Cele|bitchy

Kristin Cavallari says she never boned Scott Disick, she hates the Kardashians now
How wasted were Brooke Mueller & Charlie Sheen on ET with their boys?
Joseph Gordon-Levitt asked on a coffee date by a cute girl with cancer
Is The Kardashian empire krumbling? Their boycott petition has 100k signatures.
Jennifer Aniston & her hardcore boyfriend get spa treatments together
George Clooney on Stacy Keibler: “She’s very tall… She can kick my ass”
Justin Bieber’s accuser still wants a DNA test, but new texts might blow her case
Dylan McDermott is 50 years old and still hot: could he still get it?
Robert Pattinson “would have married Kristen Stewart like yesterday”
Us Weekly: Duchess Kate has a baby “penciled in” for next summer

Kristin Cavallari says she never boned Scott Disick, she hates the Kardashians now

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 08:48 AM PST

Yesterday, Life & Style was the only second-tier tabloid without a Duchess Kate cover. Life & Style had decided to combat People Mag's Sexiest Man of the Year issue by doing an "exclusive" story on how Scott Disick used to bang Kristin Cavallari, and how Kourtney Kardashian is still really pissed about. I forgot to mention yesterday how Kourtney is full of it - Scott allegedly boned Kristin when he and Kourtney were on a break, and Kourtney was off boning other dudes too. Dudes like Premo Stallone, who I still believe is a contender for Mason-Dixon's biological father. Anyway, Kristin Cavallari is now denying that any Scott-bonin' took place. I guess we have to believe her because she hasn't been chainsawed by Scott in a Patrick Bateman fit, right?

Kristin Cavallari isn’t the cheating type — despite what Life & Style wants its readers to believe. The 24-year-old MTV reality star is discrediting the tabloid for alleging she had an affair with Scott Disick, who has been in a committed relationship with Kourtney Kardashian since 2007.

“It’s 100 percent not true,” Cavallari said on The Billy Bush Show Wednesday.

The Hills star — who’s back on with Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler — added that her ex-fiance “didn’t believe [the report] for one second.”

Cavallari said she was also upset that Disick, 28, and the Kardashian family didn’t deny the tabloid story outright.

“I just think, what convenient timing for them with their show premiering next week. With everything that’s going on for Kim, I feel like they’re trying to take the heat off her,” she said. “When there’s a big story like that, they always call you and ask if you want to comment and clearly none of them denied it.”

“It’s disrespectful to me and Jay,” Cavallari added, “and I think it just says a lot about their character.”

[From Us Weekly]

Meh, I'm actually not sure that I believe her denial either. I think that when Scott and Kourtney did "breakup" (and they broke up often before Mason came along), they were both fooling around with other people. Kristin might have been around, and something might have happened between KC and Scott. But I love that Kristin is getting all offended and attacking the "character" of the Kardashians and Scott. Like, she's surprised that they're famewhores who are trying to change the subject and promote their new show by any means necessary. SHOCKING.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

How wasted were Brooke Mueller & Charlie Sheen on ET with their boys?

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 08:25 AM PST

Last night Charlie Sheen and his ex wife Brooke Mueller played happy families for Entertainment Tonight with their twin two and a half year-old boys, Bob and Max. Brooke was high as a freaking kite and could barely speak while Charlie was maintainin’ and acting somewhat normal, for him. I always find it amusing when people are totally wasted on TV and everyone around them is acting like there’s nothing wrong and seems to be ignoring the problem. That’s the appeal of Kim Richards on RHOBH, and Brooke Mueller is basically the same - slurry, barely functioning, and struggling to explain basic concepts. It would have been funny if these clowns didn’t have two little boys with them who think of them as parents. I guess there are always nannies and adult film star mistresses to serve as sober caregivers.

Here’s what Brooke and Charlie said, but to get the full effect you should watch the video on ET’s website. (Their segment is at 12:00 into this video.) Notice that when Brooke calls Charlie a good dad, she immediately starts talking about how he just bought her a house with a tennis court. She’s been in rehab umpteen times and it obviously hasn’t worked for her. Charlie is still pretty wasted too.

