Monday, December 5, 2011

Crushable

Crushable


Battle Of The Teen Mom Memoir Book Covers: Farrah Abraham Vs. Ashley Salazar

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 11:25 AM PST

Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham recently posted/tweeted about the new book cover of her upcoming memoir My Teenage Dream Ended… and boy, is it underwhelming. The book is now available for pre-order on Amazon, but I don’t know who would pay even $13.32 for this shoddy Photoshop job.

They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but this is just awful. MTV Press couldn’t have paid whoever came up with the great Teen Mom graphics to make the cover for the network’s own tie-in book?

I have to agree with the ONTD commenters that the book is most likely ghost-written; a quick glance through Farrah’s official food blog reveals that the girl does not have the firmest grasp on grammar. “Carpone cheese,” “raspberry coolie,” and a “relatible” book? Ugh.

Farrah must think that because she has enough drama from which to pull something resembling a plot — her babydaddy Derek Underwood dying in a car crash, the abuse she received from her mom, becoming a reality star – that she doesn’t have to make any effort on the rest of the book.

We know that 16 and Pregnant star Ashley Salazar is Farrah’s competitor of sorts since she actually announced her own book, Bittersweet Blessing: 16 & Pregnant, first. So it should be no surprise that a) her cover has also been unveiled recently and b) it’s fantastic.

Interestingly, her book is also being published by MTV Press, and it’s clear that they did what I suggested—found someone who either had drawn or could imitate the 16 and Pregnant credits. I’m not going to ask whose cover is better because it’s embarrassingly obvious, so how about this…

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Tony Bennett’s Nude Sketch Of Lady Gaga Could Soon Be Yours!

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 11:08 AM PST

As you may recall, Lady Gaga stripped down for a photoshoot in January’s Vanity Fair so that recording legend (and duet partner) Tony Bennett could be photographed sketching her. Apparently, it wasn’t just some weird editorial concept; according to The Wall Street Journal, the finished product will soon be up on eBay.com/Celebrity, a site that helps famous people auction their things off for charitable causes. This might yet turn out to be the world’s most expensive piece of fan art.

Whose idea was it for a woman famous for her crazy clothes to get drawn in the nude by the 85-year-old singer? Not hers, judging from this quote from A Very Gaga Thanksgiving:

“I walked in and said, ‘Well, Tony, here we are,’ and I dropped my robe and I got into position. I felt shy and thought ‘It's Tony Bennett, why am I naked?'”

To raise money for starving kids in Africa is why, Lady Gaga. Imagine how many kids she could have fed had she actually showed nip.

(Via WSJ)

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We Crashed A MAXIM Casting Call (And This Is What Happened)

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 10:59 AM PST

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Naomi Watts And Robin Wright Are Basically Recreating SNL‘s ‘Motherlover’ In The Grandmothers

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 10:18 AM PST

When you think of MILFs, the most highbrow you can really get is The Graduate. (The most lowbrow being Jennifer Coolidge in American Pie, of course.) But now there’s a new film project taking on the older woman/younger man romance, and it sounds classy as hell: The Grandmothers, starring Naomi Watts and Robin Wright as two lifelong friends both attracted to younger men.

The twist? They’re lusting after each other’s sons, who are both grown men and married.

THR describes the film as an “erotic tale of misguided love and a celebration of the enduring nature of female friendship,” which is corroborated in the short novel on which it’s based. Here’s the synopsis of Doris Lessing‘s story The Grandmothers:

Rozeanne and Liliane, two British schoolgirls, end up as neighbours after they get married. The marriages crumble but their friendship keeps on. Both are infatuated with one another’s son, to the boys’ wives dismay.

We don’t know much else plotwise, but we do know who the young men will be. AnonymousXavier Samuel and unknown James Frecheville will portray the objects of Naomi’s and Robin’s affections.

