Best Week Ever |
- The Nic Cage Music Video Is Basically Just Another Nic Cage Movie
- World’s Largest Magnetic Sculpture Is Uncannily Regular Sized And Next To Jennifer Love Hewitt
- FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The 2011 Golden Globe Awards
- Let’s Watch Natalie Portman Laugh A Couple Of Times In A Row
- Westboro Baptist Church Jumps The Shark With Golden Globes “Fag Globes” Protest
- Boardwalk Empire Actress Gets Golden Globe Drunk Like Your Friend Gets Wedding Drunk
- Golden Globe Headline Writers Friend Social Network “Friend” Puns
- AD WIZARDS: Oscar Mayer’s New Soul-Crushing Turkey For Suicidal Dads
| The Nic Cage Music Video Is Basically Just Another Nic Cage Movie Posted: 18 Jan 2011 09:06 AM PST It may shock you to learn that someone on the internet has taken a series of crazy Nicolas Cage movie clips and sound bytes and remixed them into “The Nic Cage Song Video”, and that the resulting video is absurd. Well, not “shock you”, per se. More like, make you say “yeah figured” and resume drinking your iced coffee. That’s not what “shock” means. I know that because “Shock” was on my word a day calendar yesterday. It’s a very very basic calendar. Today’s word was “not shock.” WAIT – just got an idea: How about a Cage-a-Day Calendar, with a different crazy Nicolas Cage movie still every day of the week for a year? MARKETING THIS NOW. Tweet me if you want to invest (you can Tweet money to people, right? On Tweetbuxx? Might’ve dreamed that.) In the meantime, here’s that Nic Cage music video I mentioned two hours ago: (via Film Drunk)  |
| World’s Largest Magnetic Sculpture Is Uncannily Regular Sized And Next To Jennifer Love Hewitt Posted: 18 Jan 2011 02:53 AM PST I always imagined the world’s largest magnetic sculpture would be both larger than Jennifer Love Hewitt and not in the shape of a Golden Globe Award. So, you can imagine my HORROR when this bullsh*t got in my eyes.
Get out of my eyes, statue. You are unimpressive. From Gizmodo:
“Hi, I’m the world’s largest magnetic statue, and I’m made up of over 550,000 magnetic pellets which are–” Oh, my God, go to hell. And don’t ever appear in another picture where you are the third most interesting thing behind Jennifer Love Hewitt and a man who is maybe wearing the same shirt as Jennifer Love Hewitt. It is sad. Call us when you’re made of more stuff.  |
| FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The 2011 Golden Globe Awards Posted: 17 Jan 2011 03:50 PM PST
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| Let’s Watch Natalie Portman Laugh A Couple Of Times In A Row Posted: 17 Jan 2011 11:09 AM PST As Natalie Portman accepted her Golden Globe award last night, she let out a laugh. At the time, it seemed semi-notable, but seeing it repeated three times consecutively makes it super-notable. Note this: Her womb baby is all embarrassed like, “Mommmmm-UH!” In the future, this is the laugh they will use in horror movies instead of the echoing ghost children laugh. And you can hashtag that sh*t with #TheTruth. Thanks, The High Definite.  |
| Westboro Baptist Church Jumps The Shark With Golden Globes “Fag Globes” Protest Posted: 17 Jan 2011 11:03 AM PST Complaining about the Westboro Baptist Church is as pointless as complaining that the letter A is not the letter B, and clearly everything they do is consciously designed to be complained about and they’ll take any publicity they can get and etc etc disclaimer disclaimer, but that said, I will break my rule about not posting about them briefly to call attention to the self-parody that was their Golden Globes protest. The Westboro people clearly possess a self-awareness of how ridiculous they are, and are now going farther out of their way to top themselves with increasingly ridiculous signs every time they protest. How do we know they’re self-aware? Because this is the exact sign someone would come up with to make fun of a Westboro Baptist Church protester:
Ok – here’s why we know this isn’t real: “Yeah, we’re against a lot of equivalent things, you know, like Witches, Baby Killers, PARTY ANIMALS, Rebellious Women, Luke Warmers, Jesus Mockers…” That is not an actual mantra that anyone believes, including the bigottiest bigots among you — half of those aren’t even real phrases that anyone’s ever said unless they’re constructing a Westboro protest sign — it’s clearly just an attempt to gain attention through ridiculous, off-putting, attention-grabbing vaguely hateful phrasings that sound like we should be offended by them. I don’t doubt that you’re bigots, and that you do believe a lot of this crazy sh*t, but none of you are going home and saying the sentence “Now that we’re in private, let us continue talking about how harshly our God shall judge Party Animals.” No one says that. Not because you’re not that hate-filled or stupid, but because it’s not a real sentence or idea, it’s just a weird sign phrase to get us to remember you. Let’s look at some other examples from the Golden Globes protest:
See? If someone possesses enough self-awareness to hold a straightedge to craft a more evenly artistic gay sex icon on their “Fag Globes” poster, that person cannot also be unaware that they are making a sign that says FAG GLOBES. Fag Globes! Oh man, they really nailed those Golden Globes and also the fags in them! I’m so offended!!! Let’s pay them some more ANGRYttention. Also, “You Eat Your Kids”? Brilliant! Rather than opt for some easily tune-outable “You Kill Babies” (sooo 90s), they’ve gone the extra step and just made a phrase that no one believes and that makes no logistical or ideological sense purely to confuse people into believing that the sign makes them very mad. “Heyyyyy! I don’t believe that the nominees for Best Motion Picture Actress – Comedy or Musical are literally eating their children! What gives!” So basically, the Westboro Baptist Church has become a parody of itself. Some of its early material may have been some groundbreaking, legitimately worrisome bigotry, but they’ve totally jumped the shark. Time to release that Christmas album!  |
| Boardwalk Empire Actress Gets Golden Globe Drunk Like Your Friend Gets Wedding Drunk Posted: 17 Jan 2011 10:25 AM PST It’s actually refreshing to see someone in Hollywood regular drunk. Not angry-racist drunk and not also-on-600-pills drunk, but just regular drunk. Paz de la Huerta from HBO’s Boardwalk Empire did just that at last night’s Golden Globe Awards. She just got drunk the way your college friends do at your other college friends’ weddings. Yes, she falls down, and, yes, she accidentally exposes a nipple, but she’s going to be fine. From TMZ:
“I can do it!” – Every Drunk Person. Paz de la Huerta should teach a college level course called “How To Get ‘Whoops’ Drunk Instead of ‘Uh-Oh’ Drunk.” She nailed it.  |
| Golden Globe Headline Writers Friend Social Network “Friend” Puns Posted: 17 Jan 2011 09:52 AM PST
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| AD WIZARDS: Oscar Mayer’s New Soul-Crushing Turkey For Suicidal Dads Posted: 17 Jan 2011 09:15 AM PST If you’re a dad with a worthless leg-brick of a family and you spend every morning driving to work and fantasizing about jerking the steering wheel 90 degrees every time you drive over that bridge in the hopes of either ending it all or inflicting so much pain on yourself you can actually feel something for the first time in decades but ultimately you make it to work for another 8 hours of soul-crushing monotony perversely prolonging a life you no longer deem worth living, then THIS IS THE TURKEY FOR YOU! New Oscar Mayer carving board turkey! The turkey that’s so good, you’ll tune out your f***ing d*ck of a family for a precious few seconds: Sold! Buying that turkey and avoiding kids for an additional 30 years. Remind anyone of the Patton Oswalt Stella D’Oro breakfast treats bit? (NSFW):
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