Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Crushable

Crushable


Michaele Salahi’s Adulterous Relationship With Journey Guy Is ‘Like A Fairytale’

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 11:58 AM PDT

Just one week after leaving her ridiculous husband for someone even more ridiculousMichaele Salahi has granted an interview to The Daily Beast. Also on the line is her new rock and roll boyfriend, Neal Schon of Journey. Naturally, it contains much to mock, but it also elicits a surprising amount of sympathy from the reader.

For instance! Did you know that Michaele suffers from multiple sclerosis, and that Tareq tried to use that to manipulate her into thinking she would literally die without him? And that he rigged every room of their house with surveillance cameras? Whoa.

Also notable is the fact that Michaele actually dated Neal Schon first, but ultimately decided to marry Tareq because she thought life with him would be more stable, especially considering her medical condition. Basically, she is Lily Van Der Woodsen Bass Humphrey from Gossip Girl, except her Bart Bass didn’t die, so she had to take matters into her own hands.

But don’t worry, they said some mockable stuff, too. On why she didn’t leave her husband the night of the Journey concert at which that kissy face video was taken, Michaele had this to say:

The night of the concert, Sept. 4, Neal urged Michaele to get on the tour bus with him. "I was pretty close to doing it," Michaele said. "But then I thought, No, that's not who I am. That would be public humiliation for Tareq." She explained to Neal that she had obligations and things to wrap up over the next few weeks but she told him that night: "We will be together. I promise." She went home with her husband that night.

I’m sure Tareq isn’t humiliated at all over the revelation that while he thought he was having a fun time at a bitchin’ rock concert, his wife was off in some dressing room making plans to cuckhold him.

Neal Schon, on competing for a lady’s affections:

“Hey, you wrote in your book she had to choose between us—and that Tareq won. Guess you'll have to rewrite that book now—because I won!”

Yup, love’s a big old contest, and if you try hard enough, you might just win the giant stuffed animal of your dreams. Don’t stop believin!

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Check Out Steve Martin’s Letter To Eddie Murphy With Advice For Hosting The Oscars

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 11:51 AM PDT

We’ve got to applaud Steve Martin for being a comedian who can keep up with the times. He typed out this letter for Eddie Murphy (who’ll be hosting the Academy Awards on February 27, 2012) probably knowing that it would end up on BuzzFeed; he references Internet favorite Neil Patrick Harris; and he even gets in a dig at us bloggers!

Well played, Steve. Are you sure you can’t put on your co-host pants and join Eddie up on-stage? You two were pretty great in Bowfinger

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My Five Favorite R.E.M. Songs

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 11:56 AM PDT

Today’s a pretty sad day for music: seminal band R.E.M. has announced their breakup. Michael Stipe and his crew have been around since 1981, and in that time they’ve released 15 studio albums. People often say that R.E.M. fans are very intense, devoted, and specific in their love for the band, and I’ve always found that to be true. Because I edit this little old blog which means I can, here are my five favorite R.E.M. songs.

1. The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight

2. Nightswimming

3. Country Feedback

4. What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?

5. Me In Honey

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Zooey Deschanel’s Full Theme Song For ‘New Girl’ Not Great, Still Better Than ‘New Girl’

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 10:45 AM PDT

Even those who hate Zooey Deschanel‘s cloyingly “adorkable” onscreen persona must admit she’s a decent songwriter. She and Him, her band with M Ward, has put out consistently solid retro tinged pop records, proving her the exception to the rule that actors shouldn’t dabble in musical vanity projects. Which was why I was sort of interested to hear the full version of the theme song she wrote for New Girl, currently streaming over at Vulture. Could it be that something redeemable had come out of that painfully un-funny excuse for a sitcom?

Not really. It’s perky and annoying. (In fairness, I should mention that Zooey’s more nuanced work is not.) The way she phrases the word “lolli-pup” makes my skin crawl. But it does do a fairly good job at capturing the show’s mindless tweeness, so I guess you can’t blame Zooey if that’s what she had to work with. She gets herself into dicier territory, however, when discussing her inspiration for the track.

“There were theme songs I had in mind as inspiration, like, I love the theme from Welcome Back, Kotter,” she recently told The Hollywood Reporter. “John Sebastian wrote that, from The Lovin’ Spoonful. I really love that sound, so I wanted something upbeat that really felt like a theme song.”

Here are the first two lines of the theme song to Welcome Back Kotter:

Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about.

Here are the first two lines of the theme song to New Girl:

Hey girl, whatcha doin? Hey girl, where ya goin’?

