Best Week Ever |
- You Know How I Like My Folger’s Commercials? With Some Freshly Brewed Incestuous Undertones
- Hugh Laurie Backs “Hugh Laurie Is Sexy” Campaign
- Why All 9 Year Olds Should Be Kept Off Of Youtube
- You Didn’t Think Of It: Sarah Jessica Parkour
- VIDEO: Justin Long Says “Pr*ck” On The Today Show
- Awkward: Kim Kardashian Is Still Very Dead
- PHOTO EVIDENCE: Huskies Hate Winter
- In Addition To Being Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Can Solve A Rubik’s Cube Faster Than You
- TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: Reeeeeeemix!
- The 20 Most Magical Harry Potter Dogs
- Give It Up For Michael “Bass Slappin’” Cera!
| You Know How I Like My Folger’s Commercials? With Some Freshly Brewed Incestuous Undertones Posted: 03 Dec 2010 08:45 AM PST Caught this commercial on television today. Check it out and then let’s discuss: Soooo they’re, like, totally f*cking, right? Who do they think they are? Cher and Josh in Clueless? A sampling of some of our favorite comments on Youtube:
Seriously, what is in that box? |
| Hugh Laurie Backs “Hugh Laurie Is Sexy” Campaign Posted: 03 Dec 2010 08:43 AM PST
Who among us wouldn’t? Hugh Laurie is sexy.
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| Why All 9 Year Olds Should Be Kept Off Of Youtube Posted: 03 Dec 2010 08:16 AM PST This is Oliver Richman. At the tender age of only 9 years old, his parents and grandparents (who feature prominently in the following videos) plucked tiny Oliver from obscurity, put a microphone in his hands, hired Martin Scorcese’s cinematographer, and attempted to turn him into a Youtube singing sensation. The next Bieber. The next Greyson. OLIVER. Just one slight problem. Oliver’s videos are comically terrible. Truly and really just bad. Here is his cover of “Defying Gravity,” with an extremely necessary cameo by his admittedly fantastic Grandmother at the very beginning. His singing is fine — not amazing, just fine (says the girl who used to kill covering Shirley Bassey’s “Goldfinger” at 5). But Oliver is 4 and a half solid feet of walking stage parent lunch meat. Just a young boy thrust into the internet spotlight by parents who don’t understand that this will be around to haunt the poor boy FOREVER. As comedian Jeff Mac put it: “Holy living hell. I hope he becomes a famous singer, because if he doesn’t, he will almost certainly become a famous murderer.” Ahead, another unforgettable “Oliver Original,” featuring actual tiny Christmas tree hugging, brilliant over-acting, and a little girl who should be removed from her parents’ home at once. Someone, quickly, get this kid’s hair a reality show. Moral of the story: If your kid is 9, do not put videos of him or her singing while kneeling on a beach or over a small Christmas tree on Youtube because you are ruining that kid’s life. And we’ll give you a link to his website, to drive some guilt-ridden traffic on over. (With thanks to Livia Scott for the heads up.) |
| You Didn’t Think Of It: Sarah Jessica Parkour Posted: 03 Dec 2010 07:59 AM PST The following video is very stupid. However, the title “Sarah Jessica Parkour” fits too incredibly well for this video never to have existed, and even if both Sex And The City and Parkour are slightly past their prime reference-wise, this video is simply the internet fulfilling its OCD obligation to make sure that a video called “Sarah Jessica Parkour” just existed at some point. It’s not unlike the same compulsive, organized pleasure as finally throwing away an old futon, or removing a dried-up scab. Also, I like that half the comments on FoD are about how the actress Sue Galloway isn’t ugly enough to play SJP, in case you were questioning whether or not this was actually the internet: Sarah Jessica Parkour – watch more funny videos |
| VIDEO: Justin Long Says “Pr*ck” On The Today Show Posted: 02 Dec 2010 03:24 PM PST Hoda Kotb is on vacation. So producers at The Today Show managed to fill the 4th hour host absence with only the most obvious replacement: Justin Long, actor and self-Googler. Long and Kathie Lee Gifford had a certain sexual chemistry Hoda can only dream of, but overall, he may have been a little too cutting edge for the 10 AM slot enjoyed by both mothers and the unemployed. Between stories of sex on tables, many a joke referring to roofies and meth, a killer Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs impression, a smattering of Holocaust humor, and getting the word “pr*ck” by the slightly-too-late censors, it was truly a wonderful holiday-themed episode. We’ve put together the most glaringly inappropriate moments here: Hmmm. He’s definitely funny. And he’s almost certainly reading this. (Hi Justin!!) But I don’t knowwww if he’s righttttt for the jobbbbb. What I’m saying is, he’s not right for the job. But it was a refreshing change of pace! (Bringin’ it back up, J-Long, we wouldn’t play you like that.) You can thank us in the form of we didn’t put any footage of you visibly uncomfortable during the “Everyone Has A Moment” stroke victim segment, which was also the saddest thing mine eyes have ever witnessed. “Speaking about the Holocaust…” in the comments section I guess. |
| Awkward: Kim Kardashian Is Still Very Dead Posted: 02 Dec 2010 03:13 PM PST Yesterday, a bunch of celebrities including Justin Timberlake, Lady Gaga, Kim Kardashian, Usher, Ryan Seacrest, and a bunch more, declared themselves “digitally dead” — meaning, they stopped posting to Twitter and their social networking venues — in solidarity for World AIDS Day, saying they’d remain dead until $1,000,000 was raised. World AIDS Day is now over, and, well…this is awkward:
Ah jeez – while I certainly applaud the celebs for uniting for an obviously worthy cause, they’re currently not even 20% of the way to the goal, and that’s after the one-day mega-event this was supposed to be has already passed. Evidently, people aren’t entirely willing to donate money even to a great cause when the donation of that money counts as a tacit endorsement of Kim Kardiashian’s Tweets. So…are the celebs gonna stay dead for like two months? Or is some eccentric billionaire finally gonna crack from the pressure of no Usher Tweets and just pay the balance? Let’s stay tuned. |
| PHOTO EVIDENCE: Huskies Hate Winter Posted: 02 Dec 2010 02:55 PM PST
Wait, sorry, we meant to say, Huskies hate white people. Note: This is the second post with a “Wolverine” tag today. In other words, success. (via Reddit) |
| In Addition To Being Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Can Solve A Rubik’s Cube Faster Than You Posted: 02 Dec 2010 02:16 PM PST There are two ways to think about this video of Justin Bieber solving a Rubik’s Cube in 84 seconds: Either Justin Bieber will get EVEN DREAMIER in your eyes, if such a thing is possible. You know who can solve a Rubik’s Cub with impressive speed is Noah Garfinkel, but I didn’t time him when he made me watch him do it. I do know that it was fast, though, unsurprisingly, when watching someone solve a Rubik’s Cube time goes by very slowly. For the record, Noah has formally challenged Bieber to a Rubik’s Cube Solving Speed Off and he’ll do it “while knowing what a German is.” So, Bieber, if you’re reading, and I know you are, the gauntlet has been thrown. If you want, just trust that Bieber solves the Cube and skip to the end where he hands it to the girls in the audience. That’s the best part. So, without further ado: Those girls walked all the way home each clutching their respective sides of the Bieber Cube. They are currently waiting each other out to see who will pass out first and let go. More as the story develops. |
| TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: Reeeeeeemix! Posted: 02 Dec 2010 01:54 PM PST This is a Recap of Top Chef All-Stars (Season 8), Episode 1, entitled “History Never Repeats”, originally airing December 1st, 2010. It contains some All-Star spoilers, as well as some All-Star really bad Photoshops. Top Chef is back! And some of us are more excited than others:
It’s the first ever Top Chef ALL-STARS season, meaning it’s time to stretch the definition of the word “Stars” and/or “All”. We’ve got some returning could’ve-won greats like Tiffany, Richard, Tre, Jennifer, and Angelo, plus some returning gonna-lose-againers like Stephen Asprinio, and seriously Stephen Asprinio. Strap yourselves in for the long food-haul, because once again, there are seriously so many chefs right now:
After the jump, it’s Quickfiring time (and I don’t mean quickly firing Stephen back off the show): Aww, so many familiar faces! It’s like putting on 6,000 old pairs of shoes, some of which should’ve won Top Shoe but others of which are just personalities destined to be shoeliminated again (please pack your laces and go, is what Padma in that dimension would say). Still, even the most familiar faces have changed a little:
The show kicks off with the obligatory re-introductory montages: Chefs saying what they’ve been up to (lots of independent bleeped-swearing ventures), claiming that their season was the best, and declaring how close they came to winning (“I was so close, Gillette wanted to make me their new slogan! Wait, we can’t mention non-sponsors? Fine, then, Swanson Close Broth.”) Padma and Tom give the chefs a warm welcome back:
Padma then describes the Quickfire challenge, saying “In this challenge, you’ll be divided up into–Richard, are you already nitrogen-ing something?”
Even Wylie Dufresne’s like, “Dude, give it like one molecule of a second before you start whipping out the molecular stuff.” Van Hammersly knows what I’m talking about:
For the first Quickfire, the chefs must divide up into their seasons and cook one dish that represents the city where their season took place. What? WAY too reasonable, Bravo. You’re not gonna make them cook a dish to represent the number of their season? “I’m from Season 4, so I immediately start thinking, gotta do a ceviche because it’s food FOR humans to eat.” Team Season 5 (Fabio, Carla, and Jamie) decides to represent New York with a “trio of apples,” in which each chef makes their own independent component. Really, guys? You were ALREADY ON TOP CHEF, you know that the judges are gonna say “this isn’t really one cohesive dish.” It’s like watching contestants on the Price Is Right that somehow don’t know the rules — have you never been sick or had snow days before?? (For a continuation of this siderant, feel free to approach me on the street.) The Quickfire Top 3: Chicago, Miami, and Las Vegas. Team Chicago (Dale, Richard, Antonio, and Spike) pulls the win for their Chicago Pork and Black Pepper Sausage with Mustard Ice Cream. Richard entered the competition as the early favorite, and immediately throws a Quickfire notch on his bedpost (meaning, he literally f*cked the mustard ice cream). Mediocre start for the strong Tiffany / Angelo D.C. Duo:
Tough cooking start for Fabio, too, but he gets off on a great start with the quotes, saying “I’m like the underdog. Italian dog. A good one.” Almost this entire first segment takes place before the first commercial break; Bravo’s gonna have to make up for the uninterrupted action by going to commercial every 90 seconds the next time they air The Godfather, instead of the standard 95 seconds. For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are each presented with a silver domed tray. Antonia remarks, “All that I’m thinking is, what is under that tray?” Careful there, Antonia, that is not at all what the show wanted you to think when they placed a mysterious silver tray in front of you and suspensefully waited before revealing it. All you were supposed to be thinking is, what’s that NASA press conference gonna be about? Oh cool silver thing, didn’t notice.” For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs are presented with the ingredients to the dish that sent them home on their former season, and they have to remake the dish and fix what they did wrong. Pretty badass first challenge, actually – looks like Bravo brought back the All-Star challenge-deciders this season (sorry, people that came up with Bi-Parti-Sandwich!) Plus the double-trauma of someone getting eliminated by the same dish twice! Reality TV life-scarring gold. The chefs rush to the kitchen of Manhattan’s Russian Tea Room and split into two groups, Group 1, which will cook first, and Group 2, which will cook second. HUH? Another reasonable, non-time-wasting division of teams? No knife drawing where half the knives say “Gryffindor” and the other half say “George Washington Carver” and that’s the teams’ inspiration for their dishes? Is this even Top Chef anymore? Some things never change, though — everyone still hates Marcel. Spike, the dude who defines himself with omnipresent hats and constantly thew everyone under the bus in Season 4, calls Marcel “immature.” Gonna take a lot more than that to faze this A-hole:
Odd rivalry, because you’d expect Spike and Marcel to instantly get along…
The chefs finish cooking and present their dishes to the group of Judges, which this Season will include “Tony Bordain” as a regular — nice “let people know I’m cool with the guy by saying his nickname people don’t use” move, Padma. Does the panel also include your pal Bobby De Niro?
For added insta-awkward, half the chefs will also dine with the judges and comment on the dishes while their peers watch them on tv from the kitchen, unbeknownst to them (again, you guys have already been on Top Chef once. They do this every season, so don’t act shocked, just always assume you’re being watched.) The awkwardness is palpable, at least until Angelo snags the remote and flips channels:
Elia — who hasn’t cut her hair since Season 2, like a Top Chef playoff beard — can’t even bear to watch her and her peers’ dishes criticized, so she goes off and sits by herself; other chefs, like Michael Isabella, literally start glowing when they hear their dishes praised:
After a second round of dining in which the eating chefs are way more polite because they know they’re being watched (that’s some ALL-STAR unfairness), it’s time for Judge’s Table…2000!
The Top 4: Richard, Jamie, Spike, Angelo Richard is disqualified because he foamed his plates beyond the time limit, and as we all know, in an actual restaurant, you can NEVER take an extra split-second to do a thing, you just lose. Though it was funny watching Richard disbelieve Tom — he does know that this is a television show where everyone is being filmed by like 12 cameras literally every second, right? The cameras only turn off when you steal pea purees. Angelo wins the Elimination Challenge with his Homemade Ramen with Sweet Glazed Pork Belly & Watermelon, and takes home $10,000 because it’s a High Stakes FUGGEDABOUTIT NEW YAWK Challenge. More surprising, though, is Spike’s impressive non-squash-soup showing — new year, new hat, NEW CHEF:
The Bottom 3: Elia, Fabio, Stephen Fabio, Elia, and Stephen each received universally negative criticism; Elia’s red snapper was raw, Stephen didn’t understand the concept of a soup dumpling, and Fabio’s dish, according to Bordain, “looked like the inside of a dead animal.” Fabio responds that he can take criticism, but will not stand to be made fun of because he takes things very seriously, which makes sense until you remember that he constantly made fun of every other chef on Season 5. Remember “Is Top Chef, not Top Scallop!”, Fabio? Everyone reading this does, because we are smart people with smart memory priorities. By the powers of Top Chef deduction, we know that they won’t vote off the attractive lady or the supercharacter this early, plus Stephen’s the worst of the three anyway, so obviously Stephen Aspirinio is aspirin’ to pack his knives and go, right? WRONG. Elia is asked to pack her knives and go. Dang – her plea, “please don’t eliminate me” didn’t work after all. I thought for sure Anthony Bordain would be all like, “You got it!”
One episode down, 700 left to go, and already we’re shaping up for a Richard / Angelo showdown, as both clearly could’ve won their respective seasons to begin with and are already re-proving themselves. I expect Tiffany, Jamie, Tre, Marcel, and Jennifer to stick around for a while — like Tiffani, I was “waiting to be completely blown by Jen” — but if I’m a bettin’ man, I’m gelling my money up into Richard’s faux. The episode concludes with Carla being the first person in the history of Top Chef to declare, “This time you’ll see me cooking my food.” You are a true pioneer of reality show quotes, madame. But wait — your quote doesn’t tell us, on this show do you need to bring your A-Game every week because one mistake can send you home??? Dang. Guess we’ll never know. Top Chef All-Stars reactions, people? Predictions for the season? Favorite / least favorite parts? Stuff we missed? Leave ‘em in the comments. |
| The 20 Most Magical Harry Potter Dogs Posted: 02 Dec 2010 09:49 AM PST Call them Harry Pawters. Call them Harry Puppers. Whatever you do, don’t call them late to the Hogwart’s Dining Hall. (Don’t forget to tip your Flitwicks.) We scoured the internet to find the 20 Most Magical Harry Potter Dogs. These might be the only things on Earth more precious than Daniel Radcliffe himself. 20.
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Sources! 20: Comedian Joselyn Hughes; 13;11; 10; 9; 8; 6; 4; 3; 2. |
| Give It Up For Michael “Bass Slappin’” Cera! Posted: 02 Dec 2010 09:39 AM PST The indie world just imploded. Michael Cera is now the touring bassist in the indie supergroup Mister Heavenly. The band features Man Man’s Honus Honus, Islands’ Nick Thorburn, and Modest Mouse’s Joe Plummer. Pitchfork presents us with video of the band playing in Portland. Cera is in the red hat. Warning: Underwhelming video Cera-wise, as it is sort of light on Cera. But you do get the idea. Also, great song! Did I say “underwhelming”? I take it back. I’m going to give this a “whelming.” Did you see how aggressively Cera picks that bass? Every note counts. He also seems to be having an unabashed good time. As well he should. That’s a pretty sweet gig. Could the amount of indie ass thrown his way have possibly doubled? Good for you, Cera? Most importantly, he seems to be wearing the same hat pictured in this photo, the greatest Cera photo of all time:
Never change, Cera. Literally. Never change from that hat. It serves you well. |
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