Crushable |
- Jersey Shore Field Notes: … and Twins!
- Am I Right Ladies? Qoops, I Just Qreamed Myself
- You Know You’re In an Absurd Ashley Judd Movie If…
- Kate Bosworth And Alexander Skarsgård Land Twin BlackBook Covers
- Video: Rescue Cats Make Jail 100% More Adorable
- Conspiracy Theory: Ryan Rottman Is Trevor Donovan’s Replacement on 90210, Not His Love Interest
- Crushable Exclusive: Watch a Clip from Tanner Hall
- An Imagined Conversation Between Justin Bieber and Will Ferrell Backstage at the Do Something Awards
- Video: The Evolution of Dance in Movies
- Cutegreggator: OMG, Baby Foxes!
| Jersey Shore Field Notes: … and Twins! Posted: 19 Aug 2011 11:06 AM PDT
1:00 – A pigeon appears. It startles Sitch and he falls off the bed. It’s basically a Hitchcock film. 2:00 – Snooki and Ronnie are bonding because they both like to work out and drink alcohol. They decide to go to the gym. They are 100% compatible on eHarmony. 3:00 – Snooki and Ronnie get hopelessly lost on the streets of Florence. Neither can read a map. They are 100% compatible on JDate. 4:00 – Deena and Sam go out to eat. Deena hits on the waiter. "So you have phone number?" "Yeah." "Do you want me to have your phone number?" As they're walking away, Deena says to Sammi, "He actually speaks well English." And she would know. Presumably, Deena will call him and then they will go off and discover fire together. 5:00 – Snooki and Ronnie finally find the gym. There's a creepy old trainer who hits on Snooki. She screams, "I can feel your wiener," which is English for "prosciutto." 6:00 – Our specimens go out to the club. Brittany is bringing her twin sister, who is of the exact same make and model. 7:30 – Deena's waiter friend arrives. They make out and then they invent the wheel. 9:00 – Brittany arrives with her twin, Erica, who is perhaps even blonder. The Situation tells the twins he’s going to take them home later, but that they should leave him alone now. Then he sets off to find another girl. 13:00 – The Situation’s new girl ditches him. He decides to go home and call the twins. 14:00 – Deena takes her waiter friend who speaks well English home. He tells him that she is not an “easy” girl, meaning she spends a lot of time straightening her hair, and says she just wants to cuddle. He understands that means no copulating, on account of speaking well English. 15:00 – The Situation leaves a message for one of his twins, via telephone, and that twin relays it to the other twin, via telepathy. 15:30 – Deena makes out with her waiter in her bed. Vinny gets angry because he wants to go to sleep in the room. 16:00 – Deena loses her shit. She screams at the males and tells them to leave her alone and let her cuddle with Signore Waiter. Diagnosis: Steroids?! 17:00 – The next morning, the twins call. Ronnie decides to play a prank on Sitch, which is that he pretends to be Sitch and invites the girls over. (Note: what a prank!) 18:00 – The twins arrive, chewing Doublemint gum. Sitch is surprised to see them, but takes them to breakfast anyway. He speaks about wanting to copulate with the twins. (Note: put an intern on researching the incest habits of Jerseyites.) 25:00 – Sam and Ron go out to a romantic dinner, on a rooftop. Perhaps Ron’s hoping Sammi will jump. 27: 00 – Sam and Ron discuss their relationship and decide to get back together, because this time it will be different. (See: definition of insanity.) 34:00 – It’s back to the club for our specimens. They truly come alive here. Vinny even says, “We’re in Italy right now, in case you’re wondering,” which displays impressive cognitive abilities. 35:00 – Brittany and Erica, the twins, arrive. They have become conjoined over the course of the day, which is an even hotter threesome fantasy. 36:00 – Deena picks a hotter twin and it’s Erica. (Diagnosis: 20/20 vision.) 37:00 – It comes out that Twin Erica is a virgin. However, she lives vicariously through her sister, and even sometimes watches her copulate. She has learned to experience orgasm this way. 38:00 – Deena moves in on hotter twin Erica. They make out. Deena has stolen Mike’s chick, and the two must now have a peacock-feather face off, which is like a tribal dance, but with body shots. 40:00 – Deena and Erica make their way to Deena’s bed and make out. Deena claims to be bicurious, which means she’s only gay on days that end with wine. 42:00 – The Situation grooms his peacock feathers. 43:00 – Somehow, Erica has ended up in Vinny’s bed. But what! Perhaps it was Brittany the whole time. 44:00 – Ronnie tells everyone about how Sitch and Snooki hooked up. JWOWW relays this to Snooki. Snooki drops the baton. 45:00 – Deena goes back into her room and retrieves Erica from Vinny’s bed. Erica readily switches. (Diagnosis:Erica is bi-confused.) 49:00 – Snooki is furious. She calls Sitch a liar and claims they never copulated. His peacock feathers begin to fall off, one by one. 51:00 – Deena changes her mind about keeping Erica in her bed. She sends her back to Vinny. Dizzy, Erica vomits. 55:00 – Everyone in the house is fighting. Snooki and Sitch are opposing Generals, and everyone must choose sides. No one’s coming out of this one alive. 56:00 – Sitch says, “The truth will set you free, Snooki.” (Note: that was the original Biblical quote, although there was an “E” at the end of “Snookie.”) Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Am I Right Ladies? Qoops, I Just Qreamed Myself Posted: 19 Aug 2011 10:18 AM PDT
