Crushable

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• Why Is Eliza Dushku Speaking At This Tech Conference?
• Video: Jon Hamm Reads Book About Buttholes
• Facebook Nerds Riot Over Delayed 'X-Men: First Class' Trailer
• 5 Books For Lindsay Lohan's Reading List
• Video: There's A New 'Jersey Shore' Trailer. Is It Still Groundhog Day?
• John Boehner's Name Makes Him Inevitable Candidate For Next Sex Scandal
• Video: Khloe Kardashian And Lamar Odom's Unisex Perfume Ad
• Sweet Repeat: Avril Lavigne Is An Overgrown Teenager
• Fan Fiction: Angry Birds Is A Conspiracy

Why Is Eliza Dushku Speaking At This Tech Conference? Posted: 10 Feb 2011 11:22 AM PST Don’t get me wrong: I have nothing personal against Eliza Dushku. Sure, she ruined a couple of good seasons of Buffy for me and her tweets hurt my brain, but I heard good things about Dollhouse before it was canceled? And, you know, live and let live. But what I really want to know is why a B-actress with no discernible social media skills is headlining Twiistup, an L.A. tech conference whose other speakers are all actual, you know, famous entrepreneurs and investors. The best part of this whole story (other than “Why?”) may be Eliza’s profile for the event, which is 20 times longer than anyone else’s, including Owen Stone, the “#1 Advisor on the Internet.” Here’s her whole spiel, in its entirety: Eliza Dushku continues to maintain her leading lady status in Hollywood with roles in a number of prominent film and television projects. She completed the second season of Fox's "Dollhouse," a series created by Joss Whedon on which Dushku also serves as a Producer. In the series, she stars as 'Echo,' an agent or "doll" who has had her memory wiped completely clean so that she, along with the other dolls in the Dollhouse, can fulfill the wishes of well-paying clients by being imprinted with a personality of the client's choosing. Dushku's talents extend far beyond acting. In addition to serving as a producer on "Dollhouse," she is currently producing a biopic through her production company Boston Diva Productions. The film called The Perfect Moment, is based on the life of photographer Robert Mapplethorpe and his rise to fame in the 1970s to his untimely death in 1989. She has brought on two-time Sundance Grand Jury Prize winner, Ondi Timoner to direct and produce alongside her. Dushku also co-starred with Alan Rickman and Bill Pullman in Bottle Shock, a drama about the birth of the Napa Valley wine country. Additional past film credits include The Alphabet Killer, in which she also served as an Associate Producer, Nobel Son, Wrong Turn, City by the Sea opposite Robert De Niro and Frances McDormand, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and the hit cheerleading film Bring it On opposite Kirsten Dunst, among others. Dushku has also had a very successful television career, starring in a number of hit series with cult-like followings. She first starred as 'Faith Lehane' on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," a slayer much more troubled than the main character 'Buffy.' Though initially planned as a five-episode role, the character became so popular that Dushku stayed on for the entire third season and returned for a two-part appearance the following season. The remainder of her original story arc was played out in the first season of the spin-off "Angel." Repentant and rededicated, 'Faith' returned in a number of later episodes of "Angel" and "Buffy." Following these roles Dushku starred in the series, "Tru Calling" in which she played 'Tru Davies' in yet another powerful female role. Additional television credits include guest starring roles on "That 70's Show" and "Ugly Betty." The daughter of an Albanian-American administrator father and Danish-American professor mother, Dushku was raised with ambition in her blood. At the early age of 10, Dushku was discovered by casting agents for the lead role of 'Alice' in the film That Night. In 1993, Dushku landed the role of Pearl alongside Robert De Niro and Leonardo DiCaprio in This Boy's Life, a role that caught the attention of many in the industry. The following year, she starred with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies, opposite Paul Reiser in Bye Bye, Love and alongside Halle Berry in Race the Sun. In addition to acting and producing, Dushku is involved with a number of charities, including Camp Hale in Boston and 10,000 Girls School in Kaolack, Senegal. Earlier this year, she traveled to Uganda helping bring awareness to the country. Dushku lives a very active lifestyle and recently completed her first triathlon finishing with a Bronze medal. Dushku resides in Los Angeles. There is literally not one reference to anything involving technology in that entire biography. So what is Eliza going to talk about at Twiistup? We hope it’s an hour long lecture on how to tweet about organizing your closet, dating old guys, and road rage. Post from: Crushable Why Is Eliza Dushku Speaking At This Tech Conference?