Can you spot the differences? The theme to Welcome Back Kotter sets up the serious premise underlying the show’s comedy, while New Girl‘s theme song sets up that the show has no premise. And no, sunshine and lollipops don’t count.

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Ali Lohan Looked Terrifyingly Thin At Mom Dina Lohan’s Birthday Party

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 10:36 AM PDT

This photo of what appears to be the perverse act of Lindsay Lohan making out with her own mother was taken at mom Dina Lohan‘s 49th birthday party. The rest of the Lohan clan was there, too — Michael Jr., Cody, and Aliana, who made her first public appearance since rumors of a potential modeling-related plastic surgery procedure and/or eating disorder began circulating. In photos taken that  night, 17-year-old Ali looks frighteningly thin as she swims in her clothing against a backdrop of various celebrities.

I remember my mother’s own 49th birthday. It was a nice, fun evening: my dad cooked dinner and following that we all had cake. I made Mom a card and bought her what was probably a pair of earrings or a sweater — certainly not a Chanel gift bag, ostensibly gotten for free at a Fashion Week event, like Lindsay gifted Dina. There wasn’t a person in the room at my mother’s birthday dinner who could claim any amount of plastic surgery and no one felt guilty eating the cake. I would venture to say that a celebration like mine was a pretty typical way to ring in a family birthday. But add a paparazzi photographer to the mix and being a teenager at a family gathering takes on new gravity. Here’s a comment Lindsay posted to Twitter about the attention Ali has been getting:

“I love how haters pick on my sister yet every runway model is just as thin! My sister is gorgeous and I’m so proud of her and her career!!!!”

The notion of whether or not Ali “gorgeous” isn’t the focus of the controversy surrounding her. Nor is society necessarily questioning the beauty of too-thin runway models — being beautiful and being unhealthy are not mutually exclusive. People are alarmed because they’re looking at a girl who appears drastically different from the way she looked just months ago, and that’s anything but typical, even for a teenager hitting a growth spurt. Seeing something so disturbing shifts focus  to the family — and when this teen’s mother is out getting shitfaced and falling all over her other daughter (her recovering addict daughter), it becomes even more difficult to accept that Ali’s situation is a healthy one.

Why are people looking at photos like the one above and reacting so strongly? Well, for one, because we’re bored at our desks and we love gawking at celebrities. But I’d like to believe there’s also an element of genuine concern at play here — for Ali and for a society that encourages a teenage girl to follow in the self-destructive footsteps of her older sister.

(Photos via Rumorfix)

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Lindsay Lohan Probably Just Avoided A Nude Photo Scandal

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 10:27 AM PDT

Dear guy who found Lindsay Lohan‘s lost phone and returned it to her without stealing any of her photos: What were you thinking?

You found a dead phone at the V Magazine party*, you went home to charge it and discovered that the home screen read “Lindsay Lohan’s Phone,” noted that there were plenty of personal pics on it… and then got in touch with her team to return it. No ransom, no blackmail, no posting naked photos (which we’re sure exist because if LiLo will put topless pics on Twitter, then imagine what juicy stuff is on her personal possession).

Buddy, we need to talk about how you handle celebrities’ things. Because this respect and decency is just not gonna fly. Didn’t you hear about what Lindsay did to that photographer and that waitress at Fashion Week? Don’t you want to see this sad, deep-fried bitch get her comeuppance?

Know that whatever goodwill you feel from doing right by a spoiled brat actress/addict will never match the disappointment we at Crushable feel. You should be ashamed of yourself.

*which was actually the party where the poor waitress got a glass thrown at her

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The Daily WTF: These Star Wars Crayons Are Amazing!

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 09:33 AM PDT

This is some kind of crazy meta art: someone has carved the faces of four Star Wars characters onto the tops of a quartet of Crayola Crayons. We’ve got C3PO, Chewbacca, Darth Vader and a Stormtrooper — perhaps the tiniest versions of the iconic characters ever created.

This is pretty impressive and all, but where’s Han Solo? Harrison Ford deserves his own Crayon, so somebody get on that, please.

(via BuzzFeed)

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The 5 Most Disturbing Quotes from Taylor Armstrong’s Entertainment Tonight Interview About Russell Armstrong’s Abuse

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 09:26 AM PDT

Last night, Taylor Armstrong made her first TV appearance since her husband Russell Armstrong committed suicide in mid-August: An interview with Entertainment Tonight‘s Nancy O’Dell where she details Russell’s abuse and how she coped with his death. ET wisely split up the interview into two segments, separating Russell’s hanging from the injuries he inflicted on his wife. Here are the quotes from part 1 that made us shudder.

