Cele|bitchy

Sparkles and Bella on the cover of EW for Breaking Dawn: silly or hot?
Linnocent claims the video of her drug buy is “absurd and gross”
L&S: Jennifer Lopez has a history of hating Eva Longoria
Janice Dickinson has Botox & delusions oozing out of every pore
George Lopez got fired from TBS: will Sandra Bullock help him out?
AnnaLynne McCord is a bikini gladiator
Kim Kardashian looks awful & Kris Humphries might be “the prisoner groom”
Gwyneth Paltrow thinks it’s peasanty to have a bathtub in the bathroom
Kate Moss & her amazing wedding cover Vogue’s September issue
Khloe & Kourtney Kardashian look horrible, pissed off at their bridesmaid fittings

Sparkles and Bella on the cover of EW for Breaking Dawn: silly or hot?

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 09:04 AM PDT

Here’s the new cover of Entertainment Weekly, featuring a still from the much-anticipated Twilight Finale, Breaking Dawn. The movie is out in two parts (of course), the first of which will be released on November 18th. Both parts will clock in at about two hours, making the finale a total of four hours long.

Kristen looks kind of stoned in this picture and Pattinson looks scared, like someone has seen him sparkling in the daylight, or like he’s afraid of vadge. (To quote Kaiser. And that technically may be accurate given the plot.) I put on my Twilight tin cap to skim through the last book to see what their characters might be responding to. (I had to get from the back of the shelf where I had hidden it. Yes I read all the books but I’m not proud of it.) I couldn’t find a scene from their honeymoon where they get surprised in the water, but spoilers from book they do have some minor conflict with a maid coming to the house who knows that Edward is a vampire and gets afraid for mortal Bella. Re-reading those sex-lite scenes reminded me of how cheesy those books are, and how ridiculous the dynamic between the characters can be. Edward tries not to have sex with Bella again after he “hurt” her during their first session, and he tells her he’s not going to screw her again until she’s “changed,” but then she “seduces” him. It’s obnoxious, and of course they were both virgins when they did it.

Pattinson seems to realize that his character is less than ideal, because he says as much in the accompanying EW interview. His last statement here is kind of awesome:

Kristen on the end of Twilight: “It's just so strange, I can't get over it.”
Kristen on the wedding scenes: “It's a trip to watch the wedding scenes especially. It was so volatile and emotional — I was being such a crazy person.”

Robert on how Edward rips apart a pillow in a passionate moment: “I wanted to have it as a line so much, ‘I bit through all the pillows. Every. Single. One.’ And then [Edward would] start crying. By the way, that's what he should be ashamed of in the morning. All those beautiful pillows! Egyptian cotton! ‘I ruined this bed!’”

Robert on how Edward and Bella discover her pregnancy: “They shock each other. For a saga which is about eternal, undying love that nothing can touch, suddenly…

Kristen interjects: “There's one thing that can. That was fun to play. Bella's always liked him and liked everything he said and thought; everything he did was right. This is something that she clearly disagrees with. She doesn't mindlessly and blindly follow him. She was always kind of defiant. I like that.”

Robert frankly assessing Edward’s character: “Look, there are a lot of moments when Edward sort of acts like a p*ssy. I mean, throughout the whole series.”

[From EW via PopSugar]

Well at least Pattinson knows that his character can be a manipulative whiny jerk. I imagine that it must get old focusing on this one series and the same wooden characters for years on end, but all those millions must make the work much more tolerable.

In terms of this cover image it’s really goofy, but that’s pretty much what this show is about. Here are a bunch of other stills that have already been released. My favorite is of all the vampire chicks at the wedding in their nice dresses and creepy contact lenses.

Linnocent claims the video of her drug buy is “absurd and gross”

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 09:02 AM PDT

Yesterday, the video of Linnocent and her crack friends buying a bag of white powder made headlines. Linnocent's publicist mastermind (Crackavelli) was really quick on the draw, managing to stutter out a denial that involved the words "rose quartz" and "sea jasper". We can disagree about certain things in the video - like, did Linnocent know she was on camera, and how dumb is it to buy drugs on the street - but I think we all know that the bag was NOT full of sea jasper, quartz and a meteor.

