Thursday, December 9, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Guy Watches Julie and Julia Everyday For A Year

Posted: 09 Dec 2010 09:49 AM PST

Let’s first discuss the movie Julie and Julia. For those of you who might have forgotten, this was a movie that cut back and forth between a biopic about Julia Childs and a story about Amy Adams, in present day,  blogging about cooking all 524 recipes in Julia Childs’ cookbook in one year.  And also Amy Adams worked at some sort of 9/11 hotline? It made no sense. “You know what this Julia Childs movie needs? More 9/11!” – Actual Movie Executive

The half of the movie with Meryl Streep playing Julia Childs was good. The half with Amy Adams was bad. In fact, it was very bad. It was so bad that I can’t think of anything worse than having to watch that movie every day for a year. But that’s what this guy, Lawrence Dai from Northwestern University, is doing. As a joke about Amy Adams blogging about cooking recipes everyday for a year, he is watching this movie everyday for a year. That is a crazy commitment to a joke. Let’s all reward him for that and read his blog here: RIGHT HERE.

Thanks, Urlesque.

Today Show Interview Starts So Sad And Then Ends So Great

Posted: 09 Dec 2010 09:09 AM PST

Here is the very sad part. This family lost their dad in the war in Afghanistan. And that is terrible. But here’s the great part: The youngest kid, Keegan, is a crazy insane ball of happiness. Watch this kid dance. Do it. Watch him.  He dances the way happiness would dance if happiness was a person instead of a word. That is the main great part. And that great part would be enough to make the whole video great. But then there’s a whole other great part when the family goes outside to see that the whole neighborhood is CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS ON THEIR FRONT LAWN! And their whole house is decorated and they got a million gifts and everything in the whole world is going to be okay for everyone.

Keegan!

Thanks, Buzzfeed.

Good News, Sultans! Prima Cinema Offers New Movies At Home For $20,000

Posted: 09 Dec 2010 07:57 AM PST

Did you really want to see The Expendables the day it came out, and absolutely couldn’t wait a couple months for it to come out on DVD, but also couldn’t manage to get to a movie theater, and also you’re a multi-billionaire oil tycoon? For all of you who just screamed “YESSSS!” at your golden monitors, there’s good news:

Now, a new service launching in 2011 aims to put movies into your home the same day that they're released in theaters. The only catch? The digital-delivery system costs $20,000. Don't worry though, that's only a one-time fee. The fee per film is just a measly $500 on top of the $20,000…

Prima has already been chatting up Hollywood studios for approval, who are a little bit (shall we say) ambivalent about Prima's business plan. Prima hopes to officially launch in late 2011, and wants to be in 250,000 homes within five years.

Great business plan! There’s definitely 250,000 homes that can and will eagerly pay $20,000 then $500 per movie to watch Faster the week it comes out instead of seeing it in theaters for 2% the cost, or watching it at home a couple months later (and having it SPOILED for you – “The Rock goes faster.” Ruined!) 5 of those homes are in Dubai, and the other 249,995 are people instantly pirating the movies that those 5 billionaires purchase. Meaning, you’re gonna make SO much money, Prima Cinema.

Scientists Figure Out Way To Make Burlesque Even Gayer

Posted: 09 Dec 2010 05:05 AM PST

And by “scientists,” we mean Rupaul, the most angelic of humans on Earth, who sent out this holiday greeting card showing both sides of Ru: Her feminine side, and her Cher side. Redundant? Obvs. But this sweet newboarn foal of a man can only improve anything he touches. Which brings up the question: Why the hell wasn’t he in Burlesque? Surely he could have replaced Tucci. Surely.

The good news is Season 3 of RuPaul's Drag Race will be back Monday, January 24th starting at 9/8C on Logo. In other words, tear that page out of your calendar because you now have plans. The NewNowNext Blog will have all the information you need.

And if you missed my favorite RuPaul holiday card ever, it’s after the jump.

Snooki To Drop Inside New Year’s Ball, Because Why Would That Not Happen

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 01:05 PM PST

The Hollywood Reporter (aka the Hard To Read Font Gazette – nerdburn!) is reporting that Snooki from Jersey Shore will drop inside a ball on New Year’s Eve. The article is not clear, however, whether its source is a rejected Onion Headline:

The Jersey Shore star (real name: Nicole Polizzi) will be placed inside a ball that will drop in New York City’s Time Square as the click ticks down to midnight.

The other castmembers of the hit reality show will lead the crowd in fist pumping to attempt to break a Guinness world record.

Of course all of this is happening, because if it weren’t happening, I’d be like, “Yo, dudes, why isn’t this happening? Why isn’t Snooki dropping from a New Year’s ball while her reality show castmates try to set a world record? Why? Give me literally one reason why that is not happening/ You can’t, because it is happening.”

As a Plan B, if the Snooki thing falls through, the New Year’s festivities will just be Faith Hill singing “This Kiss” for the thirtieth straight year.

