Best Week Ever |
- It’s A Two And A Half Men Cancellation Celebration!
- Donald Glover’s Rap Alter Ego, Childish Gambino, Drops His Video For “Freaks And Geeks”
- Joe Pesci Reminds Us How To Give A Perfect Oscars Acceptance Speech
- Darren Criss Reveals Secret To Success: “Jazzier Virgins”
- Here Are The Winners For The 83rd Annual Oscars!
- The Shocking Leaked Two And A Half Men Series Finale
- Drunk Man Breaks Into Restaurant To Cook Himself Wings
- Top Chef‘s Carla Was A Real-Life Model
- Fluffiest News Story Ever: Wandering Pig Returned To Owner
| It’s A Two And A Half Men Cancellation Celebration! Posted: 26 Feb 2011 02:58 AM PST  It looks like Two And A Half Men has finally been canceled!! Forever!! Thanks to Charlie Sheen’s brilliantly reverse-choreographed public meltdown, producers of the show have decided to call it quits for the rest of the season and possibly forever. Do you realize what this means??? To celebrate this glorious and momentous day that we’ve been dreaming about since the day Angus T. Jones was born, we’ve put together a Special Edition Two And A Half Men Cancellation Celebration GIF Wall. Click ahead to join the party! Featuring appearances by Simon Cowell, Katy Perry, Elaine, Chris Colfer, Spongebob Squarepants, and Andy Dufresne, among many others.                         Maje Props to Lauren Deiman for the above GIFS! |
| Donald Glover’s Rap Alter Ego, Childish Gambino, Drops His Video For “Freaks And Geeks” Posted: 25 Feb 2011 02:43 PM PST
There are probably a number of you who only know Donald Glover from his work as Troy on Community. And you know what? That’s totally fine! It’s totally cool by us if you not as steeped in the origin story of Donald Glover as we are. So let’s break it down, shall we? Glover got his start as a member of the comedy troupe Derrick, an ensemble which released a movie called Mystery Team back in 2009 (which comes with a coveted Dan Hopper endorsement, mind you!). Glover is also a talented writer (he was a staff writer for 30 Rock) and, believe it or not, a shockingly good rapper. Glover’s hip-hop alter ego is Childish Gambino, and he’ll be releasing an album under that moniker on March 8. The video for his first single off the record, “Freaks And Geeks,” just hit the internet a few hours ago and it’s already a trending topic on Twitter. FOLLOW ALONG FOR THE NSFW VIDEO
The song mixes the hilarious with the profane, but this is not what anyone would call joke rap. It’s not corny, not in the slightest; rather, it’s very articulate and filled with pop culture references of both highbrow (e.e. cummings) and lowbrow (The Big Bang Theory) nature. His flow is akin to Drake’s, only he’s more nasally and a bit more aggressive with how he attacks verses. But we’re just going to get out of the way now and let you take this new video in. (Oh, btw, if you work at an office, now might be a good time to put on your headphones, his rhymes are pretty NSFW.) Donald Glover will be touring these great United States of ours pretty soon. Tickets go on sale next week! |
| Joe Pesci Reminds Us How To Give A Perfect Oscars Acceptance Speech Posted: 25 Feb 2011 02:40 PM PST As we brace ourselves for another Oscars ceremony and the inevitable collection of rambly self-congratulatory speeches about how courageous a decision it was for someone to pretend to be this other dude with problems, let’s take a (very) brief moment to recall Joe Pesci’s 1991 Oscars acceptance speech. THIS, Nominees, is how an Oscars acceptance speech is done: Just keep that in mind, whatever Danish dude wins for Best Documentary Short and yammers on for like TEN SECONDS about how thankful they are to their families and the people around them. We don’t even know who you are, let alone your families. Stop thanking them and let the show keep moving – I’ve got important long wacky joke hashtags to concentrate on. |
| Darren Criss Reveals Secret To Success: “Jazzier Virgins” Posted: 25 Feb 2011 01:50 PM PST In one of the most apropos Freudian slips of our time, Glee star Darren Criss revealed on Access Hollywood: Live this morning his true secret to success… “Jazzier Virgins.” Obviously hers:
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| Here Are The Winners For The 83rd Annual Oscars! Posted: 25 Feb 2011 01:19 PM PST
This Sunday night, all of America will convene into our metaphoric “Lady Caves” to watch the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, hosted by James Franco and Anne “No Seriously” Hathaway.. Before we even continue, you should be following BWEtv, Me and Dan on Twitter, as we will be Livetweeting the festivities this Sunday night. The Oscars are looking to shape up to be one of the most predictable Oscars ever!! So predictable, in fact, that our minds have braintraveled over to the offices of PricewaterhouseCoopers and seen the winners list! Kind of like the aliens in Independence Day, only the only resources we’re stealing are Hollywood answers.