Charlie: These guys [Bob and Max] have nothing to do with whatever. It’s not their fault but they do deserve the benefit of two parents in their life.

We’re friends and we’re co-parents and that’s what we decided is the most important thing.

Brooke: Charlie and I are so blessed and fortunate to have such amazing kids, and that’s really the glue that holds our friendship and relationship together…

He’s an amazing father. He’s amazing with the kids ’cause he teaches them sports, plays baseball with them. In fact he just bought me a house, well for the boys, and it has huge tennis courts with lights and everything.

There’s a selfless nature about her and that’s the only way you can really be available for your children is to be compassionate and be selfless.

They go on about co-parenting, but I’m really just reporting this so that I can share these screengrabs of Brooke’s crazy face. Charlie was wasted too, but he hid it better. I think that Brooke and Charlie get along when they’re both really high on whatever. Again it would be funny if they didn’t have kids. I hope that Charlie’s ex Denise Richards steps in and tries to be an influence in Max and Bob’s lives. They need more sober adults around. Also, those boys are adorable.

Charlie is currently working on the film A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III . Brooke recently sold the home that she used to share with Charlie in Los Feliz that was left to her in the divorce.

All photos are screengrabs from Entertainment Tonight, where you can see this segment

Joseph Gordon-Levitt asked on a coffee date by a cute girl with cancer

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 08:17 AM PST

Over the summer, an attractive Marine put up a YouTube video asking Mila Kunis to be his date for the Marine Corps ball. She flip-flopped on whether she would accept his invitation, but one ballsy Marine changed the way celebrities and their fans interacted. Justin Timberlake got a Marine Corps Ball invitation too - and he just went this past weekend. Betty White got one, and a few others probably got some too. But would this YouTube date-proposal work for non-military personnel? Would it work with just an average person who just wants to have a coffee date with Joseph Gordon Levitt? I think it might. Above is the YouTube video by Lindsay Miller, a 26-year-old girl with cancer, and she really wants to have coffee with JGL.

Before I saw the video, I was kind of like "meh" on this story, but now that I've seen it - this girl is really cute and sweet, and she's not coming across as creepy whatsoever. She's just a girl with cancer who liked JGL's performance in 50/50, and she'd like to hang out with him. She told Us Weekly, "After seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s performance and seeing/reading some of his subsequent interviews about the film I thought, ‘This guy gets it. And he’s cute. I wonder if I could ever run into him somewhere.’ But even though I live in LA, it seems impossible to find him. It’s ridiculous…And it feels like I’m making a big leap from being an anonymous cancer ‘liver’ a few months ago to now starring in my own video. But, life is short. So, why not?” Aw. Sweetheart. She’s got me tearing up.

JGL apparently told E! News that he hadn't seen the video yet, but that he had heard about it. DO IT!!! Please, JGL? Please meet this girl and have coffee with her and just be nice to her and give her a cool story. Plus, she’s a cutie. You might even want to take her out again and again.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Is The Kardashian empire krumbling? Their boycott petition has 100k signatures.

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 08:03 AM PST

Among all the latest Kardashian stories there’s been one major theme, and that is that the general public, not just the heavy gossip consumers like us, are sick of these bitches, particularly Kim, and are ready to see them go away permanently. We’ve all been saying this for some time, but it took a while for the tide to turn and it really has. Last night’s Entertainment Tonight asked if the Kardashian empire was crumbling, and it definitely seems to be. There are several petitions to take their shows off their air, the most active of which has over 100,000 signatures and an accompanying website, BoycottKim.com. The website is an amusing parody and brief commentary on the Karadashians, although the brands to boycott section is incomplete. That’s probably because it’s nearly impossible to keep up with all the crap these people have slapped their name on.

Well advertisers are worried and wary of the Kardashians, according to ET, as is E!’s parent company, Comcast. ET claimed last night that they had a source that confirmed that “Comcast is concerned about the Kardashian franchise.” A journalist for Hollywood Reporter, Leslie Bruce, really summed things up during ET’s segment. She said “The Kardashian brand relies solely on it’s authenticity, and viewers really believing that they have a window into their life. Without that really what do the Kardashians have?”