Tiny Mena Suvari Comically Mismatched With Much Taller Friend

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 12:30 PM PST

Here’s the thing. I’m very tall, and though I know this is usually considered to be a positive trait, I really hate it when people comment on my height. When, at least once a day, someone says, “You’re really tall,” I can’t help but be annoyed. It’s just weird to have that super obvious statement thrown at you time and time again. There’s also no way to respond, because it’s not a compliment. It’s just a stated fact. Yes, I know. I’m tall. Isn’t that super f*cking crazy? I know my head just exploded. I don’t expect you to commiserate at all, this is just all a lead up to say that I feel slightly guilty about posting this, tall person wise, because I have frequently been comically mismatched with my shorter friends. We solve this problem by holding hands whilst walking down the street and letting people stare. I suggest Mena and her friend do the same.

This seems as good a time as any to pitch the reality show Michelle Collins and I are shopping around, entitled New York Giants. It follows two tall gals (us) as they navigate their way through the Big City and Long Hemlines. I know I speak for Michelle when I say we will do tasteful(ish) nudity.

More photos at The Daily Mail

James Franco Kissing James Franco

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 11:38 AM PST

Here’s a video of James Franco making out with himself. It’s part of a series of videos by the New York Times featuring actors in black and white being all acty and stuff, because Black and White + Unclear Premise = Art. Man is it easy to convince A-Listers to do something if they think it’s art and if other A-Listers are on board (see: Inside The Actor’s Studio) – it’s like artily shooting actor fish in an art barrel.

Anyway, here’s James Franco kissing himself as promised. Similar to A-Rod kissing himself, but the exact inverse hot-to-hilarious ratio:

(via Vulture)

Hardest Video Game Ever Frustrates Man, Entertains Millions

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 11:18 AM PST

Full Disclosure: “Hardest Video Game Ever” was a stretch, this isn’t a video about Ghosts ‘n Goblins for NES, but it’s nearly as ridiculous.

It’s a six-minute (yow!) video of someone playing QWOP, the indecipherable keyboard Olympic somethingerother, and offering play-by-play frustrated commentary. As someone with the attention span of a dog who is also a squirrel, I still managed to watch most of this with great enjoyment:

(via Urlesque)

Andrew W.K. Covers “Silent Night”, Parties

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 10:28 AM PST

I stand by the unbending rule that anything Andrew W.K. does is awesome. If we apply the rule to this video of Andrew W.K. sitting at a keyboard covering “Silent Night”, we can suspect in advance that the video will be awesome. Then we can watch the video and confirm, in fact, that it is awesome.

This better be a first step towards a Christmas Party Hard album…


Andrew W.K. covers “Silent Night”

(via Onion AV Club)

Oprah Winfrey Lives My Dream Of Cupping A Koala’s Ass

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 09:52 AM PST

Well sh*t. I always knew Oprah Winfrey had everything. Billions of dollars, millions of adoring fans, a mother and BFF in one. But today, she has truly proved that she is the most powerful woman in the world, as she posed for a photo while living my dream of cupping a koala’s ass.

This isn’t the first time I’ve divulged my unrealized fetish to scoop a koala up in my arms and cup it’s miniature, butter soft bear ass in my hands. Back in January, I brought you photos of Andy Roddick doing the same exact thing. And lest I remind you of this telling photo of me living my virtual fantasy in the gift shop of the San Diego Zoo.

But today is different. Because I always knew Oprah Winfrey had everything. Except for this. This was the one thing Oprah and I had in common: Never hoisting a small grey bear to our chests while it sat helpless in our arms. And today, she got it.

The only person more physically destroyed over this news than me? The koala:

His name is Elvis, by the way. Promise him you’ll never let go, Rose. Promise him.

ps: Why is this koala so huge? Forgot holding one, I want to spoon this motherf*cker.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

Me Chinese, Me Play Joke, Me Put Avatar In Your Wedding

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 09:50 AM PST

Listen, I’M SORRY for that title. I pitched it as a joke to Noah saying, “This is way too offensive for a title but…” and then he forced me at gunpoint to use it. So, yeah, I get it. It’s offensive. I’m sorry. But here we are.

Moving on.

You, yes YOU, could live a REAL LIFE AVATAR FANTASY WEDDING!!! FLY, don’t walk, to Wu Lingyuan, southern China, which inspired the landscape for Avatar, and have your wedding photo look like THIS:

I think the appropriate emoticon here is :(

Those poor dudes. They’re all, “Listen, a job’s a job. Until my pilot gets picked up, most people would kill for this gig.”*

*Swingers allusion

UK Metro

Shiloh Pitt Is Officially Our Favorite Celebrity Child

Posted: 08 Dec 2010 09:03 AM PST

Sorry, Suri Cruise: Your reign as BWE.tv’s favorite celebrity child is officially over today. Because there’s a new front runner. And her name is Shiloh Pitt. And, no lie, I actually legit like her outfit. She’s like a little blond, very rich FAO Schwartz bear.

And let’s not rule out Zahara, who is emerging as the front runner for fiercest celebrity child:

Prettttty sure it’s not even a competition.

Our only fear is that lil Shiloh has Knut Polar Bear syndrome, where she is a genius with the paparazzi lens now, but in 10 years will be criminally insane.

Yes, that is clearly what is going to happen.

[Photo: Splash News Online]
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