Cele|bitchy

Jennifer Love Hewitt exposes her bra for the paps: tacky, gross or whatever?
Julianne Moore at the Big Lebowski blue ray party: lovely or clownish?
Did Sparkles give Kristen Stewart an antique $40,000 love locket?
Kim Kardashian’s wedding is going to invade your soul
Gérard Depardieu took a whiz in the middle of a plane cabin
Linnocent gets crackie with a surfboard for yet another magazine shoot
Alexander Skarsgard is still having a great time with child actors
Zooey Deschanel in ruffly Moschino: hideous, unflattering or meh?
Kevin Federline, 33, is a father for the fifth time, to daughter Jordan Kay-Fed
Kate Winslet forms ‘British anti-cosmetic surgery league’ will not ‘give in’

Jennifer Love Hewitt exposes her bra for the paps: tacky, gross or whatever?

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 08:52 AM PDT

You don't have to even begin to yell at me. I know I'm a C-U-Next-Tuesday, and I know I'm much too uptight about fashion rules and what is appropriate and inappropriate to wear to certain events. I've already gone off on what is and is not appropriate style for court appearances - and those same rules apply to appearing before any sort of legislative body, whether it's Congress or a city council. Today, you're going to hear "Kaiser's Style Don’ts For Dining Out."

So these are photos of Jennifer Love Hewitt "picking up her family to go to dinner" according to the photo agencies. By the way, all of the agencies got these photos, which just emphasizes that J. Love really needs a job. She has too much time on her hands, and when that happens, she paps herself every damn day. Regarding the fashion: is this how you would go out to eat… with your family? I understand that they're probably going somewhere casual (at least, I hope so), but you're seriously going to wear shoelace-less Chucks (or Chuck-ish shoes), leggings, an oversized tank and an exposed blue bra while you're dining with your family?!!? But realistically, this look is not for her family dinner. J. Love called the paps so they could photograph in a new hideous ensemble after she had called them the day before, when she was wearing the hideous see-through dress.

And yes, I hate her bangs. I actually think J. Love has a pretty face, but the bangs do nothing for her. They just make her look like a 40-something soccer mom who is trying to be a 20-something hipster. J. Love tweeted, "People who are not in favor of the new haircut kinda hurt my tweelings!:(". Too cutesy, J.Love. Much too cutesy. You're 32. Time to wear clothes that don’t expose your bra. Time to wear clothes that fit. But that just kind of underlines it, right? J. Love's whole deal lately just feels so desperate. I hate to say this, but she needs a new boyfriend. She's not so crazy when she has a boyfriend.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Julianne Moore at the Big Lebowski blue ray party: lovely or clownish?

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 08:25 AM PDT

I love these pictures so much. Over the weekend I went to my 20th high school reunion and it was a blast. It was just so much fun that I want to go to reunions for just about everything I was ever involved with. Even the people I barely remembered were awesome after 20 years. So that’s what these photos of some of the castmembers of one of the ultimate guy movies (for my generation), 1998’s Big Lebowski, remind me of.

I was so enthralled by the awesome camaraderie of the cast members that were there that I almost overlooked Julianne Moore’s giant bow dress. That Jason Wu dress is ridiculous and reminds me of a clown bow tie, but like the beaming child in this novelty tie, Julianne is just so thrilled that I almost didn’t notice how ridiculous she looked.

As far as the other castmembers, I’m so happy to see The Dude Jeff Bridges, who currently has an album out, his first called Be Here Soon, with which he collaborated with T. Bone Burnett! Bridges says that people who say the album is of “Bad Blake” songs (his character in Crazy Heart), are “50% correct” and that some of the songs were meant for Crazy Heart but couldn’t make it into the movie. T-Bone Burnett also oversaw music for Big Lebowski, and he’s the tall guy in some of the group photos here. You can watch Jeff perform on the Today Show here. He’s so awesome.

Noticeably absent were Steve Buscemi, Isabella Rosselini, and (maybe) Tara Reid, although Reid was in it for a hot second, am I wrong?

This picture of John Goodman hugging Jeff Bridges is amazing.