What’s more is that the Kardashian sisters have a new book out called Dollhouse. It’s very thinly veiled fiction about their lives, with three sisters called Kamille, Kassidy, and Kyle who live in L.A. with their controlling mom and her new husband, a former professional baseball player. Their rich dad died a few years prior and now they’re hustling to keep up their luxurious lifestyle. The existence of this book just brings home how fake this family is and how much krap they’re trying to sell us without possessing any talent or a intelligence.

If you do a google news search on Kardashian, all the top results are about the petition to take them off their air. There’s also news that Kim ditched her best friend, Brittny Gastineau, shortly after she got married. Brittny’s mom told Radar that Brittny was concerned about Kim jumping into her marriage with Kris Humphries too fast. After Kim got married, she shut Brittny out. She also seems to have shut her husband out, and to have simultaneously slammed the door on all the easy money she was making. Narcissists aren’t very good at maintaining relationships after all.

Here are Kourtney and Khloe promoting their new book in New Jersey yesterday. Look at how orange Kourtney’s face is! And her pantsuit is ridiculous. Kim was a no show.

Photo credit: WENN and Fame

Jennifer Aniston & her hardcore boyfriend get spa treatments together

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 07:36 AM PST

It seems like Jennifer Aniston is determined to not only remake Justin Theroux into her idea of The Perfect Boyfriend, but she also wants him to be her Perfect Girlfriend. Justin has been knocking around Hollywood for some-odd 15 years - before he got with Jennifer, he was known as somewhat of a badass, the leather-clad hipster who lived in downtown NYC, had friends like Terry Richardson, and spent his time drinking in seedy bars. Once he got with Aniston, he signed with CAA, his per-movie asking price has gone up (allegedly), he shaved the scruffy beard for a more clean-cut look, he started wearing ties and fancier skinny jeans, and his new publicity team just bought him a spot on People Magazine's Sexiest Men list. Oh, and now he spends his time wandering around, holding hands with Jennifer Aniston for the paparazzi, in between shopping for lingerie and getting spa treatments. The perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.

Jennifer Aniston and beau Justin Theroux don't spare any expense during amorous trips to the Big Apple. For their most recent stay in NYC, the couple - who both own apartments downtown - decided to hole up at the luxe Four Seasons. There, they've been indulging in room service and the hotel's spa.

"They came in for some treatments together," says a source. "They were polite and Jennifer seemed especially excited."

On November 10, Aniston took Theroux to Nello, an upscale Italian eatery.

"They got a table in the back and stayed about an hour," says a witness. "A driver waited the entire time. Before they left, Justin grabbed her to hug her when she was getting up from her seat. They seem happy!"

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

What was it Tate Donovan said about Aniston? I can't find the quote now, but it's basically like she's all about luxury and being high-maintenance. I've said it before - I imagine it's exhausting being with her. All of that self-help stuff, on top of which she expects her dudes to be all things to her at all times. I wonder if Justin ever just gets to go get a drink with Terry Richardson and his dude friends? Or did he outgrow them in his "midlife crisis"-slash-sellout extravaganza?

Sidenote: Is Aniston trying to make Justin her girlfriend because she and Courteney Cox broke up?

Photos courtesy of Terry Richardson via Terry's Diary.

George Clooney on Stacy Keibler: “She’s very tall… She can kick my ass”

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 07:36 AM PST

I'm so glad that so many of you thought Stacy Keibler had (new) implants in yesterday's post! CB and I were arguing about it, and I thought I was imagining those dents in the sides of her breasts. Chica totally got a boob job, and they look relatively new. Did Uncle Clooney buy her some new boobs? If he did, Cray-Cray should be terribly afraid. He usually only buys 'em new boobs when he's about to dump 'em. Incidentally, Stacy Keibler was photographed leaving Clooney's place solo (photos at the end of the post), and heading to LAX, where she caught a flight by herself. Did Clooney banish her?!? That would be hilarious, but doubtful. She's Oscar Barbie! She's all prepared to be his official Oscar-Date Barbie for all of the upcoming events. She's contractually booked through March, I bet.

Anyway, you know what a kinky bastard Clooney is, right? Yeah. Well, he could barely contain himself as he described how Stacy could "kick his ass" and how she can easily "take him down". Oh, Clooney.

