Best Week Ever |
- J-Woww Celebrates Fashion Week Debut By Popping A Squat On The Runway
- 2 Paws Up For Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way”
- A Crash Course In Advanced Spit Takes
- Ooooh, The Germans Are Buying The New York Stock Exchange, I’m So Scared!
- Fun Facts: Hilarious Break-Up Letter Is The Inspiration For Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings Song, “Better Things”
- Community Refuses To Name Building “Harry Baals Government Center”
- TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: Is Top Chef, Not Top Fallon!
- Let This Adorable Boy Refresh Your Memory Of The Plot Of Commando
- Lady Gaga Poses As Anna Wintour’s Evil Space Twin On The Cover Of Vogue
| J-Woww Celebrates Fashion Week Debut By Popping A Squat On The Runway Posted: 11 Feb 2011 08:59 AM PST
Jersey Shore’s J-Woww aka Jenni Farley made her fashion week debut last night in the Richie Rich show at Hammerstein Ballroom. There she is, in all her post-show glory, sporting a classy see through dress that lets those plastic basketballs shine through unencumbered, holding hands with designer Richie, who seems to be sporting a haute couture boner or something else oblong and giant in his pants. (No, really, what is that?) No word if she actually peed on the runway, though if you know Richie Rich, you know this would be one of the milder things to happen at his show… We’ve got more pics of Jenni alongside some shirtless male models ahead. The only thing missing? FANCY HATS.
Including this guy, who had speedbumps embedded underneath his bellybutton.
Those with less abtacular physical prowess were given a tasteful vest for fine dining purposes.
I didn’t even know Gina Gershon got a haircut.
Those looking to give birth to a snowglobe, meet this guy’s crotch.
Fart Face: Hot For Fall
Edward AcrylicLadyNailHands
It was either this or waiting tables. Pretty sure he made the right decizh. | ||||||
| 2 Paws Up For Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” Posted: 11 Feb 2011 08:20 AM PST
Did you feel a slight tingling sensation in your nether regions as you awoke this morning? It’s OK. You can admit it. We all did. Because today is the day rabid Lady Gaga fans got what they’ve all been waiting for: The premiere of her new single “Born This Way.” It’s a new sound for Gaga, though perhaps not completely original: The message and beat sound like an updated version of Madonna‘s “Express Yourself.” You can listen to the song over at Lady Gaga’s official website or at EW.com. If the LGBT community were to create a sitcom based on their experiences, surely “Born This Way” would be their theme song. That, or The Supremes’ “The Happening.” Is the song Gaga’s best? In our opinion, far from it. But it’s as catchy as SARS, and if you frequent any sort of dance clubs or bars at all, you better get used to it, because it will be played ad nauseum for the next 10 or so centuries. “Born This Way” is to gays what “Empire State of Mind” is to Yankee fans. It’s a song that unites, whether it’s rounding 3rd base or 8 cosmos and a strobe light. (Note: Both things happen at Yankee Stadium.) As far as whether or not the song is good… It’s good, but we’re not getting the Lady Gaga ClassicⒸ vibes we got from such songs as “Paparazzi” or “Alejandro.” Then again, I can see why hundreds of thousands of handsome G’s would want to tank up, thong out, and just dance their lives away to this anthem. As such, I have no choice but to love the song, as anyone who knows me knows I love being thronged by sweaty hardbodies who have no interest in me sexually. Ahead, an interesting update regarding the gay community’s boycotting of Target…
You can see more creative “Born This Way” fan art over at the New Now Next Blog, including a larger version of this genius unicorn cover, seen right. So.. are you guys Gaga for the single already? Or were you expecting more? To the comments section! | ||||||
| A Crash Course In Advanced Spit Takes Posted: 11 Feb 2011 07:54 AM PST Any aspiring spit-takers out there looking to make the jump to the professional level? Just watch this 50 second video, and you’ll instantly come away an expert. If this shocking news did not cause you to spit whatever you were drinking into your computer monitor, then I’m sorry, you’re just not cut out from the cloth it takes to be one of these guys (the spit cloth). NO NONSPITTURS ALLOWED, is the wooden misspelled Little Rascals sign I painted and hung at the entrance of the club that this video is inside. Throw your literally 5,000 Novice Spit Takes DVDs away:
Sorry for the giant embed, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it smaller. Sorry if you’re like “UCBcomedy.CON???? What’s that???” You’re not allowed in the spit club if you’re thinking that. (via Mike Still, aka Professor Spitzz) | ||||||
| Ooooh, The Germans Are Buying The New York Stock Exchange, I’m So Scared! Posted: 10 Feb 2011 01:55 PM PST Keeping with our reputation as the internet’s #1 provider of economic news presented expressly to set up Simpsons jokes, here’s some breaking world economic news:
I’m only kind of a super-expert on economics, but my advice to that panicky New York Post article is to CALM DOWN. Based on the #1 precedent for Germans making huge U.S. purchases, we have nothing to be afraid of. (Click here for maximum impact)
(via Simpsons Gifs, believe it or not) | ||||||
| Posted: 10 Feb 2011 01:08 PM PST This post is sort of Walker’s Wheelhouse-ian in nature. It’s not full on Wheelhouse, but be forewarned. Anyway. I was out for my new friend’s birthday the other night. After a goodly number of hours of chatting and drinking and discussing such hot button topics as Connect Four and sweaters, she happened to mention that she helped write the Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings song, “Better Things.” I’m so glad she mentioned that at the end of the night because there is literally nothing I could follow up with that is nearly as awesome. “Oh, you helped write a super cool song? I’m a part time blogger so…don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.” Anyway, this is interesting and something a part time blogger such as myself would want to write about because the inspiration for the song, whose chorus is “I’ve got better things to do than remember you,” is this dramatic reading of a break-up letter. After watching it, and especially liking the last line of the letter, she and her boyfriend (who is in the Dap-Kings) wrote the song. AWESOME. Here’s the video: A) I can’t believe I hadn’t seen this before. It’s amazing. Listen to “Better Things” after the jump
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| Community Refuses To Name Building “Harry Baals Government Center” Posted: 10 Feb 2011 12:28 PM PST More than 8,000 Fort Wayne area residents have voted in an online poll to name their new city-county building the “Harry Baals Government Center,” after well-liked Indiana mayor Harry W. Baals. For some reason, though, the county isn’t approving the name, so for the foreseeable future, there will be no Harry Baals Government Center named after former mayor Harry Baals. This local news team is on the scene, presenting the facts and really making sure to say Harry Baals a bunch of times: What a slight to the memory of Harry Baals. I guess they’ll just have to go to the next-highest vote getter and name it the “Big Johnson Memorial Center”:
(via @wyshynski) | ||||||
| TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: Is Top Chef, Not Top Fallon! Posted: 10 Feb 2011 12:03 PM PST It’s Episode 9 of Top Chef All-Stars, entitled “Feeding Fallon”, and as we know from the previews last week, we’re not talking about SNL alum and character actress Siobhan Fallon, we’re talking about SNL alum and Late Night host Fallon Comma Jimmy. How will the chefs who are already effing crazy react to this celebrity news? I am guessing they will be super reserved. CARRRRLA, what did I just predict?
Tre was eliminated last week, and the remaining chefs are absolutely shocked. Actually no, not shocked, what’s that other word? Ah, “Mostly indifferent because they finally realize that someone will be eliminated every episode as per the entire concept of the show so there’s no reason to act devastated when it happens.” In German, the word is “Tuppenchifrenzung.” For the second straight episode, the chefs hash things out at the trendy New York bar that only serves designer drinks and coffee from outside:
For the Quickfire, the chefs must “Make a fondue.” Fondues are designed to be enticing and non imaginary, just like clothing, and because of that, please welcome back Guest Judge Isaac Mizrahi! Ahhh! Just woke up in a cold sweat. The guest judge this week isn’t Isaac Mizrahi, it’s actually…the chefs themselves. Because we’re a teeny bit short on cash this week, despite the giant sack of gold coins with a dollar sign on it that Buitoni just gave Bravo to get this shot of the Top Chef apartment freezer:
Even Tiberius Q. Buitoni Esq. himself doesn’t have a freezer like that. Richard’s like “this one’s my favorite, it’s really good.” Haha, relax Richard, you’re not gonna get eliminated before the Finale — leave the whoring to Mike and Antonia (and that woman from two seasons ago who poured Dr. Pepper in her dish). Back to the Fondoodoo (hehehe) — Antonia has no experience with fondues, but she suddenly gets an idea and is all, “I don’t know where my ideas come from, I’m like some sort of culinary wizardgod!” Then Richard’s like, “I would win if we had an actual judge, but people are intimidated by me cause I can do a lot of things they can’t do.” Did another “Step Up The Arrogance” producer memo make its way around this week? Richard’s suddenly arrogant, Antonia’s suddenly super arrogant, and Michael, who was already super arrogant, is now a fat fish:
The Top Chef Character Progression goes: Regular > Arrogant > Super Arrogant > Fat Fish. Which, if you haven’t read it, is definitely one of the more underrated Dr. Seuss books. Alright, we’re like 9 million words in and we’re not even done with the Quickfire, so let’s go to the lightning round: BOTTOM 3: Fabio, Tiffany, Michael. “Dale, you had Michael on the bottom, tell us why? While you’re backpedaling, I’m going to shake up this ant farm and see if they fight.” TOP 3: Antonia, Dale, Angelo. Dale’s Phooondue wins him a trip to the TopChefCo Winery in Napa. Congratulations, you f***in’ monkey! (Mike’s words, not mine. To me, if Dale’s any primate, he’s a Swear Gibbon.) Enough firing quickly, it’s Elimination time, which starts on the set of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon! The chefs are so excited, they could spit:
The Contestanchefts play a rousing round of “Cell Phone Shootout” with Jimmy, where they take turns snapping cell phone pics of a rotating clip of foods to determine which dish they’ll have to prepare for Jimmy’s birthday lunch. The game is spirited and unique for us Top Chef faithful, and alienating as all f*cksh*t for the 97% of the crowd that has no idea what is going on. DEAL WITH IT, AMERICA. (Title of my new conservative bestseller that tells it like it is and is no-nonsense. The comma is a veteran.) Some chefs are happy with their foodsignments, like Carla with her Chicken Pot Pie (and also with her anything), while others are not-a so happy, like Fabio who gets stuck making a burger. “Booger. Booger? Burger. I can’t even pronounce it.” Vultures begin making nests in Fabio’s stubble. Antonia gets stuck with beef tongue, as we saw in last week’s incredibly unirritating preview clip, and she asks Richard for advice on how to cook it, because Richard is clearly the best chef on the show and it’s really funny that they’re all nominally in competition with him. Speaking of ‘really funny,’ Richard helping Antonia prompts quite possibly the best quote of the season, from Michael: “I mean there’s $200,000 on the line, I can’t risk someone doing a better dish than me because I’m helping them.” – Michael Isabella, 2011 Hahaha! Don’t worry Mike, because 1) No one will ever ask you for help, 2) No one would win because you helped them, and 3) You are literally a fish.
Fat Fish say the darnedest things. Remember that show on CBS? Hosted by Gill Cod-sby? It’s lunch time, and first up is Fabio’s trepidatious burger, made from ground lamb, pork, I think quail or something, and soylent green, with cheese sauce on the side:
The diners all praise Fabio’s burger, until Gail and Tom cut in with their palates and are like “No no it’s terrible everyone, really it is” and everyone’s initial reactions are discarded. Throughout the rest of the meal, Jimmy Fallon comes off as legitimately interested in analyzing the food and excited about being a part of the show, and he, his family, announcer Steve Higgins, and head writer A.D. Miles joke around organically, rather than really forced… let’s call it… “being Toby Young”ing. Also they whip out a huge novelty fork:
And after 35 entrees, Jimmy is presented with a cake that no one at the table can possibly actually want to eat at this point:
THE TOP 3: Carla, Angelo, Antonia Carla wanted chicken pot pie and she delivered, Suddenly Arrogant Antonia is in the top for a second straight week with her beef tongue, and Angelo delivers on his pulled pork. Jimmy announces that the winning chef will get their own cooking segment on Late Night, to which Angelo responds, “Now I REALLY want to win! Since we all already cooked, I’m gonna hope so much harder in these testimonials.” Carla wins her third challenge of the season, and her third trip of the season, because surprise! She’s going to Tokyo for eight days. She reacts exactly as you’d expect. THE BOTTOM 3: Dale, Tiffany, Fabio Fabio’s burger turned out badly, as predicted, Tiffany’s chicken and dumplings didn’t look like chicken or dumplings (Tom points out that “Chicken and dumplings is so much about the dumplings.” The other thing that it is about is the chicken.), and Dale is in the bottom for a second straight week for turning in the Angelina Jolie “Who Is Salt?” poster. Dale’s been doing well enough this season to stick around, so we know it’s once again a question of “can Fabio’s charisma earn him yet another stay of execution from the Bravo producers?” It cannot — Fabio is asked to pack his charm spoons and go. After getting pissed at Antonia for winning with mussels last week, Fabio is extremely upbeat, pleasant, and classy upon his elimination, shaking everyone’s hand and smiling throughout his exit interviews.
Awww, how can we stay mad at you? You’re back in the show! Next Week: Sesame Street Muppets come to Top Chef, then everyone cooks in a Target. “Elmo like tilapia on futon!” Top We Definitely Understand Why All This Is Happening All Stars! | ||||||
| Let This Adorable Boy Refresh Your Memory Of The Plot Of Commando Posted: 10 Feb 2011 10:40 AM PST This is a video of the cutest little boy you ever did see, Alex, who is 9 and lives in Tanzania, recounting in impressive detail the plot of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, Commando. Lest we forget, a young Alyssa Milano figures prominently as Arnold’s daughter. This video comes via Mama Hope, “a non-profit organization focused on building self-sufficient communities in Sub-Saharan Africa.” Their tag line is “Stop the Pity. Unlock the Potential.” | ||||||
| Lady Gaga Poses As Anna Wintour’s Evil Space Twin On The Cover Of Vogue Posted: 10 Feb 2011 09:22 AM PST
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Gaga has a pink bob. But I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch, as far as Evil Space Twin references go. For comparison:
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Perhaps the most head-scratching news we’ve heard surrounding the “Born This Way” publicity is that our favorite discount retailer Target is partnering up with Lady Gaga for the release. They’ll be releasing 
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