Cele|bitchy

Brad Pitt is still friendly with that assistant while Angelina Jolie stays away
Did Linnocent manufacture some teary crack drama over her lack of a career?
Paula Deen tells d-bag Anthony Bourdain to kiss her buttery ass
Jason Momoa is on the cusp of superstardom, and Lisa Bonet is pissed off
Anne Hathaway is “grateful” to Duchess Kate for dressing like a lady
LeAnn Rimes lives in a vacuum of narcissism, avoiding criticism at all costs
Gwyneth Paltrow saved a life on 9/11 & makes her maid walk to work
Cameron Diaz is annoyed at J.Lo’s diva ‘tude and entourage on set
Gérard Depardieu peed in a plane because he was sober, and has prostate problems
John Mayer gorging on Hot Pockets, ‘heavy with regrets’ at losing Aniston

Brad Pitt is still friendly with that assistant while Angelina Jolie stays away

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 08:37 AM PDT

In this post, you will find some photos of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's gorgeous Scottish estate, plus some photos of Brad on the set of World War Z in Glasgow, with that same brunette assistant that may or may not be a big problem. First, the Scottish estate - they're just renting it, but isn't it beautiful? I love the shots of the gorgeous garden, and you can see Angelina and Knox (?) in the distance. Here's more about the crib:

As if arriving in Glasgow by privately chartered train wasn’t special enough, the Jolie-Pitts are now settling comfortably into a rented country estate that includes a 16th century mansion.

Set among rolling Ayrshire hills, their latest homestead property is dotted with cows, horses and heather. Pheasants freely roam the 10-acre garden where the children can go trout fishing – something Brad was spotted doing with Maddox, 10, and Pax, 7, Wednesday morning – or frolic among the flowerbeds, as Angelina did with 3-year-old Knox on Thursday.

Should the family – which also includes Zahara, 6, Shiloh, 5, Vivienne, 3 – want to venture off-site for toy shopping or riding at nearby horse stables, they have until Pitt wraps his filming of World War Z in the next few weeks.

[From People]

I would love it. Not the fishing (I hate fishing), but I would just lay in the garden and look at all of the flowers and stuff. So pretty.

As for this assistant… the tabloids have already raised the alert about this chick, whose name we still don't know. I'm actually kind of surprised that someone didn't say something to someone and somehow Brad would get another assistant, this time a dude. The Scottish papers are taking note of this chick too:

SCOTS fans who have failed to catch a glimpse of Brad Pitt since he arrived in the country must wish they had his personal assistant’s luck. When the Hollywood hunk started filming in Glasgow yesterday, the pretty brunette got to keep a close eye on him - and she gets paid to do it.

Brad was sharing jokes with the sexy young woman in tight jeans and a figure-hugging black top. And it seems mirroring the star’s every move is one of the requirements of her job. While Brad was on set, his assistant was doing everything from bringing him drinks and escorting him back to his personal trailer to carrying his umbrella.

The first day of filming in Glasgow for his zombie blockbuster World War Z was disrupted by heavy rain. Brad, who had given hundreds of fans at Glasgow Central station the slip when he arrived on a specially chartered train with his family on Tuesday, arrived on set shortly before 9am yesterday.

He was quickly whisked from a blue Jaguar into private rooms in Glasgow City Chambers to avoid the public glare. The A-lister started filming a car scene in Cochrane Street - re-named J F Kennedy Boulevard for the purposes of the shoot - around an hour later. But filming was interrupted repeatedly after the heavens opened at 11am.

Several streets around George Square were closed to the public - but that didn’t stop passers-by from trying to get snaps of the movie idol.

Nearby offices buzzed with excitement and local pub The Piper got into the spirit of things by making staff wear zombie masks. Bar operator Brian Warwick even produced commemorative T-shirts.

While Brad was filming, Angelina and their six children spent the day at Carnell Estate near Hurlford, Ayrshire. The mansion will be their home for the next two weeks while Brad films the horror movie. The George Square scenes - which are thought to involve a battle between soldiers and zombies - are expected to feature prominently in the final cut.

[From The Daily Record]

So, with all of the serving and umbrella-carrying, do you think Brad ever gives this chick the eye and decides that he deserves a little strange? I don't know. I think it's a little weird that the girl hasn't been reassigned, though. Go ahead and yell at me. Tell me that she's just doing her job and the production shouldn't be moved by the whims of the tabloids. But in my opinion, the situation looks like trouble.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Did Linnocent manufacture some teary crack drama over her lack of a career?

