The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

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• The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 5.15.12
• Mena Suvari’s Ex-Husband Wants Spousal Support
• Bristol Palin Received Death Threats After Obama, Gay Marriage Post. Goddammit…
• JLo Wore This Next To Cameron Diaz’s Face
• Kim Kardashian Will Do ‘Whatever She Can’ To Get Near Beyoncé
• Kristen Stewart Seems Lovely
• Bertney’s Gon’ Be On TV, Y’All! And She Done Brought Her Britches
• Good Morning, Brooklyn Decker, And Other News

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 5.15.12 Posted: 15 May 2012 01:00 PM PDT Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed that actually serves a valuable purpose for once besides boob-ogling. (It still has that.) And that purpose is Chris Brown‘s object lesson in the practical decision-making capabilities, or more accurately lack thereof, withing the female brain. We’ve also got Thomas Lennon closing the chapter on photobombs, and Joe Read More ...

Mena Suvari’s Ex-Husband Wants Spousal Support Posted: 15 May 2012 11:47 AM PDT For two whole years Mena Suvari‘s unemployed ex-husband Simone Sestito got to have sex with her impossibly large chipmunk butt that by all rights should cause her to topple over every time she walks, so why wouldn’t he think that should earn him $17,000/month in spousal support? He practically did her a favor. TMZ reports: Read More ...

Bristol Palin Received Death Threats After Obama, Gay Marriage Post. Goddammit… Posted: 15 May 2012 11:14 AM PDT Probably the worst thing that could’ve happened after Bristol Palin(‘s ghost writer) wrote a hilariously hypocritical blog post criticizing Barack Obama‘s support for gay marriage is an excuse for her to play the martyr, and of course, this being the Internet, she was handed that on a silver platter. Granted, comments can be faked, I’m Read More ...

JLo Wore This Next To Cameron Diaz’s Face Posted: 15 May 2012 09:53 AM PDT Mmmm… JLO belly. While Cameron Diaz continued her metamorphosis into Madame at the Hollywood premiere of What To Expect When You’re Expecting last night (How many premieres/upfronts were there last night? 85 million.), Jennifer Lopez decided it’d be a great time to wear an open-front dress that she’d be guaranteed to look awesome in by Read More ...

Kim Kardashian Will Do ‘Whatever She Can’ To Get Near Beyoncé Posted: 15 May 2012 08:52 AM PDT And apparently “whatever she can” means hooking. That’s dedication. Despite reports that Beyoncé wants Kanye West to keep Kim Kardashian the hell away from her, he’s inviting her to London anyway for his five-night Watch The Throne performance with Jay-Z. And just like Kris Jenner taught her, Kim’s immediately trying to calculate how many penises Read More ...

Kristen Stewart Seems Lovely Posted: 15 May 2012 08:00 AM PDT Here’s Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron and Chris Hemsworth at the world premiere of Snow White and The Huntsman Keep in mind this is a movie where Kristen is supposed to be more beautiful than Charlize, so it’s good to see they really sold that by making Charlize look like a gorgeous model while Kristen flipped Read More ...

Bertney’s Gon’ Be On TV, Y’All! And She Done Brought Her Britches Posted: 15 May 2012 07:05 AM PDT Proving his voluminous man-boobs possess a dark bitch-tit magic that can bend men’s minds to his will, Simon Cowell successfully talked Britney Spears‘ dad and her fiance into accepting $15 million that she’ll never see a dime of to be a judge on the second season of X-Factor along with Demi Lovato because who doesn’t Read More ...

Good Morning, Brooklyn Decker, And Other News Posted: 15 May 2012 06:04 AM PDT - NHL Ice Girls will warm your cold heart. - Salma Hayek seems really happy about the huge cash settlement her husband just paid the supermodel he knocked up while they were “on a break.” - Why is their a frozen bag of peas on your wife’s vagina? 50 Shades of Grey. Read More ...

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