Thursday, October 6, 2011



Why Is 15-Year-Old Kendall Jenner Modeling Bikinis?

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 11:42 AM PDT

Ugh, it’s almost like the fashion industry isn’t even reading our blog posts lamenting the sexualization of underage models. That can’t possibly be true, though, so what’s the explanation for this swimsuit campaign featuring 15-year-old Kendall Jenner?

Kendall’s the second-youngest of the Kardashian/Jenner gaggles of gals, and it seems she’s following in the footsteps of every single one of her older sisters and staking her identity entirely on what she can do with her face and body. This campaign is for Australian brand White Sands’ Summer 2012 collection, and it makes us wonder what the hell they were thinking.

Do 15-year-old girls wear bikinis? Certainly. But should they be photographed in them to sell stuff? That doesn’t quite seem appropriate, does it?


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Am I Right Ladies: The Thin Blue Line

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 11:13 AM PDT

Pregnancy test commercials—I can't watch a night of Bravo or Lifetime without running into at least one. I mean really, I have far more encounters with pregnancy test ads than I do with pregnancy scares. Or interested men, amirightladies?

My issue with these ads is not that they exist, it's that they fail to accurately capture the experience that is taking a home pregnancy test. For every happy couple excitedly awaiting a two-minute verdict, there's a couple who don't really like each other anymore, a post-one-night-stand shop of shame, and me—a chronically single lady who buys pregnancy tests in bulk after she's binged on a bottle of Bogle Merlot and an entire fun pack bag of Halloween candy. Landon Donovan believed in miracles, and so do I. I wish Landon Donovan would put a baby inside me.

Can we all just agree that unwanted pregnancy is the white elephant in every p-test kit commercial? And I'm not trying to get political here. Seriously, ladies, if you don't want your pregnancy, I'll take it. Sharing is caring, and if you care about me not dying alone, please share your spares—spares being your surplus fertilized ovums. But instead of saying, Hey, we realize the two-minute waiting period modern technology has allowed might be the last two minutes you have before the worst news of your life to date, pregnancy test ads opt to be sickeningly warm and fuzzy or ambiguous and sterile. And if the ads do show an outcome, the test is always positive. Hooray, we're with child! Take for example the Clear Blue print ad above.

Pee on our stick and your question mark becomes a pregnancy. If only it were as easy as a 180-degree flip. But at least ClearBlue is just vague. First Response is downright creepy—and this is coming from a woman who has worn a fake pregnancy belly in public on numerous occasions just to pretend for a few precious hours.

Let us tell you first. We want to be the first. Seriously, don't talk to anyone else. Not your gynecologist, not your general practitioner, not your cubicle mate who notices a new "glow" about you. Us, first response. No one else can know. We are inside of you right now. They even sell at-home fertility and ovulation test kits so they can be the most firstest ever to know. I'm fertile most on the 16th of every month and I can be the first to tell you that I still haven't managed to get knocked up.

Or how about EPT? They say it stands for "error proof test," but we all know that it really stands for "emergency pregnancy test," amirightladies?

If I were running the world, liquid chocolate would run through our plumbing and people could legally adopt their cats as children—but also, I would completely re-brand pregnancy test kits. They'd be sold in a label-less box, which would be pink because we ladies need products to be pink in order to recognize them as lady products. That way, everyone at CVS—including your boss who of course is there buying moisturizer for men with sensitive skin that morning of all mornings—would know you were buying something embarrassing and vagina-related, but the rest would be a mystery.

And do we really need commercials? Who really cares about digital versus lines versus two minutes versus just tell us already goddammit. Most people grab pregnancy tests in haste before anyone can see them taking one. Nobody's standing at the shelf debating the merits of Clear Blue Freedom with wings versus First Response Extra First Early Detection Response. It's a grab'n'go product—and the ads should be the same. Think you're pregnant? Pee on our stick.

If I had a nickel for every time a man said that to me, well, I'd be in the red. And I'm not talking about my period, amirightladies?

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Video: The Trailer For That Michelle Williams Marilyn Monroe Movie Is Out

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 10:57 AM PDT

The trailer for the Michelle Williams-starring My Week With Marilyn is out, and it looks like a pretty interesting movie. Like we found out earlier, the film is based on two books by Colin Clark, who worked as a set assistant on Monroe vehicle The Prince and the Showgirl in 1956. In the books, after Monroe’s new husband Arthur Miller leaves England, Clark (played by Eddie Redmayne in the film) takes it upon himself to show Marilyn around, and from this, proceeds drama.

From the looks of the trailer, it seems like Natalie’s wish that this film won’t just be about another of Monroe’s lovers will go unfulfilled. You know that they at least make out, and he sees her fairly naked, and then he falls in love with her. But that doesn’t mean it can’t still be a humanistic portrayal of Marilyn’s struggles with her inner demons. If anything, I think it’s kind of telling that the only way she knew how to get away from all the stresses in her life was via yet another romantic entanglement. Could it be that she didn’t know any other way to relate to people?

On another note, Michelle Williams is a fine actress and I have no doubt she’ll be great in this film, but does it bother anyone else how little she resembles Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn had those big, droopy eyes and a somewhat bulbous nose, and her round features helped communicate a kind of childlike vulnerability. Williams, on the other hand, has more catlike eyes and a cute little upturned nose. Then again, there’s really nobody who looks like Marilyn Monroe, and I have no doubt she’ll bring nuance to the role. It’s a credit to her talents that she could even be considered for two roles as different from one other as Wendy and Lucy‘s destitute, androgynous drifter and one of the most glamorous women of all time.

