Saturday, October 22, 2011

Crushable

Crushable


What On Earth Is Going to Air on McDonald’s TV?

Posted: 22 Oct 2011 10:14 AM PDT

You heard me: McDonald's TV. Not in your home; inside actual McDonald's. The fast-food chain has decided that it's not enough for its customers to converse or whatever over their meals; no, they're going to do their damndest to keep you entertained every second you're inside one of their franchises, and now that includes the McDonald's Channel. Described in the LA Times as "a digital network of exclusive original content targeted a dine-in customers," the programming will also apparently be "customized to specific communities around the individual restaurants." Expect local news and entertainment, as well as spotlights on upcoming movies, television shows, and albums.

Is it just me, or does this seem entirely unnecessary?

This analogy may only make sense to New Yorkers, but McDonald's TV sounds suspiciously like that pre-recorded television channel they play on loop inside NY taxis these days. And they're ANNOYING AS HELL. Thankfully, the taxi TV things have mute buttons, so as long as you haven't been cursed with a taxi with a broken touch screen, you can at least limit your exposure to unnecessary noise. There likely wouldn't be any way to mute McDonald's TV, which, to be honest, might end up pushing away more customers than drawing them in.

Of course, I realize that the big question here might be why you'd be going into a McDonald's in the first place. Do people really go to McDonald's intending to stay there for a significant amount of time? Long enough, say, to want to watch something on a television screen? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that "fast food" generally meant "get in, get food, get out."

But still, I kind of have to wonder: What ELSE could a channel geared entirely towards McDonald's show? A crime procedural starring the Hamburglar? Grimmace's greatest hits? Judge Ronald McDonald? Oh! I know! What about Supersize Me? Wouldn't that be just HILARIOUS? Yeah, I thought so too.

Anyway, if you don't live in California, it may be a while before you're able to experience the McDonald's Channel for yourself; the programming will be rolled out during the next few months in roughly 800 McDonald's restaurants, but only ones in Southern and Central California. It also may be worth noting that reality TV mogul Mark Burnett, BBC America, and KABC-YB are among those that will be creating content for the network. The plan, according to the LA Times is for two high-def 42- to 46-inch screens to be installed in the restaurants, which will be visible from 70 percent of eating areas; audio will come in from the screen or from ceiling speakers. The programming will run in one-hour cycles, and will feature segments such as "The McDonald's Achievers" (profiles of high school and college athletes), "Mighty Moms" (pieces on local moms juggling home life with careers in sport), and "Vimby" (focusing on fashion, art, music, night life—basically anything that's not classified under "sports." No idea where the name "Vimby" came from).

What do you think, Gentle Readers? Good idea? Terrible idea? Merely mediocre idea?

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The Great American Road Trip: 13 Haunted Locations to Visit in the United States

Posted: 20 Oct 2011 03:27 PM PDT

It's always been a dream of mine to take a road trip across the United States, stopping at every supposedly haunted location that I can along the way. Why? I'm morbid that way, but you've probably already figured that out about me. America is full of deliciously spooky locations, you see, and I want to see them all. They've got some pretty creeptastic stories attached to them. Want to hear them? Come on. You know you do. It's almost Halloween, after all.

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Video: The Real Housewives of South Boston Needs to Exist

Posted: 22 Oct 2011 07:15 AM PDT

I don't watch Real Housewives. I don’t watch any of them. But you know what I WOULD watch? The Real Housewives of South Boston. Because this video right here is HILARIOUS.

I'm from Boston (which really means that I'm from somewhere just outside of Boston), and like all Bostonians, the Boston stereotype makes me laugh my head off. Why? I don't really know. Half the time, I'm convinced that it's because the stereotype doesn't really exist, and the other half of the time, I'm convinced it's because it really, really does. Either way, though, this Real Housewives parody is pitch-perfect, from the overblown accents to the rabid adoration of someone allegedly related to Marky Mark– sorry, Mark Wahlburg. Sometimes I forget that he's gone legit these days.

You want more? Well, how does a Red Sox jersey cleverly transformed into a dress via the careful application of a large belt sound? Or a story about taking a homer hit by Manny Ramirez to the uterus? Or the fact that even in moments of extreme drama, everyone unites over their hatred of the Yankees? Sound hilarious? Good. Because it is.

Aw, hell, just watch it yourselves, then tell me whether or not you'd watch this. My guess would be that you would. But maybe that's just me.

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Parting Tweet: The Best Way To Rider Strong’s Heart Is Through His Eyebrows

Posted: 21 Oct 2011 03:35 PM PDT

One smart fan ensured that s/he got not only a retweet from Boy Meets World‘s Rider Strong, but also the beginnings of an actual conversation. About eyebrows, no less! Damn, why didn’t we think of this?

We’ve got it—we’ll totally crash their convo and ask Rider to send a Twitpic of him raising just one eyebrow. Done!

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Video: This Tattooed, Muscular Giant Is Afraid Of Puppies

Posted: 21 Oct 2011 02:31 PM PDT

Every week Animal Planet seems to have an even more insane show up its sleeve. Confessions: Animal Hoarding Puppies vs. Babies… and now, My Extreme Animal Phobia. But these people aren’t scared of snakes or roaches; that would make for boring TV ’cause we’ve seen it all before. No—Marvin suffers from a crippling fear of puppies.

And on last night’s episode, he faced one of those terrifying creatures.

I really shouldn’t laugh, but it’s incredible how his reactions match what the rest of us would have if a spider were stalking toward us in the shower. The way he shakes and moans as the pitbull puppy draws closer, and how his hand trembles as he places it on its body… Amazing television.

