Best Week Ever |
- Dudette: Watch Tara Reid Play Every Role In The Big Lebowski 2
- Let’s Give Rob Lowe A Slow Clap For His Hotness
- Baby Debate Heats Up As Adorable Election Nears
- 7 Dionne Warwick Songs Ruined Thanks To Dionne Warwick
- E.R. LOL: Man Glues Tiny Hat To Head
- Asian Wingz And Food D*cks: A Trip To Angelo From Top Chef’s New Restaurant
- Baby Cheetah Has Face Everyone But A Mother Could Love
- GUESS WHO: This Actor Was Pretty Hot As A Young Man
- The Olsen Twins In A Clip Titled “Adorably Racist”
- Rihanna’s SEXY ASS On The Cover Of Rolling Stone! Also, Torture
| Dudette: Watch Tara Reid Play Every Role In The Big Lebowski 2 Posted: 29 Mar 2011 08:23 AM PDT Not yesterday I said these exact words whilst watching The Big Lebowski: “Poor Tara Reid. She had such a bright future.” Well, I will eat those words now and wash them down with a nice Caucasian (that’s a White Russian, sicko) because lo and behold, Tara Reid has risen from the ashes and is starring in The Big Lebowski 2! In every role! Good work, Tara. Although I wish she had played her actual role of Bunny as well. Nevertheless, it’s like The United States of Tara!!! Can someone please a) have Tara Reid do a similar trailer but have it be for The United States of Tara and b) Let me know if I am the first person to make a United States of Tara joke. Thanks. |
| Let’s Give Rob Lowe A Slow Clap For His Hotness Posted: 29 Mar 2011 07:40 AM PDT Clap…clap…clap…clapclapclapclap Congratulations Rob Lowe!!! You deserve that slow clap because, like the finest of hot wines, you have aged with grace and hotness. On this, your cover of Vanity Fair, you just redefined the phrase “still got it,” or more likely, “got it more than you ever did before.”  "All champagne is French, it's named after the region. Otherwise it's sparkling white wine" He’s promoting his new book, Stories I Only Tell My Friends: An Autobiography, and if you care to listen to him read from it, you can do so here. Wait. I spoke too soon. This was Rob Lowe in the February, 1984 issue of Vanity Fair:
How do we forget the past so quickly? Never again. |
| Baby Debate Heats Up As Adorable Election Nears Posted: 29 Mar 2011 07:34 AM PDT So who do you guys like in the Baby Election? I’m still completely torn, and this Baby Debate only made things closer — the one on the left makes some good points when he’s all “Dahddadadadadadadaaa,” but the one on the right was with him the whole time with his responses, especially when he pointed out “Diddiddidadadiididddiida” and giggled. Things got a little heated at the end, but on the whole I thought both babies came off looking very respectful and professional, and I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with either one being elected my baby president: I will say, though, I’m not too happy that this Baby Debate pre-empted the new episode of Baby Bones. Did they have to show it on every channel? (via Videogum) |
| 7 Dionne Warwick Songs Ruined Thanks To Dionne Warwick Posted: 28 Mar 2011 05:03 PM PDT
Season 4 of Donald’s Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice is only a few episodes in, and it’s already one of the most cringe-worthy WTF parades on network television. Some of the cast members are really delivering on their personality promise: Nene Leakes is Queen of Face, Jose Canseco is a coked-up Natural History Museum exhibit, and Gary Busey eats babies for breakfast. But there have also been some surprises. Say what you will about Star Jones, but she’s one of the most competent players in the game right now. Same goes for Marlee Matlin, whose no bullsh*t approach to the tasks has been a refreshing change of idiot celebrity pace. (Don’t get me started on her ASL interpreter, who I feel very attached to.) And what about that Lil Jon???? Forgetting that time he was CGI’d into The Phantom Menace, he really impressed this week with his leadership and handling of The Busey. You may have noticed that I left one particular name out of this article so far. A woman so crass, so despicable, that I don’t even know how to dive into talking about her I’ll just say it: How c*nty is Dionne Warwick?? I mean, OK. It’s not like I knew anything about her personality beforehand. What I did know is that I adored singing along with her hits while alone or with strangers (more often with strangers). That alone has gotta mean she’s sort of a great person, right? WRONG. She is the worst person. From talking down to every single one of her cast mates, to acting above the challenges, to her delusions, to believing she was right all the time (she never was), to just generally wearing her sh*tty attitude on her head like so many sequined berets…. Dionne was just terrible. She did herself in this week by leaving a late night editing session early while the rest of her team stayed on. I didn’t really think this was the worst thing in the world: The woman is in her 70s, and frankly, they’d probably be better off with her gone. But any reason to fire Dionne was reason enough for me, double so when she called Nene Leakes a coward and then mixed her facts up. And now she is gone. And her music? Her music will forever be tainted. Here are 7 Dionne Warwick Songs Ruined Thanks To Dionne Warwick 7. “Walk On By” If I ever pass Dionne Warwick on the streets of Los Angeles, I will make sure to take her own advice. I might also take the advice of my other favorite song “Spit on the Road.” 6. “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” I do. I do know the way to San Jose. But guess what? I’m not gonna tell you. You do not deserve the directions to San Jose. And yes, if you are wondering, that was an Icelandic drag queen performing the song. Good day.
