Monday, November 21, 2011

Crushable

Crushable


Beyoncé Is Faking The ‘Boobs-Getting-Bigger’ Part Of Her Pregnancy, Too

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 11:16 AM PST

In her continuing efforts to trick us all into believing she’s allowing a fetus to wreak havoc on her insanely valuable body, Beyoncé has left no detail up to chance. In addition to (maybe) wearing a prosthetic baby bump, it appears she’s also faking the “boobs getting bigger” part of pregnancy, or at least, that’s the idea I get from these photos that just came out.

While hosting a screening of her new DVD “Live at Roseland: The Elements of 4” in New York yesterday, Bey was so confident in the air tightness of her ruse that she wore a revealing little number. Maybe too revealing–as this picture shows, she had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction, and a push-up boob cutlet popped out of one side of her bra:

We know this is not simply a flesh-colored strapless bra, because the bra she was wearing was black (God bless hi-res images):

Now, what does this tell us? Taken alone, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything; lots of women wear boob cutlets for reasons other than faking a pregnancy. But B’s boobs have gotten pretty huge lately (as one’s boobs typically do when one is pregnant), and it seems somewhat suspect that she would feel the need to wear prosthetics to make them even huger. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but taken together with the weirdly growing/shrinking/collapsing belly, I’m willing to add these photos to the pile of evidence that the only “love” Beyoncé has growing inside her is love for the surrogate she’s paying to carry her and Jay-Z‘s genetic material to term.

(Via Mediatakeout)

Related posts:

Post from: Crushable

Indie Rapper Theophilus London Is Stoked On His Impending Nude Photo Scandal

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 10:38 AM PST

Theophilus London might be known for wearing cool clothes and Hasidic Jew hats, but it looks like he’s about to become better known for wearing nothing at all. The indie rapper was recently robbed when a thief broke into his Soho apartment, and said thief’s ill-gotten gains included several computers packed to the brim with n00dz. (And a ton of very good music, but who cares about that?)

“I had mad naked pictures on there. A lot,” London told Page Six. "Of myself and, maybe, of other females.” (Is he secretly a lady?) However, unlike other, more famous “victims” of n00d theft, he isn’t even pretending to be upset about it. “I'm actually psyched,” he said. “I'm waiting on my naked photos to leak. I know Bossip and Mediatakeout will have a field day on it. I have nothing to hide.”

That’s all well and good, but what about those “other females”? With London’s star rising, I wouldn’t be surprised if an Alexa Chung or someone equally hip/famous popped up where she did not want to be. Or maybe he’s using reverse psychology on the thief in the hopes that that he/she won’t try to fuck with him if it sounds like he’s going to enjoy it? Regardless, it seems like he’s well aware of the fame this type of showboating will bring him in his industry (rappers love to show their stuff), and you know what? He deserves it. If this talented artist has to have his sexxy nudes published to get noticed by mainstream hiphop, then so be it.

And if you don’t know what a Theophilus London is, check out this video for his recent single “Why Even Try,” which seems to have more or less predicted this exact situation:

(Via The New York Post)

Related posts:

Post from: Crushable

The Daily WTF: A Chair For The Cat Lady In Your Life

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 10:01 AM PST

We all know her. She might be our aunt, or our old piano teacher, maybe a kindly neighbor. And she just loves cats. Loves them so much! But her landlord told her she had to stop at like, seven cats, maximum, and now she’s sad and she spends all her time looking wistfully out the window with a calico kitten on her lap. How will you ever cheer her up?

With this chair, of course! This remarkable chair that features every kind of cat you could possibly imagine. To say it’s beautiful would be to lie, but it does have its own little charm. Plus, it goes really nicely with those field mice curtains.

(via BuzzFeed)

Post from: Crushable

The Many Faces Of James Van Der Beek In His New Lifetime Movie Jodi Picoult’s Salem Falls

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 09:54 AM PST

When I found out that James Van Der Beek was starring in a Lifetime movie based on one of Jodi Picoult‘s books, the airdate couldn’t come fast enough. Jodi Picoult’s Salem Falls combines some of my favorite things: The author’s penchant for dramatic courtroom dramas (it’s one of her better books), a truly shocking twist ending, and the potential for some amazing James Van Der Beek faces.

