Crushable |
- Trailer Recap: Like Crazy
- ‘Bachelor Pad’ Superlatives: This Is Not For America
- Kickass‘ Chloe Moretz Looks Quite Grown Up In Christopher Kane
- Courtney Stodden’s Twitter Is Basically Softcore Porn
- Bret Easton Ellis and Alex Pettyfer Both Want Alex Pettyfer to Star in ‘Glamorama’
- Style Crush: Young Madonna
- Crushable Presents: ‘Most Eligible Dallas’ Superlatives
- The Daily WTF: No Thanks, Bullet Urn
- ‘Spider-Man’ Actor Reeve Carney Tapped To Play Jeff Buckley In Biopic
- Oh No: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Russell Armstrong Committed Suicide
| Posted: 16 Aug 2011 12:24 PM PDT Our new Trailer Recap feature gives attention to movie trailers we think warrant in-depth analysis. This time, we address Like Crazy, the upcoming Sundance darling that stars Felicity Jones and Anton Yelchin. This video is either the trailer for a romantic film about young people or a viral ad for an antidepressant; it’s impossible to be sure. We begin on Young People Felicity Jones and Anton Yelchin, who appear to be in the throes of the particular type of romance that blossoms in dining halls and library tables and twin-size beds. The both seem the dreamy sort. Anton asks, "Would you mind reading me something?" "What do you want me to read?" "Something you wrote." So Felicity begins to read a passage about her relationship with Anton, and she speaks in the cadence of Virginia Woolf giving dictation to a lazy cat. She says things like, "I thoughtt I understood ittt, but I didn'tttttt." Perhaps she's reading a series of Facebook status updates? During this voice over, we see a montage of fun date things: Felicity Jones and @Anton Yelchin are riding bumper cars! Felcity Jones and @Anton Yelchin had a great day at the beach! Felicity is in a relationship with Anton Yelchin. The youngsters canoodle in bed: under the covers, yet still perfectly lit up in glowing orange tones, which makes me wonder why the hell my stupid college dorm had horrible fluorescent lights that made the already arduous task of trying to fuck in a tiny bed in the brief window of time while your roommate’s off begging for an extension on a paper even more aesthetically unappealing. Anyway, back to lo lovelorn pair: Anton whispers an unintelligible question to Felicity. It sounds like, "What are we gonna do chaslkjdjhdskjh?" Felicity's response is, "Don't think about it," and from that we've deduced several possibilities for what Anton's mumbled line was: "What are we gonna do for dinner?" "What are we gonna do about the famine in Mogadishu?" "What are we gonna do when we run out of Prozac?" It was probably that last one, actually, and it seems like they did not, in fact, think about it. Felicity –apparently now far off in London — places a call to Anton. She's crying. He's crying. She's sobbing. Depression hurts. Anton: What have you been doing? Felicity: Waiting for you. Anton: Oh my god, your iPhone must have autocorrected a response that makes you sound like a non-psychotic, functional human into that thing you just sent that makes me worry you're currently standing outside my bedroom window with a hacksaw. Stupid iPhone :) However, in the next sequence, the kids are back together and no one has been hacksawed. Though they do they have the, "Should we see other people?" discussion. In response, Anton stares at the wall and Felicity stares at the sink. Prozac can help. Felicity Jones is feeling sad. Felicity Jones and @Anton Yelchin are taking a bubble bath! Felicity Jones just danced in the street with @Anton Yelchin, so we'll probably be in love forever. #likecrazy. Post from: Crushable |
| ‘Bachelor Pad’ Superlatives: This Is Not For America Posted: 16 Aug 2011 12:22 PM PDT
Best Teaser line of the night: Most unsubtle scripting of a line: Most Surprising athlete: Least surprising bad athlete: Biggest Egghead: Fakest empathy: Runner up: Biggest Front Runner (Guy): Biggest Front Runner (Girl): Worst Financial Situation: Biggest Backstabber: Best line:
2nd Runner up: 3rd Runner up: Blake must have realized what a bore he seemed like after the first episode and wrote himself some damn good lines. Most Unnecessary Indoor Hat wearing: Best comeback: Creepiest Moment: Biggest surprise: Least surprising: Scumbag of the night: Reddest face: Best Feud: Shortest attempt at a mutiny:
Least Romantic Moment: Unanswered Questions of the night: Well, it looks like the tide is turning on the Vienna-Kasey power alliance. Can't wait to see who steps into the power vacuum. Until next time, you can reach Matt Ritter on Twitter @mattritter1. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Kickass‘ Chloe Moretz Looks Quite Grown Up In Christopher Kane Posted: 16 Aug 2011 12:11 PM PDT
Holy crap, that dress is cool. That’s what I thought upon first seeing this photo. Then I found out it’s actually a matching top and skirt from Christopher Kane’s 2012 resort collection. Still cool. She wore it to the Empire Big Screen event in London this past weekend. At 14 years old, this bright young actress is growing up quickly. This is what she looked like a year ago:
And of course, this is what she looked like in Kickass, which came out about a year and a half ago.
