucky young lady who has basically lived the dream of 97 percent of Because let’s face it: This girl’s life is in danger. The Beliebers basically guillotined Kim Kardashian for just being the kid’s friend. But a girl who actually did it? Achieved the impossible? Broke away from the throngs of billions to actually score a Bieber make out? Assuming this girl’s name is Molly…
If 13-year-olds start falling out of the sky dead, I think we’ll all know who to blame. (Answer: This girl.) [Photo: Splash News Online]  |
| Guy Gets Licked By Lions, Keeps Getting Pants Ruined Posted: 12 Jan 2011 08:49 AM PST There exists a man named Jim Jablon. For the entire month of January he will be living inside of a cage with two lions. You know… for charity. What? Oh, well. At least it looks like he’s about to get animal murdered any second fun!
“What on Earth is Singfree Enroid?” – This Guy Because He Has Clearly Never Heard Of Siegfried And Roy
Whlep! Looks like he’s about to die! Good luck with that, Jim. Now for some non-snarky explanation from a journalist. Via Splash News:
And we return to incredulous snark. WHAT THE F*CK, JIM?! This isn’t kindergarten where you’re supposed to have back-up pants. You’re a grown up man. If you ruin your pants, you go home. That’s what being an adult is. Go home, Jim. Or you could have a blood thirsty animal lick your neck. It’s up to you.
You have chosen… poorly. At least try to protect yourself. Put your head down, you big bozo.
There you go.  |
| Eddie Furlong’s Lost Japanese Noodle Ad Posted: 12 Jan 2011 08:15 AM PST Edward Furlong was arrested yesterday after the Green Hornet premiere when a judge ruled that he violated his probation, and was released on a $75,000 bail. I spent all morning looking for an embeddable version of the “Easy money!” clip from Terminator 2 to joke that he’d been arrested for hacking ATMs, but in the process came across something much, much better. Here’s a Japanese commercial for Hot Noodle ramen featuring Eddie Furlong’s head endorsing noodles atop a mechanical spider: Dipsh*t? Are you calling…MOI noodle brand…a dipsh*t?? Come on baby come on baby…EASY NOODLES You can’t just go around killing people, Hot Noodle. Because you just can’t! I could do this all day. And probably will, to myself in my office. Bonus Eddie Furlong Noodle Commercial after the jump:
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| Let This Video Be Your Spirit Video: Minnesota Death Star Posted: 11 Jan 2011 11:06 PM PST Some people have a “spirit animal,” an animal they relate to spiritually and try to model their lives after. Nobody, however, has a spirit video. We can change that. Make this video your spirit video. Try to live your lives in such fashion that you are as satisfied with every 17 second chunk of living as you are with the 17 seconds of this video. This video is called Minnesota Death Star. It’s triumphant, it’s short, it’s fun, it’s perfect. This is your spirit video. Keep it in mind throughout your day. Thanks, Best of YouTube.  |
| Wait, Brenda Jenkins & Theo Huxtable Are Dating? Posted: 11 Jan 2011 03:36 PM PST Well excuse me for not knowing this sooner, but UH-WHAT?
Am I like the last person on Earth to discover that Regina King and Malcolm Jamal Warner were engaged? Wait, they’re not engaged? OK, let’s start over: Am I like the last person on Earth to discover that Regina King and Malcolm Jamal Warner were dating?? Married or not, this relationship is like a dream I once had in 1989, where 227‘s Brenda Jenkins and The Cosby Show‘s Theo Huxtable got married, and I attended the wedding because I was dating the Reverend Reuben Gregory from Amen (my first crush). Turns out, they’ve been dating for almost three years, and they now live together with Regina’s teenage son from a previous marriage in Los Angeles. THIS IS THE GREATEST!! Click ahead for a photo of the happy couple.
Hooray for true child star love. They are a great match! Thanks to commenter Sarah G. for pointing this out in our Jackée post from yesterday. 227 BANNER WEEK CONTINUES!  |
| Baby Elephant Is So High Right Now, You Guys Posted: 11 Jan 2011 01:54 PM PST
This is George, a baby elephant at England’s Whipsnade Zoo (real zoo name). He is so, so high right now. What are they feeding these elephants? Hundreds and hundreds of pounds of the finest pot zoo money can buy. But you guys, for real, guys, guys, guys, have you heard this joke? Two elephants are in the bathtub. One elephant says, “Pass the soap.” The other elephant says, “No soap radio!”