Anyway, these are new, post-drug-deal photos of Linnocent, going braless in a see-through tank. Her crack nipples were exposed, so CB blurred them out, because although we've all seen it before, we don't want to see it again. I guess Linnocent just wanted some attention after all. Poor crack baby! Everybody was focused on other things so she had to call the paps on her drug deal and then waltz around without a bra.

Oh, and she denied the drug deal story on her Twitter too:

[From Linnocent's Twitter]

"Absurd and gross"? What kind of dumbass denial is that? What's so "absurd" about a video of a drug deal that pretty much speaks for itself? Her crack brain really is fried, right? But you know what's worse? All of the people commenting on that tweet, writing stuff like "dumb bitches shouldn’t open their mouths, I will always admire and look up to you no matter what anyone says! Xo" and "I’m crying for rumors the paparazzi invent about you:( Please keep going and stay strong, I can not lose! I trust you!!" Surely those are a joke, right?

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

L&S: Jennifer Lopez has a history of hating Eva Longoria

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 08:34 AM PDT

Last year, I noted that Jennifer Lopez had become, in my mind, the new Eva Longoria. This was before Jennifer signed on to American Idol, mind you, and Jennifer's career seemed to flailing, and all she did was wander around every red carpet with her mouth hanging open (her "sexy-face"), which is kind of Eva Longoria's move, historically. One of my biggest complaints about Eva is that she will show up to the opening of an envelope, and she's really boring. That was Jennifer a year and a half ago. Well, Jennifer found a way to push herself back into relevancy, both with Idol and by publicly dumping her controlling husband, Marc Anthony. Jennifer is now back on top! But there's still an Eva Longoria problem - just not the same one:

Life & Style: "J. Lo Betrayed by Marc Again."

Life & Style claims that following his split with Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony has reached out to Eva Longoria for comfort.

"In a long, tearful, anguished conversation," Anthony told Longoria "about his heartache, his pain, his disappointment."

Life & Style explains that "there's a history of bad blood between Jennifer and Eva," and that's why "Marc's calls to Eva behind Jennifer's back — telling her all the deepest, darkest secrets about his marriage to the 'American Idol' judge — are the ultimate betrayal."

Apparently in 2008 Eva was photographed sitting on Marc’s lap at a party in Las Vegas, mere months after Jenny gave birth to twins.

“Jennifer hates Eva,” a source claims.

[From Life & Style via Jezebel & Gossip Cop]

To be fair, both Eva Longoria's and Marc's rep deny the story, and besides that, Eva has a man - Eduardo Cruz, Penelope Cruz's brother (Penelope allegedly hates Eva too). Now, I believe that Eva and Marc are friendly, and maybe they even talk, and maybe there's a little flutter of something… like, maybe Eva thinks she can trade up from Eduardo to Marc? But in general, I don't think Eva and Marc are doing anything crazy. Here's what I do buy, though: Jennifer hates Eva. I will buy that every day of the week and twice on Sunday. It just feels right.

By the way, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were seen together in Southampton yesterday. According to reports, Marc had flown in to spend time with the kids. You can see the photo here. Jennifer's rep seems to emphasize that they are not back together. Of course not. She's done with him.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Janice Dickinson has Botox & delusions oozing out of every pore

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 08:01 AM PDT

Janice Dickinson is 56 years old. Compare these photos with that post that I did the other day on 53-year-old Sharon Stone. Any reasonable person would expect a pair of 50-something to look roughly (emphasis on "ROUGH") the same, age-wise. But while Sharon Stone either seems to be aging naturally or she's only gotten a few modest things done, Janice Dickinson is balls-out gross-looking in these new photos from last night. What's strange to me is that I really think Janice goes in and consults doctors to maintain this sketchy look. I feel like the Botox is building up in Janice's face. I feel like it's trying to leak out of her eyes, out of her pores.