She’s not going to have an awkward phase, is she? Unfair. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Courtney Stodden’s Twitter Is Basically Softcore Porn Posted: 16 Aug 2011 12:09 PM PDT
In every video interview we’ve seen with child bride Courtney Stodden so far, she appears to be in a constant state of arousal. The lip-licking, the writhing, the gross pawing of her 51-year-old husband…it’s disconcerting. But she couldn’t be like that all the time, could she? Surely she occasionally takes a break to think about food, movies, or young adult fiction? Not according to her insane twitter account! While some women who trade on their sexuality use twitter to showcase a different side of themselves–Stoya’s thoughtful banter, for example, or Joanna Angel‘s documentation of the daily minutiae of running a porn site–Courtney is all sex, all the time. (Except when she’s talking about church, but even church seems to turn her on.) It’s like she’s hell bent on becoming a character from a 1980′s porno about naughty Catholic schoolgirls. Hell, maybe she is a character from a 1980′s porno about naughty Catholic schoolgirls that slipped on some errant jizz and fell through the space-time continuum. (And I mean a porn character, not a real person.) How else can you explain tweets like these?
At least we know she learned a lot of adjectives and adverbs while being home schooled. Are you uncomfortable yet? No? Well then, here is a pic the precocious 16-year-old twitted of herself looking like the porno version of Pamela Anderson. (No, Pam was not already the porno version of herself. She is a multifaceted human being, with more coherent thoughts than “meow meow I’m a kitty cat.”)
Either this chick has teeny tiny labia, or they Photoshopped hers out. Let’s compare her with the original:
You know you’re really doing it to the max when you make Pamela Anderson look modest. (Also: Pam’s twitter feed is much more tolerable. Likeable, even. She has good taste in classic rock.) I never thought I’d say this, but she might actually need to tone it down if she wants to land a reality show on a mainstream TV network. It makes people uncomfortable to wonder where all that hypersexualization is coming from at such a young age. Also: it’s kind of monotonous. We like our reality stars to be unpredictable, no? Then again, maybe I’m giving America too much credit. We shall see. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Bret Easton Ellis and Alex Pettyfer Both Want Alex Pettyfer to Star in ‘Glamorama’ Posted: 16 Aug 2011 11:06 AM PDT
Ellis tweeted that he and Pettyfer got drinks in LA last week, and the Glamorama adaptation came up. Ellis tweeted,
Obviously this is just two people having a conversation and not casting news, but for the record, we really like this idea. Pettyfer can easily draw on his Hollywood status — as well as his arrogant high school senior in Beastly — to play Glamorama‘s pretty but dumb protagonist Victor Ward. On top of that, he’s modeled for brands like Burberry. It’s worth pointing out here that one actor has already embodied this character: Kip Pardue played Victor Johnson in both Rules and Glitterati. But that was almost a decade ago, and since Glamorama picks up soon after Rules, it makes sense that they’d cast a younger guy to keep the continuity going. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Posted: 16 Aug 2011 10:36 AM PDT
It’s Madonna‘s birthday! Happy birthday, Madonna: I got you an American dialect coach. The pop superstar turned 56 today, an age it seems she’s been doing her very best to keep a secret from the world. But let’s not forget that before she was plastic surgery, muscular arms and Kabbalah bracelets, Madonna was a fashion innovator. Young Madonna’s style was a mixture of risque 80s pomp and sexy, t-shirt casualness — and it was certifiably awesome. Post from: Crushable |
| Crushable Presents: ‘Most Eligible Dallas’ Superlatives Posted: 16 Aug 2011 10:15 AM PDT
Kudos to Bravo for not hiding behind any bullshit with their newest reality show Most Eligible Dallas. The network doesn’t pretend that these six singles — three guys, three gals, natch — have much going for them outside of their looks. Can they match people up? No. Can they change your apartment, your hair, your life? Nope. Can they date around and say catty things behind each other’s backs? Yes. And you know what? It turns out they’re most eligible for our superlatives! Most Useful Advice for Singles Tara: “Instead of going to bars, people just go to charity events.” So that’s how we pick up guys! And all this time, we were doing it wrong. Most Testosterone Tie: Glenn and Drew All of the men on this show are obsessed with declaring their masculinity. Matt just brings a new date to every event (including dinner with his friends), but Drew and Glenn tell us, on separate occasions, just how badass they are. Drew goes to great lengths to remind us that even though he’s gay he’s not into Armani and the arts: His family sells cars, so “gasoline runs in my blood.” (Um, that must burn?)
