Best Week Ever |
- Bears Fan Celebrates By Riding A Dinosaur
- Post Modern Meta Viral Thing For You To Look At
- SNL Power Rankings: Scarlett Johansson Runs The Only Accent She Can Do Into The Ground
- NFL WEEK 10 RECAP: White Guys Rap, Get Injured
- Teach: Tony Danza Series Finale Recap: A Dull And Fitting Ending
- THE WALKING DEAD RECAP: The Walking Family Reunion
- VIDEO: Taylor Momsen Before She Was A Raccoon Goth Hooker
- Come On Down To The “Tons of F*cking Sequins” Sale
- The 10 Most Confusing Vintage Subway Ads
- New TV Show About Hookers Saved By Jesus? Praise The Lord
- Great, Now The Terrorists Have Amazon Prime
| Bears Fan Celebrates By Riding A Dinosaur Posted: 16 Nov 2010 08:56 AM PST Here’s a Chicago Bears fan celebrating his team’s win Sunday by doing what we’ve all dreamed of since Kindergarten: Climbing a brontosaurs skeleton and triumphantly riding it. Actually, my dream in Kindergarten involved me riding a live t-rex that jetpacked into space to high-five the Ninja Turtles then play Blaster Master with them, but it’s close enough. He doesn’t climb the entire dinosaur, so it’s a bit of a neck-tease, but if he did, he would’ve fallen off and the video would’ve cut off real fast and I would’ve called it FAKE and it would’ve turned out to be CGI’d viral marketing for Axe’s new Dinosaur Boner shower gel. So I’m glad that didn’t happen. Homer: “He may have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing he can’t buy.” Marge: “What’s that?” Homer: “Uhhh… a DINOSAUR.” (via Deadspin)  |
| Post Modern Meta Viral Thing For You To Look At Posted: 16 Nov 2010 08:43 AM PST This is a funny parody sign that a person made with the intention of being witty. And even though the person succeeded, it is still annoying to think about the look on his face when he thought of this. He must have been so satisfied with himself. Right now this picture is being viral.
Yes, fine, good job. But I hope the guy who made this isn’t still smiling the way I think he’s smiling right now. Relax, guy. “I’m on Buzzfeed!” – Probably the guy who made this sign.  |
| SNL Power Rankings: Scarlett Johansson Runs The Only Accent She Can Do Into The Ground Posted: 15 Nov 2010 04:21 PM PST
There was a time, around the middle of the last decade, when there were few people alive who could stack up against the radiant sexuality of Scarlett Johansson. Between Ghost World, Lost in Translation and Match Point, it seemed as if she would be the kind of husky-voiced siren who would be a silver screen staple for many moons to come. However, over the last five years or so, something shifted and Scarlett lost a significant amount of her luster. So much so, in fact, that she doesn’t even have a project to promote this holiday season which, oddly enough, didn’t proclude SNL‘s bookers from giving her a third chance to host the show. Sadly, as Michelle pointed out this morning, it didn’t exactly go over like But how did the rest of the cast fare? Follow along for our weekly look at who’s in and out of Lorne’s doghouse, Bwe.tv’s SNL Power Rankings.
1. Fred Armisen (41 points): Yes yes, it wasn’t necessarily the funniest week of Fred Armisen’s long and storied SNL career, but he did carry a bulk of the workload this evening. His Obama impression remains the comedic equivalent of an old man who refuses to trim his nose hairs — sure, he’s earned the right to do whatever he wants, but it would probably be better for all parties involved if they were judiciously trimmed — but you can’t help but love his character Mike, who’s constantly trying to impress his worldly knowledge of chandeliers, marble columns and now ceramic busts upon the television viewing public (not to mention showcase his lovely if thickly accented daughter).