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 08:04 AM PDT

We already knew that Linnocent went to an Adele concert two nights ago, but did you know that she also manufactured some teary crack drama too? Well, you probably could have figured that, I guess, considering Linnocent and manufactured crack drama go together like crack rocks and pipes. Anyway, People Magazine (I know!) has a weird story about Linnocent being weepy at the Adele concert, but then pulling herself together, probably when she figured out how to score some drugs:

The sounds of Adele must have really struck a chord with Lindsay Lohan. The actress, who attended the singer’s show on Wednesday night at the Palladium in Hollywood, was “crying,” an onlooker tells PEOPLE. Lohan, who wasn’t seen drinking, calmed her nerves by smoking cigarettes, the source says. But tears didn’t stop her from keeping the party going. She later headed over to West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont where she was “giggling and perky” until a heated phone conversation seemed to put another damper on her night.

[From People]

I don't even know. If Linnocent had even a sliver of soul or conscience, I would say that she might have been crying because Adele's voice is so beautiful, and Linnocent was suddenly struck with the realization that she simply doesn't matter anymore, to music, to Hollywood, to the world. But she probably just began the water works to get attention. Mission accomplished!

Speaking of Linnocent's nonexistent career, did you know she could have possibly gotten a chance to work with Steven Soderbergh? True story. She was being considered for the part of a troubled stripper, but Soderbergh decided in the end that Linnocent wasn't worth the trouble:

Lindsay Lohan knows her way around a stripper pole. We’re talking about her role in I Know Who Killed Me, of course (what’d you think we were talking about?), but she almost landed a part in another movie where people shake it for dollar bills—only this time she wouldn’t have been on stage. We’re talking about Magic Mike, and sources tell us LiLo was thisclose to landing the part.

Instead…It went to model-turned-newbie actress Riley Keough (Elvis’s granddaughter and Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter, FYI).

“Riley was cast as the girl who dates Alex Pettyfer’s character in the movie,” sources close to the production tell us exclusively. “The character is trouble with a capital T, which Lindsay would have been perfect for.”

So why did director Steven Soderbergh pass up LiLo for the role?

“He didn’t want to deal with all that,” our source spills. “Nobody wanted to go there.”

Bummer. Looks like Linds is still looking for work. Anyone? Anyone?

[From E! News]

Yep. Linnocent sucks. No one wants to work with her. But I doubt that's why she was crying.

By the way, thanks to all of the people who pointed out Linnocent's crazy crack nose in these photos - I noticed it too, but forgot to say anything about it yesterday. This is what your nose looks like after you snort half of Tijuana. Or, as Linnocent calls it, "Wednesday."

Photos courtesy of Fame, Pacific Coast News.

Paula Deen tells d-bag Anthony Bourdain to kiss her buttery ass

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 08:00 AM PDT

I watch too much television programming that revolves around food. Thus, I know and have opinions on everyone mentioned in this Page Six piece. For the record, I absolutely love Paula Deen, who I view as America's Butter Queen, and I dislike Rachael Ray. I also feel kind of "meh" about Guy Fieri - I like "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" but Guy's cooking show is kind of boring. As for Anthony Bourdain… I just loathe the man. Out of all of these people, I know Bourdain is probably the most knowledgeable about food and different cultural cuisine and all of that. He may be a brilliant guy. But he's also as ass, and he has a history of picking fights with chefs and cooks who are basically harmless. Anyway, Bourdain gave a recent interview where he mocked and slammed the Butter Queen, Rachael Ray and Guy Fieri. So Paula Deen slathered him in butter and ATE HIS FACE.

The knives are out for Anthony Bourdain after he blasted fellow TV chef Paula Deen, calling her the "most dangerous person in America."

Deen, searing back after "No Reservations" star Bourdain gave her and fellow Food Network chefs Rachael Ray, Guy Fieri and Sandra Lee a roasting, exclusively told Page Six:

"Anthony Bourdain needs to get a life. You don't have to like my food, or Rachael's, Sandra's and Guy's. But it's another thing to attack our character. I wake up every morning happy for where I am in life. It's not all about the cooking, but the fact that I can contribute by using my influence to help people all over the country. In the last two years, my partners and I have fed more than 10 million hungry people by bringing meat to food banks."