By the way, Janice has hopped on the Amy Winehouse bandwagon. Janice gave a recent interview where she claimed that she had befriended Amy shortly before her death: "She was desperate and her life had become suddenly unmanageable and she wanted to see if I could help her." By the way, THAT is how you know Winehouse was in trouble - she was reaching out to JANICE.

So of course Dr. Drew had to insert himself into the situation too. He claims, “Believe it or not she was trying to contact me which was weird. Janice Dickinson told me that. I remember getting calls from Europe and thinking, ‘What the hell is this?' Janice Dickinson, several times on my HLN program, claimed that she gave Amy my number, and that she was reaching out." For God's sake. Well, Janice and Dr. Drew, it's your word against a dead girl's, so I guess you bitches win.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

George Lopez got fired from TBS: will Sandra Bullock help him out?

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 07:28 AM PDT

George Lopez lost his job yesterday. TBS announced that they were canceling his late-night talk show, Lopez Tonight, less than a year after the show got pushed back in favor of Conan O'Brien's TBS talk show. Did you know Lopez Tonight was only air for two years? It felt like longer, maybe because things that suck always feel like they're going on forever. Anyway, George is probably already updating his CV and looking for a new job, so this is the perfect time to remind everyone that he's friends with Sandra Bullock.

George Lopez may be in transition again – his TBS talk show was canceled this week – but he knows he can always count on one close friend in particular: Sandra Bullock.

“If it wasn’t for her involvement in me, or her belief in me, I would have had a very different last 10 years,” Lopez, 50, told PEOPLE Wednesday at Dodger Stadium, where he threw out the first pitch to promote MasterCard’s support of Stand Up 2 Cancer.

Lopez didn’t speak about TBS’s decision – Lopez Tonight will end its almost two-year run on Thursday – but he made it clear that without Bullock, he may never have made it to late night TV at all.

“She invested in me, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. And with that, and just who she is, she has my undying love, and my undying loyalty,” he said. “Every day I thank her for believing in me.”

Of course, Lopez is not the only lucky one in the Oscar winner’s life. She now has baby Louis to dote on. “I can only say that I did not have a mother, and I would have very much liked that one to be mine!” Lopez says with a laugh. “She’s already my fairy godmother, but any child that gets to be in Sandra Bullock’s arms is going to be a great person.”

Though his talk show is now over, it certainly sounds like Lopez has a good outlook on life in general.

“I live every day like an 11th grader,” he says. “Not a senior, because then you have to worry about college, but when you’re in 11th grade, you know you’re coming back to the same school with the same friends. So, I try to enjoy myself and live life every day.”

[From People]

Bullock produced his old sitcom, and they've been friends for years. I'm not sure if she can dig him out of this hole, though. In the past few years, Lopez has had several personal and professional problems. There were lots of rumors about how he was screwing hookers behind his wife's back (the same wife who gave him a kidney), and then he and his wife split up shortly after that report. Then, there were all of the problems with his show, which was at best hacky, and at worst, rude and dysfunctional. So, am I reading this interview correctly? Is this Lopez's plea to Bullock to give him a job?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

AnnaLynne McCord is a bikini gladiator

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 07:21 AM PDT

Kaiser and I were shooting the e-mail breeze this morning trying to figure out what to cover next. She e-mailed me that I could do the new Shanae Grimes pics and I was all “I don’t see them, but maybe I’ll do AnnaLynne McCord since she’s half dressed and there’s not much else” (I’m paraphrasing, which is weird because I may as well just cut and paste.) Then Kaiser responded (this is a cut ‘n paste) “that’s who I meant. Grr… my bad.” I get how it’s easy to confuse them, since they’re both on 90210, but they look totally different. When they’re not on your radar it’s easy to substitute them though.

So here’s AnnaLynne McCord, 24, in a bizarre pea green bikini and knee pads clutching a pugil stick.* I don’t watch the new 90210 so I have no clue about this chick’s character or anything, but just judging from the paparazzi photos taken on set they take her clothes off a lot. Like the last time I reported on McCord, (It was about her new romance with Dominic Purcell of Prison Break, 41, - too old for her!) there were photos of her filming the show in her undies and getting doused with water. Then earlier this year they painted her skin blue and did her up as a sexy Na’vi from Avatar. It looks like producers are trying to fulfill male fantasies with McCords’ outfits. I mean, knee pads? Please.