3. Bill Hader (29 points): Has there ever been anyone better in the history of the show at delivering the perfect facial expression at the right time? I’d be hard pressed to name one. Hader is a treasure and an integral part of the show’s backbone, someone who consistently delivers the funny every time he’s on screen. Whenever he decides to leave, it will be a sad day for us all. 4. (tie) Vanessa Bayer, Andy Samberg (27 points): As viewers, we’re all still getting to learn about the four new cast members that entered the fray on SNL this season. Now that we’re approximately 1/3 of the way through the season, it’s looking more and more like Vanessa Bayer will be the breakout star of the bunch. A few weeks back, Bayer’s Miley Cyrus killed, and this week, she took leading roles in two sketches — the aforementioned Millionaire Matchmaker and “Stars of Tomorrow” — and knocked out two excellent performances. Plus, she finally got a chance to strut her stuff during Weekend Update! The crowd might not have “got” it, but viewers at home certainly did. As for Samberg, what was that? (In a good way!) 6. Jay Pharoah (20 points): Gabe “Videogum” Delahaye said it best: “Saturday Night Live has wildly over-estimated the American public’s hunger for Denzel Washington impersonations this season.” 7. Taran Killam (17 points): He hasn’t really delivered a signature performance yet, but he has managed to steal a lot of Jason Sudeikis’ screen time playing supporting characters in sketches. 8. Nasim Pedrad (15 points): Her main appearance of the night as Chinese presiden Hu Jintao’s translator, which was a note-for-note repeat of the performance she gave last year.
10. Bobby Moynihan (12 points): Not much to say here except BRING BACK MARK PAYNE! 11. Paul Brittain (11 points): Brittain didn’t really do anything of note this weekend, so instead, we’ll point you in the direction of his performance as “Sex” Ed Vincent back in his Second City days. 12. Kenan Thompson (9 points): His work as the middle school student who kept breaking his knee because of his susceptibility to peer pressure was original, but didn’t really register as “funny” in studio or at home during repeat viewings. 13. Jason Sudeikis (8 points): How disinterested was Sudeikis this weekend? He didn’t even bother to PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS when he came out on stage as George Bush. Then again, maybe he was being Method?
[via Interesting Stuff] SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE POWER RANKINGS: SEASON 36 TOTALS Reference Materials:
Also, did you know that we’re showing classic episodes of SNL every night on VH1? It’s true!  |
| NFL WEEK 10 RECAP: White Guys Rap, Get Injured Posted: 15 Nov 2010 04:05 PM PST Your NFL Week 10 Recap, in the form of stupid pictures and video:
Miami won convincingly at home despite in-game injuries to both Chad Pennington and Chad Henne. The lesson? Singing Eminem in practice is bad karma for Chads:
The Falcons topped the Ravens in the final minute of an extremely dramatic game featuring a halftime ceremony honoring the tragic death of four-year-old Deion Sanders:
Either the Lions actually win on the road, or the Bills actually win. We know what that means…
The Cardinals entered their first-ever 4-game losing streak under Ken Whisenhunt, but Seattle’s Pete Carroll was even more furious after this one:
Brett Favre announced he will retire after this year, which, if we actually believe him (nope!), would bring an end to our weekly mature snickering at any remotely penisey photos:
The Panthers continued their pursuit of the #1 Overall Pick with a performance that wasn’t so bad by their new Ultra-Low standards:
This battle of two teams who are gonna miss the playoffs but also not be bad enough to get good draft picks then both fire their coaches ended up being the most exciting game of the week, concluding with this absolutely insane last-second Hail Mary play:
The Bengals’ late rally fell short for the second straight week, while the Colts remained unbeaten at home, much to the delight of this normal fan:
The Jets have won back-to-back Overtime games against the Lions and Browns, putting them perfectly on pace to be the team that everyone thinks is gonna lose to some offensive team that’s red-hot entering the Playoffs (Colts?) then somehow win an 11-8 AFC Championship Game and go to the Super Bowl. Does that count as a prediction?
NFL: “Hey everyone, check out this surprise team that’s actually a legit contender PSYCHENAWWWWWWW!” It’s almost as if the Chiefs were distracted by something horrifying…
The first-place Giants lost an unconscionable home game to Dallas, while the Cowboys messed up their draft pick and muddled their debate about hiring a new coach next year. Where in the name of NFL Being Really NFL-ey did this game come from?