Basting Bourdain for his apparent lack of charity and his attitude, she said, "My good friends Rachael, Guy and Sandra are the most generous charitable folks I know. They give so much of their time and money to help the food-deprived, sick children and abandoned animals. I have no idea what Anthony has done to contribute besides being irritable."

Deen continued, "You know, not everybody can afford to pay $58 for prime rib or $650 for a bottle of wine. My friends and I cook for regular families who worry about feeding their kids and paying the bills . . . It wasn't that long ago that I was struggling to feed my family, too."

The TV foodies were shredded by the macho, gonzo chef in TV Guide magazine. He said, "The worst, most dangerous person to America is clearly Paula Deen. She revels in unholy connections with evil corporations and she's proud of the fact that her food is [bleep]ing bad for you . . . plus, her food sucks." About Ray: "Does she even cook anymore? . . . To her credit, she never said she was good at it." On Lee: "I hate her works on this planet, but she is not someone to be dismissed, clearly." And Fieri: "I look at Guy and I just think, 'Jesus, I'm glad that's not me.' "

[From Page Six]

If you want to take Ray or Sandra Lee to task, sure. Neither one of them are "chefs" and they'll say as much. Their whole deal is that they're trying to teach people (parents, specifically) that it can fun, easy, affordable and fast to cook food at home. Neither Lee nor Ray is really known for their way with fine dining, although I should point out that when Ray was on Iron Chef, bitch held her own and then some, and she impressed the judges. Guy Fieri, I think, is very knowledgeable about food, and you can tell that he has a professional background working in restaurants, but I feel like Guy's goal is the same as Ray's and Deen's - to encourage people to make affordable food at home, and to celebrate inexpensive, less glamorous food throughout America's rich food-loving diners, drive-ins and dives.

As for Paula - well, the Butter Queen is fabulous. And she knows what she's doing too. The Lady & Sons, her restaurant, is a Savannah institution, and she is constantly recognized as one of the best Southern cooks in America. She knows her food isn't healthy, and she says as much. Besides that, she's a hoot and she has a wonderful attitude and everyone adores her. I want Paula to deep fry Bourdain and serve him with grits.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Jason Momoa is on the cusp of superstardom, and Lisa Bonet is pissed off

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 07:55 AM PDT

These are some new photos of Jason Momoa promoting Conan the Barbarian in Hollywood yesterday. He was doing some kind of budget handprint ceremony, and he was playing with a giant sword for the photo op. It was kind of sexy, seeing him play with something so big… and hard… I'll stop. I like that he went sleeveless. That's been missing thus far in the promotion for Conan - we needed more biceps. And I just now realized, after staring at his arms for ten minutes, that Jason is actually wearing a vest and some kind of… ascot…? Bless his heart.

Anyway, The Enquirer has an interesting piece this week about Jason's newfound super-stardom and how his wife, Lisa Bonet, is not very happy about it. Lisa thought she was marrying some young, hot piece that would never break out! And now she's disappointed that everyone wants to ride The Momoa.

Jason Momoa has turned into an overnight superstar, and his newfound popularity with the ladies is causing serious friction with his longtime lady love Lisa Bonet. Before Game of Thrones and Conan the Barbarian, Jason, 32, and 43-year-old Lisa had been living a happy, low-key existence, raising their two kids, Lola Iolani and Nakoa-Wolf. But now that Jason's become a bona fide Hollywood heartthrob, Lisa is starting to become painfully aware of their 11-year age difference, revealed a source.

"Lisa disdains all of the Hollywood trappings, so to suddenly have Jason turn into the toast of the town is pretty much a nightmare," said the source.

The tension between Jason and Lisa exploded after a recent red carpet event for Conan, when Jason got a bit too chummy with co-star Rose McGowan.

"Lisa didn't appreciate Jason kissing Rose on the lips or grabbing her butt in front of the cameras, and she especially didn't like the way Rose clung to him," said the source. "She tried to keep her composure in public, but behind the scenes she let Jason have it."

Lisa explained to Jason that Hollywood success can mean the kiss of death for relationships, and he apologized profusely, said the source. But the problem isn't going away any time soon.

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

I tend to think Lisa probably has Jason wrapped around her finger, but who knows? Maybe this is true. She's famously eschewed the Hollywood lifestyle because she got a taste of the industry when she was young. This is Jason's first brush with real stardom - he might not take to it either… although he does seem to be enjoying it.

