Friday, February 25, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Oddly Picturesque: Mickey Mouse Checks Out His Own Image In Baseball Field

Posted: 25 Feb 2011 08:01 AM PST

Here’s a photo of Mickey Mouse checking out a Mickey Mouse logo in the outfield grass at the ESPN sports complex in Buena Vista, Fla. More like, META-Mouse, amiright? No one’s saying “more like” anymore? Fine. Then, PWNED!

It was kind of adorable, until they started making out. At which point it became even more adorable.

The Best Sentence From The Latest Charlie Sheen Rampage

Posted: 25 Feb 2011 08:02 AM PST

In case you missed it because you don’t use Twitter or the internet or tv or the radio (the Little Orphan Annie serial programme has been talking about it non-stop), Charlie Sheen went on another ridiculous rant yesterday on the Alex Jones radio show, ripping on the creator of Two And A Half Men, his ex-wife, party girls, and just about all other humans and things in the Sheeniverse. T&aHM (what we all call it) has halted production as a result.

The most awesomely random quote of the entire blowup, however, came when Alex Jones issued Sheen an actual compliment:

At one bizarre point, Jones suggests Sheen sounded Jeffersonian, to which he quips, “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p*ssy!”

That’s right – Charlie Sheen called out Thomas Jefferson. Frankly, it’s about time – actor Charlie Sheen has remained silent on the issue of Thomas Jefferson’s manhood for quite some time now, and the public’s had a right to know whether or not former president Thomas Jefferson is or is not a p*ssy in the eyes of the Two And A Half Men star.

Now that that’s cleared up, Mr. Sheen, what is your opinion on the agility of Charlemagne?

The Hangover 2 Teaser Trailer Isn’t Really Anything, But Here It Is

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 02:14 PM PST

Here’s the first teaser trailer for The Hangover 2. I’ve been sitting here for about a half hour thinking of something to say about the one-minute video, but couldn’t think of anything substantive beyond “Did Roger Ebert actually say that in his review?” (Answer: Yup.)

I found the first Hangover movie to be incredibly watchable, and like most people really enjoyed Zach Galifianakis‘ moments, but I’ll be interested to see if a sequel taking place in Thailand can manage to escape from underneath the lurking Home Alone-style “oh no, we lost Doug again!” exposition. Not that it’ll need to be some perfectly-constructed backstory or I’ll be shouting B.S. or anything, but just about any sequel that has to recreate a really specific situation in a different exotic location is gonna have some extra legwork to do, particularly if they really bend over backwards to bring back random side characters from the first one (which will definitely happen).

In the meantime, here’s the Hangover characters walking for a minute and some quotes:

Here Is An Insultingly And Overtly Fake Soccer Injury

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 01:29 PM PST

In America, most of us don’t know that much about soccer. We know we’re supposed to pretend to like it once every four years and that players pretend to get hurt a lot, but that’s about it. Well, good news. The following video focuses on half of those things, so we can all follow it without getting confused. Surely, you’ve seen footage before of a player clearly not getting hurt and then fake crying about it, but this one is pretty mind blowing and only gets better with every slow motion replay (of which there are MANY).

That is what I imagine younger brothers have to do when their older brothers are too lazy to initiate the “stop hitting yourself” game on their own.

And now, let’s talk about the time clock for a bit. They were 76 minutes into the game already! That’s insane. For a second I was like “Jesus, there are 76 minutes to go?!” and then I remembered that soccer tries it’s very best to remove all suspense and has the game clock count up instead of down. Then again, that was everyone’s favorite part about playing on a soccer team at 8 years old. With no warning, a whistle would blow and you’d get surprise orange wedges and drink pouches. Now, there’s a whole generation of us out there who have a Pavlovian response to whistles where we automatically assume we’re about to get some Capri Sun. Good job, soccer. Keep doing your thing and we’ll all see you at a crowded bar in three years.

Thanks, Best of YouTube.

Jennifer Lopez Breaks Down Crying On Ridiculously Sad American Idol

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 01:17 PM PST

Heading into the current season of American Idol, Fox kept touting the “big changes” that were on tap for Season 10, including new judges, a new Elimination Round format, and new Coke cups with holographic logos that automatically orientate themselves towards the camera perfectly. Also new this season? THE SADDEST BACKSTORY EVER.

Last night, Chris Medina — a singer whose fiancee recently suffered permanent brain damage in a car accident that left her in the constant care of her mother and Medina himself — was eliminated by the Judges on the verge of Idol’s Round of 24. Jennifer Lopez took the elimination particularly and understandably hard, as you can see in the clip below:

So WHO’S READY FOR SOME TOP 24 ACTION NOW???? Everyone getting pumped for GREASE WEEK? Why’s everyone silently pouting?

TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: A Crazy Elimination For The Gulf

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 12:26 PM PST

Angelo lost last week we are sad to see him go but this is Top Chef All-Stars you have to bring your A Game every week we are really down to the wire one mistake can send you home no margin for error I’m in this to win it an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Top Chef All-Stars Episode 11, “For The Gulf” – here we go!

Dale has the nerve to point out “The reality is, we all gotta go except for one” — WRONG DALE! The reality is you have to sit in that empty bar that serves outside coffee and act demonstrably distraught that a person on a reality show that eliminates someone every day has been eliminated. “But…how can that be, I just talked to him!” would be a better thing to say.

On to Quickfireier pastures — this week’s Quickfire Guest Judge is Paula Deen. Whattdya think of THAT, Carla?

For once, I can actually believe the chefs all instantly recognized the Guest Judge and got excited; it wasn’t the usual “We walk in and GEOFFREY WIMZAMADOO is standing there, Owner of Sextant in Portland, he’s the KING of Risottos. A producer is definitely not just telling me that right now through my head-chip.” Alright, Final Six – Time to get DEEN and dirty (not dirty):

We all know Paula Deen is famous for buttery, mayonnaisey, fried butteryness, but perhaps the twist in this challenge will be to deconstruct a classic southern dish and take it to a new fine-dining level? Or maybe it’s to cook a healthy version of a classic southern dish to promote her new book, Lean Mean Deenin’ Machdeen?

Nope! The challenge is to “use a deep fryer,” and that book doesn’t exist, and if it did they would have to deep fry it. Richard declares he is “in this to win it,” and he shows us his book to prove it:

What are you gonna do for this challenge, Richard, liquid-nitrogen mayonnaise and fry ahhhhh he just did exactly that before I could finish the joke. For the record, even though Richard’s clearly awesome, if another competitor cooked Asian food or Indian food or something as frequently in challenges as Richard used his liquid nitrogen, they’d be criticized for not venturing out of their comfort zone. (Frozen Footnote)

Michael Isabella, in his ongoing effort to make every second he’s on the screen even less tolerable, has stolen Richard’s recipe for a “fried chicken oyster” served inside an actual oyster shell in a fine display of everything chefs consider high-minded playfulness is actually so stupid and you culinary people are too smug to see the forest through the trees of how stupid your concept of whimsy is brilliant playfulness.

At this point, I predict that Top Chef will have Michael win and Richard get mad at him to stir up controversy, and I am exactly right. Sometimes I’m so good at this job, I scare myself. I called the Elimination Challenge way wrong this week though, which is good, because then I was not scared.

Michael wins $5,000 by stealing Richard’s recipe, and gets some additional help from Antonia, who apparently had the best dish but forgot to make two plates. If Paula Deen is famous for one thing, it’s heavy southern cooking, but if she’s famous for another thing it’s being a stickler for minor arbitrary rules in timed cheffing competitions.

Richard makes this face the rest of the episode:

Mike makes this face the rest of the episode:

For the Elimination Challenge, Padma welcomes Southern Guest Judge #2, New Orleans seafood chef John Besh, whose name sounds like John Tesh and I’m sure he’s heard that a million times but I’m gonna keep calling him John Tesh because you only live once:

John Tesh welcomes the chefs with a SUPER strained “Y’all” to prove he’s from the south, then explains that their challenge will be to cook for a New Orleans Gulf Benefit for like 9 million people using classic gulf seafood. They’ll be getting some help from some very creepily happy sous chefs…

The chefs pick partners, each of whom comes with their own specific Gulf Coast seafood, and Tiffany begrudgingly selects “The white shrimp. And Marcel.” You just got ZINGED, bad teamworkin’ dude. Dale picks Angelo last though, which is odd because Angelo is really good at cheffing, but he’s also holding this fish-shaped monster:

Just as Michael and Antonia did in the Italian Challenge, Tiffany and Carla take the opportunity to keep reminding everyone how from the south they are. Carla exclaims, “I’m from the south, so the expectation is I’m gonna blow it out of the park.” Is that a thing that happens in baseball? That was not my expectation.

Tiffany admits, “I’m from the south, but I didn’t do a lot of cooking growing up. I did a lot of eating, though!” Does anyone do a lot of cooking when they’re growing up? You’re a kid. “I didn’t do a lot of clothes-buying or driving myself places growing up either.” Actually strike that – you know Angelo definitely did a bunch of cooking when he was a kid. Some huge dorky chef hat – so easy to picture.

The chefs prep, then hop in the Hippomobile to the Gulf Benefit:

The Chefs cook and the Judges and people eat it and make comments about it. Let’s cut to…

THE TOP 3: Richard, Antonia, Mike

I thought for sure Mike was going home this week, because he and Tiffany are the clear standout next-to-goes, and Tiffany almost lost last week and Top Chef usually gives people who almost lost a buffer week the following week because it’d be really predictable if they almost lose one week then immediately lose the next week. But lo and behold, there’s Mike in the Top 3. Top SIGH.