Then again, the producers might’ve wanted to start him off easy with a more innocent-looking pup, like this guy. Pitbulls do carry some negative connotations.

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Gallery: Celebs Dressed As Sexy Municipal Workers For Halloween

Posted: 21 Oct 2011 02:56 PM PDT

Ah, the sexy municipal worker — it’s a staple of Halloween. Although sadly, the toll collector and the lunch lady is underrepresented in the costume choices of tipsy women. Indeed, cops and firefighters are the main choices in this category of costumery, which celebs happen to pre quite partial to. Here’s a gallery of famous ladies dressed as sexy do-gooders.

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We Had To Deal With Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen’s Drama In Order To Truly Appreciate Elizabeth Olsen In Martha Marcy May Marlene

Posted: 21 Oct 2011 01:56 PM PDT

It may sound unfair, but I think that Elizabeth Olsen needed her sisters’ fame in order to have such a fantastic debut as an actress; both professionally and personally, they’ve paved the way for her. I say this in part because we don’t know if she would have gotten the lead in Martha Marcy May Marlene if she didn’t have such a recognizable name (and face). But for the most part, I mean to say that Elizabeth succeeds because she surpasses the low expectations that her sisters Mary-Kate and Ashley have set.

When you think of the Olsens today, it’s a series of bizarre or sad anecdotes: Their propensity to dress like homeless people; Mary-Kate’s struggles with anorexia; their short-lived stint at NYU; their tween-movie empire that failed to grow up with its audiences. The Olsens are still amazingly successful, but it’s more as businesswomen and fashion designers than as actresses.

The fact that there’s suddenly another Olsen taking over that mantle, and blowing it out of the water on her first try, is definitely a shock. As Moviefone said back in January, after Sundance,

There’s a sort of gross and guilty undercurrent of surprise that not only do they have another sister, but that she’s an actress, and a very talented one to boot.

Like it or not, Elizabeth does benefit from her sister’s failings. She’s like the best parts of Mary-Kate and Ashley: She’s got the same huge eyes, skinny frame, and wry smile, and of course the talent. However, instead of committing these features to slapstick comedy, she turns herself into a frail, misunderstood creature who lacks confidence or direction. As she told TIME,

"I just tried to be as analytical as possible. I was always making sure that Martha was clearly reacting to something, that she wasn't just emoting. I tried to discover what she was missing in her family, to figure out if she ever had a passion, to see what void she was trying to fill by going to the farmhouse. At not one point in the film does she know she is in a cult; she just knows she has lost her voice. And then the PTSD and paranoia she suffers from later is so overwhelming."

I should actually talk a bit about the movie, right? Martha Marcy May Marlene is incredible, easily one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. It’s harrowing, chilling in how simple a story it is — young woman escapes religious cult and tries to acclimate to life with her estranged sister — yet how much damage is wrought upon poor Martha.

The movie is really a fantastic mix of genres: There’s the psychological-thriller portion where Martha is convinced that the cult has come back to her, but as Martha starts to come back to herself, she’s blunt and funny. The portions where she slips back into her persona from the cult (Marcy May) are horrifying in a whole different way. Plus, writer-director Sean Durkin knows how to tell a good story starting in the middle and slowly teasing out significant details as we move along.

I think part of what made Elizabeth the best choice to play Martha is because in many ways she’s dealing with the same setbacks as the character: We know enough about her to have expectations about who she is — the way that Sarah Paulson‘s character remembers her younger sister from years ago — but she comes to us scrubbed clean. Martha is brainwashed; Elizabeth is challenging us to see her as more than the Olsen twins’ younger sister.

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Chloë Sevigny Will Play A Transsexual Assassin In New TV Series

Posted: 21 Oct 2011 01:06 PM PDT

Satellite TV provider DirecTV may not be known for their original programming, but that could change with the addition of a new British TV show called “Hit and Miss” to their offerings. In this series, Chloë Sevigny stars as a pre-op(!) transsexual named Mia. A pre-up transsexual who also happens to be a hired assassin. Why not?

Via The New York Times:

When Mia learns she's had a son by an ex-girlfriend who is dying of cancer, she is forced "to mix her killer instincts with her newly acquired maternal ones" (hey, that's what it says in the press release).

Perhaps Chloë was jealous of the Oscar buzz that surrounded her Boys Don’t Cry co-star Hilary Swank, and wanted to capture some of that transgender mojo for herself? But she wanted to be a stylish trans person, so she elected to play a character with that most stylish of TV jobs, the hired assassin? Or maybe she just wanted to play the polar opposite of her character on Big Love? I don’t know. But what I do know is that this show has the potential for lots of amusing hijinx. Furthermore (unpopular opinion alert), I climbed onboard the “Chloë Sevigny is a good actress” train after watching her on Big Love, so I’m optimistic about how this series will turn out. It’s set to start airing in America in the U.K. in January and America in February.

(Via The LA Times)

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The Daily WTF: Is This What Kissing Is?

Posted: 21 Oct 2011 01:05 PM PDT

I know that French kissing involves two human mouths and tongues, but I’ve always been confused about what Italian kissing is. I guess it’s putting pizza inside your mouth and closing your eyes? Are you supposed to chew the pizza, though? Because I was under the impression that was called eating.

Wait, are kissing and eating the same thing? Are they just synonyms, that can be used interchangeably in any situation? I can’t wait to tell my boyfriend about this. I bet he tastes delicious (although I’d venture to say he isn’t very nutritious).

(via BuzzFeed)

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