Cele|bitchy

Sarah Jessica Parker in acid trip Vera Wang: fabulous or hideous?
Tilda Swinton graces Britain’s Best Dressed list, stars in a new ‘Kevin’ trailer
Gwyneth Paltrow learned everything she needed to know in high school
Reese Witherspoon in trouble with PETA for carrying a gorgeous python bag
Kris Humphries & Kim Kardashian release dueling pleas for sympathy
Kris Jenner regrets ignoring Nicole Simpson’s call for help the day before her murder
Jessica Simpson confirms pregnancy: “It’s true! I am going to be a mummy!”
Cillian Murphy at UK ‘In Time’ premiere: creepy or sexy?
Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes go “redneck” for Halloween
Michael Fassbender is Fassdongy in Berlin: gorgeous or methy?

Sarah Jessica Parker in acid trip Vera Wang: fabulous or hideous?

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 08:52 AM PDT

These are new photos of Sarah Jessica Parker in Australia today (yesterday? Tomorrow?), in support of I Don't Know How She Does It, the film that bombed in America and maybe made a little money in Europe. The event was basically a photo call and press conference rolled into one, and SJP wore this acid yellow-green Vera Wang dress which I have mixed feelings about. On one side, I kind of think it's hideous and the color is unflattering, and it looks like an acid-trip road kill situation on the bodice of the dress. On the other side, I kind of think it's an interesting dress, and I probably would have liked it more on someone else.

During the press conference, SJP was in her standard shilling mode, telling the journalists that she thinks IDKHSDI "speaks to the experience of millions and millions of other women”, and is ”a really accurate portrait of modern parenthood…[in these] specific economic times." A story about a wealthy, working, married woman with a husband who works too, a nanny and a house full of children… in NYC? That's what everybody else is going through too? SJP corrected herself: "I’m very cognizant of the fact that most working women in the world don’t have the financial resources I have. The majority of working mothers are very much in it alone and it is a heroic endeavor every day.”

SJP was also asked about her shoe love - she was asked if she had any tips for sore feet, and she replied, "I think I’ve just destroyed my feet. I don’t think I have any feeling any more. The heel is not your friend, really.” As she wears six-inch-high Monolos.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

Tilda Swinton graces Britain’s Best Dressed list, stars in a new ‘Kevin’ trailer

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 08:26 AM PDT

There’s a gorgeous new poster for Lynne Ramsay’s We Need To Talk About Kevin, which stars our very favorite alien, Tilda Swinton. During our discussion of Tilda’s fear that she (and all mothers) would give birth to the devil, we already covered the international trailer, which many of you thought wasn’t nearly creepy enough. Well, here’s the official U.S. theatrical trailer, which I think may do the trick if you’re not already convinced:

Damn, that Ezra Miller is good stuff, and I don’t mean that in a perverted way (he’s only 19!), but rather, in regards to his talent. That kid is going to go many places, first in foremost in my nightmares.

Tilda has also just been named to the Harper’s Bazaar Britain’s Best Dressed of 2011 list. She lands in fifth place behind the Duchess of Cambridge, Florence Welch, Andrea Riseborough, and Kate Moss. Judge Philip Treacy justifies Tilda’s inclusion as follows: “Tilda has balls. Fashion is a throwaway experiment to her. She’s the ultimate in transformation.” How amusing for Tilda, who probably feels equally dispassionate about fashion as she claims to feel about acting as well. Yet she can’t fool us for long with her talk of retirement. Tilda was born for the big screen, and she won’t get away that easily.

Here are the Tilda’s red-carpet looks of 2011. Does she belong on the list? Absolutely. Would I ever be able to pull off any of these looks? Never in my wildest, alien-landscape dreams.

