Cele|bitchy

Johnny Depp: “Outside the big cities in the US, they don’t want intelligent films”
Lady Gaga in spage-age chain mail at the MTV EMAs: too much or not enough?
Coco poses in a leopard bikini for Ice T: ridiculous or redonkulous?
Miranda Kerr hangs out with my favorite baby, Flynn: how cute are they?
Jennifer Garner in wrinkled Lanvin at the ‘Butter’ premiere: pretty or meh?
Courtney Stodden “proves” her boobs are “rill” with sonogram on Dr. Drew
Linnocent already checked in and out of jail, spent about 4 hours behind bars
Katie Holmes in her own Holmes & Yang design: unflattering & badly made?
Justin Bieber’s accuser on The Insider: “I will prove in court my allegations are real”
Michelle Williams in gold Oscar de la Renta: lovely or too precious & young?

Johnny Depp: “Outside the big cities in the US, they don’t want intelligent films”

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 09:38 AM PST

Oh Johnny Depp, why do you have to have foot in mouth disease all the time lately? I used to love you so. (See this post.) Anyway my former lover Johnny gave an interview to The Guardian explaining that on one hand he didn’t really give a toss whether Rum Diary did well at the box office, and on the other that he thinks it will do better in Europe, because “it’s an intelligent film. And a lot of times, outside the big cities in the States, they don’t want that.” So you can accuse me of misquoting him in that title, but that’s pretty much how he was quoted in the Guardian. He also complained about not being able to smoke in America, but said he wasn’t going to accept residency in France because he’d have to pay taxes there. The highest tax rate in France is 40% while the highest tax rate in America is 35%. (Roughly.) Johnny should have moved to Switzerland. Here’s more of what he said, and he came off badly here - again.

“In Los Angeles, the hoity toities, the beautiful people, will sit on Sunset Strip and have their meal at these kind of fancy restaurants where no one can smoke – but you can inhale car fumes all you like.” He shakes his head. “I mean, that to me says it all….”

Early US box office returns suggest The Rum Diary may not break even – but he says he couldn’t care less about the money. “No, God no, no. It’s always a crap shoot, and really if you have that in your head while you’re making a movie the process would become something very different. No, I couldn’t give a rat’s arse really, not really.”

The publicity blitz in the past week might make cynics suggest otherwise. But the film is Depp’s homage to Thompson, who died in 2005, and also the first release by Depp’s own production company, which would account for his uncharacteristically energetic media campaign. “I believe that this film, regardless of what it makes in, you know, Wichita, Kansas, this week – which is probably about $13 – it doesn’t make any difference. I believe that this film will have a shelf life. I think it will stick around and people will watch it and enjoy it.” Does he suspect it will go down better in Europe than the US?

“Most definitely. It’s something that will be more appreciated over here, I think. Cos it’s – well, I think it’s an intelligent film.” He leaves a meaningful pause. “And a lot of times, outside the big cities in the States, they don’t want that.”

Depp’s well-documented love affair with all things European has always had a hint of hero worship about it too. I ask if there’s anything he doesn’t like about Europe, and he thinks hard for a while. “No. Not that I can think of, no. It’s a very old and beautiful culture, people know how to live. You know, here you have Sunday roast or the pub lunch, that kind of thing. It’s comforting. We don’t have that in our culture in the States. Sunday is football day, so it’s chicken wings and pizza…”

So when I ask if he could ever imagine living [in The US] again, his reply comes as quite a surprise.

“Well, I kind of do. I’m between wherever I end up on location, and then the States.”

What? Hang on a minute; why did he leave France? He makes a sour noise, part grunt, part hurrumph. “Cos France wanted a piece of me. They wanted me to become a permanent resident. Permanent residency status – which changes everything. They just want,” and he mimes peeling off notes in his palm. “Dough. Money.”

If Depp spends more than 183 days in France, he explains indignantly, he’d have to start paying income tax. “I’m certainly not ready to give up my American citizenship. You don’t have to give up your American citizenship,” he adds sarcastically, but then he’d have to pay tax in both countries, “so you essentially work for free.”