1. “The first time he ever really harmed me physically, I was pregnant with Kennedy and he grabbed me by the throat and held me up against the wall… He grabbed me by the neck and shoved me up against the wall and he said, ‘If you ever make my children a pizza without a vegetable again, I'll kill you.’”

2. “These were not beatings that would go on for hours; there are certainly women out there who experience that… Russell was very careful in how he would do things because he didn’t want to leave a lot of physical signs. If we were leaving a place and he was angry, he would grab me by the hair on one side of my head and bang my head on the side of the car. Then sometimes when he was driving, he’d just reach over and slam my head against the inside window.”

3. “He had mentioned he was afraid he might kill me. I think he meant it almost in an accidental way, that he would get so angry at some time that he would hit me and I would hit something, or he would grab me by the neck and something would go wrong.”

4. Describing the last time Russell hit her, damaging her corneal flap because she’d just had Lasik eye surgery: “I could feel my eyeball shift, and it wasn’t in the right place anymore.”

5. “I told [the doctor] that Kennedy had kicked me. Because Russell told me to say that, and because he came to the appointment with me and sat in the chair the whole time… I didn’t want him to go to jail, so I guess that was all right with me.”

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Maggie Gyllenhaal Lends Sex Toys To Her Friends

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 09:11 AM PDT

As you may know, the adorable and talented Maggie Gyllenhaal is currently starring in a period piece about the invention of the vibrator. It’s called Hysteria, because that’s what vibrators were initially supposed to cure, although all they ended up doing was to make more and more women come down with cases that required serious and prolonged treatment.  Naturally, while filming the movie in London, Maggie received a whole bunch of vibrators in the mail from various sex stores eager to get a lucrative endorsement from her celebrity vagina. So many. Too many!

When faced with this abundance in vibrating wealth, what did our Mags do? Did she give them away? Donate them to charity? Construct a modernist sculpture? Nope, she lent them to people.

Via ContactMusic:

By the time I finished the movie I’d been sent maybe 15 vibrators by different people in London with vibrator stores. It was a pleasant surprise. So I have this incredible collection, and I actually use like one or two of them. I lend them to my friends, and they’ll take them for six months at a time.

Am I just being a big, uptight prude here, or is that kind of weird? Is sharing sex toys a thing people do? Personally, I don’t care how well you washed it, the mere thought of, um, using something that a friend has used before me seems…icky. I do not want to think about my friends masturbating, because my friends are like my sisters, and you do not want to think about your sister masturbating. I mean, I’m completely certain that they do, and sometimes we’ll even mention it in passing, but to pass around the masturbatory object like The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Dildo just seems…unseemly.

Then again, maybe a touch of European-style laissez-faire attitude about vibrator sharing is just what Maggie G needs to remind us all that despite those rosy cheeks and bouncy curls, she is, in fact, a liberated and grown up lady. Still, though: she might want to consider just giving the vibes to her buddies. It’s nicer for the folks using them to not have to give them back, and it’s not like she can’t have her people place a call and get her some more if she feels like she’s running low.

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Ladies Be Filmin’: Unforgettable

Posted: 21 Sep 2011 09:05 AM PDT

The fall TV season is underway and, despite the ever-lower numbers of women in the writers' rooms, it's being hailed as the year of the women: 17 out of the 25 new scripted shows on the Big Five networks are female-centered and many were created by women. In this series, comedian Leila Cohan-Miccio watches the new female-centered shows and evaluates how realistic their portrayals of women actually are. Up now: Unforgettable.

Unforgettable feels a lot like a Mad Libs of procedural crime shows: a detective with [SPECIAL ABILITY] solves crime while fighting attraction to [OPPOSITE SEX DETECTIVE PARTNER], but is haunted by [PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH CRIME IN THE PAST]. In the case of Unforgettable, Carrie (Poppy Montgomery) is a detective with a medical condition that means she can never forget anything. She solves crimes while fighting her attraction to fellow detective Al (Dylan Walsh), but she's haunted by her sister's unsolved murder.

The premise of a woman who can never forget (a real condition, one that, awesomely, Marilu Henner has) is super fun, but Unforgettable is hampered by, in order of problematic-ness, being 100% predictable (I have regularly been lead astray by plot twists in Scooby-Doo episodes and even I could see where every moment of this plot was going), leaden exposition ("The thought I could solve her murder is what kept me on the force"), and Poppy Montgomery's constantly disappearing and reappearing Australian accent.

On the plus side for ladies, Carrie is more than competent. Her total recall makes her naturally good at crime-solving, but she's also a hard worker and handy in a fight. I approve of Carrie as a representation of women, but I disapprove of her as a compelling character and ultimately, that's why I suspect Unforgettable will soon be, in fact, forgotten.

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