Photos courtesy of Fame and WENN; poster courtesy of Indie Wire

Gwyneth Paltrow learned everything she needed to know in high school

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 08:23 AM PDT

Oh, Gwyneth. Is there any subject that you will not deign to speak of with condescension? Gwyneth wants us to know that she didn't need formal training as an actress - she was just that good, naturally. You know why? Because her mother is Blythe Danner, and yours isn't. You can go to The Actor's Studio and study Stanislavski, because you are not Blythe Danner's daughter and acting simply isn't in your blood. And even then, you didn't deign to attend to Spence Academy, which Goop claims trained her for every single thing in her life, basically. Isn't that funny? Everything Goop needed to learn about the world, she learned from being a popular girl in a private high school. That says it all, right?

Gwyneth Paltrow learned everything about acting from her mother, Blythe Danner, and her own instincts. At the Spence School last week, Paltrow told students she has no training beyond what she learned there: "I studied drama here, but I didn't study it past being at Spence … My mother … has done a lot of stage work. I got a great education from her … and growing up here where I went to the theater all the time. I've developed my own technique, but the most important thing is your instincts."

[From Page Six]

Keep in mind - Gwyneth's own, special Goop technique is what enabled her to twang it up as a country singer in Country Strong. The Goop Technique has allowed her to shake her goop without rhythm on Glee. It allowed her to stand around and be the foil to Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man. Because those of Goop's most recent acting credits, and I don't really think they speak volumes about her "talent" or her technique. But it doesn't really matter - in Goop's mind, she's always A-list and she will always be A-list. She learned that at Spence too.

Here's another Goop story, via the NYDN. Goop took her kids bowling. HOW GAUCHE.

Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't half-ass it when she competes against her kids. A source at Bowlmor Lanes in Union Square says the "Country Strong" actress brought her two children, Apple, 7, and Moses, 5, to the alley on Thursday for an afternoon of pin toppling.

After trading in her high heels for a rather plain pair of bowling shoes and signing in as "Mom" on the electronic scoreboard, the insider says Paltrow proceeded to dominate her progeny. The 39-year-old actress scored a respectable 83 for herself, while her daughter rolled a 70. Moses finished with 62. Expect to see a post on Goop about teaching your kids to lose with grace — and learning how not to gloat when you best your children in games of skill.

[From The NYDN]

It cracks me up to no end that Goop is so superior she won't even let her kids win at bowling. "I have to teach them how to be the BEST, because they are my children, and it's in our genes to be the best. How else will they learn if I don't beat them until they get better?" Goop asked the Dalai Lama.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Reese Witherspoon in trouble with PETA for carrying a gorgeous python bag

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 08:00 AM PDT

Don't make the same mistake I made, which was to simply stare at Reese Witherspoon's gorgeous handbag and whisper, "I want to go there." It's a really great purse, right? Well, too bad. It's a $4000 Chloe, and if you live in California, it's against the law for you to buy this bag. For why? Because it's made of python, and there are laws against that, and now PETA is super-pissed at Reese for owning such a beautiful and horrible bag:

As Elle Woods in Legally Blonde she was obsessed with her collection of handbags. But Reese Witherspoon’s most recent personal acquirement has landed her in hot water with animal rights groups, as she was spotted with a $4,000 python skin purse illegal in California.

While the Oscar-winning actress, 35, will not be in trouble with the law, she has been criticised for carrying the exclusive Chloe Paraty python and leather bag. The Walk The Line star could not have purchased the item in California, as it has been illegal to sell the material there since 1970.

A spokeswoman for animal rights charity PETA told the Mail: ‘No matter how much Reese paid for that bag, the animals paid a much higher price.

‘Every year, millions of snakes are impaled on hooks or nailed to trees by their heads and skinned alive. Hoses are inserted into the mouths of large snakes—like pythons—and their bodies are pumped full of water to loosen their skin so that it will cut away more easily. The animals’ peeled, writhing bodies are then discarded, and it often takes days for the animals to die from the effects of shock and dehydration.’

The spokeswoman also said the charity hopes it is a case of ignorance rather than malice on Reese’s part.