[Photo: Splash News]  |
| 14 Movies From 2010 You Already Forgot Existed Posted: 11 Jan 2011 02:12 PM PST 1. Repo Men Starring Jude Law as Eminem.
They’re actually making airplanes out of this movie.
We had some giant red letters leftover from the Rock pitch, so we just whipped ‘em at Jackie Chan. Print!
“Are we in this movie, Hamm?”
Sorry Snipes, even when you’re the “And” credit your salary’s going straight to the government.
This may just be the oddly-translated poster for the Slavic television premiere of Californication.
Carlos Mencia is my Best Man of comedy.
You know, one of them “lotsa boxes” movies.
“I’m gettin’ too old to remember making this sh*t.”
A lesson in catchy-ass taglines.
Jennifer Connelly’s really Photoshopped to sh*t on the left there.
Far inferior to the films Elbo.ws and TheDailyWh.at.
“Don’t open Case 39, Rene Zellweger!!!” is what I’d yell while watching this.
Nice try, highlighted “THINK”, but this won’t even be Samuel L’s most memorable “Un_able” film. I prefer him in “Unshaftable”.
[Thanks to Pete Schultz for additional forgettable-movie remembering. Also, some of the films above were technically made in 2009, but all received their 'major' release in 2010, in case you were gonna point that out, you good user of time.]  |
| Middle Aged Lady Child Actor Back On Morning Television Posted: 11 Jan 2011 01:53 PM PST Exactly seven months ago today, Michelle Collins posted a video on this internet website that blew all of our minds. A child actor named Reed Alexander from Nickelodeon’s iCarly appeared on the Today Show for a segment in which he cooked a healthy meal and generally acted like a 52 year old cat lady with a subscription to Martha Stewart’s Living. How this kid is not all of your aunts is unbelievable. Today he was back on the Today Show abbreviating guacamole by saying guac and constantly making you think about a purse filled with sugar free hard candy. Wow. This is impressive for the same reason the Awesome Voice Homeless Guy was impressive. Except for much less so and in a creepier way. Thanks, @Videogum.  |
| These Royal Wedding Plates Will Make Your Lonely British Foods Extra Bitter Posted: 11 Jan 2011 01:15 PM PST The only thing people like more than the nuptials of Prince William and the future Queen of England Kate Middleton is buying plates commemorating the event. Just look at how much this woman is enjoying her sparkling commemorative plate!
It almost makes her forget about how her husband died in that crash. But for those of you out there who perhaps like a sprig of bitter herb with your Lean Cuisine, a company in England has the perfect ceramic alternative for you this royal wedding season:
“Cool” Commemorative Plates!! Like the above, which is so, so true (if you’re me). Or the below:
Which is only slightly less creepy than William himself. (Kidding, I love him and am playing hard to get.) Here is a sampling of the entire pretty hilarious collection, which for only 35 pounds each, you could gather together if you’re a billionaire!
Hol’ up… People in England get a day off on Royal Wedding Day? That is buuuulllllsh*t.
God, I’d love to an English county for my wedding!!! I’d even settle for Cumbria! (I have no idea what that means.)
But in all seriousness, I kind of want the actual commemorative plate. Not for me!! For my cat’s goblet of Fance Feast.  |
| The New Yorker Does Injured Spider-Man Cover Posted: 11 Jan 2011 11:54 AM PST As you are probably aware, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is a Broadway musical currently still in pre-production. The music is written by Bono and it is already the most expensive musical in the history of the entire world including both the state of Oklahoma and the musical Oklahoma. The thing is, people keep getting injured in rehearsals and preview shows. Like, seriously injured. And this week’s new issue of the New Yorker is all:
Ha! Spider-Man! The one on the ceiling is so screwed. The I.V. isn’t going to work if he’s higher than the bag. Thanks, Buzzfeed.  |
| MSNBC Gets Very Silly Man To Talk About Very Sad Things Posted: 11 Jan 2011 03:00 PM PST The events that occurred over the weekend in Arizona have no doubt left us all disturbed. On a personal note, I have always held in the highest regard anyone who is willing to serve in public office and take upon themselves the responsibility and risk that comes along with that service. To have an elected official targeted in an attack, and furthermore, to have innocent by-standing citizens bare the brunt of that violence is something that I — as I’m sure you do — take very seriously. And, in the ensuing discussions of this tragedy in print, online, and on TV, there has been a great deal of appropriate somberness and reverence. All of that being said, the guy who appeared on MSNBC’s The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell to discuss taking a poetry class with accused attacker Jared Loughner looked so so silly.