This sounds interesting if only because it’s about vicariously exploring the whole Oedipal complex; I’m curious if the young men actually return the women’s affections. The studio obviously hired two incredibly attractive actresses who resemble each other… so again you have that Oedipal vibe.

Yeah, I’d see that.

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Chet Haze Is Desperate For Help With His Final Paper

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 10:07 AM PST

Chet Haze, a.k.a. Tom Hanks‘ rapping son, is in a bit of a jam, yo. Like many lazy college students, he waited until 4am the night before his big paper was due to even think about starting to write it, at which point he realized his class notes were less than thorough. I guess he forgot the order in which he advised people to do things in his ode to school spirit, “White And Purple”: “White kicks / Purple kush / This is college, hittin’ blunts after hittin’ books.” Keyword: after. Before you spark up, you must stop and ask yourself: have I truly earned this purple kush? Be honest!

Anyway, the paper was due in like, six hours and he was buggin’! So he sent an email out to his classmates that was actually fairly humble and nice, all things considered, but that didn’t stop some hater from leaking it to Gawker, so here it is:

What Up Everybody,

My names Chester Hanks, I’m a junior theater major, but some of you may know me better as “Chet Haze.” Or maybe you dont, which would be embarrassing for me…..[ed: Wouldn't it be more embarrassing if they did?] Anyway, if the sound of receiving this email on your phone woke you up at this hour, I sincerely apologize. Hopefully, there may be a few of you (like me) who for some reason just need to wait until literally the LAST MINUTE to get any work done—this final paper being no exception. I was wondering if anyone had notes from after November 1st to the end of the course on their computer that they would be willing to send my way. It would be much appreciated, and we could possibly work something out as a reward for the generosity. I’m really crossing my fingers on this one. Thanks! Happy studies.

-Chet

The paper is probably due right about now, so I’m pretty sure he’s figured something out already, like “working something out” with the teacher to obtain an extension. But if you took good notes in Chet Haze’s class and would like to get in with the Hankses, you might as well tweet at him on the off chance he still needs them. This could be your golden chance to get a custom penned Chet Haze rhyme written about your crazy-ass note taking skillz.

(Via Gawker)

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Kate Major Has Gone Missing From Rehab

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 09:11 AM PST

A few months ago, Kate Major told us that she had no intention of going to rehab; since then, she’s voluntarily checked herself into a treatment center, and is now (as of December 3) AWOL. Not even her rep knows where she is!

Over the weekend, Kate had to be transferred from her rehab facility in Boca Raton, FL to a nearby hospital after she suffered a seizure. According to her rep, on the night of December 3 she just left the hospital without her credit cards, cell phone, or any money. She’s wandering around Florida with just the clothes on her back.

If this were an escape attempt, it’s a lot quieter than her ex Michael Lohan‘s attempts: He was arrested for beating up Kate, released, then violated his parole by calling her, and then tried to escape the cops by jumping from his roof to a balcony. (He missed, and was arrested again.)

The last time we heard about a celebrity wandering around on her own, it was a disoriented Anne Heche walking through the desert thinking she was an alien called “Celestia” back in 2000. While we now tell that bizarre story with a smirk, it’s not a funny story when it’s happening and that person’s family doesn’t know where she is.

We hope that Kate’s family finds her and gets her help so that she can look back on this experience as a crazy blip and nothing more.

The above photo is from July, when Kate was showing off alleged injuries from Michael while in NYC.

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Video: Full Trailer For Tim And Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie Is Weird, Wonderful

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 08:07 AM PST

Tim And Eric fans, rejoice! After getting our attention with a short teaser last month, Tim And Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie has released a full length trailer (is that an oxymoron?), and it’s every bit as strange and amazing as I’d hoped. It begins with Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim‘s trademark retro-cheesy-strange humor (inspired, in part, by old public access shows and low budget commercias) before morphing into something resembling a parody of an action blockbuster(!) Fights, explosions, and sex, oh my! It also reveals cameos from Zach Galifinakis, John C. Reilly, Jeff Goldblum, Will Ferrell, and Bill Hader, funny men all.