Here are some of those photos from last week's Conan premiere, where Jason was handsy and kissy with Rose McGowan. You know, in last week's post, I mentioned that Lisa Bonet looked like she wanted to shank Rose. I don't think Lisa has anything to worry about with that one, though.

More photos from yesterday:

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Anne Hathaway is “grateful” to Duchess Kate for dressing like a lady

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 07:29 AM PDT

One Day comes out today. Are you going to see it? I'm debating it. I read the book and hated the last third of the story, and from what I can see, the movie is going to be much, much worse. But I still might see it just because I’m in the mood for a romance. Anne Hathaway has been all over the place this week to promote the movie, and much of it has been meh. I like Anne quite a bit, but she's one of those people where a little goes a long way. She was on The Daily Show last night - these photos are from outside TDS's studio, and I want her pants. Badly. Her bit with Jon Stewart was so boring, I don't even care enough to find the video. Meh.

But here's something interesting - Anne talking about the Duchess of Cambridge! I didn't even consider the possibility that Anne could be pro-Kate, but she is. Anne seems to like Duchess Kate mostly for her covered-up, ladylike styles:

Vivienne Westwood may have called Kate Middleton “ordinary” this week but the Duchess has another famous face in her corner: Anne Hathaway. Sitting down with USA TODAY’s Andrea Mandell to talk about her new movie One Day, Hathaway took a royal minute to talk about style.

“Can I tell you how grateful I am to Kate Middleton?” said Hathaway. “Because she is such an advocate for dressing like a lady. I think for a few years that kind of slightly dirty look was adopted by Hollywood - you know, the stringy hair, homeless thing. And I really tried,” she laughs, “I was like ok I’m going to give that a go. (But) it doesn’t suit me, I don’t suit it. I always looked kind of chubby.”

Today she calls Kate’s ladylike wardrobe inspiring. “I’m just very grateful to Kate Middleton for making looking appropriate really fun again,” she says. “So right now my fashion choices are all about Kate Middleton.”

Speaking of fashion, Hathaway dished on getting into Catwoman shape for Dark Knight Rises, which is currently shooting in Pittsburgh. “I had to change my body in order to achieve the shape I wanted for Catwoman,” says Hathaway, noting how each body-hugging catsuit fitting represented personal milestones.

“We fit it over the course of a few months, and every time I would target a different body part we could take off the Spanx,” she laughs. “So it’s not your traditional movie prep.”

It also meant the actress had to stock up on flats. “There’s a reason why she wears heels,” says Hathaway, but “doing stunts in heels is a little hard on your feet. Normally I live in high heels (but) I have to wear flats all day and just kind of save up all my high heel time for the catsuit.”

[From USA Today]

I think I understand what Anne is saying: Kate stands for tailoring, for clothes that fit, for not showing your tatas and your biscuit, for looking occasion-appropriate and pulled together. I will give Kate credit for that too - although if she didn't do all of those things, she would be viewed as a royal mess. But I still don't think Kate is particularly stylish, and I find her style more "dated" than "ladylike".

Oooh, more photos of Anne throughout this week. Some of these styles are the opposite of ladylike and flattering. Gurl, Rachel Zoe is phoning this crap in.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

LeAnn Rimes lives in a vacuum of narcissism, avoiding criticism at all costs

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 07:08 AM PDT

Did you know that LeAnn Rimes has a new album coming out? I didn't. It is coming out in a few weeks, apparently, and LeAnn is debating whether or not she can really leave her husband unattended. Because you know what happens when Eddie Cibrian is unattended… his dong "accidentally" lands into the nearest biscuit it can find. So, what will LeAnn's promotional tour be like? Will she be giving a series of delusional interviews? Will she leave Eddie unattended and find herself in a sticky situation? The sticky part being whatever is left in their marital bed from Eddie's escapades.

Nowadays, it's not exactly controversial for a woman to juggle a husband and a career. A friend tells In Touch that LeAnn is actually struggling with her decision to start working again, four months after her whirlwind marriage to Eddie Cibrian.

"She hasn't spent any time away from Eddie since they first got together," the friend explains. Now, oh-so-in-love LeAnn has recorded a new album, due out in September, but she seems to be on the fence about wanting it to be a success!