There are plenty of “candid” bikini pictures of McCord though, so it doesn’t seem like producers are forcing her to show off her tight abs. I notice those first off when I see these pictures, then my eye is drawn to her hair. It’s awful, like they tried to give her a Snooki poof but didn’t straighten it first. No one cares about her hair though when she’s working abs like that.

*Kaiser figured that out for me, I’m slow today.

Photo credit: Fame Pictures

Kim Kardashian looks awful & Kris Humphries might be “the prisoner groom”

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 07:05 AM PDT

Did you know there's a magazine called "World's Most Beautiful"? There is, and Kim Kardashian is their first cover girl. The cover is in 3D, in case you care. That's why Kim is wearing the 3D glasses in some of the photos. But I'm more interested in the photos where you can really see her face. Now, I have long maintained that Kim's face has gotten a massive overhaul, and that she's full of Botox, fillers, lip injections and God knows what else. But one thing that I rarely take into account is the fake eyelashes. They give her face such a weird look, right? It's like she's attached gigantic tarantulas to her eyes.

By the way, we're in full countdown mode for Kim's wedding. It's next week, on the 20th. Kim has invited every dumb celebrity you can imagine, but I seriously doubt all of them are going to show up. I mean, will Jennifer Lopez come to Kim's wedding? No, right? And while Kim obsesses over every little detail, it seems like Kris Humphries has just started to realize how deep it's gotten. Kris tweeted yesterday, "Time is moving fast." Ya think? Oh, what will happen if he pulls a runner? He's the dude version of Charlene Wittstock, I think. The prisoner groom.

What's worse? Apparently, Kim refused to invite many of Kris's relatives, and Kris has been fighting with Kim's mom, Kris Jenner. In Touch Weekly's insider claims that Kris Jenner is "a stage mother with a type-A personality. She controls her daughters’ lives, and already she’s trying to control Kris’ as well. She turned into the mother-in-law from hell as soon as Kris proposed.” The insider also has Kris Jenner telling Kris Humphries, "Kim isn’t becoming a Humphries. You’re becoming a Kardashian. Deal with it!” Poor Kris Humphries.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Gwyneth Paltrow thinks it’s peasanty to have a bathtub in the bathroom

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 06:08 AM PDT

Our beloved Dame Gwyneth has deigned to appear in a magazine for peasanty home interiors. What I find hardest to believe is that Gwyneth's smug, insipid face isn't front and center on the cover - she only appears inside the magazine in a brief interview about those items she simply cannot live without. You can read the whole piece here, in the form of a slideshow to illustrate all of Gwyneth's "must-haves". Some of her picks aren't too eye-rolly. She likes fresh, seasonal flowers "casually arranged" and she likes those star lanterns that I see in nearly every house in every design magazine. But Gwyneth always has to say something that brings on a groan - and this time, it's where she keeps her bathtub:

Act, cook, write, sing: Gwyneth Paltrow famously loves to do it all. So it comes as no surprise to hear that she is also a serious design buff. Last year, she and her husband, rocker Chris Martin of the band Coldplay, combined two London townhouses with the help of his architect brother, Al Martin. They restored the period details and added such funky touches as a rumpus room for the couple's two children and a skull-and-crossbones motif on the library's mantel. Paltrow—whose lifestyle website GOOP will release iPad and iPhone apps this fall—may one day design her own furniture and tabletop collections. "That's kind of the dream," she says. "Maybe when the kids are older." See some of Gwyneth's favorites here and check out the September issue of ELLE DECOR, on newsstands August 16, for the rest.

1. De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper
I indulged with one wall in my London living room covered in a gorgeous pattern.