I don’t know how I feel about Moore’s shoes.

Update: Steve Buscemi was there, yay! We just don’t have a photo of him there, but Lainey does.

photo credit: WENN.com

Did Sparkles give Kristen Stewart an antique $40,000 love locket?

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 08:17 AM PDT

I believe it was Peter Hedges, author of the wonderful book What's Eating Gilbert Grape (the book is much better than the movie, I mean, come on, Juliette Lewis?!!?) who was the first to describe the asinine activities of teenagers by using the phrase "braiding each other's pubic hair." He might not have been the actual first person to say that, but it was the first time I had ever read or heard that phrase, and I always associate it with that book. Whenever I write or read about Sparkles and Kristen Stewart, I think about that phrase. They seem like the type to sit around, braiding each other's… well, you get it. They just seem devoid of adult sexuality - Kristen especially.

Anyway, Sparkles and K-Stew seem to have been separated (in distance) for a few weeks running. I know because I read Hollywood Life, and it seemed like every day that site had yet another report about Kristen and Robert being in different cities, partying without each other, and generally not being the perfect, magical, stuck-up-each-other's-asses couple. I didn't think much of it, mostly because I'm rooting for the breakup by the end of the year, but it hasn't happened YET. Meanwhile, stories like this make me wonder:

Robert Patttinson is making sure that he's always close to girlfriend Kristen Stewart's heart. How? By giving her a $40,000 antique gold and platinum locket with photos of them inside and a personalized lovey-dovey inscription.

According to Star magazine, the inscription is in Latin, and says "Even if you can't see me, my love for you is always there."

Needless to say, Kristen was bowled over by the gift. "She was really touched—it was so incredibly sweet," a source told Star.

Rob got Kristen the locket so she feels close to him at all times. The source tells Star, "She's been in tears, saying she can't face being away from Rob for too long and that it physically hurts her."

[From Hollywood Life]

I've always believed the relationship dynamic of Sparkles being the one who loves too much, and Kristen being the one uncomfortable, in her immature, spastic, lip-biting way, with any sign that they are a couple. Do girls like Kristen like jewelry, tokens of love from their lovers? Or did she just roll her eyes and roll another blunt? Do you think Sparkles is boyfriend-y enough to buy Kristen love tokens? I'm not sure about any of this.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kim Kardashian’s wedding is going to invade your soul

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 07:41 AM PDT

The amount of news about Kim Kardashian's crazy wedding is absolutely ridiculous. I just pulled FOUR tabloid stories about it, and that was just from about three minutes of searching. So, obviously, Kim is marrying Kris Humphries this Saturday, and the famewhore family cannot exist without going completely overboard on everything and telling everything to everybody. Here are some highlights of the coverage:

*The shoes: Life & Style is reporting that Kim had four pairs of Christian Louboutins made for the big day.

*The cake: Kim, with the help of mom Kris, chose a 10-tier cake with chocolate chip frosting worth $20K!

*The guests: OK! says that Kim has asked the attendees to dress in black and white.

*Who's coming? Kathie Lee Gifford, Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Seacrest, Venus & Serena Williams, Nicole Richie, LaLa Vazquez, Ciara, Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, and Victoria Beckham are among the A-Listers who received invites!

*The color scheme: It's black and white, all the way! Kim has picked white South African roses as decorations!

*The transportation: White Rolls Royces and Maybachs will take the guests from the Four Seasons Biltmore to the private estate in Montecito where the ceremony is being held.

*The wine: Guests will toast to the newlyweds' love with more than 720 bottles of chardonnay, rosé, merlot and cabernet, courtesy of Malibu Rocky Oaks Wine, an insider tells Life & Style.

*Beauty prep: Kim's beauty prep has consisted of several consultations at Beverly Hills Nail Design to try out shades of pink polish and test-driving a darker hair color for the big day. "Before the wedding, we plan to glaze her hair once or twice again," colorist and Goodform co-owner Rebecca Friedman tells Life & Style."Kim's definitely a calm bride," she adds. "She's just really, really excited."