Richard wins the Elimination Challenge for his “perfectly balanced” Crispy Gulf Snapper with Pulled Pork and Citrus Grits, inspired by “the other side of the Gulf – Florida and Georgia.” (Georgia doesn’t technically border the Gulf, Richard – do more Sporcle quizzes.) He wins a trip to Barbados (is there any rhyme or reason to these prizes?), and says he’s gonna take sous chef Fabio on the trip with his family. Bad move, because your wife is already sleeping with Fabio since the moment you suggested that.

THE BOTTOM 3: Carla, Tiffany, Dale

As I said, Top Chef almost never eliminates someone the week right after they were super-close to being eliminated, but they’ll either have to break that rule and eliminate Tiffany, or they’ll have to send home Dale or Carla, two Finale shoe-ins. Even though Dale’s and Carla’s dishes get criticized worse than Tiffany’s, I still expected the judges to go out of their way to inflate Tiffany’s criticism at Judges’ Table to justify voting her off, but it isn’t looking likely.

Tiffany’s shrimp dish does provoke Paula Deen into giving one of the best quotes in Top Chef history:

After all, Carla did mess up fried fish for a second straight challenge, and Dale did have some issues in the kitchen with over-mustarding his Monsterfish:

In the second straight Top Chef shocker, Dale is sent home. In a way, this is ridiculous, because he’s clearly better than Mike and Tiffany and would’ve had a fair shot in the Finals. In another way, however, Dale’s elimination one week after Angelo was let go strikes me as evidence that the Top Chef judges and producers may be following their self-proclaimed rules more accurately — whoever has the worst dish in a given week is supposed to get eliminated, regardless of past or potential future performance, and for two straight weeks, some of the better chefs have produced the alleged worst dish and been eliminated accordingly.

In the past, the show has obviously skewed the eliminations for a number of factors — keeping more popular chefs on, keeping rivalries intact, saving better chefs who had an off-week by eliminating someone generally worse — but the Top Chef producers really have no incentive to keep Tiffany and Mike on the show any longer than Angelo or Dale. The show’s decision to eliminate two of the better chefs in consecutive weeks is angering, but it seems legitimate, provided those two chefs did in fact have the worst dishes in those weeks and there isn’t some weird misguided ulterior motive at play (like Bravo mistakenly believing Mike is a popular character). If anything, the problem isn’t the decision to eliminate Dale and Angelo, the problem is the standard reality show format where winning Elimination Challenges carries no benefit from week-to-week, while being the second-worst person in a given week carries no penalty; consistent mediocrity is always more beneficial than greatness with the occasional risky mistake.

So yes, Dale getting eliminated over Mike and Tiffany is annoying, but don’t hate the player, hate the game. A rapper rapped that about chefs once.

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George Mason University Band Plays Rage Against The Machine

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 12:04 PM PST

College! How great is college? It’s a place where people come together to spend equal time learning and doing pointless things that are entertaining to watch on YouTube. One of the most prestigious interesting-to-watch-on-YouTube things you can do while getting your degree is taking two dissimilar musical styles and putting them together.

Your Dad: You mean like the Boston Pops?

You: Ugh. No, dad. Not like the– Wait, actually, yes. Sort of like the Boston Pops. Sorry.

It’s one of the reasons college lip-dub/a Capella performances of rap songs are so quick to go viral. It is refreshing, though, that this following video is not an a Capella thing or a lip dub. It is just an orchestra doing a really good job of playing a song that is hard to imagine being done by a large band. Good job, George Mason University which is apparently a school just outside of DC.

I guess the Save the Music thing is over now because that sh*t is SAVED. More like Pleasantries Against the Machine.

Thanks, Reddit.

“Marijuana Bikini Model” Is The Best New Job Description

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 10:47 AM PST

As you have probably heard, it has come to light in the past day or so that , Charlie Sheen‘s new girlfriend, Natalie Kenly, is a model who has regularly posed for marijuana magazines. Somehow, through the magic of internet synergy, everyone has begun referring to her as being a “Marijuana Bikini Model” as if that is a thing that already exists and that every one has heard of before.

That is a fantastic job title. it is succinct as it is impressive. And even if you get confused and screw the whole thing up, the worst case scenario is that you think the woman wears bikinis made out of marijuana. (For the kids: marijuana bikinis are illegal and you should not wear them.)

It appears that TMZ is the site that coined the term, so anyone linking to their story has started using it as well. Just google “marijuana bikini model.” You’ll see the magic. I hope Natalie Kenly gets the world’s best business cards made.

TMZ, Gawker
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