If George Clooney and girlfriend Stacy Keibler ever get into a serious argument, the actor may have to watch his back.

“She’s very tall,” Clooney, 50, told E! News at The Descendants premiere in Los Angeles Tuesday night, when asked about his date. “She can kick my ass.”

Adding that the WWE star, 32, can also knock him down in a wrestling match, Clooney says, “She can take me two out of three falls.”

But luckily, Keibler is also a “nice girl,” according to Clooney. “She really is.”

[From People]

"And she gets some rope," Clooney said, hitching up his pants and smirking. "She gets his rope and I'm like, 'Baby, I don't use rope, I use scarves.' And she's like, 'We're using the rope tonight, bitch.' And then she tackled me. Man, this girl. She's really something, I tell ya. So anyway, our safe word is 'rutabaga' and she had this rope and she began tightening it around my…"

…And then the poor People Magazine correspondent was like, "Seriously, I've got enough, sir. Enjoy the premiere!" And the correspondent walked off the red carpet, his hands still shaking.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Justin Bieber’s accuser still wants a DNA test, but new texts might blow her case

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 07:12 AM PST

We recently heard that Justin Bieber’s accuser, Mariah Yeater, has dropped her paternity case against Justin Bieber. Yeater initially claimed that Bieber was the father of her four month-old son, Trystan, and that little Trystan was conceived during a backstage bathroom quickie she had with the 17 year-old pop star after one of this concerts in L.A. last fall. Bieber has steadfastly denied ever meeting Yeater. A lot of you smelled a payoff where this case was concerned, and I disagree with that take on it. I just think this woman was out for some easy money and never thought this case would get as much media scrunity as it did. She came across as a total whack job in the one interview she did, and she couldn’t answer simple questions about the night her son was allegedly conceived.

Yeater’s first two lawyers have quit, probably after realizing that their client was a scam artist, but she still has one lawyer on board and he’s pulling for her. (read: trying to earn his fee and some publicity.) Yesterday we heard from Yeater’s new lawyer, Jeffrey Leving. Leving said that he was hoping to keep the “negotiations confidential” with Bieber’s lawyers and that he was still trying to secure a DNA test. I believe this is Yeater’s camp trying to save face. Leving gave similar remarks to People today, but he backtracked on Yeater and her earlier lawyers’ claim that there was some additional evidence to prove her story.

With her paternity lawsuit against Justin Bieber dropped, Mariah Yeater now is trying to pursue her claim out of court.

“We’re negotiating with Bieber’s counsel, to reach a confidentiality agreement and to get private testing and results,” one of Yeater’s new lawyers, Chicago-based attorney Jeffrey M. Leving, tells PEOPLE.

Yeater’s previous lawyers filed a request to dismiss the paternity suit in a San Diego court on Nov. 9, says Leving, who had been involved in the case earlier on and is now back, along with Los Angeles attorney John Carlson.

The attorneys for Yeater, 20, are negotiating with Bieber’s camp for him to privately take a DNA test in the next few weeks to determine whether he’s the father of Yeater’s child.

“Yes, of course I believe my client’s allegations,” says Leving. “I can’t comment on whether she has physical evidence or not.”

Leving adds that he fears for his client’s safety.

“I just spoke to Mariah today, someone was recently stalking her,” he says. “She is happy that she changed her number so she’s not getting death threats by phone. She’s a young 20-year-old mother who now has to worry about her safety and her child’s. It’s a lot for any woman that age to handle.”

[From People]

TMZ has a bunch of text messages allegedly from Yeater to an unnamed male recipient in which she asks him to “Pleeease ERASE ALL MESSAGES from my mom where she says Trystan is Robbies son,” adding “I’ll kick u when we get paid.” So I guess this baby’s father is a guy named “Robbie,” and that it isn’t the first ex that Mariah accused and then allegedly smacked, John Terranova. It takes a real piece of work to continue pushing this story after all that’s come out about her. It makes you wonder why her lawyer is still granting interviews. Did she get a lawyer who was fame hungry enough to keep the story going, even after his client’s credibility was completely shot? Of course it’s still possible that she’s telling the truth, that she got nervous and flustered during her interview, and that these text messages were fabricated by Bieber’s people to discredit her. It’s easy enough to fake some text messages. A DNA test could put all of this to bed pretty fast, or it could ruin Bieber’s career. I’m still thinking he’s innocent.