2. Seasonal Flowers
I like single-variety arrangements—peonies, hydrangeas, and white lilies—casually arranged.

3. Darren Almond's Photography
His arresting, large-scale artwork brings a sense of majesty to a room.

4. Charles Edwards Star Lanterns
I hung three of these at different levels in the stair hall so that we could pass them on our way up to bed at night.

5. Antonio Lupi Baia Tub
It's in the middle of my bedroom—perfect for a relaxing wind-down and for bathing the kids.

6. Juxtaposed: Religion Shelf
Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur'an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion).

7. Clothbound Penguin Classics
These gorgeous editions make the books so tempting to pick up, again and again. The ultimate cure for sore muscles.

8. YUBZ Retro Handset
A handset cuts down on cellphone radiation. I use this one for my BlackBerry calls.

[From Elle Décor]

A bathtub in the middle of her bedroom? All of us dumb peasants with our bathtubs in the bathroom. Dame Gwyneth thinks less of us. Also, "Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur'an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion)." But I thought she was Jewish? Maybe she's just talking about how she shows off her superficially religious diversity. Same with the clothbound books - like regular hardcovers and paperbacks are too peasanty for her.

Oh, and the retro handset thing is just cool:

Photos courtesy of Elle Décor & WENN.

Kate Moss & her amazing wedding cover Vogue’s September issue

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 05:36 AM PDT

I was trying to find a way to organize some of the best excerpts from Kate Moss's Vogue cover story - all about her wedding, behind-the-scenes, plus a great interview - but it would be better for you to just go to Vogue and read the piece, and while you're there, check out the slideshow of Mario Testino's photos. All of it is enchanting! And that's coming from someone who isn't a huge fan of Kate historically. Okay, here are some of the best excerpts:

Why Kate decided to accept Jamie Hince's proposal: After a romantic trip to Thailand two years into their liaison, Kate recalls, "we were just so loved up, and he asked me to marry him every day." But it was curling up together in front of the compelling British television documentary series Big Fat Gypsy Weddings that appears to have sealed the deal. "I am so romantic about Gypsies," Kate explains. "They're not allowed to do anything until they get married. So they all get married really young, at sixteen. You can't believe the dresses. They're like blinging butterflies times ten; they can't move down the aisle! It's so genius. I was just watching Jamie, so cute, and I was like, these girls, they just spend their whole life waiting for that day—let's do it!"

Kate does yoga: Mario is shooting the couple for Vogue at a magnificent seventeenth-century Cotswolds mansion. "I so want a stately home," sighs Kate, admiring the rolling Capability Brown landscape. At 37, she looks ravishing; she attributes her honed form to Jivamukti yoga. "They call it moving meditation," she says. "It's loud, loud music, so it's dynamic, not boring."

Pre-wedding jitters: In the pictures you can feel the love, but off-camera nerves are fragile. The groom-to-be "is terrified," says Kate. His prospective bride is in denial. "Let's put it this way," she says. "If I didn't have my friends. . . . I don't know how people do it. I've had big birthday parties, and I've thrown parties for other people, but this is a completely different thing. It's the Met Ball! Because you have to look at every piece of cutlery; the details are intense. And then you wake up thinking about the ballet shoes for the girls; is the satin ribbon right? I've gone mental. Jamie thinks I'm mad, asking, 'Are you gonna be all right? After the wedding, I'm hoping you'll get back to normal!'"

Church drama: She had originally wanted to get married in the enchanting twelfth-century church at the bottom of her garden, but as it proved too small even for her intimate wedding party (138 guests have been invited to the church ceremony; 39 of those are children), she decided on St. Peter's Church, in the neighboring village of Southrop, where Lila Grace, her eight-year-old daughter with journalist Jefferson Hack, was christened.

The mood Kate was aiming for: "I wanted it to be kind of dreamy and 1920s, when everything is soft-focus," says Kate. "The Great Gatsby. The code name was GG for a while. That light and that kind of fun decadence. It's rock-'n'-roll Great Gatsby!" There will be Edwardian marquees in her field and a circus tent for the children, with a miniature drum kit and their own DJ and tepees for them to sleep in. A stage is being built by hand, "which I'm going to keep for festivals for the future," she explains.

