Friday, October 1, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Of Course They’re Turning Hitch Into A TV Series

Posted: 01 Oct 2010 08:48 AM PDT

Of course the guy who wrote The Proposal is adapting the 2005 Will Smith movie Hitch into a tv series. Why would he not be doing that? I can’t think of any reasons why that wouldn’t be a thing.

Of course the poster for the movie Hitch looks like this:

Of course the poster actually uses the dumb Mad Men character’s slogan “Cure for the common thing.”

Of course commenters are already doubting that the project will succed without Will Smith:

Of course the writer of The Proposal has the same name as a U.S. Army General and the Boston Bruins General Manager.

Everything about this story makes sense.

This Tiger Woods / Katherine Jenkins Headline Is Really Fair

Posted: 01 Oct 2010 07:49 AM PDT

Oh man, that cheating cheater just can NOT stop cheating cheatily! Good thing the British tabloids were there to pick up this shocking scoop of a shockscoop:

He’s just sitting there and kind of looking to his right and what does this have to do with cheating and he’s not married now and this isn’t a story in any way, you say? Tell that to the Daily Mirror, The Daily Mail, and The Daily OK Magazine.

I’ll bet they also caught him coming out of Starbucks getting his CHEATING CAFFEINE FIX so he can CHEAT.

SVU Shows Off Mom-Like Knowledge Of Videogames And Gamers

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 02:35 PM PDT

Law And Order: Special Victims Unit, a show famous for not doing anything ridiculous ever, recently aired this completely not-ridiculous portrayal of a hardcore video gamer and his hardcore video gamer wife who lock their baby in a room in their giant-ass New York apartment, because of video games.

The gamers then get pissed off at the police because “This is Level 20, the Kingdom of Galigar!” (were they playing this game?) and also because introverted antisocial gamers always lash out at detectives who arrest and interrogate them. Shut off that damn Nintendo!

Congratulations, SVU, for continuing to not be ridiculous:

The most not-ridiculous part of the video? This credit:

Yup. It was co-produced by an entity named Speed Weed. Someone didn’t want to put their actual name on this product, like it’s a Cinemax softcore porn flick and the editor’s name is listed as “Max Boobs.”

Also, the video game they’re playing is scenes from The Lawnmower Man:

(via Videogum)

Electric Pizza Acid Test: The Olsen Twins Gimme Pizza! Song Slowed Down

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 12:57 PM PDT

A very special notice to all of our readers who suffer from acid flashbacks: This is just a video. Specifically, the Olsen Twins Gimme Pizza! music video of yesteryear in slow motion. Made for fun. Please don’t freak out, Helen Hunt style, upon viewing this. I say this, because I understand why you would. It is the exact opposite of the dream-like mellifluous sounds of Beiber in slo mo. Because it is the stuff of nightmares.

Olsen Twins, I respect you. No slo mo.

It sort of sounds like Digital Underground. Or maybe the direct inspiration for Cleofis Randolph the Patriarch (What up, Deltron 3030 fans!) but, you know, frightening. It’s almost as if this is a brainwash secret message situation.

In other news, I could really use some pizza with a bunch of gross toppings-OMG!!

Thanks, Urlesque!

Puppy Woof Woof Will Save Us All

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 01:00 PM PDT

I’m submitting “Puppy Woof Woof” to Cannes in the “Best Ever Ever” category. You can submit films to Cannes by embedding them on random blogs, right? DONE.

If you can listen to the words “His name is puppy, he goes woof woof woof woof woof” without cracking a smile, then you are literally the dad from Dead Poets Society:

Who’s the voice? Milhouse, obviously.

(Thanks, @JessicaLWills)

Who The F*** Wants A F***ing Munsters Remake?

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 01:20 PM PDT

I had a lengthy, unnecessarily-judgmental, expletive-filled conversation with my friend Steve the other day, with both of us ranting about how unnecessary a Hawaii Five-O reboot is, and who gives a sh*t about the Hawaii Five-O brand, and who the hell is the show for, and why do we need another network cop show, and basically f*** everything anger lazy anger judgment etc.

Flash-forward to today’s breaking news: NBC is planning a remake of The Munsters. Completing the “What’s Hollywood remaking next, [BLANK]??” joke continues to grow more difficult.

The Munsters is a [expletive] sitcom about a Frankenstein’s Monster Dad who’s married to a vampire and has a werewolf son, and it came out in 1964 (the same year as the Addams Family – isn’t it funny when people complain about “how bad tv has gotten?” That was a real golden age back then, huh?) The series is a satire of campy 50s and 60s sitcoms, and it lasted two seasons and went of the air in 1966, remembered solely as a pop culture footnote because it was a sitcom about an Undead Monster Dad married to a Vampire lady. It was already remade once in the late-80s and had five movie versions. Who needs to see The Munsters again? Ever? For any reason?