She said: ‘We can’t imagine that she’d wish to contribute to this hidden suffering, especially for something as frivolous as a fashion accessory that can be replicated with no bloodshed. These days, it’s easy to have a look that kills without killing, with fake snake, mock croc, python pleather, and other designer items that pay tribute to the beauty of these animals without massacring them.’

Ironically Reese has previously been voted the world’s sexiest vegetarian by animal rights group PETA.

The group has promised to send her an undercover video expose hosted by her Walk The Line co-star Joaquin Phoenix about the cruelty behind the exotic skins industry.

According to RadarOnline, under the California Penal Code Section 653o it is unlawful to import python into California for commercial purposes. This includes possession with intent to sell, or sell within the state. However, it is not illegal if someone purchases python elsewhere and brings it in.

The python Chloe bag is on sale online in black for an eye-watering $3,820, not including sales tax. Other celebrities criticised for having python skin bags include Kylie Minogue and Eva Longoria. The ethical hot potato has seen fashion houses such as Victoria’s Secret, H&M, Overstock.com, Cole Haan, and Nike sign PETA’s pledge promising never to sell exotic skins due to the cruelty.

[From The Mail]

I mean, sure. Poor snakes. Poor pythons. That's rough. But g-ddamn, that's a really beautiful bag. The problem with synthetic leathers and fake skins is that no one ever uses the synthetic stuff to make a bag this pretty. Show me a fake leather bag this pretty, and I'll totally buy it. For now, though, I'm looking to see if I can get my hands on this one. Go ahead and yell at me! It's gorgeous.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kris Humphries & Kim Kardashian release dueling pleas for sympathy

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 08:00 AM PDT

I'm sure this will be one of twenty million Kim Kardashian-related posts today, so just bear with all of us. Yesterday, as everybody on planet earth knows, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after "making it work" for a grueling 72 days. I should point out that this is the advice I gave Kim last week - that if everything stayed in the holding pattern of "Kim is miserable, Kris Humphries is such a douche," everybody was going to get bored with them, so they needed to just split up officially. So… it looks like Kim took my advice? Perhaps. Here's some other stuff that happened, in convenient bullet points:

*Kris Humphries released a statement after Kim announced that she was filing for divorce. The statement read: “I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce. I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.” Ooooh, somebody's playing it for sympathy!

*Kim is going to be traveling a lot in the next few weeks. She's in Australia right now and then she's going to be in Atlanta to begin filming with Tyler Perry.

*You can read the divorce filing here. Kim filed in California, and most California divorces take a breezy 6 months to complete. So… the divorce will go on longer than the marriage.

*Kim released a statement as well. She told E! News: “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best.”

*Kim has a pre-nup, but a potential asset fight could be looming, because Kim and Kris made so much money from their wedding. In the divorce filing, Kim listed “miscellaneous jewelry and other personal effects” and “earnings and accumulations” amassed by Kim before, during and after her marriage be confirmed as separate property. Meaning she might be trying to claim all of the wedding profits as hers alone, plus all of the jewelry that Kris "gave" her, including her 20.5 carat diamond engagement ring.

That's all for now, but I'm sure there will be more to come!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kris Jenner regrets ignoring Nicole Simpson’s call for help the day before her murder

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 07:36 AM PDT

Kris Jenner used to be married to Robert Kardashian, one of the lawyers who defended OJ Simpson in that circus of a murder trial that captivated a pre-Internet nation in 1994. Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and Robert Jr. are all Kris and Robert’s kids. Kris and Robert divorced in 1990, prior to the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman. Anyway Kris was friends with Nicole Brown Simpson, whom she claims called her up the day before her murder and asked her to come over, but she was too busy. Kris made this revelation in her new memoir, oh yes she has one, called Kris Jenner . . . And All Things Kardashian. (Note: this excerpt makes it sound like Nicole called Kris on the day she was murdered. EW clarifies that it was the day before.)