The bridesmaids & flower girls: There are sixteen bridesmaids and flower girls, ages two to fourteen. "They are so good together," says Kate. The children all clearly adore Kate the den mother; she loves nothing more than having her own houses in town and country thronging with them. She even installed a swing in her London dressing room but packed away the precious clothes after they started seeing a bit too much wear and tear.

Kate's daughter: Lila Grace is very much in control as she corrals the other children and then executes some dance moves to entertain them (she has a ballet performance on the weekend). Her mother's friends laughingly compare her to Absolutely Fabulous's Saffy, the studious, long-suffering daughter to Kate's giddy Edina. "Mummy, are you stressed?" she asks solicitously at one point.

The dress: In the flurry of pre-wedding madness and nerves, the one thing that is keeping Kate sane is the dress. With characteristic loyalty, she has asked her beleaguered friend John Galliano to work on this. "When I put the dress on, I'm really happy," says Kate. "I forget about everything." She wanted "a classic Galliano, those chiffon thirties kind. I've lived in his dresses for years, and they just make me feel so comfortable. But it's so much more couture, couture, couture. Oh, my God, the work that's going into the dress!" They discussed everything on the phone, and then, when John was out of rehab for the first of four marathon fittings, he brought her "bags full of bits, and pulled tulle and sequins and veils and flowers out. And then we just kind of pinned things together, like the old days, you know?"

Everyone waits for Naomi Campbell: Naomi, in a flurry of lemon-yellow Givenchy gauze, is the last to arrive, so all is right with the world ("Trying to upstage me, bitch?" says Kate, laughing).

The end: At a quarter to five (a.m.) Kate reappears, looking like a Pre-Raphaelite wood sprite in the diaphanous silk-tulle 1930s wedding dress that Katy England found for her bachelorette party, and proceeds to execute an exuberant tango. Everyone's mother is still on the dance floor. (At her bachelorette weekend, "my mum was the last to leave," says Kate, laughing. "The last man standing, my mum was!")

[From Vogue]

Haha, Kate is lucky she didn't get a face full of phone for calling Naomi a bitch to her face. Hysterical. Honestly, though, I'm not a wedding person, but Kate's wedding looks and sounds so beautiful and lovely. I think that's the good part about getting married well into your 30s - you know your own personality, you know what you want, you have your priorities straight, and you can give yourself a great, unique wedding.

Photos courtesy of Vogue/Testino.

Khloe & Kourtney Kardashian look horrible, pissed off at their bridesmaid fittings

Posted: 11 Aug 2011 04:58 AM PDT

Kim Kardashian keeps telling people that she wants her wedding to be comparable to the royal wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William. She views herself as an American princess, and she's using the royal wedding as her scale, her dream, her aspiration for how her wedding will be. Sure, you could be offended by that. But why not just laugh? It's just funny. Anyway, I brought that up because one of the things that made me respect our Duchess Kate was that she gave her sister Pippa a really beautiful maid of honor gown. Kate, in a bout of amazing graciousness on HER day, let her sister look lovely. Do you think Kim will do the same for her bridesmaids?

These are new photos of Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian arriving at for their dress fittings in LA. Neither of them look happy! Neither of them arrived looking very good to start with, and I imagine the mood went even further downhill when the fittings began. Of course Vera Wang makes beautiful gowns. But I'm just guessing that Kim picked the worst of the best. There are already some details about the dresses - they seem to be a weird pinky-eggplant color, and they're short.

Should we even discuss what Khloe and Kourtney wore to the fitting? Which is worse? I can't even decide. I guess Khloe's is worse, because I can see how Kourtney may have fooled herself into thinking she looked cute (she doesn't). But Khloe! Jesus, girl. Hot pink harem/hammer Capri pants in the form of a JUMPSUIT?!? How does so much unflattering fugness go into ONE jumpsuit?

Photos courtesy of Fame & Pacific Coast News.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Cele|bitchy

Cele|bitchy

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