Dylan McDermott is 50 years old and still hot: could he still get it?

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 06:05 AM PST

I can't even describe the love I had for Dylan McDermott when I was much, much younger. Home for the Holidays was one of my favorite films (I still consider it a wonder and underrated film), and Dylan McDermott was one of my dream men, right up there with John Malkovich (seriously). It helped that Dylan was married to an Indian girl - I thought, "Well, just wait until he meets me!" Anyway, through the years, I got over my crush. It wasn't really anything Dylan did - I just stopped following his career, and I'm not watching American Horror Story either (I don't like scary stuff).

So, Dylan is interviewed in the new issue of The Advocate, and he comes across really, really well. He's also one of the featured dudes in People's Sexiest Men Alive issue - honestly, he would have been a better choice than Bradley Cooper. So here's the question: Could Dylan McDermott still get it? I think he could. It helps that the man is still fine as hell - he's 50 years old, and I guess he's a vampire, because he still looks 30-something. Anyway, you can read the full Advocate piece here, and here are some excerpts:

The Advocate: Are you aware of your gay following?
Dylan McDermott: Gay or straight, the idea of fans isn't something I normally think about, because I'm ultimately kind of shy. If I start thinking about who does or doesn't like me, I just get uncomfortable. But I grew up in New York's Greenwich Village in the '70s with my dad, so I was exposed to gay people from a very young age. It was definitely eye-opening for me.

And your stepmom is feminist playwright and performance artist Eve Ensler, a lesbian icon.
Oh, yes, so I was raised with a great deal of tolerance and the idea of equality for all. Eve has a lot of gay friends, and I do too.

Then you must know that Steel Magnolias is a major gay favorite. Seriously? You haven't lived until you've been to a Steel Magnolias viewing party with a bunch of gay men. I've literally seen it played on a loop in gay bars.
No, I had no idea. You have to tell me about it. That's hysterical. I swear to God, I did not know this. That was my first really big movie, and I loved making it. I'd just made Hamburger Hill in the Philippines, where there were no trailers, and somebody died while we were making the movie. It was a brutal shoot. All of a sudden I'm on the set of Steel Magnolias, where there's more pink than I've ever seen in my life. I was working with movie stars who each had their own hair and makeup people, we only worked eight hours a day, and everybody was always partying and laughing. It blew my mind.

So what was it like to watch yourself in American Horror Story at the big Hollywood premiere?
When my ass was 70 feet up in the air at the Cinerama Dome, I got a little shy, but people seemed to appreciate it afterward.

No kidding. Mere hours after the television premiere, screencaps of your nude scenes were everywhere online.
Oh, no. [Laughs] I knew going into it that there was nudity and that a lot of people would be watching, so I knew I had to be in really good shape. I'm no fool, so I hit the gym and watched what I ate. Actually, when I first got the role, production called me and asked, "Who's your body double?" I said, "Oh, hell no. It's going to be all me, baby."

How does the big 5-0 feel?
It's a bit freaky, I have to say. I don't know exactly what it all means. I asked my father, who's close to 70 now, how old he feels, and says that he still feels like he's 18 years old. Age is a funny thing: You get wiser, your body changes, but I think we all get stuck at an age where we don't feel much older than we really are. I was talking to Eve about it the other night and she said, "Life begins at 50. You kind of have it figured out by then, because you know there's so much bulls–t in the world and you know not to be so worried about it." I actually noticed that for myself when I was able to stay away from the reviews for American Horror Story, good and bad. I really like that I've arrived at that point in life where I don't have to be validated. Of course, it's nice when you're validated, but if it all turned to shit, I would still be me. So I like the maturity that comes with turning 50, but you're hit with mortality more than anything else. There's always the element of, Oh, shit, is time running out?

When it comes to filming nude scenes, some actors modestly rush into their bathrobes and other actors let it all hang out at craft services. Which actor are you?
I'm probably somewhere in the middle. When I'm in the role, in the moment, I'm comfortable. After they yell "cut," I don't need to put my balls in someone's face.

