Crushable |
- Stephen Moyer Kisses His 'Bitch' Alexander Skarsgard
- Gallery: The Best Movie Merchandise From Our Childhood
- Lost In Translation: Jealousy Isn't Allowed In This Hook Up
- Very Mary-Kate Presents: Teacher-Bodyguard Conference
- Celebrity Lookalikes: 'Community' Stars And Their Claymation Replicas
- David Hasselhoff: Good For Eating Cheeseburgers And Hanging On My Wall
- Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Doll Recap: Babies Are The Ultimate Aphrodisiac
- Winona Ryder Confused By Definition Of 'Internet'
| Stephen Moyer Kisses His 'Bitch' Alexander Skarsgard Posted: 10 Dec 2010 11:20 AM PST
Post from: Crushable Stephen Moyer Kisses His 'Bitch' Alexander Skarsgard |
| Posted: 10 Dec 2010 11:02 AM PST |
| Gallery: The Best Movie Merchandise From Our Childhood Posted: 10 Dec 2010 10:03 AM PST
It’s a pretty meta-moment in typical Brooks’ style, but one that spoke to me even as a kid. Because obviously, I wanted every crappy piece of plastic that was stamped with the logo of my favorite films, TV shows, and Sega games. But they weren’t all terrible. Here were some legitimately awesome movie and TV merchandise that I wish my parents’ had bought for me. Are we missing any? Tell us your favorites in the comments! Post from: Crushable Gallery: The Best Movie Merchandise From Our Childhood |
| Lost In Translation: Jealousy Isn't Allowed In This Hook Up Posted: 10 Dec 2010 10:52 AM PST
Jealousy is getting to be a problem in my life. I've never been one of those guys who doesn't understand or appreciate jealousy. You know, the guy who seems all confused when his current hook-up hysterically storms toward her friends huddled around a table of kamikaze shots after seeing you talking with Emily, the girl you hooked up with long before ever meeting your newest squeeze. Actually, I happen to have a very formidable jealous bone myself, and I’ve learned to ignore it. For instance, I didn't like it at all when I see a new Facebook album from the one night I didn't go out last week, (aptly named We Didn't Start the Fire… by that bitch of a friend of yours Farrah) pops up on my news feed and Derrick from your Stat Class is hanging all over you in every other picture. But let's face it: Farrah never really liked me much. I guess I should have been more careful of your shared toilet seat, which you’ve been more than clear that I've apparently vandalized a few times with stray streams of piss. Between that and the thin walls between your bedrooms, I've always felt her eyes boring into me whenever I stumble out in the morning for a glass of water to wash down that handful of Tylenol. And her comments about how "you two are sooooooooooooooo cute together – xo" don't make her and my friendship, if that is what it is, any better. But I'm a big boy, and you and me, well, we're just hooking up, and nothing more. I understand that I don't have all too much room to wiggle around and make a fuss about Derrick, or even Farrah. I’ve done that before. And I’ve learned that if I did ever, drunkenly or not, spout out the way I actually feel, you might end up turning the tables to ask what we are, which is not good. Not good at all. Jealously is never a good card to play in a hookup. NEVER. Where we just so happen to be standing (which is more often than not in a small puddle of drunkenly spilt beer and shots in a sauna-esque, saloon-style bar), is not the place, nor time, to be raising that objection. 'Cause there are far too many other players who just need a nudge to take control of the joystick, in more ways than one. I don't care if Farrah told you that I didn't pay enough attention to you and that you need to make me prove to you that I like you. I think you're great and all, but, let's face it, neither of us see this, whatever it is, going on more than a week after graduation, if it even makes it through Christmas break. Sex with you is fun. All sorts of fun. And those new positions we have been finding ourselves in? Those are just awesome. But sex in general, with other girls, is fun as well. And as seniors in college, that kind of sex is all but guaranteed for only a half a dozen more months before we have to actually start traveling to get laid, or frequenting bars with twenty-something bankers, and I'm not sure if my lousy paycheck from wherever hires me is going to hold up very well next to theirs. So I don’t mean to be harsh, but you should know that I plan to spend money on a lot of other girls after college. And bringing up the jealousy thing is only going to make that happen faster. Post from: Crushable Lost In Translation: Jealousy Isn't Allowed In This Hook Up |
| Very Mary-Kate Presents: Teacher-Bodyguard Conference Posted: 10 Dec 2010 07:33 AM PST Are the Olsen twins still at NYU? That doesn’t sound right. Oh well, we’re willing to suspend our disbelief for Elaine Carroll’s continuously awesome series Very Mary-Kate. In this reality, Mary-Kate Olsen still goes to school, and somehow manages to retain the world’s hottest bodyguard as a replacement parent. How do we get one of those again? Watch more of Elaine Carroll’s very funny Very Mary-Kate videos here. Post from: Crushable Very Mary-Kate Presents: Teacher-Bodyguard Conference |