Actor in a Leading Role * Javier Bardem in "Biutiful" Our Reasoning: Duh 2 Tha Max. Colin Firth is not only by far this year’s Best Actor, he is also the winner of the Best Person On Earth award.
Our Reasoning: No competition here. Christian Bale delivered one of the strongest and most methed out performances of the year, and Academy voters just adore a person who changes their appearance for a part. So sorry, Geoff Rush, if you really want to win again, consider amputating something next year. In our opinion, the Oscar is retroactive for his performance in Empire of the Sun, i.e. Greatest Movie Ever.  Actress in a Leading Role * Annette Bening in "The Kids Are All Right" Our Reasoning: It’s about time Hollywood reward someone for starving themselves. Congrats, Natalie Portman, you were 2010′s Skinniest Lady. Also if there’s one thing the elderly AMPAS voters love, it’s lesbian sex scenes. Double shoe in!
* Amy Adams in "The Fighter" Our Reasoning: OK, her Oscar ads were definitely over the top and in bad taste. But have any of you ever even heard of Animal Kingdon? And voters are definitely not going to give it to a 14 year old, or a woman whose shoes don’t match. Amy Adams did gain a minimally obtrusive beer belly for The Fighter, but in a competition of “Who looked like worse sh*t?”, Leo is a lock.  Art Direction * "Alice in Wonderland" Our Reasoning: Camman, that floating sequence had to be worth at least one little golden man. Cinematography * "Black Swan" Matthew Libatique Our Reasoning: I’ve never seen grainy home video footage of a swan with a beautiful face take flight. And now… I don’t have to, thanks to Matthew Libatique. Costume Design * "Alice in Wonderland" Colleen Atwood Our Reasoning: The only good thing about this movie, I Am Love, were the costumes. And the views. Unless you’re a fan of Tilda Swinton’s breast hair, in which case that would be another good thing about it. In short, I walked away from this movie with only one thought: I want to f*ck the sh*t out of the clothes in it. Boom. Oscar.
* "Black Swan" Darren Aronofsky Our Reasoning: It’s won everything else. That’s it. That’s my only reasoning. Documentary (Feature) * "Exit through the Gift Shop" Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz Our Reasoning: The only doc I’ve heard of. Good enough for me! Documentary (Short Subject) * "Killing in the Name" Jed Rothstein Our Reasoning: Picking these other categories is kind of like choosing a winning horse based on its punny name. So having done no research on the category whatsoever, I’m going with Jed Rothstein, based solely on the fact that his name suggests he probably sold really good weed while studying at Dartmouth, presumably.
* "Biutiful" Mexico Our Reasoning: True, 3 of the other titles all strike chords with me personally. I love love love dog teeth. “Hors-La-Loi” sounds like an ideal Algerian drag name. And “Incendies” is what I’ll tell firefighters after my house burns down following a drunken evening. Still, the power of Bardem is too strong, too powerful, too sex-chemies. And so, Biutiful it is.
Film Editing * "Black Swan" Andrew Weisblum Our Reasoning: Why not? Why. Not. Plus, the movie was made on the same soundstage as a gay porn. (Link NSFW) And y’all know how much people in Hollywood love gay porn. Winner!
* "Barney’s Version" Adrien Morot Our Reasoning: Do you have any idea how hard it is to fix that giant f*cking purple dinosaur’s face after a sleepless night doing cocaine with Dora the Explorer? Clearly, you do not. Music (Original Score) * "How to Train Your Dragon" John Powell Our Reasoning: Can you imagine how long it took to mark up the sheet music for this???? Probably minutes. Winner!
* "Coming Home" from "Country Strong" Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and Hillary Lindsey Our Reasoning: RANDY NEWMAN IS A PIMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Animated Feature Film * "How to Train Your Dragon" Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois Our Reasoning: Camman. Not a contest. Please. Short Film (Animated) Our Reasoning: Read the title and name again. "Let’s Pollute" Geefwee Boedoe "Let’s Pollute" Geefwee Boedoe "Let’s Pollute" Geefwee Boedoe "Let’s Pollute" Geefwee Boedoe "Let’s Pollute" Geefwee Boedoe "Let’s Pollute" Geefwee Boedoe. GEEFWEE BEST GET UP THERE AND GIVE THE SPEECH OF HIS LIFE. (Can you even say his first name on TV? It sounds like a pig q*eef.)