Whilst Kris Jenner’s immediate concerns might be towards her daughter Kim Kardashian, in the wake of the latter’s split from husband Kris Humphries after just 72 days of marriage, the 55 year-old is in the press this week for altogether more series matters. Jenner has published allegations about the famously acquitted murder suspect O.J. Simpson in her latest book ‘Kris Jenner . And All Things Kardashian’, according to E! Online.

Jenner was best friends with Simpson’s wife and eventual victim Nicole Brown Simpson and has written that she might’ve been able to save her friend’s life that fateful day on June 12th 1994 - had she acquiesced to Simpson’s request to go over and see her. “Nicole said, Can you get over here…? I need to talk to you. It’s really important”, Jenner explained, going on to admit that she said she was too busy at the time, before claiming that it was the last time she ever heard Simpson’s voice. Furthermore, upon hearing of the murder Jenner claims she “instinctively knew” of OJ’s involvement.

“I truly couldn’t believe she had been so betrayed by the person who she had once loved most. That O.J. would be so destructive and selfish and jealous that he would do that to her was just mind-blowing to me,” she admonished, “All these thoughts were running through my mind. This can’t be true.” Former American Footballer O.J was famously let off the murder of his wife in 1994, though he was ordered to pay $34 million to the deceased’s family.

Look, this is Kris Jenner we’re talking about. She’s single-handedly responsible for foisting her entire family on us and marketing more products slapped with their name than any other stage mother that came before her. She described her reaction to her daughter Kim’s sex tape as making lemonade out of lemons, and she probably orchestrated a fake courtship, fake wedding and now fake-divorce for Kim, all for cash and ratings. You just can’t put it past this lady to make up a story like Nicole’s call for help for headlines, whether she’s disrespecting the memory of her dead friend or not. That said, I could also see her being way too busy to help a distraught friend. Did you see this stupid video she made in the 80s? She says she loves her friends only it’s all about her. Entertainment Weekly has more on the revelations from Kris’ memoir, including the fact that she was convinced that OJ was guilty. So was most of the rest of the world watching the trial.

Kris is shown on 10/22/11. Credit: WENN.com

Jessica Simpson confirms pregnancy: “It’s true! I am going to be a mummy!”

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 07:31 AM PDT

Yesterday afternoon, Jessica Simpson tweeted the above photo with the message, "It’s true, I am going to be a mummy." FINALLY, a confirmation of something that we've known for several months now: Jessica Simpson dressed up as a mummy for Halloween. Also, she's preggo.

What else is there to say? She's 31 years old, engaged to Eric Johnson, her unemployed Yalie, and this will be the first child for both of them. Sources claim Jessica is about six months along, which seems about right - meaning she would be due end of January, early February.

So… instead of announcing her pregnancy on a big celebrity weekly, she went a more subdued route, via Twitter and her website. She also shows us that she has a sense of humor about herself - most Hollywood women wouldn't choose a costumed Halloween photo for their big baby announcement. All in all, I give Jessica extra points for how she handled herself the past few months, especially considering the rather stark difference between Jessica's low-key behavior and non-bumpwhoring versus Beyonce, who is allegedly due around the same time as Jessica.

Photos courtesy of Jessica Simpson, WENN & Fame.

Cillian Murphy at UK ‘In Time’ premiere: creepy or sexy?

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 07:28 AM PDT

These are new photos of Cillian Murphy from the In Time premiere in London last night. Cilian is in the film - he's one of villains, I think, along with Vincent Kartheiser. Cillian was made for villainy - he's just got the face for it. He's just got the eyes for it, honestly.

I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of Cillian Murphy as a heartthrob. As an actor, yes, he's wonderful, and he has talent oozing out of every pore. But I just can't get hot for him. He has serial killer eyes and he looks like the kind of motherchucker who would "accidentally on purpose" stab you while he was inside of you. Like, "Whoops, my shank slipped!" I'm sure he's not really like that. I'm sure he's a really nice guy. In fact I was just reading his recent AV Club interview, and he does sound very nice. Kind of dorky and sweet and humble - you can read the interview here. So even after I read something nice about him, why do I still feel like his eyes are trying to molest me?