| Celebrity Lookalikes: 'Community' Stars And Their Claymation Replicas Posted: 10 Dec 2010 10:41 AM PST
Post from: Crushable Celebrity Lookalikes: 'Community' Stars And Their Claymation Replicas |
| David Hasselhoff: Good For Eating Cheeseburgers And Hanging On My Wall Posted: 10 Dec 2010 11:17 AM PST
Which is probably a good thing, since The Hasselhoffs was giving us visions of The End of Days. But it has got us thinking: Why don’t the millions of people who watched The Hoff drunkenly devour a cheeseburger want to see him in a reality show? Here’s a clue: sobriety doesn’t sell. David Hasselhoff is his own franchise. And while his Baywatch fame may be waning, he’s managed to insert himself in the world’s consciousness through many weird and repeated outbursts. Self-mockery has never been beneath him, which has come in handy often. But The Hasselhoffs on A&E brought in pretty terrible numbers. The first episode had only 718,000 viewers. And the second had only 505,000 viewers. Which is weird, because people love watching The Hoff be a train-wreck. Videos of David Hasselhoff drunkenly eating a cheeseburger on YouTube have generated MILLIONS of page views. This show however, tried to paint The Hoff as a dad trying to make good. His daughters have been dealing with his addictions for their entire life, and now The Hoff was trying to use his fame to help their careers. Sadly for his daughters’ Hollywood ambitions, watching The Hoff try to parent responsibly isn’t as appealing to viewers. When David Hasselhoff got the axe from Dancing With The Stars this season after only one dance, viewers were surprised that such a “big star” would get booted from the show so soon. But it looks people would rather watch The Hoff fail than succeed. And every time that notion makes us sad, we’re just going to remember what it was like to actually watch The Hasselhoffs. Ahh! So bad! Alright, I’m back. If nothing else, there is one good thing that came from The Hasslehoffs. And that is this: the amazing calendar that A&E sent us to promote the show. On our wall right now, we’re looking at The Hoff shirtless with a surfboard in a Santa robe. And come May, we’ll have this to look forward to:
Post from: Crushable David Hasselhoff: Good For Eating Cheeseburgers And Hanging On My Wall |
| Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Doll Recap: Babies Are The Ultimate Aphrodisiac Posted: 10 Dec 2010 09:19 AM PST
On this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Taylor Armstrong gets emotional, Kyle Richards gets baby-crazy, and Kim Richards comes closer and closer to the brink of madness. Was Lisa Vanderpump as charming as usual? Did Camille Grammer morph into a scaly monster and eat the other wives’ children? Check in with Crushable’s Barbie Repertory Theater recap to find out! Post from: Crushable Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Doll Recap: Babies Are The Ultimate Aphrodisiac |
| Posted: 10 Dec 2010 09:14 AM PST Fake News Outlet Apologizes For Fake Review - The Onion was forced to write a retraction for its review of Dean Mullaney and Bruce Canwell's Genius, Isolated: The Life and Art of Alex Toth. Because the comic book hasn’t actually been written yet. (The A.V. Club) Post from: Crushable |
| Winona Ryder Confused By Definition Of 'Internet' Posted: 10 Dec 2010 08:58 AM PST
Using your blackberry for email is using the Internet, meatball. Winona could say she doesn’t have much use for the web, which is where all the blogs and websites that write mean things about Winona live. But the actual Internet is the system of computers that allow things like emailing on your smartphone to actually exist. Unfortunately Winona Ryder, you do use the Internet. And when the machines rise up and destroy all the humans, you’ll have wished you’d have known that difference when buying a GPS system for your car. Post from: Crushable Winona Ryder Confused By Definition Of 'Internet' |
In Mel Brooks‘ Spaceballs, there’s a scene when Lone Star finally comes across Yogurt (the yoda parody played by Brooks himself) and asks him what the power of the universe is. “Merchandising!” Yogurt replies, and proceeds to show him all the toys and apparel that Spaceballs will be able to sell to children after the movie.
(Lost in Translation is our weekly column from a college guy's perspective.)
By now you have probably heard the sad/good news that David Hasselhoff’s daughters’ guilt show 
So hang in there, Hoff! Even if your show got canceled, you will live to judge another reality show contest. And if all else fails, there will always be space on our walls for your calendars.
Actress and shoplifter Winona Ryder doesn’t use the Internet, and she’s proud of it! At least that’s what she thinks, according to | You are subscribed to email updates from Crushable To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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