"She has a lot riding on this," another pal explains. "She has concerns about whether her old fan base is still there for her. Yet she also knows that if the album is a hit, she'll have to go on tour, without Eddie."

And that's what she finds most troubling: "LeAnn said that the thought of being away for days or even weeks at a time makes her feel lonely," says the friend.

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

In all honesty, I doubt LeAnn has much to worry about. I don't think her album will do very well, right? Or will you bitches buy it just so LeAnn is forced to go out and promote it and go on tour? Haha, EVIL PLAN.

Also: last night, LeAnn published this little essay called "How Do I Feel". I can't cut and paste the text, but you should be able to read it as an image:

[From LeAnn's World]

She's basically saying that she will never listen to any criticism of her life choices because she doesn't want to let negativity in. The problem is that if you live like that, you're just living in a echo chamber, a vacuum where you are never challenged emotionally, intellectually, or professionally. Also, she's a narcissistic monster. But I already knew that.

Photos courtesy of WENN, LeAnn's Twitter and blog.

Gwyneth Paltrow saved a life on 9/11 & makes her maid walk to work

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 06:57 AM PDT

A few days ago, The Morton Report had a story about how Gwyneth Paltrow "saved a life" on 9/11. CB, Bedhead and I all debated whether we should cover it, because it’s a confluence of touchy subjects - 9/11, Gwyneth, peasants. As we approach the ten-year anniversary of 9/11, I'm sure we're already going to be bombarded with survival stories, which is fine. I'm already preparing myself to be a total sobbing mess for about two weeks straight, just as soon as all of the documentaries start (Sidenote: have you ever seen the one about 9/11 photography project? I was a mess. Or the one about a woman who took in an elderly homeless man after the attacks? I couldn't stop crying.) Getting back to Gwyneth and this story… it's not that I don't believe this survivor's story… it's just that I'm not sure Gwyneth deserves the credit for "saving a life"…? You can read the woman's story here, at The Morton Report. The highlights from the story:

Lara Lundstrom Clarke’s life was saved by a Sliding Doors chance encounter with Gwyneth Paltrow on September 11, 2001.

It was one of those pristine blue-sky New York mornings, and Lara Lundstrom, a 24-year-old account manager at Baseline Financial Services, decided to rollerblade on the Hudson before work. She knew if she was quick, she could get in some sweat time and make it to her job on the 77th floor of Tower 2 of the World Trade Center by 9:00 am.

After a quick shower she donned her work attire, an Ann Taylor Loft grey skirt and blouse, slipped on a pair of low kitten heels, grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Of course making it in time for her 1/9 train meant she had to jaywalk across 7th street to Christopher Street station. No problem, she'd made a habit of that.

"It was one of those mornings that felt good, you had a little skip in your step. What the heck - I always cut across 7th Avenue. Then all of the sudden a silver Mercedes SUV came barreling down towards me.

“I stopped and they screeched to a halt. Then it developed in to one of those classic who-goes-first situations. It got ridiculous. Then I made eye contact with the Mercedes driver. OMG it was Gwyneth Paltrow. I knew she lived down the street, so it made sense. She waved me across, I crossed and she continued on her way. At least if I was late for work I had a story to tell."

She raced to the subway, hurtled down the stairs to the platform only to watch the doors of the 1/9 slam shut.

She had no idea she had just experienced her own real life Sliding Doors moment, the movie starring Paltrow about a chance romantic encounter that depended on whether or not she caught a subway train.

“At that time I was annoyed at everything that had made me late that day, including Gwyneth Paltrow,” Lara recalls.

[From The Morton Report]

The woman ends up being late, and when she got to her subway stop, the first plane had hit. Gwyneth's publicist, Stephen Huvane, confirmed to media outlets that Gwyneth "remembered the encounter between herself and Lara the morning of 9/11" and that Goop was “deeply moved” by Lara's story. Does Gwyneth deserve credit? Sure, I guess. I don't know. I would have liked the story more if Gwyneth had actually stopped someone on the street to call them a fat peasant, and THAT was why they were late for work. Possible vehicular manslaughter doesn't feel like saving a life.

Can we move on to something more typically superficial and Goop-tastic? Us Weekly reports that Gwyneth bitched out some random person who had given her maid a ride to Goop's house in the Hamptons. This is more like it:

Down-to-earth or downright rude? Gwyneth Paltrow is receiving mixed reviews from insiders in New York’s Hamptons this summer. Though one witness at the Maidstone Club tells the new issue of Us Weekly that the Oscar winner, 38, is “sweet to staffers,” another source says Paltrow is anything but.