Video: Jon Hamm Reads Book About Buttholes Posted: 10 Feb 2011 10:56 AM PST Well, isn’t someone trying to be James Franco today! Jon Hamm does a live reading from a portion of Jon Glazer’s hysterically funny book, My Dead Dad Was in ZZ Top, proving once again that this man can make any word in the English language sound as smooth as a single-malt scotch. Even “buttholes.” Post from: Crushable Video: Jon Hamm Reads Book About Buttholes

Facebook Nerds Riot Over Delayed 'X-Men: First Class' Trailer Posted: 10 Feb 2011 10:37 AM PST Apparently, there has been some confusion on the official X-Men: First Class Facebook page about when the film’s first trailer will be released. 18 hours ago there was a status update saying the trailer would be released “tomorrow.” But this morning: Nada. Nerd rage commence! Now the fans are angry because it’s still not up, and are forming a virtual mob. They will topple over this page and burn it to the ground if they have to! What do you mean Wolverine wasn’t part of the original X-Men? Who even cares? Time to freak out!!! Update: Okay, the trailer is being released “this afternoon, PST.” Do you all feel better now? Post from: Crushable Facebook Nerds Riot Over Delayed 'X-Men: First Class' Trailer

Posted: 10 Feb 2011 10:17 AM PST Please Give Your Lover These Lost Valentine’s Day Cards  - Sure, they are a year old, but “Will You Be My Constant?” is still the best declaration of love we’ve ever heard. (SL-Lost) Post from: Crushable

5 Books For Lindsay Lohan's Reading List Posted: 10 Feb 2011 10:02 AM PST Years back, well before the James Frey debacle, Lindsay Lohan declared that her favorite book was A Million Little Pieces, which made me cringe. I believed that anyone who adored this macho, denial-promoting, chest pumping creation was either a) In the throes of glorifying his or her own addictions, or b) gullible. In light of Lindsay's recent woes, I created a very non-Frey-like reading list that, I believe, will both help Lindsay and, if need be, kill time while she's in jail. 1. This Vacant Paradise by Victoria Patterson Lindsay, you need novels that celebrate female antiheroes, and I humbly offer mine, with the belief that you will relate to its heroine. Defying society's expectations and her family, Esther Wilson takes the law into her own hands. She takes other things into her own hands as well, things that don't belong to her, but that make her feel as if she's "fine tuning the inequities of the universe." Beautiful and tragic, Esther does find solace and relief, not through stealing, but through deeper, larger, and more profound internal awakenings; and you, dear Lindsay, I'm rooting for you. 2. The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham Lindsay, you're not alone. Like the child's game of "Hit the Gopher with the Shovel," you knock one addiction down, and before you know it—boom! —out pops another. Instinctively, we think, Get it, get it, and kill it! But instead of fighting (or denying), The Spirituality of Imperfection instructs us to live and breathe in those gaps of fallibility, and to embrace them as our best path to spirituality. 3. Drop the Rock by Todd W., Bill P., and Sara S. During a particularly worrisome chapter in my somewhat worrisome life (let's not get into it here, Lindsay), a well-intentioned woman handed me her card, with her name and phone number underneath the inscription: Let Go of the Big One. "What does that even mean?" I asked (and then I scowled, no doubt). She told me a story about a woman with a big stone around her neck, drowning, with a boat full of people nearby yelling, "Drop the rock! Drop the rock!" Finally, the woman flung the rock aside, swam, and climbed aboard the boat, only to see another woman flailing in the water, so that soon she found herself yelling with the others, "Drop the rock! Drop it!" With over 100,000 copies sold, Drop the Rock is essential for those in recovery. Lindsey, to be honest, I'm still not sure how to "let go of the big one," but, like the well-intentioned woman's silly story, Drop the Rock helps, and I have no idea why or how. 4. The Los Angeles Diaries and This River by James Brown Lindsay, lest you fall prey to a Frey-like glorification again, The Los Angeles Diaries and its postscript, This River by James Brown will surely set you straight. James Brown's memoirs chronicle the chaos of his life, including the suicides of his alcoholic and drug addicted siblings, and his own battles with addiction. Of This River, Tim O'Brien writes, "A beautifully crafted and intensely moving book. Without artifice or pretension—without false moves of any sort—James Brown goes after the biggest literary game: death, love, children, degeneration, hopelessness, hope." 5. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky Like many of us, Raskolnikov, the hero of Dostoevsky's novel, struggles with issues of entitlement. Lindsay, trust me on this one: Not only will you be reading one of the classics, but this profound meditation on guilt and retribution will make your problems seem minimal. Victoria Patterson is the author of the novel This Vacant Paradise. Drift, her collection of interlinked short stories, was a finalist for the California Book Award and the 2009 Story Prize. The San Francisco Chronicle selected Drift as one of the best books of 2009. Her work has appeared in various publications and journals, including the Los Angeles Times, Alaska Quarterly Review, and the Southern Review. She lives with her family in Southern California and teaches through the UCLA Extension Writers' Program and as a Visiting Assistant Professor at UC Riverside. Post from: Crushable 5 Books For Lindsay Lohan's Reading List