Just find a different guy from that poetry class! This guy’s appearance makes no sense. The beard doesn’t match the hair and the hair doesn’t match the tee shirt. None of is visually digestible. It’s not fair to make us look at what appears to be a bro-dude who wants to be in a sequel to Katy Perry‘s California Gurls music video talk about something so awful. At least we now know that, even in the worst of times, our brains will still be immediately dismissive of men with overly groomed pink hair.  |
| Happy Birthday From The Creepiest Man On The Internet Posted: 11 Jan 2011 10:50 AM PST Here’s the creepiest man on the internet wishing happy birthday to 22-year-old Japanese pop star Kashiyuka. If you can make it through this entire video without genuinely shuddering at least ten times, then you have been caught because you’re a robot and I now know that. Got your cursor over the little X at the top of this page? Cause you’re gonna need to tap out at some point. Take it away, Ron Jeremy Made Out Of Droopy Clay: (thanks and also no thanks, Steve!)  |
| What Do You Get The Lady Who Has Everything Except A Beard? Posted: 11 Jan 2011 09:43 AM PST Thanks for the answer, Etsy!!
“Gosh, my chin and sideburns are freezing. GENIUS.” — Reaction of recipient of above hat. You can buy them here for only 40 bones. (Actual bones, not dollars.)  |
| Guess The NY Post Headline: Auburn Wins National Championship Posted: 11 Jan 2011 09:20 AM PST
We’ve got “Auburn” and “Tigers” to work with, plus star QB Cam Newton’s highly usable name, and every iteration of “BCS” and “Tostitos”. Let’s see what we can do: Cam-Do Spirit! ‘Burn Victims Tiger Woulds Bowl Cam-pionship Series Laying Down The Au’ Over And Newt-Done Auburn Tostit-Blows ‘Em Away Doc And Au’ (as in, the Dr. Pepper Championship Trophy) Weeknight At Burnie’s Caaaam, Gina! Leave your own in the comments. The (excellent) actual headline is after the jump:
AWE-BURN. Nicely done, Post — not just the “Aww, burn” pun, but you threw “Awe” in there too for like, 2 1/3 puns. Nice to see they can still bring it in the big games. We’ll save that “Roar vs. Bore” NFL headline for its own post. Or possibly its own website.  |
| There Is A New Sudoku App And Why Is Anyone Playing Sudoku Anyway? Posted: 11 Jan 2011 11:02 AM PST Crossword puzzles are nice. You have to think abstractly to solve them and sometimes you can even learn new things from them. Then there is Sudoku. Sudokus are not nice. They are boring and monotonous, and it makes no sense to me how anyone can stay invested in where the five goes for longer than a minute and a half. Who out there puts down a Sudoku, and for the rest of the day can’t stop thinking about that five? Nobody. At least with crosswords you can have a solid three hours ruined by repeating to yourself, “what the f*ck does ‘business salad?’ with a question mark mean?” Having three hours ruined is the best. Well, now they have made an app for your phone where you can just take a picture of an unsolved Sudoku, and the app will solve it for you. They will never be able to make that for a crossword. Your iPhone is never going to figure out what “business salad?” is unless someone already solved that puzzle and wrote about it so that Google could find it on what for sure is that person’s nightmare puzzle blog. The video below shows off the Sudoku app. Lame. Just admit that you only do Sudoku because you can’t do crossword puzzles. ADMIT it. Look at that lady with her headphones. Even headphones can’t make filling in a chart look cool. Congratulations, Sudoku Champion Lady, you sure know where that five goes. Just like that guy’s phone! Thanks, The Daily What.  |
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