Case in point? After a friendly traveler gave Paltrow’s housekeeper a lift from a bus stop to her home, the actress reprimanded the driver.

“Gwyneth was mad that the maid showed strangers where she lived,” the insider tells Us. “Gwyneth said, ‘Please don’t give my maid a ride again!’”

Paltrow’s rep denies she got huffy over the help. “Her housekeeper has a car, and Gwyneth would never say something like that.”

[From Us Weekly]

Gwyneth "would never say anything like that"? Who is Huvane kidding? We know our Goop. It was probably much worse than that. Gwyneth probably told the driver, "I wanted her to walk to work because she's so fat. Why didn't you understand that? Now get your peasanty lorry out of my roundabout, as we say in my motherland, jolly old England!"

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Cameron Diaz is annoyed at J.Lo’s diva ‘tude and entourage on set

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 06:54 AM PDT

Star Magazine had this recent story about how Cameron Diaz is getting catty about Jennifer Lopez’s on set behavior. They’re co-starring in that sure-to-be crapfest What to Expect When You’re Expecting and allegedly have a mutual disdain for each other. Cameron is said to be more vocal about how much she dislikes Lopez while Lopez just totally ignores Cameron. I could see this happening, although it’s in Star so it’s possibly fiction.

“Jennifer and Cameron don’t like each other,” an insider tells Star. “They don’t interact much, but when they do, the tension is thick.”

The A-listers’ frosty relationship is particularly glaring because J.Lo, 42, has bonded with… other cast members [including] Brooklyn Decker [and] has also been linked to her on-screen mate, Rodrigo Santoro. “Cam sees all that stuff and hoopla around J.Lo’s divorce from Marc Anthony and whether she’s dating Rodrigo as a distraction from work,” says the insider. “She’s also annoyed by Jennifer’s huge entourage, which includes her mom, three assistants, makeup and hair people and her manager. She made a snide comment to the effect of, ‘How many people does it take for one woman to film a simple scene?’”

Cameron, 38, has even taken a shot at the acting skills of [J.Lo]… “She said Jennifer has a lot to learn and made a dig about how she’d be better off sticking to her day jobs - meaning singing and judging Idol…”

[J.Lo] “doesn’t seem to care,” says the insider. “She doesn’t talk about Cam or ask about her. She just acts as if Cam doesn’t exist.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, August 29, 2011]

I hope that’s true since it’s so awesomely bitchy.

There are tons more stories on J.Lo in this week’s tabloids. There’s yet another piece in Star, about how Marc allegedly wants his estranged wife back and is making headway in that department. They quote an insider who says “Jennifer is open to not going through a messy divorce. She is actually listening to Marc, and Marc has been trying to mend the relationship… Marc has been calling her a lot, saying he is sorry for the way he treated her and that he will change. And he says he has changed already.”

Meanwhile US Weekly has a completely different take on Marc’s phone calls to Jennifer. “He calls her nonstop, especially when he’s drinking, and they had a huge argument in early August. Marc is constantly harassing her and doesn’t think she’ll go through with the divorce… she has no interest in reconciling.” That sounds straight from Jennifer’s camp while the Star take is from Marc’s.

And In Touch has Jennifer trying to protect her assets from her Marc’s skeletal grubby paws. They quote an insider who says “Marc doesn’t want this divorce, and Jennifer thinks he might get his revenge by hitting her where it hurts - her bank account… She won’t give Marc one cent of her earnings.” But of course they live in California, with Lopez’s lawyer telling In Touch “By California law, Marc has a right to half of her earnings made during their marriage.” You know she’s going to fight like hell. This is about to get interesting.

Gérard Depardieu peed in a plane because he was sober, and has prostate problems

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 06:12 AM PDT

A few days ago, Gérard Depardieu pissed in the middle of a plane aisle because the flight attendants wouldn't let him go to the bathroom. I thought he was drunk, witnesses said he seemed drunk, but Gerard's friends claimed that he had not been drinking. Apparently, he just kept repeating "I need to piss." I also pointed out that those delays can be hell, and many airlines won't let people use the restrooms while the plane is delayed on the tarmac, which seems like the situation here. Anyway, Gerard's friend just released a statement, which looks like the most official statement we're going to get out of this situation:

French actor Gerard Depardieu has apologised for the “humiliating” incident which saw him removed from a flight to Dublin, a friend said. Depardieu, 62, urinated in front of fellow passengers after being refused permission to use the lavatory as the plane prepared for take-off. Staff told him to stay seated but it is understood he urinated into a bottle.