Despite their 0-5 start, San Francisco is just 2 games out of first in the NFC West with 7 left to play. After the game, Rams coach Steve Spagnuolo paced the sidelines offering humorous observations:
This was an absolute blowout from the getgo, despite the reasonable final score. If you missed the game, it was essentially this:
 |
| Teach: Tony Danza Series Finale Recap: A Dull And Fitting Ending Posted: 15 Nov 2010 03:38 PM PST
The previous episode of Teach: Tony Danza was great. It seemed like Tony Danza was actually getting the hang of this whole teaching thing and that the students were finally beginning to see him as a trustworthy authority figure. It was a genuinely interesting hour of television that made you think to yourself, "Wait, this might actually be a worthwhile series." But then this episode happened and you’re like, "Whoops never mind!" This show is the worst. Even listening to the students has gotten exhausting. Let’s get through this last terrible episode and then try to find a colon cleanse type diet for our brains. The episode begins with Tony Danza assigning his class a five paragraph essay about who is responsible for the death of Caesar in Williams Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. This essay will be a big part of the students’ grades because it will count as a project grade AND as a participation grade. Oh sh*******t. The students are not happy about this because they do not like writing essays. Algernon explains.
"We just finished reading the book; why we gotta do an essay already?" says Algernon. Jesus Christ, Algernon.
The next day, Tony Danza’s students meet in the library to do research for their Julius Caesar essays. But it is stiflingly hot in there. Tony Danza, in a very orderly manner, has his class leave the library and assigns them to do their research as homework no just kidding obviously that is not what happened.
Tony Danza instead calls the local media and announces he will put on a fund raising show for a new air conditioner called ExtravaDanza. It would seem there is no problem so large that Tony Danza cannot fix by simultaneously failing America’s youth and tap dancing. Granted, it is a nice thing to put on a fundraiser to try to help out the school, but, honestly, Tony Danza should really be focusing on… WAIT WHAAAAAAT??? Remember Ben AKA Kyle and his adolescent mustache?!
Well! He finally shaved!!!
F*cking yesssss!! And I think he also started using a different shampoo. He looks great. This is the highlight of the series. Now back to the awfulness. The next week, Tony Danza collects the essays. The problem is a whole ton of them just straight up did not do it. Matt M, Chloe, Crystal, Algernon and Nick all failed to turn in an essay, which really just makes you wonder… who is Nick?
Where’d this kid come from? Was he in any of the other episodes? Maybe he was and we just didn’t notice. Nick’s like, "What? So, anyone who doesn’t have an adolescent mustache is just invisible to you?!" And you’re like, "No, no, no, Nick. It’s not like that at all." And then he’s like, "I could grow an adolescent mustache in ten TV seconds." And you’re like, "Seriously, Nick, you really don’t need to do that." But, uh oh, it’s too late.
Nick. That is really not constructive. Your testosterone is causing some serious continuity issues. Tony Danza tracks down the students that didn’t turn in essays and eventually gets them all to hand one in. The essays, however, are terrible. Tony Danza assigns the class to make revisions. He is especially hard on Chloe. She used the word "conspectus" in her essay. Tony Danza is not okay with that because, no duh, conspectus is not a word. Tony Danza scolds her for making up words and not taking the assignment seriously. The interesting thing about this, though, is that conspectus it absolutely a real word and Tony Danza is an absolute f*cking bozo. Also Ben AKA Kyle’s mustache is back.
Good God, please let this show end. Anyway, Tony Danza gives failing grades to half of the students for their essays. This prompts worry from the school administration. An assistant principal takes notice and brings it up with the principal.
Also, Chloe goes to see the assistant principal and asks to be taken out of Tony Danza’s class.
The assistant principal convinces Chloe to stay in the class, but now Tony Danza is in trouble, and he gets called into the principal’s office.
They have a long, boring conversation that can pretty much be boiled down to this.
And it’s toward the end of the episode, so you start thinking, "How awesome would it be if this is how the show ended — if they just ended the whole thing with Tony Danza being called out for being a little dumb? But then he leaves the principal’s office and there’s this whole other scene. Goddamnit. Oh, but wait… is tony Danza going to get called out for being dumb in this scene too?! Yup! But they probably aren’t going to play triumphant music as he’s being called out for being dumb…right? OH YES THEY ARE!! "That’s what happens when you’re a schmo who thinks he’s a teacher." – World’s most efficient CONSPECTUS of Teach: Tony Danza. So that’s it! Then the show ends. In fairness, there was some other stuff in the episode I didn’t mention. For example, there was a troublemaker named Johnny who Tony Danza tried to take under his wing. But by the end of the episode he was arrested and now faces up to 3 years in jail. Also, they had the ExtravaDanza where a guy in for-no-reason overalls donated an air conditioner.