[From The Guardian]

It’s not true that you can be taxed twice, by a foreign country and the US, if you are a US citizen. You do get credit for taxes paid to a foreign country. I’ve lived abroad for six years and I sort-of know what I’m talking about. (No matter where you live outside the US or for how long, if you’re a US citizen you have to file taxes in the US.) I double-checked and if you’re in Johnny’s league, it can get incredibly expensive and complicated though. So I guess I don’t blame him for not wanting to become a French resident. I do blame him for bitching about his taxes, for claiming he would be working for “free” if he paid more taxes, for acting like the existence of car exhaust somehow excuses smoke fumes or makes people who are adverse to smoke fumes hypocrites, and for saying that anywhere outside the big cities in the US we don’t want “intelligent films” and are somehow uncultured compared to Europe. He really bugs me lately, and he’s been talking a lot of smack. Does he think we don’t read these interviews he does with the British press or does he just not care?

Here’s Johnny addressing the Oxford Union at Oxford. He looks like a Johnny Depp impersonator. You know one of the last celebrities who spoke in front of that illustrious organization? Katie Price. Credit: Fame

Lady Gaga in spage-age chain mail at the MTV EMAs: too much or not enough?

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 09:15 AM PST

Last night, the MTV Europe Music Awards were held at the Odyssey Arena in Belfast, Northern Ireland. I’ve already subjected you to Katy Perry’s 1950s-inspired, faux bobby-soxer, day-glo nightmare. Now here’s Lady Gaga, who struggled to hold all four of her awards (Best Song; Best Video; Best Female; and Biggest Fans) in her tiny little arms while wearing what I can only describe as a space-age chain mail getup. Here’s a clearer look at the dress itself, which is almost entirely see-thru but does take care to protect Gaga’s (nonexistent) modesty with some flesh-colored nip guards:

And of course, most of her ass was showing too. Sitting down in this dress must have made her cheeks look like Belgian waffles:

Justin Bieber took some time away from his enduring paternity drama to grab a few awards — Best Pop and Best Male — which goes to show everyone that European teens have equally horrific taste in teen idols as their American counterparts:

Meanwhile, Selena Gomez didn’t walk the pink carpet with her boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean anything. She was on hand to host the event and, from all accounts, performed her duties in a competent fashion while wearing a frou-frou mini-dress:

From the front, Selena’s dress was nothing more than a fussy affair, but it got a whole lot more interesting with a lovely back view:

Meanwhile, Bar Refaeli looked utterly disinterested (with hair to match) while wearing a hideous mullet dress. It seems like Bar really could’ve rocked this dress without the extra fabric hanging down behind:

Bar’s dilemma only grew worse when she poufed out the mullet, which someone really should’ve accidentally detached by stepping upon it:

Meanwhile, Hayden Panettiere was on hand to present Best Song and, while onstage, was interrupted by a fully nude male streaker. You can see the (obviously NSFW) video here. Hayden didn’t feign surprise very convincingly at the sight of her naked companion, and she also made the grave error of wearing a glorified Rorschach blot:

Jersey also represented by sending Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. All things considered, Snooki looks pretty good here, and I appreciate that her rack isn’t hanging out all over the place. As for J-Woww, this one-shouldered, shapeless dress was weighed down by her girls and does nothing to flatter her otherwise (bolt-ons notwithstanding) amazing figure:

Then there was Jessie J, who I simply don’t understand. She wore no less than three equally hideous outfits for the event:

David Hasselhoff must have a contractual agreement to appear every year at the EMAs. Fortunately and by all reports, he wasn’t drunk this time. Unlike in 2009. Go Hoff!

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame

Coco poses in a leopard bikini for Ice T: ridiculous or redonkulous?