Fellow actor Edouard Baer, travelling with him, said his friend had prostate problems and had not been drinking. After being removed from the flight, Depardieu caught a later flight to Dublin.

He was flying to Ireland with Cityjet to film Asterix and Obelix: God Save Britannia.

Sober

In a statement issued on Depardieu’s behalf to French media, Baer said he had passed him the bottle in which to urinate, but it had overflowed.

“Gerard was upset at this and offered to clean up the mess,” he said. “He has prostate problems and it was very worrying and humiliating for him. He was also stone-cold sober at the time. This is not the way he usually behaves.”

A passenger on the CityJet plane contacted a French radio station on Wednesday and to say that Depardieu had stood up minutes before take-off and declared in a loud voice: “Je veux pisser, je veux pisser” (English: I want to pee).

Following the incident, the aircraft taxied back to the terminal at Charles de Gaulle airport and Depardieu was removed from the flight.

Cityjet confirmed the plane had been delayed and it took off later than scheduled.

In a statement the airline, a subsidiary of Air France, said: “Flight AF5010, which was due to depart at 1845 from Paris to Dublin, was delayed due to an incident on board involving a passenger who refused to remain in his seat as the aircraft was taxiing on the runway.

“The captain returned the aircraft to stand where the passenger was offloaded.”

[From BBC News]

Okay, hearing that he has prostate problems actually makes me feel sorry for the guy. And if this version is true - that Gerard was peeing in a bottle - I still think it's gross, but I wonder why the airline and the witnesses had a completely different story. It's hard for me to understand, because I'm a litigious American, why the airline seems to be mocking and baiting Gerard when they should have just kept their mouths shut. They were partially in the wrong too! I don't know. I guess I'm just going soft.

Here's Anderson Cooper's giggle-fit.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

John Mayer gorging on Hot Pockets, ‘heavy with regrets’ at losing Aniston

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 06:07 AM PDT

Mayer and Aniston at the 2009 VF Oscar Party

You know that Jennifer Aniston’s rep is feeding stories to US Weekly. So that makes this story making fun of her ex John Mayer’s weight gain all the more delicious. It’s funny, and it’s bitchy and I picture Aniston drinking a cocktail and chatting on the phone with Huvane, telling him that Mayer texted her and getting lots of help spinning this story into Mayer as a sad sack loser, pitiful with regret at losing Aniston. I doubt this is the case at all, but he was a real ass to her in the press and turnabout is fair play. This isn’t the first we’ve heard of this. The Enquirer ran a similar story about a month ago on Mayer trying to with Aniston back. Here’s the story from US Weekly:

A source says the singer, who put the final kibosh on his one-year romance with Aniston in March 2009, still pines for her. “She was the one who got away,” says the friend. “He’s definitely not thrilled to see Jen in so many photos with a new guy - especially one who is a cooler version of him.” Now spending his time gorging on pizza bites, Hot Pickets and Smucker’s Uncrustables while writing new tunes in his home in L.A.’s Pacific Palisades, Mayer, 33, is ahem, heavy with regrets. “He’s just eating microwave food and getting chunky,” the pal adds of Mayer, who had notoriously held an impromptu street press conference to discuss an initial split with Aniston in 2008. “Seeing Jen happy now isn’t easy. He cared about her more than any of his other girlfriends.”

[From US Magazine, print edition, August 29, 2011]

That’s awesome, right? They get so specific about the junk food that Mayer prefers that it’s like a commercial. “You too can drown your depression at being an oversharing douche by popping some Uncrustables in the microwave! It’s like a little PB&J pie of happiness.”

How do they even know which microwave crap Mayer is eating? He’s no longer on Twitter and doesn’t blog anymore. Is he texting the details to Aniston? “I miss u so much. Just 8 hole box of uncrustables lol!”

Mayer was looking heavier earlier this year, but he lost a lot of weight recently. Even when he was “chubby” as this article claims, he wasn’t bad looking. He kind of looked like when Johnny Depp was heavy, except with none of Johnny’s redeeming qualities.

Here is is on April 30th: