Cele|bitchy

Chelsea Handler begs Jennifer Aniston to appear on her sitcom, gets turned down
“Rihanna is dressed like a Muppet-fetishist Golden Girl” links
Duchess Kate wears buttony McQueen for London visit: tragic or lovely?
Gerard Butler looks damn good in the ‘Machine Gun Preacher’ trailer
In Touch: Suri Cruise, on the brink of a demanding Scientology upbringing

Chelsea Handler begs Jennifer Aniston to appear on her sitcom, gets turned down

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 11:14 AM PDT

We’ve heard all sorts of rumors of how Chelsea Handler’s upcoming vanity project sitcom, Are You There Vodka, It’s Me Chelsea, is flailing in production and having problems before the first episode has even aired. Mike Walker in the National Enquirer claims that Chelsea is asking her BFF Jennifer Aniston for help with the show and to possibly make a cameo and Aniston is all “I don’t do that anymore.” Are You There Vodka is set to star Laura Prepon as the trash-talking Chelsea character, and Chelsea is playing her own holy roller sister. The trailer we saw in May made it look really bad, so Aniston would do well to distance herself from this mess. Here’s Walker’s story:

Desperate to save her problem-plagued pending NBC sitcom… after three actors were fired before it’s even aired - E! talk show Chelsea Handler’s begging BFF Jennifer Aniston to help revivie her sagging show with a sprinkle of the magic sitcom dust that made “Friends” a smash! “There are rumblings that the show’s doomed, but Chelsea’s determined to save it - and save face,” said an Aniston insider. “She’s invited sitcom expert Jen to her LA home to brainstorm ideas with writers and producers. She’s even gotten her to read script and provide feedback. Jen can’t say no to a friend in need - but flatly drew the line when Chelsea asked her to make a few cameo appearances on the first season. Jen told Chelsea she’s won’t do TV unless it’s her own project.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, Mike Walker's column, August 29, 2011]

Aniston helped her friend Courteney Cox’s shows by doing cameos on both her FX show Dirt where they had a same sex kiss (ooh edgy) and on Cougar Town. The Aniston factor didn’t lend much of a boost to either show, though, with Dirt being canceled and Aniston’s episode of Cougar Town underperforming.

It’s rather amusing to me that Aniston is turning Chelsea down flat though. She’ll get drunk with her and make quesadillas and she’ll give advice on scripts but when it comes to making a cameo on Chelsea’s show Aniston won’t stick her neck out. Does this mean that Chelsea will retaliate by not making rude jokes about people who wronged Aniston?

Photos are from 7/7/11 of Aniston’s hand and footprint ceremony and also feature Jason Bateman. Credit: WENN.com

“Rihanna is dressed like a Muppet-fetishist Golden Girl” links

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 11:03 AM PDT

Rihanna looks like a muppet. A cute muppet, but a muppet all the same. [Celebuzz]
Part of me thinks that The Avengers is going to be a huge train wreck. [LaineyGossip]
Further evidence of Jennifer Lopez's on-set bitchery. [Dlisted]
Have you had sex with Rick Perry? If so, there's a number you should call. [Gawker]
Review of Conan the Barbarian: it's okay if you're drunk. [Pajiba]
Kim Kardashian's new wax figure looks like… Eva Longoria? [The Blemish]
Natalie Portman, photographed for the first time since giving birth. [Pop Sugar]
Haha, Tyra Banks has a mustache. [Yeeeah]
I thought Page Eight was going to be good, but this trailer sucks. [Evil Beet]
Here's a preview of Amy Winehouse's last recorded song. [Jezebel]
Selma Blair introduces the world to son Arthur Saint. [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Kanye West's stalker went commando to a CFDA event. WTF? [Celebslam]
God Bless America: Homegrown firemen hotties. [OMG Blog]
Betty White is our "most trusted" celebrity. Trusted to do what? [LimeLife]
ScarJo keeps it low-key. And thin too. [Moe Jackson]
Tara Reid looks like hell, right? Bitch is still drunk. [Amy Grindhouse]
Vintage Brad Pitt: the Levi's commercial. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Duchess Kate wears buttony McQueen for London visit: tragic or lovely?

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 10:17 AM PDT

BUTTONS.

I've said it before, and damn it, I'm going to say it again. The Duchess of Cambridge has a Button Problem to go along with her Raccoon McWaity problem. Bedhead just said, "Duchess of Buttons" so now I can't get it out of my head. Raccoon McWaity, Duchess of Buttons. It really is like no button will ever be too big or too garish for Kate. Bless her heart.

As for the buttony ensemble, it's Alexander McQueen. Or, Sarah Burton for McQueen. WTF is Sarah Burton doing to the label? She designed that Ralph Lauren-looking sailor outfit during Will and Kate's Canadian tour too. Sarah Burton has become Kate's Button Enabler.