3. “I’ll Never Fall In Love Again” Too many easy jokes on this one. 2. “I Know I’ll Never Love This Way Again” Hol’ up, isn’t this the same song as #3? It isn’t? Oh, it’s a million times better? Still, I swore I’d never sing another song this way again. *proceeds to sing it beautifully* 1. “That’s What Friends Are For” We are no longer friends, and so that’s no longer what I’m for.  |
| E.R. LOL: Man Glues Tiny Hat To Head Posted: 28 Mar 2011 02:57 PM PDT Sure, it might seem HILARIOUS at the time to superglue a tiny hat diagonally on your head as part of a fabulous Halloween costume, but what about the next day? Huh?? Will it be so HILARIOUS when you have to GO TO THE ER TO HAVE THE TINY HAT YOU SUPERGLUED TO YOUR HEAD REMOVED? Think we’ll all be LAUGHING then??? When the doctors cut off the top of the tiny hat so you’re just wearing a tiny frilly donut thing and you have to go home and soak your head for hours to get the frilly donut off? How funny will THAT be, HUH??? That’s what I thought. Best part of the video? The doctor’s professional drawing of the tiny hat:
(via The Hairpin) |
| Asian Wingz And Food D*cks: A Trip To Angelo From Top Chef’s New Restaurant Posted: 28 Mar 2011 03:27 PM PDT Two weeks ago, Top Chef finalist and Crocadile Aficionado Angelo Sosa opened a new restaurant in midtown Manhattan called “Social Eatz” (SIC). Since Noah Garfinkel and I are both exquisite connoisseurs of fine cuisine, Top Chef, and putting the letter Z on the end of thingz, we decided to take a trip to the Asian-inspired snack-food jaunt to sample some real-life Top Chef cooking, just like our moms (the lesbians from Top Chef Season 4) used to make. Social Eatz — named for its laid-back-but-upscale ambiance and also Z — is located at 53rd st and 2nd Avenue, right in the heart of Manhattan’s “What The F*ck Is Over Here After 5 pm, Werewolves Or Something?” District. When we arrived at the restaurant, we couldn’t help but immediately notice that it’s conveniently located right next to a not-unpornographic DVD depot:
Immediately after entering, Noah used the bathroom to “wash his hands” (like the people in the viewing booths next door claim they’re doing – high fivez!), and he took note of the oddly suggestive Bathroom Door Food Genitalia:
While Noah was taking phone pictures of a hot dog and a taco drawn on a bathroom door (quick aside: our jobs are tough!) I amused myself with the menu, which did, to my immediate delight, have Z’s at the end of literally every section:
The menu was an interesting cross-section of American snack foods — burgers, hot dogs, wings, tacos, etc. — each “Asianified” to varying degrees, either with some Vietnamese-style vegetables or classic Korean sauces or just anything to make the dishes slightly unique and extremely Angelo. The place wasn’t too crowded (we were there on a Thursday at 2:30 pm, though we were sitting right behind Momofuku entrepreneur and Top Chef veteran David Chang – chefdrop!), and the service was friendly and efficient, besides one absolutely irredeemable oversight:
We ordered one thing from each of four sections: Hot Wings (App’z), a Korean Beef Taco (Taco’z), a Bulgogi Burger (Burger’z), and an Imperialist Hot Dog (Signature’z). Below, our rambly IM’ed reviews of each item: Noah: I actually feel like, after some days to think about it, that I don’t like it as much any more. Dan: The restaurant? Noah: Yeah. Like, if there was a wing night, with more than five wings, maybe i would go back. But I feel like if I want a hamburger or taco there’s places i would rather go. Dan: The concept is a little strange, it’s too formal to be casual and vice versa — the hamburger and taco were as good as other places’, but I’m not sure I’d rush to go back to east midtown, sit down, order a weirdburger and pay.