Still, I know that Cillian has his devotees amongst you bitches. So enjoy these new photos of him - we rarely get new photos of Cillian, so it is a special occasion. And just be content in the knowledge that I don't want him and I won't fight you for him. If I'm going to bare-knuckle it with one of you sluts, it's going to be over that other Irish bastard, Michael Fassbender.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes go “redneck” for Halloween

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 07:19 AM PDT

Here are some photos of LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian in their Halloween costumes (via LeAnn’s Twitter, of course). I guess they went as good ol' fashioned rednecks? And don't even start with me that "redneck" is hate-speech or something. I live in Virginia. I grew up with rednecks. Rednecks who are true rednecks are proud to call themselves rednecks. You can't swing a dick around here without running into dozens of dudes who look exactly like Eddie. Now, LeAnn's pregnant, smoking, white trash bride… you'd have to look a bit harder to find her, but I'm sure you probably could.

It's funny that both of them look completely natural in these costumes, right? Eddie looks totally at home. I can totally see him driving a pickup truck and giving me an estimate on a new roof. LeAnn looks slightly unconvincing, only because she probably knows, somewhere deep in her heart, that this is her natural state. I mean, I remember what her hair used to look like. I remember what a low-class little thing she used to be (and arguably still is). But she should have tried to find a more convincing baby bump - she probably went with a smaller one because she's terrified of looking "fat" even for a Halloween costume. Also, does she have a black eye, or is that just bad makeup/shadowing?

One more thing - LeAnn covers the new (digital?) issue of Country Stars Central, below. Ten bucks says she's super-pissed that her thighs look like that.

Photos courtesy of LeAnn Rimes's Twitter.

Michael Fassbender is Fassdongy in Berlin: gorgeous or methy?

Posted: 01 Nov 2011 06:17 AM PDT

Sigh… it's a good day. New Michael Fassbender photos! Praise Jesus. Fassie was in Berlin for the premiere of A Dangerous Method. Alas, his hot partner in dong, Viggo Mortensen, was not at the premiere - it was just Fassie, David Cronenberg and some assorted German celebrities. Sidenote: Can I just say? Showtime has been playing Inglourious Basterds on an endless loop lately, and I keep getting stuck watching all of the Fassie parts. He was so pretty and wonderful in that film. I love him so much.

Anyway, last night he was wearing this great blue suit and tie. Dark colors work so much better on him than silvers, greys or even white. The last time I saw Fassie in a white t-shirt, I thought he looked methy. But even then, I wasn't complaining. I love how many new photos there are of Fassie lately. I can't wait for the American premieres of A Dangerous Method and Shame - those premieres should be coming in the next month. GAH! How will I be able to function?

Speaking of Shame, Fassie just got nominated for Lead Actor for a British Independent Film Award. Carey Mulligan got nominated too. Which leads me to wonder… when the nominations are being handed out in America, and the Oscar campaigns really begin in earnest, will people put any money behind Fassie to get him an Oscar nomination for Shame? The safer bet might be Best Supporting Actor (or lead?) for A Dangerous Method, but Shame is coming into the awards season with all of the buzz, and I bet you ten dollars Fassie gets a Golden Globe nomination for lead actor in a Drama for Shame. Sigh… Fassie on more red carpets! Seriously, how will I function?

I'm adding a few photos from the London Film Festival that I didn't get around to using before. The photo where he's looking soulful and slightly earnest (and dirty) while looking directly into the camera…? That's why I love him. Because he is capable of giving me so much pleasure just with that expression that is part lust, part smirk, part naked earnestness. Jesus Christ, I love this man. I will totally marry him someday.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

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