William and Kate's appearance yesterday in Birmingham was all part of the royal family reaching out to those affected by the London riots. People Mag has more:

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge showed empathy and support Friday for those who had lost family members, seen their possessions snatched or worked 15-hour days to cope with traumatic events of a riot-torn area of Britain. The royal couple made the surprise trip to Birmingham on Friday and comforted the families of three men who died while defending shops from looters.

Like other visits by members of the royal family this week, it was unheralded in the media, so there were only a handful of well-wishers outside Summerfield Community Centre, at the heart of the Winson Green area, about 130 miles north west of London.

Inside, William and Kate first met representatives of the mourning families of Haroon Jahan, 21, and brothers Shazad Ali, 30, and Abdul Musavir, 31. Included in the group for the 15-minute meeting was Haroon’s father Tariq, who, amid his grief hours after his son's death, had stood on the street and urged locals not to seek revenge.

There was a “very somber atmosphere” at the meeting, Insp. Cate Webb-Jones of West Midlands Police says. “They were very concerned about what the families had gone through and how they were coping with such a tragedy.”

William and Kate “showed a lot of respect” and offered the condolences to the families, he said. Later, aides said William and Kate were “full of admiration for the dignity” the families had shown in the face of their loss.

With Kate, 29, rarely away from his side, William, also 29, led the way as they spoke with members of community groups and emergency services who had dealt with the outbreak of street violence.

The Duchess revealed that the couple had watched in horror at home in Anglesey, Wales, as it unfolded on TV. “Looking at all the young people out and about on the streets, we couldn’t believe it was happening in Britain,” she told Supt. Sue Southern from West Midlands Police.

They also met the ambulance crew who were first on the scene when the three young men were hit by a car as they protected shops from looters. “They thanked us for all our work under pressure in those circumstances,” Darren Roberts said. “We told them we just wanted to carry on helping.”

Kate, meanwhile, exchanged praises with nurses at two of the city’s hospitals: “She said, ‘When you are doing your everyday job and then this on top, it must be very hard,’ ” nurse Lesley Clare says.

And her colleague, Mandy Sankey, nurse manager at the Children’s Hospital adds, “She’s a real ambassador. She conducted herself with real dignity. She’s extremely ladylike.”

Their visit followed that of Prince Harry to the Manchester area Thursday, and Prince Charles and wife’s tour of riot-hit parts of London Wednesday.

[From People]

"Like other visits by members of the royal family this week, it was unheralded in the media…"???? But we still got lots and lots of quality photos! I think there was actually one photographer taking photos, and the dude just sold the pics to several photo agencies.

But sure, I'm glad Kate and William spent some time with "the people". It's good for her to really begin to do royal appearances on a regular basis, and it's good for her mingle amongst the commoners. Sometimes… ugh, should I say this? I'll say it. Sometimes I get the feeling that William has more of a "common touch" than Kate, who was actually a commoner. Yes, she seems engaged with the people she's talking to (as opposed to her usual habit of looking around for the camera and posing while people speak to her). She's getting better at this stuff… but William just seems more natural.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Gerard Butler looks damn good in the ‘Machine Gun Preacher’ trailer

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 09:36 AM PDT

Okay, so as a member of Gerard Butler's Fan-Girl Club, I'm primed to love anything he does, even when he makes a really crappy movie. It's been hard for us G-But Fan-girls, because the man has made some really hideous career choices in the past few years. But I'm starting to wonder if Gerard is on a new career path, because I've just watched the second trailer within a week of a Gerard Butler film which actually looked interesting. The first was Coriolanus, which, IMO, looked awesome. And now I'm watching the trailer for Gerard's starring turn in Machine Gun Preacher, and… it looks good? Like, qualitatively good. This isn't just a fan-girl getting tingly for Scottish dong. This actually looks like an interesting movie, and Butler looks like he's giving a solid-to-excellent performance. WTF?!?!

You know what I think it is? I think it's spared the "he's over-acting" criticism because it's a true story. Butler is playing a real guy, Sam Childers, who was quite a sketchy drug dealer and criminal. Childers changed his life when he found Jesus, and he really did go to Sudan to try to help out. The promotional bit is:

"When ex-biker-gang member Sam Childers (Butler) makes the life-changing decision to go to East Africa to help repair homes destroyed by civil war, he is outraged by the unspeakable horrors faced by the region’s vulnerable populace, especially the children. Ignoring the warnings of more experienced aide workers, Sam breaks ground for an orphanage where it’s most needed–in the middle of territory controlled by the brutal Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA), a renegade militia that forces youngsters to become soldiers before they even reach their teens. But for Sam, it is not enough to shelter the LRA’s intended victims. Determined to save as many as possible, he leads armed missions deep into enemy territory to retrieve kidnapped children, restoring peace to their lives–and eventually his own. This [is an] explosive, real-life tale of a man who has rescued over a thousand orphans from starvation, disease and enslavement."

If they had simply made it up, if it was a fictional screenplay, I think people would hate it. But you can't write this.

Also, on the superficial level, how great does Gerard look once he ditches the mullet? When he accepted Jesus, he also accepted a decent haircut. AND! For the first time ever, Gerard's American accent is decent. There were moments in the trailer where I didn't hear any Scottish brogue in there. Is it possible for my beloved G-But to have actually done a really good movie? Gasp!

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

In Touch: Suri Cruise, on the brink of a demanding Scientology upbringing

Posted: 19 Aug 2011 09:23 AM PDT

This week’s issue of In Touch has presented a story (which I have mixed feelings about) that revolves around children who grow up in a Scientology world. Once again, the source here is Janet Reitman’s new book, Inside Scientology: The Story of America's Most Secretive Religion, which I have actually started reading (and am 50% finished) and have found that it is an incredibly detailed account even though I’ve only just completed the part about Lisa McPherson’s life and death inside the cult. So far, it’s a highly recommended read, but I’ll hopefully keep you posted on that note.

Anyway, we’ve already covered the In Touch article from last week that discussed the part of the book about Katie Holmes’ life of surveillance and control, and this week, the story is about Suri Cruise on the brink of true Scientology induction. Here, I am scratching my head because even though Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are well entrenched in the CO$ and have surrounded themselves with staff that double as Scientology spies, I think Suri will avoid the traps set out for most Scientology children. Let’s get on with this article, and afterwards, we’ll discuss:

Over the years, the world has watched as Suri Cruise has grown from a tiny baby into Scientology’s most famous kid. But now, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter’s charmed life could be changing in a big way, thanks to the rules of the mysterious church. The bizarre details of her secret world are being exposed for the first time in a new book, Inside Scientology, by Janet Reitman.

Growing up as a Scientology child, “I was in a completely isolated community,” Kendra Wisman tells Reitman. “I had no contact with non-Scientologists. None.” Which means that Scientology kids like Suri often lack real-world friends whose lives they can compare to their own.

Though things are pretty normal for a Scientology child’s first few years, at age 5 — Suri’s age — things start to change with the introduction of auditing, a type of church confessional.

The book — which the church claims is full of inaccuracies — reveals that in order to be a good subject for auditing, children are restricted to a bare-bones diet of organic vegetables, fruit, bland carbohydrates, and vitamin supplements. So Suri may have to forego her usual sugar-loaded snacks like ice cream and chocolate. The previously pampered tot — who was reportedly fed a mixture of barley water, milk, and corn syrup as an infant — already seems to be strong-willed about her diet. According to Tom, Suri once refused her father’s meal suggestions, saying, “Dad, I really don’t think you should try to force me to do something I don’t want to do.” With that attitude, perhaps Suri will avoid a scary-skinny look like mom Katie!

And it’s possible the outspoken Suri will throw a tantrum over another new rule — an early bedtime. Scientologists are advised to get a full eight hours of sleep before auditing, which could put a cramp in her evenings out with her celebrity parents.

In her private Scientology-themed education, Suri might take on a role most kids would enjoy — spying on Mom and Dad. “Scientology children, like their parents, are taught to report on one another,” Reitman explains.

Will the feisty Suri break free from the demanding religion, or continue to grow up as a Scientology princess? Only time will tell.

[From In Touch, print edition, August 28, 2011]

First off, I’d like to emphasize that the above excerpt sounds much like the accounts from the Ex-Scientology Kids website. The tricky thing about Scientology is that, because it costs so much money, many devotees (who are not wealthy celebrities) will essentially indenture themselves to the church. These families will actually pack up household, sell everything, and move to one of the bases, where they receive free auditing in exchange for basically giving up their entire lives. And, of course, their children are part of this deal too, so the kids end up laboring alongside (and mostly separated from) their parents. All of this goes back to the days when children were first encouraged to sign billion-year contracts and serve the Sea Org, which was originally based upon actual sea vessels (because it’s easier to escape the hand of the law there) where L. Ron Hubbard (a.k.a., “The Commodore”) himself was served by droves of young “Messengers.” These days, the Sea Org exists on land but is no less demanding, and these children are forced to miss out on both school and all but a few hours of sleep in order to help “clear the planet.” To say that this is a very rough life for the children is an understatement, and it’s really hard to believe that any parent would sign their kids up for this miserable existence.

As to Suri? She’ll eventually have to deal with the auditing nonsense and its associated indoctrination, but it’s not as if Tom and Katie would ever encourage her to sign up for the Sea Org. For one thing, they don’t need to do so because they’re incredibly rich. Also, Suri is clearly an asset and must remain visible to the public, as creepy as that sounds. Really, Suri is really the only thing that’s keeping Cruise’s public image afloat, so to speak. With Suri, Tom is a doting father who happens to wear lifts at all times. Without her, Tom would still just be the unhinged couch jumper … who wears lifts at all times.

Meanwhile, the paps have gotten some really cute pictures of Suri in recent days. Kaiser, CB, and I have already discussed these almost surreal photos of Suri on 8/16 wearing this purple ensemble. At first, there was a question as to whether it was even Suri in these pictures, because Kaiser thinks she looks almost like a different child. And make no mistake, Suri does seem almost unrecognizable here, but from certain angles, the Suri-ness shines through. Or something like that.