Best Week Ever |
- Spider-Man Musical Officially More Dangerous Than Four Loko
- The Most Optimistic Sign In NFL History
- Fabio Is Hottest Survivor Winner In History: Yes or Yes?
- The 20 Best Worst Movie Taglines Of 2010
- Let’s All Check Out The Moon Tonight, See Some Lunar Ass Sh*t
- Baby Orangutan Wins Our “WTF IS THIS, IT’S TOO CUTE, AM I ALIVE?” Award
- Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin Present Not-Awkward-At-All Price Is Right Showcase
- Kobe Bryant’s Head Is Roughly 2.5 Toddler Heads High
- Belfast Hockey Team Records Mariah Lip-Dub For Christmas
Spider-Man Musical Officially More Dangerous Than Four Loko Posted: 21 Dec 2010 08:10 AM PST In another absolutely unforeseeable setback for the Spider-Man Musical, stuntman Christopher Tierney plunged off a platform near the end of Monday’s preview performance and was taken to the hospital as the audience was instructed to leave. He sustained an injury but at last update, “All signs were good,” except for the sign of the show ever happening without killing someone. TMZ has video of the incident occurring, because they’re The Watcher: This cell phone footage begs the obvious question: Was someone just filming this entire show from the crowd expecting to capture someone plummeting to their death? It’s a little scary how completely reasonable that seems. |
The Most Optimistic Sign In NFL History Posted: 21 Dec 2010 08:23 AM PST During last night’s Vikings/Bears Monday Night matchup, Brett Favre left the game with another injury, forcing the Vikings to put in rookie quarterback Joe Webb, a 199th-overall draft pick originally drafted as a wide receiver playing his second-ever NFL game at QB. Fortunately, this Minnesota fan was ready with the wishful-thinkingest sign in NFL-fan history: Joe Namath and Joe Montana are both Hall-Of-Fame quarterbacks named “Joe” — this HAS to be a sign for Joe Webb, right? And he’s got that little web in the corner, so he even has a leg-up on the first two! Joe Montana just had a state. Why stop with those two? How about “Joe Pesci, Joe Biden…JOE WEBB.” Future vice president of Gone Fishin’. |
Fabio Is Hottest Survivor Winner In History: Yes or Yes? Posted: 20 Dec 2010 04:39 PM PST For the first time in 1,000 years, I actually tuned in to CBS’ Survivor: Nicaragua. The reasons are completely beyond my control, though I think doctors refer to this disease as “having to much time on one’s hands.” The twist this season were that the teams were divided in an “Olds” and a “Youngs.” Though, by the time the final 3 rolled up, the “Olds” had already gotten in their “Oldsmobile” chauffeured by Gary Oldman back to Old Mountain while listening to “Old Me Now” by the Thompson Twins. The final three came down to Chase, whom you might remember as one of the Southerners chasing down Forrest Gump as a boy; Sash, whose pectoral muscles pulled a Spongebob floppy-arm days into their journey; and Fabio, real name Jud, a sort of ditzy-acting but entirely sweet, sugar-sweet, human being who loves his mother in ways that are simply astounding. I loved Fabio, I was rooting for Fabio, and low and behold, he won the whole damn thing. But what I wasn’t prepared for was how well 21-year-old (killme) Jud “Fabio” Birza cleaned up. He looked FOINE at the finale. Like, real fine, Bieber hair and all. Then the Googling started. And continued. For like 20 minutes. (A really long time when you think about it.) Obvs Birza is a male model, because his face has been chiseled from that marble known as Aryan DNA, and he is stunning. I would like to use the following photos to prove my theory that Fabio is the hottest Survivor winner ever.
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The 20 Best Worst Movie Taglines Of 2010 Posted: 20 Dec 2010 01:47 PM PST 20. The Tooth Fairy
(What Would You Do With A Letter That Changed Everything?)
(Two Agents. One City. No Merci.)