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 08:50 AM PST

These are photos of Coco (and Ice) in Miami over the weekend, and my first thought was "Oh, she owns a bikini with slightly more coverage than dental floss." Impressive. I would imagine that it's difficult to find bikini with any kind of coverage considering her odd body shape - it's like the thickest hourglass ever, and her waist is definitely slim, but overall, she's just so compact and short… how do you even dress this figure? I have an extraordinarily large bust, but the rest of me fits into normal clothes.

I kind of have to give Ice T's wife Coco some credit. I would never be able to wander around a beach, posing in the surf with my cellulite glistening in the sunlight like Coco. So that's why I have to give her some credit - she's wearing a bikini with more coverage so it's not flat-out indecent, and she's really, really proud of her body. Her confidence makes her appealing. And obviously, Ice adores his wife and her body. As I've mentioned before, I watched several episodes of Ice Loves Coco, and I ended up really liking their relationship. They're really sweet together and they have a surprisingly strong marriage.

So, in the end… she's not quite Kelly Brook and her hourglass figure extravaganza, but I'm still glad that Coco exists. She gives me joy.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Miranda Kerr hangs out with my favorite baby, Flynn: how cute are they?

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 08:19 AM PST

As you may remember, Flynn Kerr-Bloom is my current favorite celebrity baby. He just has such a great face, and Flynn is HUGE. He was born big and he continues to be a big, lovely, chubby baby. I find that I like Flynn so much, my affection for ricochets off of him and affects my feelings for Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom too. I never used to care about Orly and Miranda at all, but now I find myself liking them enormously. Babies do strange things to people. Anyway, here are some photos of Miranda and Flynn from this weekend in NYC. Flynn in a little ski hat! Adorable. He has such a great face. Miranda's little legs look too skinny to me, but maybe it's just an optical illusion because Flynn is so giant. Miranda recently spoke to Us Weekly about baby's first Christmas and what Orly gave her as a gift one time:

Miranda Kerr hit the jackpot with two great guys: hubby Orlando Bloom and their 10-month-old son Flynn.

“[Flynn's] crawling now. He has eight teeth!” she told Us Weekly on Monday at her Halloween party at Catch in NYC.

So has teething turned Flynn cranky? “No, he’s a very happy boy!” Kerr, 28, gushed. “[I'm] very lucky.”

“[He likes] when I sing to him,” she told Us, then sang, “‘Be-bop-a-lula, he’s my baby!’ He likes that.”

The first-time mom says Flynn’s first holiday season is going to be “so exciting.”

Her favorite part of Christmastime? “I love putting little things in the stockings!” she said. “[Also] I love to cook… I cook everything! I love cooking roasts, like roast chicken and vegetables especially over the holidays.”

When it comes to gift-giving, the supermodel and her hubby, 34, are into quality over quantity. “One of the most thoughtful things [was] when Orlando and I had written all these love letters to each other. Then one year, he had them framed for me, like all the little notes!” she said. “It was very cute.”

And although Kerr’s career is hotter than ever, her main focus is family life with Bloom, who she married in 2010, and baby Flynn.

“My priority is to be with [Flynn],” she told Sydney’s Herald Sun last month. “So I am very selective with [the jobs] I do.”

[From Us Weekly]

Orly framed their love letters. Damn, Orly. He really flat-out adores Miranda, doesn't he? Like, he's not even one of those guys who tries to act all cool and like, "My lady is special, but I'm badass so I'll act like I'm over it." Orly loves Miranda so much, he's just a flat-out dork with her. They're super-cute with each other. It's sweet.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Jennifer Garner in wrinkled Lanvin at the ‘Butter’ premiere: pretty or meh?

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 07:40 AM PST

Jennifer Garner was all over the place this weekend. She pap'd herself and her daughters again, of course, like always, but she also did two different red carpets. On Saturday night, it was an event called "Reel Stories, Real Lives" - Ben Affleck was not in attendance, but Russell Brand was, and he and Garner were friendly on the red carpet. The Saturday night photos are the ones where Garner is wearing a black lace dress and tuxedo jacket. Then last night she did the AFI Fest premiere of her new film, Butter. Those are the pics where she's wearing a wrinkled, one-shoulder maternity cocktail dress by Lanvin in what seems like a very dark navy blue.