The news doesn’t end there — here’s the most confusing part:

The remake is in the hands of Bryan Fuller, who created the excellent but prematurely canceled Pushing Daisies, further complicating this story from an “is there a chance this might not be the worst thing ever?” perspective. Michael Ausiello writes:

So far, NBC, with whom Fuller has an overall deal, has ordered only a pilot. But since the potential series is being described to me as "Modern Family meets True Blood," I have a good feeling about it.

It will not be Modern Family meets True Blood! That’s just executives naming popular sh*t so they can excite even higher-up executives! “Yeah, this new remake? It’s kind of like Avatar meets Twitter. Gonna be way better than the original Alf.”

Well, whatever. It’s not like Hollywood pillaging brands in complete ignorance of the overwhelming datedness/stupidness of those brands is a new thing, I just think it’s healthy to remind ourselves how stupid this is whenever television pursues an exceptionally ridiculous remake idea. And by “remind ourselves,” I mean “swear about it a lot.” Seriously – this remake is such a bitch. Hadn’t used that one yet, figured I’d squeeze it in.

Breaking News! Katherine Heigl = Still Awful

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 12:03 PM PDT

Ugh, is there anyone alive that’s more insufferable than Katherine Heigl? After winning turns on Grey’s Anatomy and the feature film Knocked Up back in the halcyon days of 2007, she rocketed from Roswell third banana to America’s Sweetheart™ status in near-record time. Since then, though, there has been nary a person that she has come in contact with that she hasn’t alienated in some fashion: Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, the entire cast/crew of Grey’s, and her co-workers on the set of The Ugly Truth and Killers all count themselves among the throngs who see her as the living, breathing embodiment of Cruella de Vil. And as if there weren’t enough evidence to support the fact that she’s a divalicious monster, this weekend’s New York Times profile of Heigl starts off like this:

An unsmiling Katherine Heigl, at work on a new movie in this Pittsburgh suburb in August, stepped out of a chauffeured black S.U.V. and strode onto the set. She briskly filmed her scene and decamped to her air-conditioned trailer. "I admit that I'm particular about the way I work," she said, stopping to stare at a stuffed rabbit on the floor. She continued her thought, but not before giving the bunny a swift kick.

Need more evidence? Please, follow along to catch some highlowlights of her appearance on the Late Show With David Letterman earlier this week.

If you take the time to digest the New York Times piece — it’s a pretty good hate-read — you’ll learn that Heigl’s publicist actually fired her (!). That explains why Heigl, ostensibly on Letterman to promote her new movie Life As We Know It, took a full two minutes of her time with Dave to complain about her nic fits and teaching him how to OPERATE AN ELECTRONIC CIGARETTE, a move which has made her the darling of the nascent e-cigarette industry. Now THAT’S a worthwhile use of your time on a nationally televised talk show. Ugh, just UGH!

Then again, what do we know? Can anyone make the case that Heigl’s just misunderstood, little more than a hellraiser hellbent on blazing the trail of individuality? We’re willing to listen, of course, but it’s gonna take a really solid case to convince us. If you’d rather just pile on, though, we’d love that, too.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Tiny Kitten Takes Tiny Nap In Tiny Tea Cup

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 10:50 AM PDT

This kitten wants to nap. In a tea cup.

What a cliffhanger! Will the tiny kitten ever fully insert its tiny self into the tiny tea cup??? Answer after the jump!

Huzzah! Only bad news: My heart just exploded with cuteness. Totally worth it.

Via Buzzfeed

Tyler Perry Actress Turns “Divorce Court” Into Greatest Musical Ever Written

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 12:02 PM PDT

EDITOR’S NOTE: What you are about to watch might rank as one of my top 10 things I’ve ever seen of all time.

D’Atra Hicks is the star of the Madea’s Family Reunion stage show. She also likes to dabble in some light husband abusery. When the twain met on the televised musical theater stage known as “Divorce Court,” the musical fireworks began firing. While the husband hurled many an allegation D’Atra’s way (two apostrophes in one word is OK, right?), she chose to preach, sing, and hum her way through the entire proceeding to help deal with her admitted anger management issues.

It’s Sexual Chocolate meets Sunday Mornings on TV One meets “And I Am Telling You” meets an American Idol finale meets getting stung by a million bees wearing tiny gospel robes. It is the greatest sevenish minutes of your life. Ohhh yeahh… your honorrrr, yeahhhhh juuuuudge! (Actual lyrics from the following video.)

Our verdict? Get this woman on the stage of a Dreamgirls production immediately. Sorry, we meant: Guilty… of being amazing.

(via Tabloid Prodigy)

Watch This Clip Now.

Posted: 30 Sep 2010 09:35 AM PDT

Paul Scheer forwards along this amazing 20-second movie clip. Any explanation would detract from the awesome, just watch:

Apparently it’s from The Howling 3, one of the best-acted werewolf rape threequels in cinematic history, right next to These Werewolves Be Rapin’ Everybody Out Here, starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Antoine.

As always, I’ll be thanking the internet by cramming a rolled-up 20 into my cd drive. You earned it, buddy!
Brought to you by: at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)