Thursday, February 24, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Oscar The Grouch Predicts The Oscars (Or As He Calls Them, The “Me’s”)

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 09:06 AM PST

In Sesame Street’s ongoing effort to branch out virally to now net-savvy ex-children — a practice which is equal parts odd and “who cares if it’s odd here’s that Muppet we like doing a thing” — here’s a video of Oscar The Grouch making his Academy Award picks.

I’m not sure I buy that it’s taken until 2011 for Oscar The Grouch to realize that there’s an award called The Oscars (this dude been living in a trash can or something? UP TOP, Harry Monster) but I completely endorse his methodology of picking whichever nominee sounds the most like garbage, which, incredibly, is the same method I use:

(In Contention, via /Film)

45 Photos Of Ring Bearer Dogs

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 08:48 AM PST

Getting married but searching for the perfect ring bearer? Consider the oft forgotten hound.* Here are 45 examples of adorable puppy ring bearers wearing their formal best. (Dog tuxedos = Day improver.)

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*Or an actual bear.

Thanks to Lauren Deiman for finding these pics!

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The Ultimate Toddlers & Tiaras GIF Wall

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 08:59 AM PST

If you haven’t seen TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras, then congratulations. 1. You are most likely not a sex predator (unless you’re a poor sex predator who can’t afford cable) and 2. Your image of how horrific children and their parents are has not yet been tainted. For those of you who have seen the show, congratulations! You managed to catch one of the finest American comedies on TV at the moment.

While the Toddlers & Tiaras finale aired last night, it is safe to say we can’t get enough of this circus maniac freak sideshow. And so we’ve decided to honor these little ladies the only way we know how: With a GIF wall. Fellow T&T fan Lauren Deiman grabbed these GIFs of the show of our favorite little divas — namely Makenzie – throwing major fits. Take a Percocet, lean back, and thank God you don’t have children (or hug your little ones tightly assuming their fake tan is non-transferable).

GIF WALL AHEAD:

Let’s Discuss How This Creepy Japanese Thing That’s Going Around Makes You Feel

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 06:06 AM PST

This video making it’s way around the internet is not NSFW in the traditional way. There’s no nudity and there is no bad language. But it is still Not Safe For Work in that you probably will be fired if any coworkers catch you looking at it. It’s gross and it’s weird and it’s very Japanese, and, at the moment, nobody seems to know exactly from where it came. Let’s all watch it and then talk about our feelings.

Whelp, that was the worst. It made me feel like I wanted to leave every building possible and then dig a hole to crawl into only to leave it as well. Here is what I imagine is everyone’s running commentary while watching that video.

Uch, don’t do that. That’s weird.

Oh, no! Definitely don’t do it back!

No. Nope.

NO!

Why would she…

Why would either of them….

I have to leave.

So, let’s hear it. How did it make you feel. This isn’t about them anymore (Them = those people that just ruined all of our lives). This is about you and your feelings. Are you also creeped out? Or did this kind of… do it for you? Gross. This did it for you?! NO, I’M SORRY! No judgments here. If you want to say this was in some way okay with you, that’s fine. Well, it’s not fine, but it’s a thing we can deal with together. Go ahead, pour your heart out.

Thanks, The Daily What.

Just A Really Awful Guess On Jeopardy

Posted: 24 Feb 2011 05:23 AM PST

It’s probably very stressful to go on Jeopardy, but there is no excuse for this. Here is a clip from an episode that aired this week.

Yes, something like “What is What’s New Pussy Cat?” or “What is Pussy Galore?” has probably been a correct answer on Jeopardy before. I think we can all agree, however, that “pussy” has no place in a guess. Note to all future Jeopardy contestants: No Pussy Guessing. They should hang a sign back stage.

And then the contestants could be like, “What is that? No bussy guesting?” And then Alex Trebek could be like, “Shut the f*ck up; you know what it says.”

Back to criticizing the guesser. If she felt so utterly compelled, as she clearly did, to put “pussy” in her guess, she should have tried to do it more confidently. And if “furry” was going to have any place in her answer, it really should have preceded “pussy.” That’s just a big no-duh. In the realm of things that maybe could possibly for some crazy reason be actual things, “furry pussy” is a whole lot more likely to exist that “pussy furry.” In fairness, the clue Alex gave would seem to require that pussy come first but… still. Come on.