*Kim & Kris's honeymoon won't happen until 2012, Life & Style reports. A source says, "With her work schedule, that's the earliest Kim can get away." WTF? Her "work" schedule? Kris is pissed off too - "Kris is not over the moon," says the source. But he's still playing along: While in New York, the newlyweds will stay in a penthouse suite at the chic Gansevoort Park Avenue hotel. Once filming for Kourtney & Kim Take New York wraps, the buzz is that they'll get their own spin-off, that chronicles their lives as newlyweds.

*Due to space restrictions, "the bride-to-be was forced to disinvite 50 people from her guest list — just days prior to the wedding." The fire marshal was about to shut it down: "The fire marshal got involved. Once the fire department learned about all the TV equipment that's going to be inside the space — the lights, the cameras and the production crew — Kim was told she had to cut the guest list by 50 people!" Now, the friend says, Kim is being forced to call friends and tell them they can’t come.

[From Life & Style and Hollywood Life]

What else? Kris Jenner is going all momzilla on Kim's bridezilla. According to tabloid reports, "Kris Jenner is attempting to make the wedding about herself by wanting to wear white and inviting a bunch of people Kim doesn't even know. All Kim wanted was for everything to be perfect. But instead it was nonstop drama. Kris thought both of them wearing white would cause a lot of fun buzz. But the whole thing just made Kim upset." Oh, and apparently Kim's sisters hate their bridesmaids' dresses too. Did they want to wear white too?

Photos courtesy of Fame, Life & Style.

Gérard Depardieu took a whiz in the middle of a plane cabin

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 07:09 AM PDT

When Gérard Depardieu decides that he needs to take a piss, that mofo is going to take a piss. That's the moral of this story - do not tell Gerard to hold it. So, Gerard was on a plane, preparing to fly from Paris to Dublin when the plane was delayed on the tarmac. Gerard needed to pee, and the flight attendants told him that he'd have to wait. So Gerard took a piss in the middle of the aisle:

Oh, mon dieu. Legendary French actor Gérard Depardieu caused quite a scene on an airplane Tuesday night by urinating in the cabin in front of his fellow passengers after the crew told him he had to wait to use the toilet, according to multiple reports.

The Golden Globe winner, 62, was on a CityJet flight from Paris to Dublin that was delayed on the tarmac when he asked to use the bathroom. After being told he had to wait until takeoff, he reportedly relieved himself in the aisle.

“I will only confirm that he, in effect, urinated in the plane,” a spokeswoman for the Air France-KLM subsidiary told AFP.

The carrier joked about the incident on Twitter on Wednesday morning. “As you may have seen on the news, we are busy mopping the floor of one of our planes this morning,” the airline wrote. “We’d also like to remind all passengers that our planes are fully equipped with toilet facilities.”

After the incident, the plane had to return to the gate and was delayed for two more hours for cleaning. It was not clear whether any action would be taken against Depardieu.

This isn’t the first episode of its kind this month. Teenage skier Robert “Sandy” Vietze was dismissed from the U.S. Ski Team’s development squad last week after reportedly getting drunk and urinating in the cabin of a JetBlue flight from Portland, Ore., to New York.

[From People]

Is this gross? Definitely. Do I think Gerard could have found a better solution to this problem? Sure. But I also think that when you've got to go, you've got to go, and I hate the airline policy (of some airlines, not all) of "no one can use the bathrooms while delayed on the tarmac." That issue is one of the central pieces of the Passenger Bill of Rights, which should go international too. My guess about this particular situation is that Gerard was simply drunk. He had too many alcoholic beverages and he needed to break the seal, NOW. Gross.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Linnocent gets crackie with a surfboard for yet another magazine shoot

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 06:45 AM PDT

Linnocent has gone back to work! No, she hasn't gotten an acting gig. And no, she still isn't doing her community service, to my knowledge. Linnocent got yet another gig as a "model"… because that's all she does at this point. Crack hustles, buys drugs, lies and "models". Apparently, she got a gig posing for something called "Love Cat Magazine" which meant that she had to do some blow/"rose quartz" (allegedly) and act like a crackhead on a surfboard in Malibu. She only flew back to California yesterday, having been crackie and busted in NYC for days. If you saw Linnocent riding a wave, would you ever return to that beach again? She's The Cracken. She infects the ocean.