But seriously, why the Q? Well, according to the concoction's creator, rapper Pharrell Williams, it is a "truly elegant experience for the modern day queen and her court of friends." Awwww, hear that ladies? To him, we're all just a bunch of queens. Sounds like somebody's been watching What Women Want on repeat. And what women want, obviously, is to get royally drunk, amirightladies? If you feel a little funny drinking something for us that's not by us, just hear Mr. Williams out. He told Rap-Up, "I looked at the market, I looked at the holes out there, and it felt like indulgence and women were two things that were being neglected." Maybe they're neglected because you're supposed to do more than LOOK at the holes, amirightladies? As delicious as a Peach Créme martini sounds, I found some holes of my own in Pharrell's logic and, much like me, they need some plugging. There are lots of women's drinks on the alcohol market, and I'm not just talking about the Razzamatazz Smirnoff Ice. For starters, what about Real Not-Actual Housewife Bethenny Frankel's Skinnygirl Cocktails? Only 134 calories per 5 oz. serving, y'all! The only way to get lower-calorie than that is to not drink—and clearly that's not an option. Her SG Margarita was so popular, she launched a Sangria version. Bonus is that it's white wine, so now the only stains you'll have to worry about are from your tears after you finish a whole bottle by yourself! Or what about Nuvo, the sparkling liquor? What do we ladies love more than sparkles, seltzer, and getting soused? Answer: finding a husband. But until we do, there's Nuvo. According to their website, it's the "ultimate accessory," like a sassy belt for your liquor cabinet. It's also a "lifestyle choice for trendy individuals," kind of like alcoholism is for sad people. And speaking of pink drinks, I'd be doing my three-day hangover a real disservice to leave out X-Rated Fusion, "a sensuous blend of ultra-premium French vodka and rich blood oranges, mingling with mangos and passion fruit." Single Lady Tip: Always drink a liqueur that is sexier than you. While your drink mingles with mangoes, you'll be mingling with MAN(gos). Their website even provides XPerience tips like how to Flirt Fabulous or host Pajama Parties. My point is that the market is more saturated with lady alcohol than people might think, and I'm just happy to see how far we've come. You can forget Pharrell and run to your local liquor store right now and marvel at all the options we have. Or, in the words of Inglourious Basterds‘ Hans Landa, you can "wait for the qréme." Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| You Know You’re In an Absurd Ashley Judd Movie If… Posted: 19 Aug 2011 09:54 AM PDT Did you know that Ashley Judd has a new movie out? Neither did we, until we stumbled across the trailer for Flypaper, a bank robbery comedy from the writers of The Hangover. It fits Ashley’s movie M.O. pretty cleanly: It makes no sense. She plays a bank teller, and Patrick Dempsey is the guy secretly in love with her. They confront this attraction when they both get stuck in the bank while rival robbers compete to steal all the money first. Huh? Yep, this plot’s pretty bizarre, but it’s not even the worst of it. Why don’t we take a stroll through Ashley’s IMDb page and the inexplicable plots of her well-known movies? Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Kate Bosworth And Alexander Skarsgård Land Twin BlackBook Covers Posted: 19 Aug 2011 09:49 AM PDT Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgård might not be a couple anymore, but that didn’t stop BlackBook from putting them both on the cover of their September issue. For added hotness, they put them in identical-looking tuxedos, which each pulled off with aplomb. Who wore it better? Click through to see the one of Kate Bosworth. She looks good in a tux, no? This photo shows off a potential for androgyny I didn’t know Kate Bosworth had. Maybe she’ll play a lesbian or a drag king in a movie. That would rule. But what’s up with the weird Marilyn Manson contacts, you ask? Don’t know, don’t care. Too busy adding Kate Bosworth to my “list.” (You know, the list of famous people you’re allowed to cheat on your boyfriend with? Don’t pretend like you don’t have one.) This photo just might be my favorite of the two. Then again, former Bosworth beau A-Skars knocks it out of the park. I’m not sure there’s much in this world that’s hotter than Eric Northman in a tuxedo. His is a look that says, “just because I’m taking you out to a fancy gala doesn’t mean I’m not potentially going to bite you later.” And I’d be cool with that. You know what? I’m calling a tie. They are both eminently fuckable, okay? Time for a tie-breaking round of naked wrestling. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Video: Rescue Cats Make Jail 100% More Adorable Posted: 19 Aug 2011 08:49 AM PDT Well, this is just heartwarming. Inmates at a Nebraska jail who volunteered at a local animal shelter were recently given the chance to adopt two cats from the shelter, making jail suck just a little bit less for them. “I wondered how those would work out in the jail as far as helping the guys pass time,” said Jerome Kramer, the sheriff who had the idea, “and just feel a little more at ease.” Wow, that’s way nicer than I expected a sheriff in Nebraska to be to inmates. “…And possibly less destructive to our new facility.” Aaaah, I see. The inmates look unspeakably happy to be petting and playing with the two kitties, Nemo and Sarge, especially that first one. Look at that boyish grin! What’s he in for, stealing lollipops? Another inmate featured, a slightly more imposing looking fellow, is into it, too. “It just brings out the soft part in you, like when your kids do,” he explained. Time spent with a furry friend is time spent not shanking anyone. There are actually a bunch of animal-related programs in jails across the country, and studies have shown that they help make inmates feel less stressed and hence less likely to start trouble. In one, inmates train shelter dogs to make them adoptable, saving the dogs’ lives and learning a valuable job skill in the process. Most inmates do eventually get released, and it helps keep them from committing more crimes if they are not hard, hollow husks of people when they walk out of there. Adorable animals: rehabilitating America’s prison population, one cuddle at a time. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Conspiracy Theory: Ryan Rottman Is Trevor Donovan’s Replacement on 90210, Not His Love Interest Posted: 19 Aug 2011 08:25 AM PDT
People are assuming that he’ll be Teddy’s new fling and will inspire the younger guy (who came out last season) to stand up for gay rights. But I think that Ryan’s character serves another purpose: Helping Trevor Donovan to transition off the show. We know that Trevor’s got only about five episodes in the fall before he officially leaves the show; in that time, the writers can easily introduce Shane, position him within the group, and have him — as awful as this sounds — still represent the queer plotlines once Trevor exits. I still think that the writers might kill off Teddy with a hate crime… and what more dramatic way than if it happened while he was fighting for gay marriage? If you think about it, Shane’s age fits well; all of the characters are moving on to college, so it’s conceivable that he’s an older student or recent graduate at “California University” or wherever the main characters end up going to school. We’ll know for sure when season 4 premieres on Tuesday, September 13 on The CW. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Crushable Exclusive: Watch a Clip from Tanner Hall Posted: 19 Aug 2011 07:42 AM PDT Tanner Hall’s a new flick about a group of girls who come of age at an all-girls boarding school in New England. The film stars Rooney Mara, Brie Larson and Georgia King. Crushable scored an exclusive clips from the film, and in it, Georgia’s character arrives at Tanner Hall for the first time. She’s accompanied by her cold, fashionable mother, who emerges from the car clad in beautiful wardrobe designed by Diane von Furstenberg. Post from: Crushable  |
| An Imagined Conversation Between Justin Bieber and Will Ferrell Backstage at the Do Something Awards Posted: 19 Aug 2011 07:18 AM PDT The Do Something Awards aired last night on VH1, and celebs were on hand to honor do-gooders and proponents of social change. Will Ferrell and Justin Bieber were both in attendance, and the two even ended up sitting next to one another backstage. Here’s the conversation we imagine they’re having: Will: Good to see you, Justin. How have you been? (via Getty) Post from: Crushable  |
| Video: The Evolution of Dance in Movies Posted: 19 Aug 2011 06:51 AM PDT Ever wondered how we got from Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire to Napoleon Dynamite‘s dance routine? YouTube user mewlists, who brought you the “25 best unscripted scenes” video that we posted a few days ago, has compiled 100 iconic dance sequences that span 90 years of film. In-between the ones mentioned above are such new classics as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie‘s steamy tango from Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Billy Elliot giving in to the music, and Steve Carell and co. gallivanting to “The Age of Aquarius” at the end of The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Who knew there was so much dance in so many genres of film? You’ve got musical, indie comedy, parody, rom-com, animated… Dance really is the great unifier. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Cutegreggator: OMG, Baby Foxes! Posted: 19 Aug 2011 06:46 AM PDT
Post from: Crushable  |
(By an anthropologist)
Time to toss the rosé, girls—there's a new pink drink in town, and she came to party. It's called 
Or to clarify, not just his love interest. EW just announced that Ryan Rottman, from TeenNick’s “celebrity offspring” drama Gigantic, is heading to West Bev this fall. 
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