Will Tim And Eric’s bizarro late night stoner comedy translate well into a “billion dollar” feature length film? I honestly don’t know. But I do know that if it fails, it’s going to fail spectacularly, which is still reason enough to see it.

(Via Vulture)

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Book Excerpt: Life’s A Witch

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 08:35 AM PST

Life's A Witch -- WattpadWattpad is the most popular e-reading community in the world, connecting a community of millions of users to over 200,000 new stories published every month. We’ll be publishing excerpts from upcoming stories here on Crushable for you to read. If you like what you’re reading, you can find the full story on Wattpad.

Today’s excerpt is from “Life’s A Witch” by Brittany Geragotelis. Coming out on December 8, the novel tells the story of Hadley Bishop, a modern day girl whose life has become irreversibly linked to her family’s history and the legendary Salem Witch Trials.

I don't remember the drive home although I faintly recall someone—maybe it was Jinx or possibly even Jasmine—calling up the other cars which were a few minutes behind us and telling them that there was a change of plans and that we'd be driving back to my place instead. I wasn't sure if I'd ever actually offered for everyone to come back to my house, but given the circumstances, I might've said just about anything to get away from the wreckage that used to be the construction warehouse.

There was so much wreckage.

As soon as I'd recognized exactly what it was I was looking at, I'd gone numb with fear. The place was a charred mess. Everything was burned to the ground, and what wasn't completely incinerated, was covered in black soot, masking any proof of what had once been standing in its spot. What was once probably a large and impressive structure was now a depressed wasteland of torched and forgotten equipment. One look at the steaming acre of burnt wood and steel and I knew nothing had survived.

And no one.

Before I knew what I was doing, I began to stagger forward, stepping onto the weak remains, not realizing until I'd already walked a few feet, that the remnants were hot enough to melt the bottom of my shoes.

That's when I knew that I was officially out of it. I was aware that my brand new Jimmy Choo's were being destroyed and I didn't even have the energy or peace of mind to stop walking. I kept moving forward, not even slowing as I slipped on the loose pieces below my feet. About twenty steps in, I slowed when something caught my eye amongst the sea of black.

It was something shiny and small.

I veered over to the right to see what had been reflecting off the light of the moon, and slowed as I approached where I thought it might have been coming from. The ground wasn't as hot here and I crouched down, hoping to see a little better.

There it is again. Just a tiny hint of gold among the darkness.

I got down on my hands and knees, and began to pick up items and then tossed them onto what I assumed was the engine of a nearby tractor. Then again, it could have just as easily been a metal chest. It was sort of hard to tell in the dark.

I was clawing through the debris and starting to think that I might've been seeing things when my hand felt something cold and smooth hiding in the dust. Pulling my hand back from the mess, I knew from the feel of it that it was something on a chain. Either a necklace or a medal maybe. Pulling my scarf out of my hair, I spit on the object and begin to polish it. I briefly thought how disgusted my girlfriends would be to see me crawling around in the dirt and spit-shining trash, and then decided I didn't care.

All I cared about was trying to figure out what the hell had happened here. And whether my worst fears had actually come true or if this was all some kind of unfortunate misunderstanding.

When I was sure I'd gotten the object in my hands as clean as I could without taking it to my jeweler, I tossed my scarf aside and held it up in front of me—and gasped.

It was a gold necklace, about an inch in size, thin and delicate. The medallion read, "Be the change you wish to see in the world," and it hung from a fourteen-inch chain. In short, the piece was beautiful and obviously hand-made.

And completely familiar to me.

Because it was the same necklace that my mom had worn since as far back as I could remember. My dad and I had both bought her other jewelry—some expensive, some one-of-a-kind, one was even priceless—but she never took off the necklace featuring the quote from Ghandi. We teased her about it all the time and I even tried to steal it once while she was in the shower, but apparently she wore it there too.