But Glenn gets one of the most quotable lines of the night, as he laments the massive amounts of testosterone surging through his body. The story that supports his claim goes like this: He was watching Family Feud with his mother when a family of three nubile women bounded on-stage. He had to leave the room. ”I can’t watch Family Feud without getting turned on,” he laughs, but we’re a bit freaked out. Most Likely to Hook Up This Season Courtney and Matt You know this because the first time we meet them they both say, “Oh, we’ve never hooked up, we fight all the time, we’re not compatible.” Everything else in the episode says otherwise: Their playful hugs, the fact that she constantly nags him at breakfast, and Matt acknowledging that Courtney gets angry if he brings around girls who aren’t dressed appropriately by her standards. Then, of course, there’s Neill — more on her later.
Most Likely to Write a Scathing Tell-All Maria, Tara’s housekeeper She hasn’t said much so far, but we know that in the tradition of great Latina housekeepers — Rosario on Will & Grace, Lupe on Arrested Development – Maria will come through with withering glares and mumbled asides while Tara flounces around. Most Creative Pronunciation Courtney Courtney shines the most in the confessionals, when the producers just let her ramble on on a given topic. From the premiere alone, we got two gems: “incestual” (describing the dating scene where everyone’s hooked up with each other) and “confettis” (her word for what drops from the ceiling on New Year’s Eve) Best Dog: The Bounty Hunter Impression Tara Turns out our darling Tara’s a bleeding heart: She adopts dogs daily from the local kennel to save them from euthanasia. And if those animals have already found an abusive home? I’ll let Tara explain: “I have literally broken into houses where there’s crack pipes on the floor, there’s people on the floor high on drugs.”
Biggest Success Story Drew He used to weigh over 400 pounds, and dropped half his body weight… through daily administrations of the female hormone hCG. Anyone else think this is more than a little shady? (And if it’s a female hormone that can cause weight loss, wouldn’t more women not be unhappy with their bodies?) Biggest Female Rivalry Courtney/Neill From the moment that Matt brought Neill to dinner, Courtney’s had her hackles up. You almost feel sorry for her, because her venom comes out of a vulnerable place. Neill has everything that Courtney wants: She has a one-year-old child, yet she can afford to go out for social events, and she has a burgeoning music career. It sounds like Courtney would like to do more singing; and we hear over and over that Courtney thought she’d be married with kids by 29 and is dealing with the harsh reality that she hasn’t found the right person yet.
Best Justification for Girl-on-Girl Bullying Courtney: ”Y’all aren’t women who have that maternal feeling!” Yes — Courtney picks on Neill because she (Courtney) knows what it means to be a good mother, despite never having given birth. She says that if she had a baby at home and one night off, she’d spend it with her best friends and not friends of a guy she knows. But then she turns around and smugly adds that if she had a newborn (which, let’s remember, she doesn’t) she’d never let him out of her sight. Spoken like a woman who’s never had kids.
Best Justification for Being a Player Matt: “We’re building our careers.” Yeah, we bet that Matt and Glenn have all kinds of connections on LinkedIn by now. Dreamiest Guy Courtney’s dream guy Remember what I said about Court in the confessionals? The coolest guy to be described on the show isn’t even real: He’s Courtney’s description of the man she wants to marry but hasn’t found yet. Here’s the rough rundown:
If the producers track down a guy with all of these qualities, I am prepared to give the slow clap. Best Dennis Quaid Impression Glenn Every time he’s on-screen, I can’t see anything but Dennis Quaid’s Triangle Smile.