* "The Confession" Tanel Toom Our Reasoning: If it’s anything like the Alicia Silverstone-Cary Elwes epic 90s movie by the same name, this is the greatest thing to be produced last year. Sound Editing * "Inception" Richard King Our Reasoning: Kind of giving up at this point. I have no idea.
Our Reasoning: Sorry, I went to the bathroom while picking the winner for this category. Who won? Visual Effects * "Alice in Wonderland" Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas and Sean Phillips Our Reasoning: Grabbing a snack and still can’t see the TV. Anything interesting happening? Writing (Adapted Screenplay) * "127 Hours" Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy Our Reasoning: Cokey Coketalk for the win! Our Reasoning: Inception was an interesting concept but certainly not the best written movie of the year. So the winner is The King’s Speech, mainly because can you imagine how annoying it must have been to type out all those st-st-st-st-st-stutters?
Best Picture * "Black Swan" Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers Our Reasoning: The King’s Speech has certainly seen it’s share of buzz these last few weeks. But we’re going with our gut here. The winner will be a movie starring Justin Timberlake. Just go with us on this one, trust it. |
| The Shocking Leaked Two And A Half Men Series Finale Posted: 25 Feb 2011 12:39 PM PST Two And A Half Men may be facing cancellation after Charlie Sheen’s latest uncalled-for rant against Thomas Jefferson, but to prepare for this worst-case scenario, CBS has already shot a “series finale” that ties up all the show’s loose ends. Here’s a leaked clip of the incredible Two And A Half Men finale: (via Videogum) |
| Drunk Man Breaks Into Restaurant To Cook Himself Wings Posted: 25 Feb 2011 11:32 AM PST
As the great Lionel Hutz once said: “I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often. But you…are the greatest hero…in American history.” I pass this quote along to you, drunk dude who broke into a restaurant at 1 am to make wings:
Who among us drunk walker-homers has honestly not dreamed of doing EXACTLY THAT at some point in our drinking careers? Hell, breaking into a restaurant to fry myself boneless wings is what I fantasize about half the time when I’m lucid (the other half the time it’s regular wings. And I guess sometimes sex, while eating wings.) I also love that the guy threw some marinara sauce against the wall, just to be like “Let’s not forget, I was still a super drunk dude!” Who can even walk with a .220 BAC, let alone operate frying machinery? He’s definitely my new idol. Sorry, that Bobby Sherman poster I owned in ’68. (via @2011wings) |
| Top Chef‘s Carla Was A Real-Life Model Posted: 25 Feb 2011 10:37 AM PST It is no secret that our favorite Top Chef: All Stars contestant Carla Hall is a former model. And we can kind of see it. She’s tall, thin, and has an unusual face. Would you call her beautiful? Yes. But not in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit way. In more of a Tilda Swinton How Unusual way. Because of this, we were veeeeerrrrry interested in seeing Carla’s modeling pics. And thankfully, iVillage got their hands on her portfolio. Would she be cooking Southern food badly? (Her trademark.) Would she be wide-eyed and waving wildly? Would she be dressed up like Treebeard from Lord Of The Rings?
Oh, so brooding. Backwards on a chair. Looking out the window and dreaming of grits, no doubt.
I would defffffffffffffffffffinitely wear this today, but I uh-digress.
How did they not pick Carla to replace Aunt Viv on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air? She would have been perffff.
She’s got a little Egyptian at the Metropolitan Museum of Art thing happening. We see how she had a career in this, seriously.
Remember when Dick Tracy was a movie? Carla does too!
THE CARLA WITH ONE PEARL EARRING
Here’s the Carla we know! Sassy, side-eyeing, and about to go horseback riding with Tom Colicchio. |
| Fluffiest News Story Ever: Wandering Pig Returned To Owner Posted: 25 Feb 2011 10:20 AM PST
There’s “The Lighter Side” of the news, and then there’s “The Lightest Side” of the Lighter Side of the news – news which is so light, it literally floats up out of the lighter section of the newspaper and into the lightest part of Heaven. Example? This actual news story from my hometown newspaper’s website:
I can’t believe we’re wasting time covering news about a hobo pig while at the same time, over in Bahrain, there could be millions of hobo pigs being returned to their owners. WHY AREN’T WE COVERING THE HOBO PIGS OVER THERE? Our national media really needs to get its priorities in order with regard to adorable hobo pigs. |
Here are your winners!! This is like getting the Sports Almanac in Back to the Future II before the games, people. Fill those ballots out now.
Actor in a Supporting Role
Actress in a Supporting Role
* "The Social Network" Jeff Cronenweth
Directing
Foreign Language Film
Makeup
Music (Original Song)
Short Film (Live Action)
Sound Mixing
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