For your records, you can file all of this under “Really Good Jeopardy Advice.”

Thanks, @joemande.

Day Waster: IFC Ranks The Top 50 Opening Title Sequences Of All Time

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 01:24 PM PST

IFC has taken the liberty of pre-wasting the rest of your day by compiling a list of the 50 Greatest Opening Title Sequences Of All Time, complete with video evidence. It’s a satisfyingly comprehensive movie list, including a number of infamous no-brainers (Raging Bull, Rocky Horror, Saturday Night Fever), most other favorite sequences I could think off offhand (Se7en, Life Of Brian, The Good The Bad And The Ugly), and a good handful of others I’d never seen before.

My (and many peoples’) personal favorite, Catch Me If You Can, cracks the list at #14 – Allow it to kick off your impending wasted day:

The only notable omissions I could think of on the list, at least off the top of my head, are two of my other personal favorites, Monsters Inc. and Elf (which are actually kind of similar, not just in my liking of them).

The full index of movies is listed here. Other notable omissions you can think of? Leave them in the comments.

Vagisil Targets “Brides With Itchy Vaginas”

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 01:09 PM PST

Here is a Vagisil commercial that has been airing on TV for the past couple of weeks. It presents a situation no woman on Earth would want to find herself in. It’s your wedding day, all wrapped up in your Kleinfeld’s best, about to walk down that magical aisle, when the UNTHINKABLE happens. Your vag starts to itch. Once again, your vagina is out to steal the attention that YOU deserve on YOUR wedding day. The nerve of that vagina. Thinking it can itch on the same day it is swearing itself to matrimony to a handsome gentleman who has no idea how naggy his lady’s vagina is. Well wait til he find out on their honeymoon, when his bride runs out of Vagisil in Antigua, and spends the remainder of the trip remixing her pubis in order to ease the itch.

Here’s the ad!

Daft Punk Get Their Own Coke Bottles

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 01:07 PM PST

I think Daft Punk might have replaced Smash Mouth as the Richest Band on the Planet. Or they’re about to.

Reports HypeBeast:

Coca-Cola partners up with another major act in 2011 as they introduce the Daft Punk x Coca-Cola "Club Coke". Produced in two distinctive colorways, mimicking the helmets worn by the French duo, the gold and silver bottles will see a limited production run beginning in March 2011. In addition to the general release at clubs, the bottles will be packaged in a collector's box as a set, made available in exclusively through colette in Paris.

Club Coke. Subtle. Here’s the commercial, featuring Justice. JK! Featuring Hot Chip. Double JK! Featuring Daft Punk.

They are just one Shrek soundtrack away from buying and selling us all.

Via Brooklyn Vegan

Oscar’s Best New Addition: MOMINEES

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 12:31 PM PST

Every year, some maverick Oscars tv producer brashly declares that the Academy Awards broadcast is gonna be so much different and so much better than the previous year’s ratings disappointment, then they unveil their specific changes to improve the show and they’re always no different and no better than every previous year (This year, instead of a boring, vague tribute to Horror Films, how about an exciting new film tribute to “movies about people?”)

This year’s Oscars producers just unveiled their annual obligatory list of Oscar improvements, and I prepared my eyes for maximum roll until I read this new addition:

Moms of Oscar Nominees: To truly humanize the Oscars, the producers enlisted nine moms and one grandmom (Franco’s) to follow along the telecast on their Twitter accounts. Otherwise known as Mominees — don’t expect impartial tweets.

Mominees. MOM NOMINEES. Moms of Oscar nominees will be Livetweeting about the Oscars. MOMS TWEETING.

I see three ways this can turn out, each equally awesome:

1) The accounts are a perfect mix of biasedness (“go Son!”), vagueness (“The Oscars truly r glamoroous”) and nonsense (“ill bet billy crystal sez not 2 walk on th carpet during beoncey!”)

2) The accounts are micromanaged by PR people or assistants writing what they believe the moms would Tweet, but they’ll inevitably slip up and insert really specific hashtags and links that are way beyond the internet-abilities of actual Tweeting moms, and it’ll be humorously obvious.

3) The tweets will just be a non-stop adorably embarrassing onslaught.