But aside from that, nothing happened. No major revelations about anything and no real resolution to the series. But that, in a way, is perfect. We can finally put this seven episode nightmare behind us and move on with our lives. Goodbye, Tony Danza. And, more importantly, goodbye, adolescent mustaches.
 |
| THE WALKING DEAD RECAP: The Walking Family Reunion Posted: 15 Nov 2010 01:11 PM PST This is a Recap Of AMC’s The Walking Dead, Season 1, Episode 3, entitled “Tell It To The Frogs”. It contains spoilers, such as what they tell to the frogs, and why they are telling that to the frogs. Also, the frogs are zombies. Spoilers like that. Episode Three opens with a dramatic soliloquy from Merle Dixon, who’s still trapped on the roof begging Jesus to take a break from eradicating black people to help him reach this hacksaw:
Will the zombies manage to break through T-Dog’s chain so they can eat his racist brain and become racist? We’ll have to wait and find out, because it’s time for the long-awaited… GRIMES FAMILY REUNION!!!
After the jump, Rick and his wife cuddle…WITH DEER-EATING ZOMBIES: Rick and his family are seriously so happy to be back together, even though Lori has a giant elephant in the room, and a zombie bit that elephant and now it’s a raging, out-of-control zombie elephant:
Rick repeats eight billion times that he knew he’d find them, and knew they were still alive because they took the photo albums from their home. Lori’s like, “Yeah, we whipped those photo albums at a zombie’s head when we made a break for it.” Rick replies, “I knew I would find you.” Lori’s like, “Can I f*ck Shane in the forest again? Cause you are already intolerable.” They have some sad make-up sex two feet away from their kid. Everyone else in the group reunites with everyone else, because everyone is someone’s family. Second Rule of Improv: Establish a relationship. Well done, improv troupe. Now your suggestion from the audience: DEER-EATING ZOMBIE.
The group beats the zombie to death and Old Hatguy decapitates it, but it’s a bittersweet victory, because Shane says that the walkers have never come this close to camp and things must be getting more dangerous. We then learn that the deer carcass was killed by Daryl Dixon, brother of Merle Dixon, who’s racist against mammals that don’t walk on two legs. Is he instantly angry and unreasonable too? Yep! He even has the “I make Merle Dixon look like Rosa Parks” bumper sticker on his lower back. Rick attempts to break the news about Daryl’s brother, and this exchange occurs - Rick: I’m just gonna come right out and say it… Daryl: What’s yer name? Rick: Rick Grimes. Daryl: Well, RICK GRIMES, you got something to tell me? Rick: Dude – I just said that I had something to tell you. And why are you mad at my name? Who’s writing this dialogue? Is your character really that instantly angry about everything? Daryl:
Rick breaks the news that they locked Merle on a roof and left him there, because they definitely couldn’t just tell Daryl that his brother got bitten by one of the five million zombies that attacked them so Daryl would be like “That’s too bad.” Rick decides to go back to Atlanta to rescue Merle, which is a really terrible idea, and everyone tells him it’s a terrible idea, but Rick simply will not take “that is a terrible idea” for an answer. He borrows some bolt cutters from Hatguy (in a lengthy and absolutely uncuttable scene) and gathers T-Dog, Daryl, and Glenn to head back to the city that was overrun by like five million zombies. He assures his wife, who he has just been reunited with for half a day, that this is a great plan:
They embark on a trip to put four lives at risk to rescue one assuredly dead life, but as a semi-sane consolation, they’ll also try to pick up the bag of guns that Rick dropped in episode one. Just a simple get-in, grab Dixon, grab guns, don’t get eaten by five million zombies, get-out run. While they’re heading to Atlanta, another totally irredeemable A-hole emerges in the group; while Shane is catching frogs with Carl because this is a Lassie episode from 1957, a really angry Ed approaches the womenfolk who are washing clothes in the quarry and demands that his wife come with him, insensitive to the fact that a zombie apparently bit her HAIRDO (meyow!) She refuses to go with him, because…I don’t actually know what he wants her to do or why she won’t do it, but HOLY CRAP:
Shane sees Ed punch his wife, and runs to her defense, taking out his frustration about no longer being able to be close to with Lori:
Meanwhile in Atlanta, the foursome is climbing to the roof of the building where Merle was, and– wait, why are there not five million zombies there? They mention that Glenn “knows the way” and can get in and out with ease, but then they go up the exact staircase that was TEEMING with zombies at the beginning of the episode. So their plan completely banked on those million zombies just not being there anymore? And if they had run into a million zombies, they were equipped with four shells and manual weapons, and would all be dead and the series would be over. What a TERRIBLE idea, Rick. Seriously. The terriblest. Anyway…They cut through the chains, emerge onto the roof, and there they find…
I don’t know about this episode – no real action sequences, giant plotholes, stupid plans, questionable acting… there were enough awesome parts in the first two episodes for me to stick with The Walking Dead for the remainder of the season, plus I’m down with the concept and I’m still valuing the recommendations of my friends who love the comics, but seriously, Episode Three? Nowhere near as good as my Maytag back home. The Walking Dead Episode 3 thoughts? Favorite/least favorite parts? Stuff we missed? Throw ‘em in the comments.  |
| VIDEO: Taylor Momsen Before She Was A Raccoon Goth Hooker Posted: 15 Nov 2010 12:23 PM PST Gawker.tv has dug up this old school commercial of a 3-year-old Taylor Momsen teaching America how to Shake N’ Bake. You guyzzzuh, she was so adorable!!! So articulate, so fresh-faced, so not a teenage hooker sent back from the future to wear thigh highs and be generally unpleasant. Where did we go wrong, America?  |
| Come On Down To The “Tons of F*cking Sequins” Sale Posted: 15 Nov 2010 11:06 AM PST This may be the most newsworthy sale in the history of selling things for money. A Goodwill in Seattle was having a designer sale, replete with Manolos and vintage furs, and a local news station decided to head down there and see what all the fuss was about. Turns out, it was about a TON OF F**KING SEQUINS. The man interviewed was foaming at the mouth at the prospect of sequins on sale, AS WE ALL WOULD. Make sure to stay tuned to A&E’s Hoarders in a few seasons when this very same man will be piecing through his thousands of animal skins and bedazzled caftans trying to decide which ones he absolutely cannot live without. Language NSFW clearly. (via Buzzfeed)  |
| The 10 Most Confusing Vintage Subway Ads Posted: 15 Nov 2010 09:50 AM PST I went to the New York Transit Museum this weekend, which was a captivating mix of legitimately interesting history and ridiculous randomness (few museums can match its comprehensive ‘turnstiles through the years’ collection). The biggest highlight, though, was a room of subway cars from the 40s, 50s, and 60s which still included the original Subway ads from the time periods. Being the valuable time-using human that I am, I’ve compiled a list of the 10 Most Confusing Vintage Subway Ads from those three decades. Clearly, Don Draper did not have particularly large shoes to fill: 10. Hats Brought to you by America’s General Hat Farmers.
“Pssst…Hitler – Burma Shave. Got it?”
Almost as good as a Kodak, we swear! Also, don’t buy a Kodak.
You know, yawning time.
Oh good, cause when I use soap powder my baby attacks my mouth even more sloppily.
Health Fact #3: Certain oils stir the blood’s inner devil.
Beware of errands! You will get car murdered.
This slogan makes less sense than Hitler.
Catchy!
I understand the unselfconscious misogyny, but how’d they also manage to work in racist caricatures?
 |
| New TV Show About Hookers Saved By Jesus? Praise The Lord Posted: 15 Nov 2010 10:17 AM PST The Investigation Discovery channel — “Like Discovery, Only With More Prostitutes!” — will be unveiling a 3-part series about Hookers saved by Christianity called Hookers, Saved On The Strip. It follows a woman named Annie Lobért, who created the fabulously titled organization Hookers for Jesus, which is classier than what I would have named it, which would have been “Cross Your Legs.” But all brilliantly penned jokes aside, there really isn’t anything funny about Hookers or Jesus. There is a little something funny about the two working together. But then you watch the 30 seconds preview and feel like a sh*thead that you thought this premise was funny at all. These hookers are, like, so nice and not scary at all. They really do need help!! And this Kelly Bundy lookalike is just the girl to give it to them. So go ‘head with yourself, Hookers for Jesus, you’re alright.  |
| Great, Now The Terrorists Have Amazon Prime Posted: 15 Nov 2010 12:08 AM PST Great news (sarcasm!): Amazon.com now sells bomb scares: Well, technically, if this gentleman happened to order a Mariah Carey’s Glitter on DVD, he isn’t completely wrong. Get it now for only $8.49! (via Reddit)  |
| You are subscribed to email updates from Best Week Ever To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
| Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
No comments:
Post a Comment