This was the primary When In Rome poster, but the one above is way better. Meaning worse. Meaning better? I can’t tell anymore, I’ve been numb since like #16. |
Let’s All Check Out The Moon Tonight, See Some Lunar Ass Sh*t Posted: 20 Dec 2010 02:14 PM PST If you’re not already aware, there were be a lunar eclipse tonight. A lunar eclipse is, of course, when the light from the sun cannot reach the moon as it is obscured by a terrible sequel to a novel for teens about emo vampires LOLOLOLOLOL! But, for real, it’s when the Earth comes between the moon and the sun, allowing only the light from the red end of the spectrum to refract through the earth’s atmosphere and hit the moon. The red light is all:
So, starting at 11:41 p.m. tonight until about 3:10 a.m. EST time the moon is going to be all: And we’re going to be all: So, let’s get out there and get space amazed. |
Baby Orangutan Wins Our “WTF IS THIS, IT’S TOO CUTE, AM I ALIVE?” Award Posted: 20 Dec 2010 01:39 PM PST *Ding Dong* Oh, the door. I wonder who it could be? Oh, cool, it’s just my reproductive organs in a pair of stilletos wondering why I still have not given birth to 500 babies that I could smother while looking at these photos of a baby orangutan on a cruise. Sorry, my eyes just sent my brain a rambling fax about WTF they’re looking at right now. This is Sylvester, a baby rang who was abandoned by his heartless ape of a mother at a Spanish Zoo, and is now traveling to a monkey sanctuary on the coast of the English Channel. Oh, did we mention? VIA A FIRST CLASS CRUISE TICKET. Here’s little Sylvester re-enacting the poker game that won Leonardo DiCaprio tickets to the Titanic, i.e., death. Mom and Dad (i.e. my boss), can we pleaaaaase bring him on the Best Cruise Ever? It’s the perfect “The Script” icebreaker… Do yourself a favor and please look at the rest of these pics, thanks. Here he is accidentally being packed into a giant crate: For me, these photos are proof of a God. Is that weird? And here are the two luckiest people on Earth. Enjoy your lives, folks! King of the cabin: Abandoned baby orangutan’s first class cruise to new home in Britain – via The Daily Mail (who else?) |
Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin Present Not-Awkward-At-All Price Is Right Showcase Posted: 20 Dec 2010 01:15 PM PST Here’s a video of Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin presenting an NHL Winter Classic-themed Showcase on The Price Is Right this morning. Related Topic: You know who’s never awkward when they say scripted lines? Athletes. They really are always so good at it, and the result is never painful to watch. Guest-host Jeremy Roenick then adds, “For courteously waiting til the camera was off you to resume wincing, we threw in a car!” You mean there’s more than just jerseys and a set of tires??? GRAVY. |
Kobe Bryant’s Head Is Roughly 2.5 Toddler Heads High Posted: 20 Dec 2010 12:08 PM PST Some photos are so beautiful, so poetic, they do not merit an explanation. Such as the above, of a little boy fulfilling his dream to meet Kobe Bryant at the airport in Canada. The kid’s enthusiasm looks photoshopped, no? (via Splash News) |
Belfast Hockey Team Records Mariah Lip-Dub For Christmas Posted: 20 Dec 2010 10:25 AM PST Here’s a video of the Belfast Giants, a UK hockey team, doing an elaborate, choreographed lip-dub to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” It is a convenient answer to the questions “Do they play hockey in the UK?” and “Do those hockey teams record Mariah lip-dubs for the holidays?” Uhhh…DOY. I admit, several friends of mine sent me this video last week and I didn’t really watch it, because I’m tired of lip-dubs and I hate the internet and everything in it, but being the heroin-without-the-upside that it is, the internet finally won out, and dammit, I had to post. I’ll be dead soon, but at least I’ll leave a bunch of embeds in my wake, which are basically children. Cat’s In The Cradle (a viral video of kittens huddling in a cradle)… |
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