Whichever one happens (I’m guessing a combo of all three), this is still the first tangible Oscar idea I can ever remember that’s actually increased my excitement to watch the ceremony. Next step: A Musical Tribute to the Mominees, to the tune of “Sweet Caroline.” Super Bowl ratings, here we come.

VIDEO: Every Dog Fart On The Internet Ever

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 11:36 AM PST

Here is a video compiling every dog fart on the internet EVER. OK. It’s not every. single. dog fart on Youtube. But they are all the ones that matter. To us. To history. To dog farts.

Presenting the Greatest Video You Will See: Every Dog Fart On The Internet Ever.

Kudos to video editor Pete Schultz for the genius Dog Fart Remixxx at the end.

FUBAR: Meet The Worst Anti-Abortion Ad Ever

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 10:58 AM PST

Freedom of Speech is one of the most fundamental rights we have as Americans. Freedom of Assh*les, however, is something entirely different. And we’re sad to say this anti-abortion billboard in New York City falls under the latter category. Found on 6th Ave. and Watts Street, merely 3 blocks away from a Soho Planned Parenthood Clinic, the ad portrays an adorable African-American toddler with the text “The Most Dangerous Place For An African-American Child Is In The Womb.”

Their website, which I visited for the purposes of this post, claims that our generation is being wiped out due to abortions. Um, newsflash? Our Earth isn’t even going to have the resources to feed our population by the year 2050, and that’s assuming the aliens from Independence Day don’t get here first.

If these people really cared about stopping abortions and lowering our population crisis, they should stop worrying about women’s bodies and start a campaign encouraging castration. Pretty sure that’s the only solution. And, O, the hilarious racist billboards!

Side-note: Is this little girl pictured a child model roped into posing for such an offensive ad? Because I would like to see a billboard featuring the faces of her horrified stage parents.

(Click the pic to enlarge.)

[Photo: Splash News]

Natalie Portman’s Perfume Ad For Dior: The Rich Are Different From You And Me

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 10:51 AM PST

This is a perfume ad directed by Sofia Coppola for Dior’s new perfume, “Miss Dior Cherie,” starring Natalie Portman. I’m giving this a distant second place to Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom‘s ad for their unisex perfume, Unbreakable. However, this is nice in that rich people live lovely, beautiful lives. We know this because we watch films by Sofia Coppola (and Woody Allen and Nancy Meyers). But it’s nice to be reminded of it via 30 second long commercials for luxury perfumes.

In case you didn’t notice, I’m insanely jealous and upset that this is not my life. I should probably buy the perfume. Actually, the best part of this commercial is the song. We could all use a little more Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin basically having sex in song form in our lives. Put on your headphones if your co-workers aren’t into sexy heavy breathing and let’s listen to Je t’aime moi non plus after the jump:

Whew! Was it good for you?

Nice Internet Thing: A Gallery Of Animal Lip Art

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 10:02 AM PST

If you were planning on making really nice-looking animal lipstick art your thing, then I have some bad news — 21-year-old Paige Thompson has already made that her thing, and she’s really good at that thing. Sorry! Up to you to find another thing now, even though I’m pretty sure elaborate animal lipstick art was in fact the last thing.

On the plus side, here’s a very nice gallery of animal lip art:

(pics via Splash)

VIDEO: Tokyo Zoo Tiger Escape Drill Is This Year’s Best Foreign Film

Posted: 23 Feb 2011 09:44 AM PST

Workers at Tokyo’s Tama Zoo live in constant fear that a tiger is going to escape. Or, at least, that’s their excuse for kicking the sh*t out of one of their fellow zookeepers forced to wear a tiger costume and get the sh*t beaten out of him. Leave it to the same country that invented our new favorite show “Cats In Bowls” to present us with this genius: A grown ass man walking around a zoo in a tiger costume and getting hit with sticks and shot with a tranq gun in order to “reenact” what would happen if a real tiger got out from his cage. But let’s be honest: Clearly this handsome Asian man ate someone’s Chobani yogurt from the fridge, and this is his punishment.

Call up Louis J. Horwitz and give this entire staff an honorary Golden Globe. Meanwhile, you know if a real tiger escaped his cage he’d be like “Asian please” while simultaneously ripping their faces off. Aww. Cats. <3.
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