Besides the wrinkles - which she gets a pass for because she's super-preggo - I really like the Lanvin. It's a different choice for Garner, and I applaud her for trying something that she normally wouldn't. I like the "sari" effect in a cocktail dress - it reminds me, in design, of that mint green Valentino sari that Jennifer Lopez wore to the Oscars… when J.Lo was with Ben. Ben wasn't at the AFI Fest premiere either.

Should I say something about Jennifer's bump? Much like Jessica Simpson's it looks way more natural and real than Beyonce's. I think Jennifer is carrying very well with this pregnancy - she seems a lot smaller than she did when she was pregnant with Seraphina. I much prefer the Lanvin dress to the black lace one too - the lace one looks like she’s a knocked-up widow.

Here’s a question: does pregnancy make your lips bigger? Because her lips look HUGE.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Courtney Stodden “proves” her boobs are “rill” with sonogram on Dr. Drew

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 07:40 AM PST

Courtney gets a boob ultrasound. Check out the guy at :45!

Courtney Stodden, the now 17 year-old bride, has insisted that her comically oversized breasts are “rill,” and that she hasn’t had any other plastic surgery. It’s pretty obvious from looking at photos of her as a younger teen that she’s had at least a nose job and maybe an eye lift, along with some significant help with her breasts. Courtney is on the Dr. Drew “Lifechangers” show today with her creepy as hell 51 year-old ~~dad~~ husband to “prove” that she hasn’t had any work done. Courtney got a sonogram of her boobs while being taped in front a live, disgusted studio audience. She pursed and licked her lips repeatedly, wearing in a little robe and stripper heels before laying down on the examination table to show that she didn’t have implants. Thankfully, she was covered by a towel although you know she would have preferred to have been hanging out for all to see.

In the clips available on Dr. Drew’s website and TooFab, we get to see Courtney get a sonogram but there’s not final word on whether they found implants. For that you’ll have to tune in to the show today. It’s possible that like Kim Kardshian’s ass she doesn’t have “implants,” but that doesn’t prove much. There’s a procedure involving fat transfer to the breasts that can achieve similar results. The part where the plastic surgeon judges Courtney’s face to see if she’s had work done to it is also cut off before we get to his verdict. He’ll probably say she’s all natural, as she’s insisted. All you have to do is look at old photos of her to see that something is not right with that girl.

Courtney and Doug also share some really inappropriate photos of them at home, romping on the bed while Courtney is of course half dressed. Later Doug defends their love and Courtney explains that they got married because “if we dated, he could get put in jail.” Exactly.

It’s really hard to look away from this train wreck, but I’m still hoping these two don’t score a reality show contract. We know they’re shopping one.

Surgeon examines Courtney’s face.

Doug defends their love. “Why is it wrong or why is it offensive?”

Doug and Courtney share home photos.

Credit to TooFab for that photo above.

Linnocent already checked in and out of jail, spent about 4 hours behind bars

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 07:13 AM PST

Crackie wins again! Seconds after Judge Sautner handed down Linnocent's mandatory 30-day jail sentence, outlets got quotes from inside the LA County Sheriff's Department regarding the actual length of time Linnocent will actually have to spend behind the bars. The sources did not give us a lot of faith in the system - because of overcrowding and budgetary issues, non-violent offenders are released from jail in a matter of hours, not days. And so it was with Linnocent this morning. Apparently, she checked into jail last night around 9 pm (and I'm using "checking in" like it's a hotel for a reason), and she was released very early this morning. So, she had to stay the night. Barely.

Once again, Lindsay Lohan has the last laugh.

The actress was released early from an overcrowded jail Monday morning after serving just over four hours starting at 9 Sunday night, the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department confirms.

“All I can tell you is that she was already released,” L.A. Sheriff’s Deputy Tony Moore told PEOPLE early Monday morning.