From the Menu: Bulgogi literally means “fire meat” in Korean, the beef charred, hence the name. sauteed with soy, sugar, scallion, garlic and sesame oil then garnished with cooled cucumber kimchee, kewpee and a Japanese mayo Dan: That said, that burger was really, really good. Noah: Yes, but I think Shake Shack is probably still better. Dan: Probably, but it’s the most famous burger place in New York – what’s wrong with having a different also great burger? Noah: There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just not what I would do. Dan: If you owned a restaurant? Noah: No, if I was going to eat – I would rather have the most famous burger in New York than the very good, but not quite as good Angelo burger. Dan: So when you get pizza, do you cab down to Grimaldi’s every time? Noah: No I do not go to that pizza place I have never been to before for pizza, I just go to some place near my house. But since neither Angelo’s restaurant or Shake Shack are near my house, I would go to Shake Shack if i were to purposefully wander out for food. Dan: There’s a new one right by our office. Noah: Let’s go there next time, and if you really really want we can bring a cucumber and bottle of sriracha sauce with us and you can have your little-bit-Asian burger.
Made with organic chicken, served on a toasty bun, smothered in sweet and spicy relish. Ah, sweet harmony Noah: The hot dog i thought was unique, with that cheese sauce, but once again, if i wanted a hot dog, I probably would not go to Angelo’s restaurant. Dan: I thought the first bite was very weird, in a part-intriguing part-confusing way, but then it settled into a nice rhythm. Noah: Yes. And the eazy cheese sauce – DON”T FORGET ABOUT IT. Dan: “(Don’t You) Forget About Cheese”. Remember, from the Literally Breakfast Club Soundtrack? I think we’ve sufficiently covered this item.
Vintage skirt steak marinated in a sweet or savory sauce of cane sugar and gochujang. served in warmed corn tortillas with spicy bean sprout kimchee Noah: The Endless Summertime Truck in Williamsburg I think has better tacos. Actually, I would prefer Taco Bell to that taco, although this is mostly because of a shredded carrot issue, but also because there was nothing awesome going on there. Dan: I think the taco was the least noteworthy of the group; it was tasty but not that different than just any readily available taco. Noah: I would argue that it was actually just not as good as many readily available tacos. Dan: We could call the review “Tac-OH NO!”? And include no explanation or pictures?
Crispy wings glazed in a sauce of tamarind, garlic, shallots, palm sugar and togarashi, a Japanese spice blend of red chili, roasted orange peel and black sesame Noah: But those chicken wings, my God…I think about them all the time. Wingz! So crizpy. Dan: ZZZZZZZZZ… I don’t mean they were boring, I mean that is how many Z’s I’m giving them by our Ratingz Zystem. OVERALL: Noah: It boils down to, all the food was good, but not so overwhelming that I would go back for any of those things. Except the chicken wings, but I wouldn’t even go back for that because I never just want 5 chicken wings as a meal. I’m glad I ate there and it was fun, but I can’t imagine a scenario when i will go back. In the end, I thought it was just zo zo. Dan: Mmm, I disagree. Noah: I mean, it was all good, but I’m never like “ugh, why isn’t this food that i love a little Asian, jeeeeeeez.” I fully encourage people to try it, I just feel like I will never be on the east side of midtown ever again, ever. Dan: No, me neither, and that’s my biggest issue with it — if I worked right near there, it’d be perfect for a special lunch thing now and then, but I don’t think I’m gonna take a group of people there for a birthday dinner or anything. Noah: “I really wanted to open a restaurant for the employees of one of the biggest financial institutions in the world to eat at.” – Angelo. Dan: Plus that area after 5 pm is full of werewolves. Noah: I wouldn’t know. Dan: Fact. It’s the majority of their business.