So I figured I’d cover just the premiere in order to write up superlatives, but wow, this show actually looks amazingly bad. Here’s what the season will bring, according to the preview: Tara stealing more dogs and telling some guy she loves him; Neill and Matt hook up, and her kid loves him; and Drew gets a tongue lashing from someone over the phone, though we don’t know who. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| The Daily WTF: No Thanks, Bullet Urn Posted: 16 Aug 2011 09:39 AM PDT
Are you aching to prove how much disrespect you have for your deceased loved ones? Then I suggest investing in this bullet urn. Meaning: an actual bullet that can contain the ashes of a human being and then can be fired, out of a gun. Forget the scythe, the bullet urn is what the Grim Reaper should be working with. So meta, you guys! (via) Post from: Crushable |
| ‘Spider-Man’ Actor Reeve Carney Tapped To Play Jeff Buckley In Biopic Posted: 16 Aug 2011 09:58 AM PDT
Don’t worry, they didn’t fire Gossip Girl hottie Penn Badgley. There are three Jeff Buckleys now. Ain’t showbiz grand? First, there’s the film you probably already know about, Greetings From Tim Buckley, which will star Penn Badgley as a young Jeff Buckley trying to reconnect with his father. Penn’s youthful charm should serve him well in this role, although he’s going to have to do a pretty impressive acting job for everyone to stop picturing him as Dan Humphrey. Dan Humphrey does not write sad, gorgeous songs. Dan Humphrey secretly works out and gets tricked into doing favors for rich girls. Then, we have the as-yet untitled one which will star Reeve Carney. It will be directed by Jake Scott (son of Ridley Scott), and has the full support of Jeff’s mother, Mary Guibert, and seems like it’s mainly going to show the happy side of Jeff Buckley. Scott told Deadline that Carney has “the perfect combination of musical prodigy, impish charm, innate intelligence and sensitivity to play Jeff.” I will give it to him that the guy can sing, but is it the right kind of singing? The third film is still something of a wild card, although it has been in the works the longest. Called A Pure Drop, it will be directed by Brendan Fletcher and written by Train Houston. There’s not much info about it yet, but I’m going to go ahead and guess that it’s based on this book of the same title, which delves into the darker side of Buckley’s life and his struggles with living in the shadow of a father he barely knew. Which one of these dueling Buckley biopics will you see? I’m going to be bold and put my money on the third one, because I am emo and I like watching pretty guys brood. Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
| Oh No: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Russell Armstrong Committed Suicide Posted: 16 Aug 2011 09:14 AM PDT
TMZ reports that Russell’s roommate, upon finding the body, called 911. The timing is curious, since his wife Taylor Armstrong filed for divorce last month, claiming that Russell hit her. Also, the second season of RHOBH premieres in just a few weeks, on September 5. It was clear in the first season that Russell and Taylor had an imbalanced marriage, as footage showed her trying to enjoy parties with the other ladies, but every time Russell would drag her away when he decided he was ready to go. He was portrayed as reserved and rather anti-social, often leaving events like Kyle’s White Party without any explanation. A question we can’t help but ask is, will Bravo re-edit season 2? For what it’s worth, Russell doesn’t appear in the official trailer at all, though we do see Taylor bursting into tears at a dinner party and confessing, “I feel like I’m breaking.” It’s likely that she’s referring to her need to divorce Russell, although Taylor didn’t formally claim domestic abuse until late July. Russell’s denial at the time didn’t quite convince us of his guilt: ”Did I push her? Yes, maybe things happened in the heat of the moment, but it was during a time in our lives that was not characteristic of who we were. This show has literally pushed us to the limit.” Taylor emphasized that she would try to keep the divorce from affecting the couple’s five-year-old daughter Kennedy. ”He’s an amazing dad,” she told People last month, “and I want her to still think her dad is the greatest guy on the planet.” That’s who we’re most sorry for, little Kennedy. The authorities informed Taylor (and probably her daughter) of Russell’s death last night. UPDATE: TMZ spoke with Russell’s lawyer Ronald Richards, who said that Russell was inundated with debt after filing for bankruptcy in 2005. (He had made his money in the ’90s as part of the dot-com boom.) Ronald said that though he never realized Russell was depressed, he was privy to his client’s money troubles: ”I feel bad because his credit cards weren’t working… He had tremendous financial problems.” Related posts: Post from: Crushable |
Somehow, the producers at ABC managed to edit this week's amazing Bachelor Pad narrative down to two hours. And the second episode did not disappoint…generally everyone on the show acted like vapid, self centered idiots. In our ideal universe, each week it would get shorter and the last week would just be 2 minutes of the remaining contestants being eaten alive by bears. But until we rule the universe, we'll have to stick with making fun of the candidates (superlative style).
Runner up:
Most Romantic Moment:
Last we heard, the film adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis‘ novel Glamorama (about models-turned-terrorists) was stalled, with director Roger Avary to helm it but no actual deal worked out. Avary adapted The Rules of Attraction as well as Glitterati, a short film that acts as sort of a bridge between the two books — so he seems to have the support of all involved. But now there may be a new entrant to Ellis’ world: Current Hollywood bad boy Alex Pettyfer.
Last night, Russell Armstrong (one of the husbands on Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) | You are subscribed to email updates from Crushable To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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