Except she wasn't wearing it now, because it was here in my hand, covered in soot and still warm from the fire. As I thought of what that meant, my hands fell to my sides and my head drooped to my chest defeated.

And that was when I officially checked out.

Read the novel on wattpad.com or buy it on Amazon, December 8.

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Fables Comic Book Writer Bill Willingham Assures His Fans That Once Upon A Time Is Not A Ripoff

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 07:15 AM PST

When ABC announced it was developing a series called Once Upon a Time about fairytale characters living in the modern world — and then when it premiered and featured familiar faces like Snow White and Rumpelstiltskin — outraged fans accused the network of ripping off Bill Willingham‘s comic book series Fables. It’s not an irrational jump: The more accomplished Fables has been around for 10 years and has already tried to make the jump to TV twice.

Way back in August, TVLine asked executive producers Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz if there were any truth to the Fables connection. The two answered that while they had read a few issues, overall the two series play “in the same playground, we feel we're telling a different story.” However, Willingham’s fans wouldn’t be assuaged until the creator himself responded to the controversy. (And as it turns out, they’re still not satisfied.)

Over the weekend, Willingham conducted an interview with himself over at Comic Book Resources, where he played the parts of comic book creator telling his fans to calm down and reporter pushing for a scandal. His first answer is similar to the producers’ “playground” analogy; he says that Fables may have influenced Once, ”but perhaps not on more than a ‘this is the type of thing that’s in the air these days’ level.”

Over and over throughout the interview, Willingham defends Once, saying that any possibly incriminating similarities come from the fact that fairy tales are in the public domain, and writers take the same mental leaps without copying existing material. He also reminds readers that writers often internalize plenty of random details and influences from other books and TV shows without realizing they do it.

Most importantly, we now know that scruffy Sheriff Graham (Jamie Dornan) is not a ripoff of Bigby Wolf, the Big Bad Wolf who became Fables Sheriff. If that were the case, Willingham said, “I might have started to get a wee bit territorial. But he’s not.” How does he know? Why, he asked the creators. He even helped tease the show a little: “Sheriff Graham is exactly who I guessed he might be. But I won’t give that away.”

This was never an article intended for the Once creators; it’s for the fans. Willingham asks his loyal readers to back off:

As grateful as I am to discover so many loyal Fables readers, willing to man the barricades, to help protect a story they love; as much as it moves me to realize I’ve been part in creating something that clearly moves you, affecting your lives in ways only a good story, well-told can, I think it’s time to lay off.

…So let me pass along his wisdom by urging you to choose your causes carefully, and in this case, champion better causes than trying to prove that one unimportant (in the grand scheme of things) entertainment story might owe too much to another. There are worse crisis and better things for which to boldly take up arms.

Unfortunately, even that’s not enough, and the more cynical of his fans have been calling Willingham a “coward” on the CBR forums. Just lost a lot of respect for Bill Willingham for being such a pusillanimous coward, one fan writes. Sounds like Bill is trying to convince himself. What a lame, bizarre defense of a show that is a BLATANT rip off of his comic book series. I cannot believe that he’s cool with it. The very fact that this is the SAME CHANNEL that was circling his series for adaptation seem to completely not bother him. Did they pay him hush money?

As of now, Willingham has not responded to his detractors on the forums.

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Crush Links: Madonna To Perform At Super Bowl Half-Time Show

Posted: 05 Dec 2011 06:42 AM PST

Madonna beats out Lady Gaga. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Linday Lohan to join UK Celebrity Big Brother? (Have U Heard)

• Celebs with their own Barbie. (Celebuzz)

Teen Mom star judges Kourtney Kardashian’s pregnancy. (The Stir)

Demi Lovato has a nip slip? (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Brook Mueller partying before arrest. (Have U Heard)

Ryan Phillipe out with his kids. (Celebuzz)

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