Cele|bitchy |
- Enquirer: Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough got engaged in Paris
- Hot Guy Friday: These hot men are just what the doctor ordered
- Catherine Zeta-Jones hides her cigarettes when she realizes she’s being pap’d
- Nick Lachey on J. Simp’s engagement: “I’m not the one to speculate on timing”
- Ashley Greene gets her famewhore boob out for the cover of Cosmo
- Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Kim is a needy lush, Taylor’s marriage is crap
- Gisele says that Jack Moynahan is baby Ben’s “hero”: “I’m very lucky”
- LeAnn Rimes will buy her own ring & announce engagement by New Year’s
- Britney Spears tells Star & Radar to ‘kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!’
- Brangelina go out for a romantic dinner date in Paris
| Enquirer: Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough got engaged in Paris Posted: 03 Dec 2010 09:01 AM PST
[From The National Enquirer, print edition, December 13, 2010] “Julianne has transformed him from a work machine into a love machine.” Are you kidding me? This is just spin control for the fact that he’s not going to continue with his radio show for whatever reason. You know, if they’re both happy with this arrangement, whatever it is, good for them. Congratulations on their engagement whether it’s for show or not. I can’t see any self-respecting woman going along with this (if it’s not real, etc) but Julianne did get to go to Paris and I bet she dropped a lot of Ryan’s cash on nice designer things. I also bet he helped her pick them out. And I swear to you - I wrote all that before I saw these photos of them buying Louboutins. Hand to God, to borrow a phrase from Kaiser. (I thought Ryan was staring at the shoes, but he’s entranced with his own reflection. I think we know who his real love is.) Photos are from 11/26/10, thanks to Fame.
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| Hot Guy Friday: These hot men are just what the doctor ordered Posted: 03 Dec 2010 08:49 AM PST
I loved that Michael Fassbender got so much love when I wrote about him a few days ago - he really is The Sex. I'm cheating on Gerard Butler and Clive Owen and David Gandy for The Fassbender, that's how hot I am for him this week. The overwhelming majority of you who commented seemed to think he's the bee's knees too, so The Fassbender takes the glorious position as our headliner Hot Guy this week. The other day, Agent Bedhead and I were emailing about exactly the appeal of The Fass - my take is that he's very feline, and he seems like the kind of guy who you would meet a bar and he would f-ck you with his eyes for an hour before making a move, and then when you take him home, you've forgotten his name but you don't care, all you want is for him to pounce on you, licking, biting and scratching like a cat. Note: I also included that NYT interview video, since hearing his accent is a whole other eroticism. And Commenter Mairead sent in a Guiness ad starring The Fass. The whole thing is pretty much The Sex.
Thank you so much to commenter Anon for recommending the French actor Gaspard Ulliel - the only thing I’ve seen him in is Hannibal Rising, where he plays the young Dr. Lector, and he really blew me away in that. Now that I’ve looked him up, he’s something of a French heartthrob, isn’t he? Oh, and apparently Karl Lagerfeld loves him. SOLD. Gaspard has that particular kind of beauty I always associate with French men - it’s just the way he carries himself, really.
Speaking of beautiful French men, Vincent Cassel. And before some of you haters are all “he looks weird” and “you’re so dumb, I hate you” and “where are the hot guys, you dumb bitch?” - SHUT YOUR DOUCHE MOUTHS. Vincent is married to Monica Bellucci, arguably the most beautiful woman in the world. You know what that means? That means Vincent can work that vadge like it’s never been worked before. Plus, I really do find him beautiful.
Since there was just a cameo by him, Gary Dourdan… I can’t remember if we’ve ever done him before. He’s got some issues, right? I can’t remember what they are or why I think he’s skeezy, but the boy is definitely pretty.
Benicio del Toro, by request. Do you girls still get all hot and bothered for him? I genuinely like Benicio, as an actor and as a quiet, no drama celebrity, but I haven’t gotten hot for the man in years.
Anthony Mackie! He’s another one where if one of you bitches hates on him, the Slut Dagger shall temporarily become the Hater Shank. Have you seen The Hurt Locker? Mackie KILLED IT. He was so good and so sexy and so smart and so vulnerable… sigh. I love this kid.
I don’t remember if we’ve ever done Woody Harrelson, but he deserves to be on here. He’s hysterical as a comedic actor, and he’s an underrated dramatic actor, AND he doesn’t mess around with hair pieces or plugs. I love his chaotic hairline - it’s so sexy.
Matthew Gray Gubler, after request after request after request. To paraphrase the immortal Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You, does his dong taste like Snickers or something? It’s inconceivable to me that there are just so many of you getting damp for a guy who is AT BEST nerd-hot, and at worst, corpsey. I mean, he has certain photos where he doesn’t look like a heroin addict. But I really had to search for them.
Javier Bardem… just because there are new photos, and he’s hot.
Aldis Hodge, by request. He’s on Leverage, that show I hate. That being said, he is rather cute.
Jackson Hurst, by request. I think he’s on a Lifetime show? He’s got pretty eyes.
Tahar Rahim, by request. He’s a French actor, and I love his eyes and his crooked teeth.
Just a dab of Neil Patrick Harris. After all, he’s not really going to bone us ladies, now is he?
Tim Roth, by request. I used to be quite in love with this supremely quirky man… but he’s not aging all that well. Still, he has a very accessibly sexiness. Reservoir Dogs 4 Eva.
Joel McHale, by request (and not just CB). I’m not entirely sure what he’s doing with that jaunty scarf, but I like it.
Some Lance Gross. I just saw photos of him yesterday, and I think he’s pretty. I have no idea what he does or if he’s a douche or anything. He’s just pretty.
A little Nathan Fillion. It feels like forever since there’s been a new episode of Castle. I miss him.
Jimmy Fallon, by request. I’ve gone all the way around on him - at first (on SNL), I thought he was adorable. Then he had several years where I found him incredibly douchey. But over the past year or so, he’s gotten back in my good graces, and now I really like him.
Have you bitches been watching Dexter? Jonny Lee Miller is on this season, and he is delightfully creepy and sketchy and incredible. I know I shouldn’t say this about a dude playing a guy who is going to meet a gristly on-camera end, but JLM is one of my forever dongs. I love him so much.
Cary Elwes, by request. It’s been a long time since The Princess Bride, you know? I’m not really feeling it.
Jean Dujardin, by request. I think he’s French too.
Swedish actor Michael Nyqvist. Fans of the Millennium trilogy know why.
I don’t even care if you hate Ralph Fiennes. For me, he’s like Michael Fassbender. You don’t know whether the bastard is going to stab you or f-ck you. I like men on that edge. In theory.
And because I’m tired and I’m still sick as a dog, I’m going to do something different for our final selections, what I usually consider “The Forever Dong Dessert” so we go out on a high note. I’m just going to throw out a bunch of photos of men I love in no particular order. If this has any theme at all, it’s just that I want to nail them all like they are all The Last Dongs on Earth. Enjoy, and have a good weekend, y’all.
Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, Vogue, Vanity Fair, GQ, Terry Richardson’s archives, Details, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Google Images. |
| Catherine Zeta-Jones hides her cigarettes when she realizes she’s being pap’d Posted: 03 Dec 2010 08:48 AM PST
I've read about Catherine Zeta-Jones being a smoker for years, but for some reason, I thought she quit? Something about the babies and pregnancy or something? Well, maybe she quit temporarily and she just smoked the occasional cig to calm her nerves, because the paparazzi caught her sucking on one in Central Park yesterday. PCN photos is really funny about it too: "Catherine Zeta-Jones swiftly dumps a cigarette in a pile of dry leaves after realising photographers are in Central Park. Catherine’s husband Michael Douglas is currently recovering from chemotherphy and radiotherapy treatments for stage IV throat cancer." Judgy much? Yes, smoking is bad for you, etc, but it's not like she's packing his IV with nicotine. He’s not around, she’s walking the dog, and if she didn’t get a couple of drags, she was going to STAB SOMEONE IN THE FACE. Plus, I've done the smoking/quitting smoking thing… it's HARD. And when the stress comes, you CRAVE a cig. And CZJ is obviously going through a harder time, so I'm not judging. It cracks me up that she's smoking with no hands though. And she's really sucking that cig likes it's her first one in a while. You know she probably blows smoke out of her nose.
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| Nick Lachey on J. Simp’s engagement: “I’m not the one to speculate on timing” Posted: 03 Dec 2010 08:25 AM PST
Ever since Jessica Simpson try to steal Nick Lachey's thunder by announcing her engagement just days after Nick announced his, Nick has been surprisingly gracious and non-committal about his ex-wife. It's almost as if… he doesn't care. Like, he's moved on and wants to act like an adult towards his unhinged, drunk, incredibly stupid ex-wife. Previously, when asked, Nick was very nice, just saying that he wished Jessica the best. Now, in an new interview with USA Today, Nick is asked more specifically about Jess's attempt (in her pathetic way) to c-ckblock him:
[From USA Today] Nick really sounds like he has no interest in talking about Jessica in any way, shape or form. Which begs the question… why the hell did Jessica arrange her engagement announcement just days after Nick? Why is she still so hung up on this stuff? Why is she so friggin' dumb? Ugh. Also, every time I go to look up old photos of Jessica, I wince - she really was super-skinny back them, at times painfully so. Call me crazy, but I think she's prettier when she's a bit heavier.
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| Ashley Greene gets her famewhore boob out for the cover of Cosmo Posted: 03 Dec 2010 07:52 AM PST
Here is Ashley Greene's January cover for Cosmopolitan. Hot pants? Check. Hint of cooter? Check. No bra? Check. Half a tittay hanging out? Check. Oh, wait, this isn't a Maxim cover. All that would really need to change, though, is that on a Maxim cover, Ashley's mouth would be open wider, and she wouldn't have her hand in her hair, it would be closer to her mouth. In my opinion, Ashley Greene is the new Rachel Bilson. Did your head just explode? I love that so many of you are Bilson lovers, and that you defend her famewhore ways. It cracks me up. Well, Ashley Greene is another one of those girls who calls the paparazzi on herself and sends little asinine stories to the tabloids. In case you're already saying "WHO?" - Ashley is in those Twilight films. She plays Sparkles' "sister". She's also getting some supporting parts in films that don't look promising, which is where so many of these vapid girls find themselves. Instead of aiming for a career like Carey Mulligan, they're taking pointers from Biel and Alba. Instead of talking an acting class, they wander around in leggings and no panties for the paps. Instead of doing an off-Broadway play for little money, they start a dumb tabloid report only to have their rep officially denounce it. By the way, in the Cosmo interview, Ashley says this: "I’m indifferent about marriage. I think sometimes people get married so they can say they have that person forever, but a ring doesn’t ensure that you’ll stay together. Watch, now that I’ve said that I will be the first of my friends to get married!" Oh, isn't she just so funny? And she's so bohemian, what with her refusal to dream of a white dress. And of course, the quotes play into the tabloid stories Ashley has been pushing about Joe Jonas possibly popping the question any day now. Why, that's so weird! Here are some of Ashley's many candid photos - seriously, there are new photos of her running errands or going to the gym like every other day. What photographer waits around for Ashley Greene? None of them. She calls them.
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| Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Kim is a needy lush, Taylor’s marriage is crap Posted: 03 Dec 2010 07:47 AM PST
Lisa met with her intended date for Kim, an older British gentleman named Martin whom she claimed in an earlier episode was still in prison. She was hesitant to recommend Kim to Martin, and said “she’s really nice… but she’s a little feisty, and you’re desperate now aren’t you?”
Taylor took her four year-old daughter, Kennedy, to the doctor to discuss her recent allergies. The doctor confirmed Taylor’s suspicions that her daughter’s rash and puffy eyes were due to the new puppy that her husband bought for Kennedy against Taylor’s wishes. Of her daughter’s allergies, Taylor said “‘it’s really karmic… I blame Russell.” Taylor and her husband Russell sort-of agreed to get rid of the dog, with Taylor shedding fake tears over it.
Taylor said “There’s a part of me that thinks it’s unfair to even ask for that.” Kyle continued “He’s so lucky to have you. We all deserve to have it all. Anybody would be lucky to have you.” I predict that Taylor will be getting a divorce within the next year. Spoiler for future show |
| Gisele says that Jack Moynahan is baby Ben’s “hero”: “I’m very lucky” Posted: 03 Dec 2010 07:18 AM PST
These are photos from Gisele Bundchen's January cover and cover shoot for Vogue Italia. I just thought we'd all like to see Gisele in her natural habitat, and it's just a reminder of why she's one of the most in-demand models in the world. The bitch can work a pose. In other Gisele news, she gave an interview to People Magazine… I think she was promoting her work on a new web series, Gisele and the Green Team, but she ended up talking about her boys, of course. And by "boys" I don't mean Tom and Ben. I mean Jack Moynahan and Ben. Gisele just won't stop talking about Bridget Moynahan's son… and at this point, I'm kind of over it. I feel like a bitch for harping on how Gisele pretty much acts like Jack is her own child, because I really think that Gisele is just effusive and, it's like she's trying so hard to come across as not only The Best Mother In The World, but The Best Step-Mother too. I'm leaning towards giving the bitch a break:
[From People] It's kind of a sweet interview if you don't think about how it probably pissed Bridget off. In other Gisele news, TMZ reports that she and Tom Brady are spending a whooping $7,500 to light and decorate their LA mansion this year, and that they've already preordered two twelve-foot tall Christmas trees. All of the lights are in red, white and blue too. Ugh.
Vogue Italy cover and photos courtesy of The Fashion Spot. |
| LeAnn Rimes will buy her own ring & announce engagement by New Year’s Posted: 03 Dec 2010 06:46 AM PST
In Touch Weekly has an interesting story about LeAnn Rimes this week. I guess I find it interesting because I've been wondering where LeAnn has been hiding the past few weeks, since the barrage of LeAnn/Eddie/Brandi Glanville stories this time last month. LeAnn has still been tweeting like a mad woman, of course, but it seems like since Brandi and Eddie sat down and hashed out some kind of agreement, everybody has taken it down a notch. Which is good. Of course, ITW has a theory as for why LeAnn has temporarily sidelined herself - she's waiting, allegedly, for a big PR explosion towards the end of the year when she will announce her engagement to Eddie. If that's not enough, ITW also claims they have eyewitnesses who saw her checking out home pregnancy tests at a Rite Aid. The pull quotes for the story say things like: "LeAnn cares so much about what the public thinks… she can't wait to be Eddie's wife and have his children" and "LeAnn has been very vocal about wanting Eddie's baby." Oh, it's about to get raw.
[From In Touch Weekly, print edition] I love the part about her picking out her own ring - I'll buy that, a million times over. Not only is LeAnn picking out her own ring, she's paying for that sucker too! I also love this: "Eddie would get it from Polacheck's Jewelers in Calabasas - he grew up with Brent Polacheck." Eddie knows one random jeweler, and LeAnn is all "Oh hells no my ring isn't going to be some budget sh-t."
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| Britney Spears tells Star & Radar to ‘kiss my lily white southern Louisiana ass!’ Posted: 03 Dec 2010 06:18 AM PST
[From People] On Wednesday Britney was seen outside the offices of the William Morris agency, where her boyfriend works. US Weekly says that she was there to screen the movie The Secretariat for charity. US also has a new statement from Britney’s manager about this ongoing story. He says a lawsuit is coming soon. “It’s amazing that Star continues to try to defend their story by putting out more and more pieces of a fraudulent recording. Everyone knows it is not her. The more they put out, the more ridiculous they look. The lawyers are drawing up the legal papers right now; there will 100 percent be a lawsuit. We are suing.” Britney turned 29 yesterday. Happy belated birthday Britney. Britney and Jason are shown out on 12/1/10. Credit: Fame Pictures     |
| Brangelina go out for a romantic dinner date in Paris Posted: 03 Dec 2010 06:13 AM PST
Last night, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt went out for a "date night" without the kids. They went to Guy Savoy restaurant, there in Paris, where they've been for the past week. At first, I thought that was Brad's hand encircling Angelina, but that's her hand, holding a black clutch. I can't really make out what either are wearing - I think it was Angelina's turn to wear leather, after Brad's leather pants disaster a few days ago. I honestly think Angelina is wearing a leather short-sleeved blouse. Head. Desk.
[From The Daily Mail] Well they look happy and they had their date night and it's all good. By the way, I just want to note two things about these photos - I think the chef of Guy Savoy walked them out personally - isn't that the head chef in the white jacket? Also: I love Brad and Angelina's bodyguard. This is the bodyguard's new thing, and he's been in a bunch of photos lately, especially when the Jolie-Pitts go out at night - he's flashing a high-powered flashlight at photographers in the hopes of ruining their shot. Which… I mean, come on. That's just funny. Yes, he has actually achieved his goal and ruined a couple of shots, but Angelina and Brad are on promotional duty, and they're selling their movies. Of course they want to be photographed.
Photos courtesy of Fame. |
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