Saturday, February 19, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

The New Universal GIF For “Oh, This Pleases Me”

Posted: 18 Feb 2011 01:32 PM PST

You may or may not have, at some point, seen the commercials for Ally Bank. In one of their commercials, there is a man interviewing a potential hiree. The interviewer asks the  guy to tell a little about himself. The potential hiree lists a few things, one of which is, “I can my own homemade jam: apricot.” To this, the interview responds with the following facial expression that is perfect.

So here’s what should happen now. We should all use this GIF as an internet abbreviation for being moderately pleased by something.

Here’s how it would work –

You would be writing about something; let’s say, Almond Joy candy bars.  You would discover that Almond Joy is soon coming out with a version containing more almonds (this is just a hypothetical; don’t rush to the corner store right now).  You would then post:

Among other changes, Hershey’s is announcing that they will soon release an new Almond joy bar that has eight almonds instead of the traditional four per two-pack.

See how that works? It’s going to be great! And don’t limit yourself to being pleased about food. We’ve only covered jam and candy bars here, but there’s no reason you couldn’t use this when talking about a new song from a band you like, Ikea, or Men of a Certain Age on TNT.

Tell all your friends about this! It’s going to be huge! It’s not going to be huge.

Facebook Adds New Options For Your Relationship Status

Posted: 18 Feb 2011 01:38 PM PST

From The Huffington Post Tech:

Facebook has added two new relationship status options users can include in their online profiles: “in a civil union” and “in a domestic partnership.”

The new fields are being rolled out in the U.S. and several other countries, including Canada, France, the U.K., and Australia, starting today.

“This has been a highly requested feature from users,” said Facebook’s Andrew Noyes, manager of public policy communications. “We want to provide options for people to genuinely and authentically reflect their relationships on Facebook.”


So that’s a thing! Apparently a “highly requested” thing.

Obviously, this is an improvement, and whatever small steps we take to become more accepting as a society are nice and good. But… as for the people who were going out of their way to request this of Facebook… really, guys? You set part of your day aside to email a complaint that you could not adequately express the seriousness of your relationship in social networking shorthand. That can’t be any higher than around 745th on the list of things that need to get done for the LGBT community.

And, frankly, as a single male, I would like more specific options for my status as well. There’s nothing I can click so that Facebook will explain that there’s a girl in ———— with whom I have some level of ——- and —— —— but that we haven’t —————– since that time she ——- and I ——- a —– ——- without a shoehorn. How come there’s no option for that?

Revisiting A Nightmare BLT And A Very Frank Discussion About Bacon

Posted: 18 Feb 2011 12:11 PM PST

A few months ago, I posted about a BLT wrap I got from a Brooklyn grocery store called Sunac. The main focus of the post was about how there was a shocking amount of bacon in the wrap. “There was a single leaf of lettuce, two thin slices of tomato and A PILE OF BACON THE SIZE OF TWO FISTS.”

As I explained, I love bacon. I think it’s really great. I, however, did not enjoy the experience of having “a mouthful of bacon the same way you get a mouthful of apple when you bite into a granny smith.” It was disgusting.

So, I went on with my life as normal for about half a year, but then, the other day, I started thinking about that BLT wrap again. “What’s up with that Sunac BLT wrap?” my mind asked my brain. “Has it improved any?” Today, I went back to check. I think it got at least a little better. But not by much…

Still gross! Should we spread those ingredients out; try to get a better feel for them? Okay.

So, Yes. There is a more reasonable amount of lettuce on this occasion, and while there is certainly less bacon than last time, it is still too much bacon. Some of you might disagree, and that’s fine. But, after my past writings about bacon I have received a great deal of bellicose feedback about how I should man up, and “there’s no such thing as too much bacon.” “I LOVE bacon and you should grow a pair!” some exclaim. To those about to express that same sentiment now, I have a few things to say:

Bacon is very good. It’s salty, meaty, and fatty. We are genetically predisposed to enjoy foods like this because they are a very efficient delivery system for calories. Or something. I’m not a food doctor, but that seems like something that’s close enough to being true. So because of that, we can say this: Liking bacon is not unique. It is widely enjoyed. So, how about you all stop using how much you love bacon as some kind of proof of strength? It’s exhausting to hear people bragging about how much they like bacon all the time. So, you love bacon? I don’t even understand how much you like bacon? Yes, I do. Everyone does. You know who else really loves bacon? Most human beings. Yet, somehow, people growling about their dedication to bacon has become acceptable faux-comedic shorthand for an expression of virility. It’s lame. I cannot think of a more cliched and pedestrian call for attention to your own perceived machismo. Too much bacon is too much bacon. Now, go crack open a Bud Light and watch the Girls Gone Wild commercial you recorded on your DVR.

(Unfortunately, I could not find a GIF of a rapper dropping a mic to insert right here.)

Michael Scott Is A Huge Woody Allen Fan

Posted: 18 Feb 2011 10:38 AM PST

Last night’s Office episode, “Threat Level Midnight,” basically borrowed a page from The Simpsons’ (and many other shows’) “stories” episodes, where instead of an actual plot or a clip episode, it’s basically a separate fictional story featuring the regular characters from the show, as Michael Scott showed everyone his long-anticipated homemade action movie. While this practice is always somewhat borderline cop-outty, it ended up being one of the funniest episodes of the steadily improving Office season, and very quickly won over my unnecessary skeptical blogger facade (a complicated way of saying “why was I almost an assh*le about this?”)

The episode contained many clippable moments (including some clearly intentionally-viral attempts, like a “Do The Scarn!” Dance), but this short clip of Michael Scott describing his Woody Allen fandom was just perfect, vintage, hilarious Steve Carell. It’s a short clip, but very worth sticking through the 7 one-second Hulu bumpers:

6 Ways For Jeopardy To Top The IBM Challenge

Posted: 18 Feb 2011 09:44 AM PST

Jeopardy’s much buzzed-about IBM Challenge scored monumental ratings this week, out-rating every show on tv Wednesday night except American Idol. So how can Jeopardy possibly top the classic Humans-vs-Computer Challenge? We have 6 Suggestions:


1. The Kitten Challenge

You loved Man vs. Machine, but what about Man vs. [RECORD SCRATCH] MEOW??? Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter take on their most dauntingly adorable challenge yet: 20 Kittens inside a huge Jeopardy-podium-shaped playpen who get questions right whenever they accidentally hit the buzzer and it’s hilarious because they think they’re people. I’ll take AWWWW for 200, Alex!


2. Jeopardy Shore

G-T-L becomes G-T…Jeopardy as the stars of Jersey Shore (or easily replicated facsimiles of them, if they can’t get the rights) square off to answer questions like “George Washington? Little f***in’ pale but I’d DOem!” until a producer-aided fight breaks out after every three questions.


3. NCIS: Jeopardy

One-hour episodes of Jeopardy that air on CBS during primetime and generate enormous ratings from parents who don’t really know or care how to change channels, even though no one totally knows what the show is about beyond the few seconds teased during NFL games.


4. The Bieber Challenge

A regular week of Jeopardy with regular human contestants, but Justin Bieber’s there. Not always in-studio, but they do cut to footage of him once or twice an episode in the middle of questions whenever the ratings drop below Idol’s.


5. Champs vs. Chimps

Exactly like the Kitten Challenge but with a chimp in a suit and tiny spectacles.


6. The Robot Challenge

Ken Jennings fights a giant, indestructible robot. Self-explanatory.

FOUND: Mad Men Abortion DVD Outtakes

Posted: 18 Feb 2011 09:32 AM PST

Huh… I don’t remember any back alley abortions on Mad Men…

Oh, it’s a political ad. Thank God! I thought something happened to Joan’s baby when I wasn’t looking. Thankfully that’s just House‘s Lisa Edelstein alluding to a crude form of abortion. Phew! Movingon.org…

In other news, please don’t take away any more women’s rights, American Political System. The fact that I can’t walk around topless is bad enough. Watch a couple episodes of Teen Mom 2 and then tell me again about your Pro-Life ways while I simultanies laugh/weep.
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