Were you at all intimidated by the show's overt sexual content?
I've never been uncomfortable with sexuality. That goes back to my growing up in New York in the '70s, which was a very sexual time. I was sort of a club kid, and I'd go to places like the Mudd Club and Max's Kansas City. Being a part of that whole world, sexuality always seemed very normal to me.

Did men ever hit on you in those clubs?
Oh, yeah. Honestly, I'm cool with everyone, and people pick up on that. I'd say, "I'm not gay, but it's all good." It's kind of like going to Paris when you don't know the language; some Americans get into trouble over there, but I'm just like, "Sorry, I don't speak French."

[On AHS] you get to work with openly gay actors like Denis O'Hare and Zachary Quinto.
Yeah. Certainly, when I was first coming up in the business, I worked with gay actors who were in the closet and had to remain so, but from the Rock Hudson years to where we are now, it seems like more and more actors are comfortable being out, and that's great. I think we'll get to the point eventually where it doesn't matter at all, but it just needs more time. People's tolerance is still questionable out there in the world, but I feel like it's getting better. James Lecesne, who cofounded the Trevor Project, is a friend of mine, and I'm happy to be involved with that wonderful organization.

You played the friend of Robert Downey Jr.'s gay character in Jodie Foster's Home for the Holidays, which also has something of a gay following. Word has it that Robert ad-libbed like a madman on that movie.
Robert did improv a lot, but it really made his character come alive. He's so enormously talented. God, there were so many great people in that movie — Holly Hunter, Anne Bancroft. I wasn't aware that had any kind of cult following in the gay world, so that's cool to hear.

[From The Advocate]

He spends some time kissing Ryan Murphy's ass, but he also drops in an interesting tidbit about how he (Dylan) would love to do a Halston bio-pic with Ryan, which… that would be amazing. Halston was badass, and it would mean lots of 1970s costumes, which would be amazing on Dylan. Damn, my crush is back. Hard.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Robert Pattinson “would have married Kristen Stewart like yesterday”

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 05:31 AM PST

I'm just going to briefly pretend that CB didn't use last night's Breaking Dawn premiere photos for the lead link yesterday, because I'd really like to talk about them. The premiere was in London, and I think it was a much better showing for everybody involved. I really liked Kristen Stewart's Roberto Cavalli gown - sexy, pretty, well-made. In retrospect, I dislike that J. Mendel dress even more. I like Kristen's styling much better here too - her hair is much prettier, she seems less awkward, and she and Robert seem almost sweet together. Also: she posed for photos in heels and then she went somewhere, changed into her Converse and did more red carpet stuff. I don't know how that works - does she go inside to change her shoes? If it's that big of deal, why not do the whole red carpet in your sneakers? Anyway, since we're currently being sold this grand love story, it helps if the two leads are actually loved up and the studio can sell that too, right?

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart might not officially be married but they definitely act like it! A new report in Us Weekly says Rob, 25, and Kristen, 21, tell their friends that they already feel like "an old married couple" because they spend their free time watching documentaries, reading and cooking huge meals!

Not to mention that the pair's romance has been going strong for at least two years, they spend as much time together as their demanding schedules allow and neither has any interest in ever dating anyone else.

"They go to Kristen's parents' house and make big meals," a source says. "Everyone helps cook. Her mom and dad welcome him as if he's their own. They crack to everyone that they feel like an old married couple."

Then why hasn't Robsten already walked down the aisle like their co-star Nikki Reed who married Paul McDonald in October?

"Rob would have married her like yesterday," the insider says. "But she is happy with the way things are."

In 2009, Kristen mentioned in an interview that she didn't want her engagement ring to look like Bella's, saying a "huge rock" was not her style. "Rob was sweet and said something like, 'I'll make a note of that!'"

And when Kristen and Robert filmed Bella Edward's wedding, Pattinson "could not even remember the vows," Kristen says. "I think he was kind of nervous."