We capped off our meal with an absolutely awesome (though tiny) chocolate toffee brownie, and because Noah “The Food Was Zo-Zo” Garfinkel was so full, I had to heroically pound the milk shot that came with it:
Before we left, we worked up the courage (nerve?) to ask the server if we could get a picture with Angelo — who we’d already seeing walking by with a canister of liquid nitrogen earlier in the meal — and Angelo happily obliged:
We chatted with Angelo for like 30 seconds — I did note his black and metallic-gold shoes, to which he responded “They’re my sister’s – nah, kidding.” Our obligatory smalltalk consisted of us complimenting the meal, asking about the wings’ crispiness, saying we were fans of the show, and after that we were pretty much on our way. Angelo was completely friendly and accommodating, juuust short of the point where I felt comfortable enough to ask him about the Z’s. Like any great things in life, though, they will forever remain a mister-z* (*not true about majority of great things in life). As for the restaurant, in the end, Noah and I slightly disagreed; I thought the food at Social Eatz was excellent, interesting, and reasonably priced to boot, I just thought the dynamic of an upscale super-casual place was a little odd, and I’m not sure how far out of my way I’d go for what amounts to a spin on very casual, very easily-acquirable-in-New-York American food. We both agreed that the wings and brownie were the most outstanding dishes — the crispiness of the wings seemed almost magical — followed by the burger, while the hot dog was a solid A-/B+ and the tacos were nothing special. So our recommendation? Somewhat inconclusive. But we certainly agreed on at least one thing: That is definitely a food d*ck on the bathroom door. |
| Baby Cheetah Has Face Everyone But A Mother Could Love Posted: 28 Mar 2011 02:20 PM PDT
This furry specimen of delight is the latest adorable zoo animal to be abandoned by his mother. This kitty is 4 weeks old and was born at the Jacksonville Zoo, until his mother refused to continue feeding him (that bitch) and he was transferred over to Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida. He doesn’t even have a name!! Ayayay how can this thing not have a name? If he were mine, I would dub him Ronald, because that seems like an appropriate name for a cat who will eventually kill you by eating your face off. Onto more important things, here is video footage of little Ronald* at lunchtime. If you know anyone at Industrial Light & Magic, please forward them this video and ask them to green screen my breast in somewhere around the :50 second mark. Thanks. (Via Miami New-Times) |
| GUESS WHO: This Actor Was Pretty Hot As A Young Man Posted: 28 Mar 2011 01:35 PM PDT
Wow, this actor and personality cut a handsome figure in high school, no? Getting some maje Efron vibes with the above photo. So just who could this bowl-cutted heartthrob possibly have grown up to become? Answer ahead… That’s right…
We’ve always thought the woman was a goddess, fat or thin or sane or crazy, but the fact that we looked not unlike each other growing up just put her over the edge. She is the best. And if you don’t believe us, do what I did and watch Look Who’s Talking a couple hundred thousand times and then get back to me. As Noah Garfinkel put it “These pictures are making me Kirstie!” Always up for a good Seinfeld callback, that kid. Here’s another pic of Kirstie back in 1969, the year she graduated Southeast High School in Wichita, Kansas.
[Splash] |
| The Olsen Twins In A Clip Titled “Adorably Racist” Posted: 28 Mar 2011 11:57 AM PDT This is a clip taken from one of those 9o’s movies staring Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. The title of the clip, “Adorably Racist,” has it’s pros and cons. On one hand, it is a very good title in that it gives you the perfect level of warning for what is going to happen. On the other hand, it preempts any good joke you want to make. The title and video together are a closed joke system that allows for no additional jokes. Look. See? Person 1: Hahaha, that seemed especially silly and racist out of context. Person 2: Hahaha, yeah, but the title just f*cking told us that. Go to hell. Thanks, Reddit. |
| Rihanna’s SEXY ASS On The Cover Of Rolling Stone! Also, Torture Posted: 28 Mar 2011 09:47 AM PDT Rolling Stone covers have always been a highly underrated source of unintentional comedy; almost to an issue, the cover will display one super serious-sounding journalistic endeavor buried in a tiny box beneath a huge sexy or ridiculous or sexdiculous pop star photo, leaving anyone who examines the cover for more than five seconds to wonder, “Did a boardroom of people really not see anything weird about sticking a teeny special report about U.S. soldiers murdering civilians next to a giant photo of Rihanna’s ass with crack-hugging jean shorts?
Does the Pentagon not want me to see those war crime photos because they involve ass-tight jean shorts? I’m confused. |
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