See, James is famous for playing Dawson Leary on The WB’s Dawson’s Creek, and especially for this expression that has gained Internet infamy:

Considering that in Salem Falls James plays a former teacher who admits to raping a student even though he didn’t do it, then gets falsely accused by a second student in an entirely different town, we figured the movie was ripe for a recreation of Crying Dawson. James gets this: He even teamed up with Funny Or Die last year to launch a Tumblr called Vandermemes, where he scrunches up his face and cries like a champ.

For the most part, James didn’t disappoint in Salem Falls: I snapped photos of his many expressions, several of which made me laugh out loud. Sadly, there are no tears shed, but we found a photo that’s almost as good.

Related posts:

Post from: Crushable

What Do George Clooney And Nicki Minaj Have In Common?

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 08:53 AM PST

I bet you never thought you’d see Nicki Minaj and George Clooney in the same post unless she played herself in Ocean’s Fourteen, right? And yet, when I saw both of these photos around the same time last night, I had to put them together. Because they both look like cyborgs!

Or at least, Nicki’s stylist and George’s doctor order from the same company. I actually happened upon George’s photo first, via TMZ: At a Ravens game, he appeared with his arm in a sling after elbow surgery. And apparently celebrities get the ultra high-tech sling, not just a piece of fabric tied around your shoulder.

Then I saw this photo of Nicki performing at the American Music Awards. The outfit itself is not so surprising considering her daring fashion risks. It’s just funny when you compare it to actual medical equipment.

Related posts:

Post from: Crushable

Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Get Photobombed At The AMAs

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 08:49 AM PST

Despite their having conquered the mainstream pop airwaves and the hearts of ‘tweens everywhere, it would seem Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez had yet to win over at least one attendee of the American Music Awards this past weekend, where they got photobombed like nobody’s business. One minute, they were canoodling on the red carpet and giving puppy eyes to the camera, and the next they were canoodling and giving puppy eyes while getting flipped off by some unknown person. Who they probably did not see, and remain unaware of to this minute! Who would do such a thing to little Justlena, who is only a baby, really? I mean, who flips off a baby? What’s this world coming to?

(Via favorit3girl)

 

Related posts:

Post from: Crushable

Video: Nick Offerman Takes His Shirt Off To Urge You To Go Green

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 08:28 AM PST

What’s it going to take to get you people to stop running the water while you brush your teeth? Folks have tried scare tactics and economic incentives, and now Nick Offerman is here to tell you that he’ll go naked if it means you’ll consider a few energy-saving tricks.

The Parks and Recreation star strips down as part of NBC’s yearly “Green Is Universal” campaign. In addition to giving us Nick in a pair of alpaca underwear, the vid features tips from the ever-charming Brian Williams.

Have you been convinced to go green yet? Or do we need to get Donald Glover to prance around in llama hair socks?

Post from: Crushable

Vampire Sex Sucks: Were The Honeymoon Scenes In Breaking Dawn Worth The Wait?

Posted: 21 Nov 2011 09:24 AM PST

This is a place for Twilight fans to be comfortable in their Twilight-obsessed skin, and to celebrate the moment that got us into this whole mess in the first place: the fantasy of f*cking a vampire. You will not be judged here, or made to feel shame for loving something others mock. Your feminist beliefs will not be questioned, for we shall accept that it is possible to identify as such and yet still love the tale of a clumsy, insecure teen who's sole reason for living is a possessive, old-fashioned vampire.

Which is why I'm not afraid to admit it. The second it became clear in the first book that Edward and Bella were destined for a future together, forever, I was all "Chop, chop! Let's get to the good part where they bone, please!" because I am a grown woman with hormones and an endless supply of Trader Joe's wine. But they didn't, and each consecutive book in the series was like one giant, werewolf shaped cock-block. Finally, we get to it in Breaking Dawn, and even though the book doesn't deliver the skin-to-skin scenes we started craving 1691 pages prior (I counted), the movie does. Oh, how it does.