[From Hollywood Life & Us Weekly, print edition]

I'm tired of this story line, and I think it's changed too. While I used to think Sparkles was the one who wanted commitment and wanted to be more public with Kristen, I actually think he's just tired of everything to do with this franchise, including his girlfriend. Now, I'm sure they're still together, and it wouldn't surprise me if he had gotten close to her family and that Kristen and Robert really do act like an "old married couple". But that also means that they might have lost some of the spark, you know? I still wonder if they're even going to be together after the promotional tour for Breaking Dawn Part 2 - which means they have to wait it out for another year? What happens if they break up before then? Would the studio freak out?

Oh, and Pajiba has a lovely piece on Robert Pattinson and why he's a lovely dude despite this awful franchise - go here to read it.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Us Weekly: Duchess Kate has a baby “penciled in” for next summer

Posted: 17 Nov 2011 05:11 AM PST

As I mentioned yesterday, Duchess Kate and the state of her womb took the covers of several tabloids this week, likely as an effort for the second-tier publications to compete with People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive issue. I missed that Kate also took the cover of Us Weekly too - but unlike In Touch and Star, Us Weekly is claiming that Kate is definitely not pregnant right now, but that she and William have "penciled in" a pregnancy for next year. This girl… she has turned waiting into an art form. Like, she's her own installation piece. No wonder she wants her charity work to revolve around the art world - her life's work is Waiting. It is an art. Here are some gems from the Us Weekly piece:

A palace source stresses that Prince William and Kate "are ready to start a family." Based on the royal couple's own schedule, baby news could come as soon as 2012. Says the insider, "Next summer would be the perfect time to announce a pregnancy."

First, Prince William will leave for the Falklands in February. "A date would not be put down for him to go to the Falklands until they knew exactly when they were hoping to start a family," says a palace insider. Regarding William's six-week absence, Kate's confidant says, "It will be a very testing time for her." She will be alone as a royal for the first time, with barely any contact with her husband.

At the same time, Kate will officially begin a life of royal duties - meeting foreign heads of state, patronizing multiple charities.

The palace source also says the couple don't want a pregnancy to distract from next spring's four-day countrywide celebration of the queen's 60 years on the throne. "William and Catherine do not want to overshadow that."

But the events will be over by early June, and there is a window to break the news. "Kate's always planned things in her life meticulously," says a longtime confidant. "It's impossible she hasn't penciled in the right time for having a baby."

Waiting has always been part of the plan - "Kate has said that she didn't want to be too young a mother," says the confidant. "Or else she'd have no wisdom to impart to her children. She will firm but fair - they will have fun and freedom, but I doubt she would let them get out of line!"

"William is the only man she imagined having children with…her university sweetheart will be the father of her children. If only we could all have that luck!"

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

There's more in there about how Will and Kate really might move to Scotland permanently after Will finishes up in Wales next year, and how Kate would love to raise her kids there. Which I don't believe. I think Kate likes London. I think she likes shopping and getting her hair done for five hours at a time at her favorite salon, and spending time with her family and gossiping with friends and such. I think she would go bonkers in Scotland if she had to live there for three years as an adult - obviously, she spent four years in Scotland as a student, but that's different. She was trying to snag a prince - now she’s snagged him. London it is.

But I really wanted to discuss the three laugh lines in the piece. First of all, "At the same time, Kate will officially begin a life of royal duties"… do you see what they did there? They moved back the start date again! She was supposed to buckle down and start doing royal work in January. Now it's February. Next month it will be March. You see it, right? I'm not hallucinating.

Second laugh line - "Kate's always planned things in her life meticulously. It's impossible she hasn't penciled in the right time for having a baby" - this does not inspire confidence in so many levels. It makes her seem plotting and devious, like she's a villainess with a master plan, which… I’ll buy that she’s got a devious, plotting streak (she got the prince, after all), but so much of this was an experiment and she didn’t know how it was going to end. She’s not that much of a planner - she’s more of a gambler and a waiter. Also: penciled in? Seriously? Penciling in a time to have a baby is so romantic! Third laugh line - "Kate has said that she didn't want to be too young a mother…or else she'd have no wisdom to impart to her children." Wisdom = The Art of Waiting. The Wisdom of Lowered Expectations. The Art of Laziness. The Wisdom of Shifting The Goal Posts.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Cele|bitchy

Cele|bitchy

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