Video: There's A New 'Jersey Shore' Trailer. Is It Still Groundhog Day? Posted: 10 Feb 2011 09:39 AM PST MTV has released a new trailer for goomba fest Jersey Shore today. Between Sammi screaming nonsense, Ronnie bleeding out of random orifices and the Snooki/Vinny love spats, it’s actually pretty hard to tell if these are new scenes or promo footage for a recap show.  Didn’t Sammi already leave, or is that destined to happen ad infinitum until this show goes off the air? No, wait! It is new. Someone has hung Snooki’s stuffed crocodile from a noose. This show has stopped playing nice. And has started getting racial against reptiles. Post from: Crushable Video: There's A New 'Jersey Shore' Trailer. Is It Still Groundhog Day?

John Boehner's Name Makes Him Inevitable Candidate For Next Sex Scandal Posted: 10 Feb 2011 09:33 AM PST Yesterday, Maureen O’Connor over at Gawker had one of the biggest stories in the site’s nine year history. The young reporter broke the news of Congressman Christopher Lee’s Craigslist sex ads, which lead to Lee’s resignation in a record-breaking 3 hours. We’re blaming it on the Gawker redesign. But we’ve been hearing rumors (unverified ones, to be sure), that in light of this very public media takedown, Speaker of the House John Boehner is going to reveal today that he’s had some sort of marital infidelity as well. If Boehner was having an affair, he might be running scared right now that the next outed politician would be him. The fact is, even if there isn’t a sex scandal about John Boehner, the media will create one. The New York Post’s headlines alone would be worth it. “Boehner’s Boner” it could read. Or “John Boehner Has Something In His Pocket And He’s Not Just Happy To See You.” Well, we can workshop that one. But you see our point. So please, John Boehner, do us this favor and start having an affair, if you haven’t already. Our headlines will thank you. Post from: Crushable John Boehner's Name Makes Him Inevitable Candidate For Next Sex Scandal

Video: Khloe Kardashian And Lamar Odom's Unisex Perfume Ad Posted: 10 Feb 2011 09:30 AM PST We think this is a self-aware parody of a perfume ad, and therefore we think it’s cute. But we could be wrong, in which case: Blech. Also, can this be our platform to talk about how much brain-aching we experience every single time we see the name “Khloe”? It’s the moniker equivalent of the Paris Hotel in Las Vegas — which is maybe not a bad analogy for the Kardashians as a whole. Post from: Crushable Video: Khloe Kardashian And Lamar Odom's Unisex Perfume Ad