If you'd like to see photos of Linnocent actually trying to ride waves - with a full face of makeup, by the way - go here, to The Mail. She looks like a drowned, cracked-out rat. Of course, these photos of Linnocent on dry land aren't that better. Chica looks all kinds of rough and bloated. She looks unconvincing holding that surfboard too. According to the Mail, in between setups, Linnocent just wandered around the beach, smoking cigarettes and looking pissy. Why do magazines still hire her?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Alexander Skarsgard is still having a great time with child actors

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 06:07 AM PDT

Alexander Skarsgard is still shooting What Maisie Knew, which I hope gets a title change, because every time I hear it I think "ugh." Anyway, Alex is still teaming up with this young child actress, whose name I still don't know. She's not identified by the photo agency, and IMDB doesn't have the actress's name up yet! I'm assuming the kid is playing "Maisie" - the little girl at the center of a custody battle between her parents, played by Julianne Moore and…? Steve Coogan, maybe. I was just informed that Alex plays Maisie’s step-father, Julianne Moore’s new husband in the film. Which… is still bizarre casting, in my opinion.

Considering he's probably playing older than his real age, I'm assuming that's why his styling is kind of gross…? Because his hair looks awful. And his clothes don't fit. I do think it's super-cute that he's so connected to the child actors, though. Skarsgard was a child actor himself, and my guess is that he's especially in tune to making a film set fun and interesting for kids.

There's video from the other day, when Skarsgard was playing with the young girl in between takes and set-ups. The girl totally adores him, and she's quite happy to use him as a jungle gym. HIS ARMS in this video. Hot. Hotter than whatever is happening to his hair.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Zooey Deschanel in ruffly Moschino: hideous, unflattering or meh?

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 05:32 AM PDT

Last night was the premiere of Our Idiot Brother, which… I don't really want to see, although I do enjoy some Paul Rudd, and he does look kind of funny in it. The film paired Rudd with a group of talented ladies, and so the premiere was heavy on the fashion. Unfortunately for nearly all of the talented ladies, they all looked like hell. Let's start with Zooey Deschanel, shall we? The Moschino dress was, like, circus-level bad. I think highly of the Deschanel sisters - I find both of them beautiful and interesting - but this dress is unflattering and just flat-out ugly. What's with all of the bulges and dust ruffles on her neck and biscuits? Gross. I'm totally over Zooey's hair too - she needs to ditch the hipster-girl bangs. She's well into her 30s, it's time for a more adult look. But the absolute worst part was how her makeup looked - like a Kardashian got a hold of her:

Ridiculous. Are those falsies on her bottom lids?!?

Next up… Rashida Jones. She's another one that needs to stop with the bangs, in my opinion, but at least her makeup job is better than Zooey's. The dress, however, is just as bad. How unflattering is this? Rashida has a cute figure, but you would never be able to tell. I hate her shoes too.

So, I'm kind of demoralized by the bad fashion, so here's a photo with the other two girls in the cast, Elizabeth Banks and Kathryn Hahn. Why does everyone look so bad?!?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kevin Federline, 33, is a father for the fifth time, to daughter Jordan Kay-Fed

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 04:59 AM PDT

Much like Tina Fey, it felt like Victoria Prince was only pregnant for a few months. Victoria is Kevin Federline's girlfriend, and now she's his latest baby-mama. His third, I believe. That we know of. And Victoria just gave birth to 33-year-old K-Fed's FIFTH child, a little girl they've named Jordan Kay. Jordan Kay Federline? Jordan K-Fed? Ridiculous. I would have been okay with Jordan, but the addition of "Kay" for the middle name makes me think K-Fed is just promoting himself. So, he had two babies with Shar Jackson, two babies with Britney, and now Victoria gave birth to Kevin's second daughter, overall. I might need to do a diagram.

Kevin Federline’s a dad — for the fifth time! Britney Spears’ ex-hubby and his girlfriend, Victoria Prince, welcomed a baby girl Monday at 6:33 p.m., two sources confirm to Us Weekly. The 33-year-old and his girlfriend of two years, 28, named their new addition Jordan Kay.

