Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

VCU Wins March Madness Of Awesomely Terrible March Madness Songs

Posted: 30 Mar 2011 07:53 AM PDT

Regular blog readers (hey Mom! Yes, I shaved) already know that my love of painful sports parody songs is on par with my awful-dmiration for NY Post headlines, so I was naturally ecstatic to learn that someone released a Final Four fight song for the upstart VCU men’s basketball team to the tune of “Hooked On A Feeling,” complete with local-commercial “every word on the screen over photos” and all.

The fact that the video calls back to the old Ally McBeal dancing baby song (albeit in a somewhat sane reference to VCU head coach Shaka Smart) was icing on the cake of delicious internet terrible goodness:

English majors, remember learning about the “unreliable narrator” construct? Who exactly is speaking to us in this song?

(via Deadspin)

MARCH SADNESS: The Forlorn Four

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 01:35 PM PDT

We’re down to the Final Four in March Sadness! As we tearfully wave goodbye to Bambi, Brokeback Mountain, Sophie’s Choice, and Up, we also tearfully congratulate our finalists Old Yeller, My Girl, Hotel Rwanda, and Schindler’s List.

Because of the bracket setup, we’re left with two very amusingly different matchups:

So which two movies will be advancing to the March Sadness Final??

Vote for the FINAL FOUR After the Jump:


Feel free to argue sadly in the coments — March Sadness Finals to come on Thursday!

What Do You See: Hitler Or A House?

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 12:38 PM PDT

Don’t worry, this isn’t a trick question. If you see Hitler instead of a house, that’s totally fine. It’s not your fault, Matt Damon.* However, if you only see a house with no resemblance to Hitler, you might be lying to yourself. That unmistakable slanting roof haircut, the lintel mustache. It’s all there. OR IS IT?? I think it’s a house. BUT. You never know when a house could be the reincarnation of the Most Evil Person Ever. (Top Five at least). You don’t want to chance it. So. Metro UK picked up on this Twitpic that someone in Swansea posted, which said, “I’ve found Hitler reincarnated.” What do you think?

* Good Will Hunting reference. Apologies to Matt Damon for mentioning him with Hitler.

GIF WALL: The Best Faces Of Nene Leakes

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 11:40 AM PDT

98 percent of what is making this season of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice so unbelievably watchable is the presence of the face of Nene Leakes. Sure, Nene may not possess the cutthroat intelligence of Star Jones or the class and dignity of Marlee Matlin. (My hatred for Dionne Warwick will thankfully no longer interfere with my enjoyment of the show.)

But what Nene does have that no one else can possibly compete with are the best facial expressions of anyone on the cast. Anytime it’s a Nene aside, you know it’s going to be riddled with ~the dramzz~. And no scene exemplified this better than her fight with Star over speaking “too sexy.” It was a parade of genius facial expressions. And now, we bring them to you here, in GIF Wall form. We’re guessing that Nene will go far this season due solely to how entertaining she is, much like Ms. Joan Rivers. Star or Marlee will obviously take the whole thing.)

Brilliant GIF Wall Ahead.

The Daily Dare: Try Not Crying At This Man & Goose Love Story

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 11:12 AM PDT

Sometimes I’ll find myself on a walk. And on that walk, I’ll encounter a goose.* And I’ll think, “God? If you could grant me one wish, it would be that this here goose falls in love with me and follows me wherever I go.” Years have passed since that fateful day and here I sit, blogging, gooseless.

The only explanation I can give for God not granting me this one wish is that he accidentally gave it to someone else. A retired businessman named Dominick in Los Angeles, who a year ago met the fowl love of his life around a local lake. Maria, his goose, followed him wherever he went, honking at dogs and people that got too close.

And then. Then the story got interesting. CBS has a follow-up to this Goose-Man-BFF-And-More? story from last year that will tear the heart of your chest, stomp on it, then stitch it together and shyly place it back in your hollow chest. It is a story of separation, big government, and gender confusion.

Ahh!! Those sad little honks behind the bars. The second Dare of the Day is aimed at Pixar: We dare you not to animate this and make many billions of dollars. Anyone up for a visit to the Los Angeles Zoo to meet Mario, call me.

*This has happened to me once, maybe.

(video via B-Side Blog)

WHY AREN’T YOU ME, QUEEN WITH PANDA CUBS?

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 10:47 AM PDT

I don’t know anything about Queen Sofia of Spain, but here she is playing with two panda cubs at the Madrid Zoo while I’m not doing that, so she can suck it:

“It’s good to be the Queen!” – Mel Brooks, Untitled Mel Brooks Panda Project

Four more pics of angeringly adorable panda cubs after the jump:

Summer Heights High Is Kind Of Back With Angry Boys

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 10:08 AM PDT

Let me tell you one of many reasons why the English and Australians may be more intelligent than us from the States: When they have a brilliant comedic television show idea, they don’t hammer it into the ground. Their seasons are six episodes long, sometimes eight, and by the end, you are begging for more. “Just one more!” you’re screaming into the empty cube of your humorless living room. Then, you express even more angry feelings to the throw on your couch.

Such a scenario happened to me — yes, me — with the conclusion of the Australian masterpiece Summer Heights High. Those of you who haven’t seen it, I’ll explain, but angrily, because there is no excuse: Comedian Chris Lilley played three different characters at the same high school. A gay teacher who loves to dance named Mr. G, a stuck-up private school girl named Ja’mie King, and a Tongan thug named Jonah Takalua. It was the stuff of genius. And after 8 episodes, it pulled a Keyser Söze and you know the rest.

It’s been many years since Summer Heights High, so many that I thought the day I’d see another Chris Lilley production would be somewhere in Heaven. But today is that day. Here is the all-too-short teaser for his new show Angry Boys. We meet two of the characters, who seems aight, but seeing as Ja’Mie and Mr. G were the two best things to ever happen to me, it’s going to be hard to live up to that hype.

It’s funny, but it seems almost impossible for it to live up to the Summer Heights High hype. Also that was only 40 seconds long, so I should probably shut the f*ck up.

Jackie Chan Is Still Alive! Let’s Celebrate Tim & Eric Style

Posted: 29 Mar 2011 09:44 AM PDT

I woke up to Twitter this morning and did a double-twake (sorry) at this Trending Topic:

JACKIE CHAN DIED??? Surely this is some internet hoax, right? Don’t have a free one millisecond to Google this, I better Tweet about it. OK fine, I’ll Google it. [One millisecond] Yep, it’s an internet hoax.

Jackie Chan is still alive, you guys! Let’s celebrate Jackie Chan’s ongoing aliveness with my all-time favorite Tim & Eric bit, the It’s Not Jackie Chan Board Game Commercial:
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