A sheriff’s spokesman previously explained that Lohan could be sprung early due to a federal mandate to ease the overpopulated jail. Nonviolent offenders are routinely sent home early after serving only a fraction of their sentences.

Lohan, 25, had checked herself into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, Calif., after she was sentenced to 30 days in jail last week after admitting she violated probation in her DUI and necklace-theft cases.

She must now walk an extremely thin tightrope, working an additional 53 days of janitorial duty at the L.A. morgue and attending 18 more psychotherapy sessions, all by the end of March.

If she slips up, she could face an additional 270-day jail sentence, although she could be released early for overcrowding in that scenario as well.

[From People]

TMZ says that she got out at 1:30 am, meaning overall, she probably only sat in a jail cell for four hours. THE WORST FOUR HOURS EVER. Ugh. But seriously, I have to ask the question again: how dumb is this crackhead? It's a much better bet to take whatever harsh jail sentence the judge hands down, rather than the community service and extension of the probation. What's going to happen? The judge will sentence her to 300 days, of which Linnocent might spend a few full days behind bars, tops. And then she would have been done, and this whole cracked-out mess would be over. The Cracken is dumb as a box of synthetic hair.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Katie Holmes in her own Holmes & Yang design: unflattering & badly made?

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 06:36 AM PST

Last night was the LA premiere of Adam Sandler's new film, Jack & Jill - that's the one where he plays his own twin sister. Thankfully, Sandler didn't show up in drag, but that means the only slightly interesting person on the red carpet was little Katie Holmes. Now, as I was going through the photos, my horror grew stronger by the second as I looked at this dress from various angles. And yes, it's a DRESS. It's not a separate blouse and skirt. As I looked harder, I thought to myself, "This is one of the most hideous things I've ever seen on Kate-bot. I bet she designed it herself." Well, she did. This is Holmes & Yang - something that Katie and her "design partner" came up with on their own. HOW UNFLATTERING IS THIS JUNK?

It makes her look big-hipped. The skirt is stiff-looking and the wrong length. While the purple-fuchsia color is flattering with her coloring, the top part is exceptionally cheap-looking and poorly tailored. The whole thing is really cheap looking, honestly. There is a "home-sewn" quality that you shouldn't find in professionally made clothing. It's just so awful. Why does the skirt's waist look like it's been rolled over onto itself a few times? Is that supposed to happen in "dresses"?

Now, for something nice - her hair looks really healthy and pretty. Her makeup is very fresh and pretty. She doesn't look drugged out of her mind. And there isn't a deranged, lift-wearing midget hovering around her. So, this appearance was a mixed bag, basically.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Justin Bieber’s accuser on The Insider: “I will prove in court my allegations are real”

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 06:29 AM PST

It was starting to look like Justin Bieber’s baby momma accuser, Mariah Yeater, had a legitimate and possibly believable story about getting pregnant during a 30 second quickie with Bieber in a backstage bathroom after one of his concerts. Yeater filed a paternity suit against Bieber and in great detail described their alleged tryst. Her baby’s age matched up with the conception date when Bieber was playing in L.A., and Bieber’s denial seemed vague and unconvincing to some. Also, Yeater’s lawyers did an interview on HLN where they insisted that they believed their client and that they had additional evidence that had not yet been released by the press. Now Bieber’s people are firing back hard. They say that he’s willing to take a DNA test, that he’ll do it sooner rather than later, and that if Bieber is found not to be the father they’ll sue Yeater. Plus, it’s come out that Yeater accused another man, an ex boyfriend, of fathering the baby at first. The ex denied that it was his baby and said it wasn’t possible due to timing. When Yeater confronted her ex about her then-pregnancy in December 2010, their argument got heated, she allegedly slapped him, and the cops were called and she was arrested. She may not be a credible source, if this report is to be believed.

The woman who claims Justin Bieber fathered her child — originally accused her ex-boyfriend of being the daddy to the very same baby last year … this according to her ex-BF’s grandmother.