In April, Federline explained the name choice to Us: “[Victoria] said that if we were going to have a little girl, she wanted to name her Jordan. And then, we actually thought that it was a boy, but we stuck with the name Jordan because, you know, it fits both ways.”

Federline and Spears, 29, share sons Sean Preston, 5, and Jayden, 4, who were “super excited” about becoming big brothers, according to their dad. He and ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson also have a daughter Kori, 9, and son Kaleb, 7.

Does Federline plan on making an honest woman out of Prince, a volleyball player turned special-education teacher? “I do want to get married,” he told Us. “But I will wait until I have the courage to propose.”

[From Us Weekly]

I'm happy for Kevin, actually. Despite the fact that he doesn't really do anything, career-wise, I think he seems like a good father, and a stable, loving force in his children's lives. Plus, I'm in the midst of a wave of K-Fed nostalgia. He was one of the original "celebrities" (for our modern celebrity gossip age) who was famous for nothing, famous for simply being the "boyfriend/husband/ex-husband of" someone famous. He is the prototype for Kardashians, Gastineaus, Lohans, etc.

Anyway, congrats to Victoria and Kevin! Victoria seems like a nice woman too - I hope Britney isn't pulling out her hair over this.

PS… Here's a thought: Is K-Fed the American version of Jude Law? Both of them will get you pregnant just by looking at you.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Kate Winslet forms ‘British anti-cosmetic surgery league’ will not ‘give in’

Posted: 17 Aug 2011 04:50 AM PDT

Kate Winslet bugs me for some reason. I know I’m supposed to admire her for not being super skinny and completely plastic-looking, but she keeps reminding us of both of these facts and she seems kind of sanctimonious about it. I’m pretty sure she’s had some injectables because her face is looking different, and that’s totally her prerogative. Everyone else is doing it, right? Only Kate wants us to know that she’s so against plastic surgery that she’s formed a little informal club among her upper crust celebrity friends, who probably sit around drinking cocktails and bitching about how bad so-and-so’s new face looks. That sounds like a lot of fun to me actually.

Proud of her natural curves, Kate Winslet has declared that she is joining forces with her fellow British actresses to fight against Hollywood pressure to undergo cosmetic surgery.

The 35-year-old star of Titanic says she has formed what she describes as the "British Anti-Cosmetic Surgery League" with her Oscar-winning friends Emma Thompson and Rachel Weisz.

"I will never give in," vows Winslet. "It goes against my morals, the way that my parents brought me up and what I consider to be natural beauty."

Winslet, who is the daughter of "jobbing actors" from Berkshire, adds: "I am an actress, I don't want to freeze the expression of my face."

Her comments echo those by Thompson, to whom she has been close since they appeared together in Sense and Sensibility in 1995. "I'm not fiddling about with myself," said Thompson, 52. "We're in this awful youth-driven thing now where everybody needs to look 30 at 60."

Weisz, 41, for her part, has said her natural beauty is an asset. "People who look too perfect don't look sexy or particularly beautiful," said the Oscar-winning star of The Constant Gardener, who married Daniel Craig this year.

[From Telegraph.co.uk via ONTD]

Here’s why I think people are against plastic surgery - the bad plastic surgery is all that they notice, because it stands out. There’s decent surgery, and there are people who look fresher after having subtle work done. Think Sharon Stone, Meryl Streep (yeah, I went there, she had a little something to look that great) and Glenn Close. Their chins are too tight to be natural, but you don’t look at their faces and think “woah.”

I hope that Kate Winslet eats her words and gets something else done besides just a nose job and Botox. (Because that doesn’t count as “giving in” by her definition.) And I hope that it’s very obvious. Then we can have our cocktails and gossip about her. We’re doing it anyway. I’m not going to bitch about Emma Tompson or Rachel Weisz though, they probably just were getting their drink on and had no idea Kate Winslet was going to tell the press they’d formed some asinine club.

Here are some of the women I’ve mentioned in this article.

Photo credit: WENN.com

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Cele|bitchy

Cele|bitchy

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