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5 Facts About American Horror Story Star Taissa Farmiga

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 10:51 AM PDT

Last night was the series premiere of Ryan Murphy‘s American Horror Story, which follows the Harmon family as they try to rebuild their lives in a spooky house in Los Angeles. Although Murphy cast the well-known actors Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott as the parents, the actress playing their teenage daughter is a relative unknown: 17-year-old Taissa Farmiga. That surname sounds familiar, huh? Read on for five facts about this young star.

1. From the name and the looks, you would assume that Taissa is actress Vera Farmiga‘s daughter—but she’s actually her younger sister. Though there’s 21 years between them, Taissa was born to the same parents.

2. She never wanted to be an actor. “Acting had always been Vera’s thing, not mine,” she’s said in interviews. “But when we were at Sundance, I decided I officially loved acting.”

3. Taissa may be the youngest of seven, but she and Vera (the second oldest) consider each other their best friends. For Taissa’s profile in a recent issue of Teen Vogue, Vera told the magazine, “Taissa is the person you take with you to choose your Oscar gown and then take to In-N-Out Burger. As much of an age difference as there is, she is one of my best friends in the world.”

4. Her first film role was in Vera’s directorial debut, the religious drama Higher Ground. Taissa played the younger version of Vera’s character Corinne: An awkward young woman who gets pregnant at 18 and joins a radical New Testament church. In interviews, Vera made it sound like her sister helped her out: “She had to do it. I texted her and said, ‘I need a favor.’ I promised her she could have my pickup truck.”

5. After just the pilot, her moody character Violet seems to be much loved among viewers. If you search for Taissa on Tumblr, you find multiple variations on this .gif:

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Anna Faris’ Husband Chris Pratt Gave Away Their Cat (Plus A Secret) Via Twitter

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 09:46 AM PDT

Between Penn Badgley‘s protest appearance and this, is it safe to assume that every actor who’s known for playing a certain character is pretty much just playing himself? Because Parks and Recreation‘s Chris Pratt just did a very Andy Dwyer thing.

That Andy Dwyer thing was this: he gave away his (and wife Anna Faris‘) cat via twitter, and then when people got mad at him, he grew incredibly pissy, as well as revealing his and Anna’s plans to “start a family.”

In a since-deleted tweet, Pratt wrote, “anyone in the LA area want a cat? full disclosure, she’s old and prone to accidents. So sweet though. And was in Stuart Little. (literally)” A bunch of people then informed him that that’s not the smartest way to go about re-homing a cat, and some were not very nice about it. In a response posted on his blog (also since deleted!) he doubled down that yes, this was, in fact, an excellent idea, and also that anyone who has a problem with it is a lonely, childless, cat-loving loser, and did he mention his wife and him are trying to have a baby?

Bottom line, and not that this is any of your fucking business weirdos, but my wife and I want to start a family and we ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have an animal that shits all over the house. Sorry. If you are a parent you will understand. And if not, that probably explains why you have such a hard on for cats. Just sayin’.

In one paragraph, he managed to be a huge hypocrite (didn’t he make it people’s business when he put it on his public twitter?), dig his hole deeper by lashing out at anyone who thinks you shouldn’t give a cat away like that, and ensure that the paps will publish “baby bump” speculations whenever his wife eats a big lunch from now on. And if the people who follow him online are a bunch of weirdos, why does he think it’s a wise idea to offer up his cat to them? Basically, he’s being a lovable bonehead like Andy, only without the “lovable” part. Bummer.

I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t re-home a cat if you don’t think you can care for it anymore, but the online equivalent of putting it out on the street with a “free cat” sign is probably not the best way to go about it. Also, anecdotally, when my friend’s parents’ cat grew old and incontinent, they built her a pen with a few different levels, the bottom of which was a big litter box. That way, she got to live out the rest of her days at home with her family, but they didn’t have to constantly clean up accidents. But it doesn’t sound like Chris Pratt is quite so attached to this wretched creature as that. Nor is Anna Faris, I imagine. She is not blameless here!

(Via Gawker)

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Is Lily Collins’ The Brothers Grimm: Snow White For Kids Or Adults?

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 11:31 AM PDT

EW released the newest photos from The Brothers Grimm: Snow White – starring Lily Collins and Armie Hammer – today, and while they’re very pretty, we can’t tell who the intended audience is. Compared to Kristen Stewart‘s gritty reimagining Snow White and the Huntsman, this movie has bright colors and over-the-top costumes. So is it just a live-action version of the 1937 Disney movie, or will it have sly jokes for people our age? Let’s look through the photos and find out.

Updated with more photos!

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How Much Of Jared Leto’s Wardrobe Could We Find At Hot Topic?

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 09:27 AM PDT

Oh, Jared Leto, you’re such an iconoclast with your badass skull t-shirts and your fingerless gloves. Wherever do you find such unique and subversive artifacts? Could it be at the teen clothier chain Hot Topic? We were curios how much of Jared’s wardrobe we could find close approximations of at the HT online store, and the answered turned out the be, “All of it.”

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Video Gallery: The Best Of ‘American Horror Story House Calls’

Posted: 06 Oct 2011 08:28 AM PDT

Ryan Murphy‘s newest show American Horror Story premiered on FX last night. We didn’t tune in, partly because we’re not convinced it’ll actually be good. But you know what we have been watching? The YouTube videos of people who walk into their house to find Rubber Man (the guy in the fetish shoot in the promo images) silently waiting for them.

The best part is, these people wrote in to FX requesting that Rubber Man come to their houses, then forgot until they got scared shitless.

This girl is throwing up the “rock on” symbols like she’s just ridden the most thrilling roller coaster. Which goes to show, it’s fun to get scared.

What is it about mirrors that they’re used in anything to do with horror?

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