Sweet Repeat: Avril Lavigne Is An Overgrown Teenager Posted: 10 Feb 2011 09:10 AM PST Avril Lavigne is a grown-up. This is an indisputable fact, based on things like math and biology. The gal’s even a divorcee for goodness sake — yet she still trounces around like she’s a fifteen-year-old on her way to an ecstasy party at some downtown warehouse (are we mixing up our teenage subcultures? It’s been a while). Check out our gallery of Avril at her most overgrown-pubescent-y. Post from: Crushable Sweet Repeat: Avril Lavigne Is An Overgrown Teenager

Fan Fiction: Angry Birds Is A Conspiracy Posted: 10 Feb 2011 09:02 AM PST In the wild world of Angry Birds, birds and pigs remain mortal enemies. Or do they? It was a calm day, slightly balmy. The wind bringing with it a smell of the spring to come. It was unseasonably warm too, but Jonathan couldn’t be bothered to talk about the weather. He stood tall on the cliff, overlooking the crude, rickety structures and the odd noises that emanated within them. Most of the time it was just rank animal sounds: a squeal here, a snuffle there. But faintly, several times now, Jonathan thought he could the impossibly slight sound of a shell cracking open before its time. Jonathan’s feathers ruffled involuntarily. His best friend, a level 3 black bird named Gary came up behind him, where Jonathan’s own troops were assembling. “You okay man?” Gary asked uneasily. “I just want my son back,” said Jonathan. His eyes never left the horizon, and Gary could see how tightly Jon was keeping his beak clenched. Jonathan was an angry bird. When the pigs had first come for the children, they had taken the flock by surprise. For years, the pigs had been nothing but peaceful neighbors to the lower-income avians. Many of the birds in Jonathan’s community were like himself: young, single parents that had a history of drug and alcohol abuse. But Jonathan had been going to his meetings, and had no longer been coming home drunk and raging at the world where he was just a lowly red-bird, unable to give his kids the advantages of growing up in a white-bird household where one day they might be able to go to college, or be used as an explosive device. The pigs had always sympathized with Jonathan, sympathized with their dumb, dull smiles. They had made for good company, especially during the worse days, when the egg’s mother had still been around. She would openly berate Jonathan about his shitty job at the office and claim that she was going to run off with one of those blue jays that were literally three times the bird that Jonathan was. Eventually she did. But it hadn’t been so bad after she left, and the pigs had helped subsidize his income by letting him work on the forts they were building, one town over. Looking back, Jonathan couldn’t believe he had ever been so naive. He was just lucky that he and the other birds tasked with building what they thought were residential pig-housing had done such a terrible job at it. Their tiny claws were not equipped for the hammers and nails their new employers had given them. Plus, the pigs were none to bright: Who ever thought that sticking ice on top of stone slabs would protect them from the elements? Their homes were indeed precarious, wobbling this way and that in the almost non-existent spring wind. But with the way things had turned out, Jon had never been so happy to have done a shitty job in his life. He would never forget the day he went home to find his little one-story nest above the seed store ransacked, with no sign of his son the egg, or the pig-babysitter that stayed over while he worked those late hours building poorly-designed infrastructures deep in pits, or up on floating pieces of land. His first thought had been poachers, or a natural disaster. But there had been no news on Twitter all day. Jonathan ran next door to find his cousin, Amber, herself a single mother. Amber was sobbing in a tiny, black ball when he found her, her feathers splashed with what he hoped wasn’t her own blood. “They took the eggs, Jonathan,” she had moaned, “They took all our eggs.” That was the last thing she ever said to him. That had been two months ago. Amber had gone back to the bottle, and surprisingly the pig kidnappers had never moved out of plain sight. The news cycle on the white-bird network talked about nothing else but the hoofed terrorists that had stolen all the children for food. And though Jonathan had always considered himself progressive, he had unconsciously begun to believe the rhetoric. Those pig bastards were going to eat his son. He didn’t know where the pigs came from, or why, in the past two months since the war began, they never retaliated against his fellow birds’ kamikaze assault, but he knew that they were evil. Post from: Crushable Fan Fiction: Angry Birds Is A Conspiracy

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