TMZ spoke with Frances Lippe … who tells us Mariah Yeater had been dating her grandson John Terranova in Las Vegas toward the end of high school.

Lippe says Yeater came to their home in December 2010 and told Terranova she was pregnant with his child. He insisted he did not get her pregnant.

The two got into an argument and police were called … because Yeater allegedly broke a car window out of rage.

Later that day, according to the police report, Yeater returned to the home to work out a payment plan for the window … and got into another altercation with Terranova … and allegedly slapped John 3 separate times in the face with her open right hand.

Yeater was arrested and charged for battery. A court date has been set in Vegas.

Lippe tells us they never heard from Yeater again after the December altercation. 10 months later, Mariah surfaced … now claiming Bieber is the father. JB says it just ain’t true.

Mariah gave birth to a baby boy in San Diego on July 6 — she did not list a father on the birth certificate.

We’ve made multiple calls to Yeater’s attorneys — so far, no response.

[From TMZ]

Radar reported that Justin’s girlfriend, Selena Gomez, dumped him due to this paternity scandal. Their people denied that report and the two were later papped holding hands in an obviously staged photo op.

Many of you pointed out this blind item that sounds just like Bieber. It’s all about how the paternity of the baby is up to question, but how this story will blow the lid off how a teen pop star regularly has sex with groupies. It’s a blind item, and they’re not worth putting much stock in. Still, this blind item came out before we heard that Yeater first accused her ex boyfriend of being the father.

After I wrote all that and was sort-of ready to publish (I’m having severe Internet problems today. I have Comcast, BTW) an interview segment with Yeager came out! So far we’ve only seen her goofy MySpace photos and her mug shot. In an interview with The Insider to air tonight (which you can watch part of on Radar) she appears polished, has removed her facial piercings and is well spoken. She seems very believable to me as she makes her case, and says that she has provided evidence to her attorneys to prove her claims. She wouldn’t specify exactly what evidence she has, but said that “I will prove in court that my allegations are true.” Whether that baby is Bieber’s or not, I found her story credible.

This photo of Bieber grabbing himself was the first one that came up during a search on one of our agencies. I didn’t go looking for it! Header is Yeater’s mugshot. Credit: Pacific Coast News

Michelle Williams in gold Oscar de la Renta: lovely or too precious & young?

Posted: 07 Nov 2011 06:07 AM PST

These are new photos of Michelle Williams at last night's premiere/screening of My Week With Marilyn at the AFI Fest. The dress is Oscar de la Renta and… I don't like it much. Yes, this particular shade of gold works well on pale blondes, and it suits her figure and everything. But… I find this look super-boring on Michelle. I know that's "on" me, because I'm not in love with Michelle as a person or as an actress. I feel like this dress is too "cloying" and "young" and "precious" on her, which is how I feel about her personality too. This feels like a very young woman's party dress - like, this is something a rich girl would wear for her 16th birthday party. It's strange on a 31-year-old hipster with a weird affected accent.

I kind of hate Michelle’s chopped hair too. The resemblance is so strong with Mia Farrow, it bugs. In her recent Elle UK cover profile (I covered some of the photos here), Michelle explained her rationale for keeping the chopped hair:

"What Matilda would love is for her mom to grow out the cropped hair, though that's unlikely to happen any time soon. The only people who like it are gay men and my girlfriends. Straight men across the board are not into this hair! I cut it for the one straight man who has ever liked short hair and I wear it in memorial of somebody who really loved it. I've really grown into it. I feel like myself with short hair."

[From Elle via The NYDN]

So we can't dislike her short Bieber hair because she wears it this way for Heath Ledger, I guess. And she's going to keep wearing it this way as a "memorial" to him. Sigh…I know that moved a lot of people, so I'll try to be careful here. Let me just say it this way… I hope My Week With Marilyn is really poorly reviewed. I hope no one considers Michelle for any awards this year. I hope she doesn't have to give many more interviews.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Monday, November 7, 2011

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