In case you're one of those smug a-holes who thinks they're too highbrow to dig Twilight yet are somehow still reading this column, let me bring you up to speed: Edward and Bella are virgins and so in love! She wants to bone him and be made into a vampire and he'll only agree to both if they're married. After a quick engagement, they wed and then jet off to a honeymoon on Isle Esme, the private Brazilian island owned by Edward's dad. Which brings us to THE pivotal moment of the entire Twilight series (if you are someone who's biggest concern is the main characters doing it): the sex scene.

Bella is nervous, guys. Just a couple of years ago she was an awkward nerd digging up a cactus outside of her Phoenix home to bring with her on her move to Washington state, and now she's an awkward nerd about to get plowed for the first time by the world's most attractive non-human who has been saving himself for 108 years. After eyeing their suite for a few awkward seconds, Bella sends Edward outside to frolic in the waves while she shaves her legs and brushes her teeth in an "OMG I'm about to bone for the first time" panic. Finally she musters up some courage, strips, and heads out to the beach in only a towel. She meets him in the sea and he tenderly eyes her perky breasts as they being passionately making out. Foreplay, guys. Remember that?

Cut to: They are doing it in the bed. Finally. They're in the missionary position because Edward is annoying like that and Bella has yet to learn about Reverse Cowgirl. But it's sweet and tender – lots of smiling and kissing and caressing and resting forehead to forehead as Edward gently thrusts about. We see Bella's hands scratch along his back a few times to signal, "Hey guys, I am feeling things." Then the sex picks up some speed. Edward holds on to the headboard to really give him some momentum to get all up in that (well played for a virgin, dude) until it crumbles from the strength of his hands as he climaxes. The next morning Bella awakens in a sea of feathers, let loose from the confines of their pillow prison after Edward bit into them to control himself mid-screw. You know, the usual.

But here's where things get annoying for both Bella and the viewer. The new Mrs. Cullen is a bit bruised after their rough night of passion, and so Edward refuses to put it in her again. We're tortured with a montage of Bella and Edward playing chess on the beach interspersed with scene after scene of her trying to seduce him. How goddamn humiliating for Bella! She just wants to get laid by her husband, the most attractive man on the planet, and he has to go and be all moral and controlling. Even a lingerie show doesn't sway him. You can feel the dull ache of her lady blue balls throbbing through the screen as she tears up begging him to to put out. (Here's where the feminist voice in my head begins to scold me for enjoying this series.) She finally gets her way when she wins their chess game, which we're lead to believe is the determining factor in their annoying will-they or won't-they dance. Thankfully we get one more glimpse at their sex life, with Bella straddling Edward for some on-top making out as he lies naked in their bed. She's dressed in some sheer tank top and Edward does that hot thing where he sits up so she's on his lap and they're like facing each other and…UNF. Yeah. It's pretty nice to look at.

Whew. Still with us?

With the exception of a kissing scene in a waterfall, this is the end of the great Bella and Edward sex marathon of 2011. In the days to follow she becomes knocked up by his super-sperm and endures an accelerated pregnancy with a demon-baby that's feasting on her blood. It's kinda too intense to bone with that drama going down.

But overall, the sex delivers. Bella and Edward's chemistry is intense and palpable and I can only imagine it's because they're played by real-life lovers Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. They've done this before (hopefully they're doing it right now) and are extraordinarily comfortable with each other. Their connection is obvious and passionate and makes up for what the scene lack in boob and butt shots.

Still, I wish there had been boob and butt shots.

 

Post from: Crushable

Gallery: 10 Incredible Turkey Tattoos

Posted: 20 Nov 2011 04:49 PM PST

Turkeys: delicious tasting, not attractive looking. In fact, among the ugliest creatures to walk the earth. Certainly not something that sounds like it would make a good tattoo, right? Wrong! It turns out there are some really awesome and dare I say beautiful turkey tats out there. Here are ten of them to get you in the Thanksgiving spirit.

Post from: Crushable

Posted:

Post from: Crushable

No comments:

Post a Comment