Crushable |
- Lindsay Lohan’s Defamation Lawsuits, In the Order in Which She Should Actually Worry About Them
- The Daily WTF: Invisibility Cloaks for Sale
- Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Cake Looked Suspiciously Like A Butt Plug
- Camp Week Color War: Celebs with Blue Hair
- Video: Lindsay Lohan Is Banksy
- Kim Kardashian’s Pretty Cheap When It Comes to Wedding Favors
- Gallery: What Did Everyone Wear to Kim Kardashian’s Wedding?
- Camp Week Video Gallery: The Best Camping Episodes from TV
- True Blood Sex Recap: Teasing the Wolfdong
- Crush Links: Have Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber Called It Quits?
| Lindsay Lohan’s Defamation Lawsuits, In the Order in Which She Should Actually Worry About Them Posted: 22 Aug 2011 10:59 AM PDT
The Lohans are notorious about crying wolf at even the smallest joke, so we’ve arranged Lindsay’s cases in order from non-issues to actual problems for her image. ABOUT AS IRRITATING AS A MOSQUITO BITE: Glee‘s Spanish diss Speaking of Dina, Lindsay’s momager told the press she was frothing mad last fall when Glee made Lindsay the butt of a joke. When Gwyneth Paltrow‘s substitute teacher is taking over Mr. Schue’s Spanish class, she asks in Spanish, “Lindsey Lohan is totally crazy, right?” (Their misspelling, not ours.) When teaching the kids how to count to five, she offers, “How many times has Lindsay Lohan been to rehab?” In the realm of defamation, this is nothing. It wasn’t even a creative insult! YOU’RE KIND OF ASKING FOR IT: Pitbull’s “Give Me Everything” lyrics Neither Pitbull nor the song’s writers Ne-Yo and Afrojack actually say anything negative about Lindsay’s character. They’re just stating a fact: She has been in jail. Jail cells, one can reasonably assume, are locked. It’s actually a pretty smart play on words, you guys. THIS MIGHT MAKE GETTING FUTURE JOBS A PROBLEM: The E*Trade “milk-a-holic” Lindsay actually settled this one for an unspecified amount of money, but the whole case really just made her look like a baby. Ironic, since that’s what she protested: E*Trade’s commercial where two babies were arguing over why the boy baby didn’t call the girl the night before. The girlfriend asks, “Were you hanging out with that milk-a-holic Lindsay?” and on cue, a girl baby pops into view from the boyfriend’s side hiccuping, “Milk-a-what?” The best part was when Lindsay’s lawyers said that E*Trade violated her rights by using her “name and characterization” without her approval. Imagine a Regina George voice when I say this: So, you admit you’re an alcoholic? OKAY, THIS COULD MAKE A LOT OF PEOPLE LOOK BAD: Satirical biopic Dogs in Pocketbooks The Lohans immediately jumped on Dogs in Pocketbooks, a satire of celebrity culture with a specific focus on Lindsay and her disastrous career. While screenwriter Charles Casillo didn’t hide the identity of his “muse” when he first announced the project, the Lohans’ reaction made him backtrack a bit and claim that the main character was a composite of all young, wild Hollywood actresses: Lindsay, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and even going back to Marilyn Monroe. Unless Lindsay’s people put an injunction on this one, Lydia Hearst Shaw will play the movie’s unhinged starlet heroine. OH SHIT THIS IS ACTUALLY A PROBLEM: The suits against Lindsay The lesson here is that Lindsay needs to stop whining to the judges about how her name is being dragged through the mud and focus on the actual shit she’s knee-deep in. As if her arrest in 2007 — for stealing an SUV while under the influence of coke — weren’t bad enough, in 2008 three guys sued her for battery and false imprisonment during her wild ride that night. Lest you think, But that was three years ago, she’s turned things around, think about this: This past February, spray tan company Tanning Vegas sued Lindsay for an unpaid tanning bill of $25,000. So right now, her name is already synonymous with “drunken flake.” Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| The Daily WTF: Invisibility Cloaks for Sale Posted: 22 Aug 2011 10:33 AM PDT Why buy an invisibility cloak for 50% off when you can totally shoplift one for free? Maybe that’s why Borders Books and Music is rapidly going out of business. Silly Borders, you’ve got to put your invisibility cloaks in visible packaging. What would you do with an invisibility cloak? I’d probably use mine to take some pretty darn comfortable naps. Yeah! (via Funny or Die) Post from: Crushable  |
| Kim Kardashian’s Wedding Cake Looked Suspiciously Like A Butt Plug Posted: 22 Aug 2011 10:33 AM PDT We already know Kim Kardashian loves her ass. And why shouldn’t she? It’s big and wonderful and it made her famous. But I’m starting to think Kim Kardashian really loves her ass, you know, in a more than friends kind of way. How else can you explain the tribute to ass worship that was her wedding cake? According to Us Magazine, the happy couple neither smashed the cake in each other’s faces, nor passed it out to guests, because they knew that would have been gross. Instead, it just sat there watching over the festivities, a silent tribute to the bride and groom’s favorite bedroom activity. Impressively subtle for someone as T.M.I. as Kim Kardashian, but not so subtle as to go unnoticed by the Internet. Do you think the Internet doesn’t know what a butt plug looks like? Because it does. Did anyone ever consume the world’s most expensive ever novelty pastry, or did they flush it down the toilet like so much santorum? Did they donate it to a novelty soup kitchen? Or maybe they had…other plans for it? I will add updates as this breaking story develops.
Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Camp Week Color War: Celebs with Blue Hair Posted: 22 Aug 2011 09:49 AM PDT No Camp Week is complete without the summer camp staple that is the color war, and we’ve decided to let famous people do our fighting for us. Playing for the blue team, we’ve got Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Avril Lavigne, along with other celebs who have dyed the hairs on their head navy, teal or aquamarine. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Video: Lindsay Lohan Is Banksy Posted: 22 Aug 2011 09:12 AM PDT Did you know that master Kardashian-upstager Lindsay Lohan recently appeared in a music video for Florida douche rock band Miggs? In said video, she plays herself, with the absurd caveat that, wait for it…Lindsay Lohan is Banksy. That’s right, in between sexy photoshoots and walking the red carpet, she dons, um, fetish lingerie and a raincoat to apply subversive stencils to public walls. Well then. I know you’re supposed to suspend your disbelief when watching a work of fiction, but are we really supposed to believe that an American actress who cannot even shoplift effectively is the mind behind all that brilliant and illegal English street art? Not to mention, if she somehow was Banksy, there’s no way the attention hungry star could refrain from bragging to someone about it. This does a disservice to the beautiful souls in Miggs. How can I concentrate on this impressive work of modern rock with such a laughable premise thrown in my face? Jokes aside, it’s kind of sad to see LiLo working with an un-signed late 90′s alternative band that sounds like a cross between Train and Puddle of Mudd, and whose website contains such fonts as these: You can do better, girl. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Kim Kardashian’s Pretty Cheap When It Comes to Wedding Favors Posted: 22 Aug 2011 08:52 AM PDT
According to Us Magazine, here’s what Kim and Kris gave out as wedding favors:
This is the kind of list you’d see for recent college grads trying to cobble together sentimental, inexpensive gifts for their guests — not a reality star whose wedding includes friends like Justin Bieber and Will Smith. Where are the diamonds, the free horse-drawn carriage rides, the custom grills?? It’s especially glaring since Kim asked for such expensive versions of standard wedding gifts (dishware, figurines, clocks) and yet cut corners on her guests’ favors. Grazia reports that Kim didn’t skimp on the reception: Guests dined on a ten-tiered wedding cake and $400,000 worth of champagne. Did we mention that Kim is raking in $17.9 million for the wedding itself? Yes, she is being paid for her nuptials: There’s the exclusive photos to be released by People, the four-hour, two-part TV special, and bridal shower pics for OK! Magazine. So you would think she could’ve spared a little more expense to thank her guests for being part of her (happy, loving) media shitshow. Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| Gallery: What Did Everyone Wear to Kim Kardashian’s Wedding? Posted: 22 Aug 2011 08:34 AM PDT The cultural event of the year is behind us. That’s right, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are officially man and wife, so the world can resume spinning on its axis. Full-length pictures of Kim in her dress won’t be released until People shills out $1.5 million for them (seriously), but E!‘s got some first-look images from the event. The dress code was strictly black and white; take a look at what folks like Kourtney, Khloe and Lindsay Lohan wore. Post from: Crushable  |
| Camp Week Video Gallery: The Best Camping Episodes from TV Posted: 22 Aug 2011 08:09 AM PDT Summer camp: It’s one of the greatest universal experiences for our generation, what with the adventure of going away from home for a week or two and all of the different people we meet. So it’s no surprise that TV shows jumped on the bandwagon to put their characters into the great outdoors. The characters from One Tree Hill, Are You Afraid of the Dark, Family Guy, and more bond, run from bears, lose weight, and hook up. Yep, sounds like camp to us. Huge This whole series was about camping — fat camp, to be precise, and the insecure, resistant, hopeful teenagers who populate it. It’s really too bad that it didn’t make it past one summer season: My So-Called Life creator Winnie Holzman wrote it with her daughter, and critics hailed Huge for showing an unflinching, sympathetic look at overweight characters. Over the show’s sole season, it addressed overeating, divorce, and first love, and even managed to poke fun at fitness celebrities like Jillian Michaels. One Tree Hill – “(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight” Poor Julian – this is where OTH‘s habit of making fun of him begins. Julian wants to join the guys’ camping trip, but is worried since, as he confesses to his girlfriend Brooke, “I don’t have homies.” Here’s how Julian becomes a man: He ziplines, hears the grisly details of Nathan and Brooke’s high school sex tape, and gets his first-ever fist-bump. Aww! (You can watch more detailed clips here and here.) Related posts: Post from: Crushable  |
| True Blood Sex Recap: Teasing the Wolfdong Posted: 22 Aug 2011 08:02 AM PDT
But why talk about how much I hate this show when we could be talking about sex? Overall, "Let's Get Out of Here" was a total tease—and I'm not just referring to the almost-glimpses of Jessica's boobs and Alcide's wolfdong. No, the biggest offender was Sookie's awful dream sequence, a mostly nauseating waste of time that didn't even give us the money shot. Hey, True Blood, if you're going to build up to a Sookie-Eric-Bill threesome, you've got to give us a little more than the vamps double-teaming her neck. Three-way kiss maybe? Just a suggestion. What was the point of the scene, anyway? (Other than to reinforce the series' fetish for unsubtle, poorly-shot fantasy sequences.) Sookie told Eric and Bill that she loved them both, which is—as she kind of admitted—a cop-out answer. It also does nothing to move the plot forward, since the actual vampires in question didn't get to hear the speech. Still, I wouldn't have minded some good, kinky fun, and it seemed as though we were about to get that. But suddenly Sookie woke up, and I threw my remote at the television, and we both had a good cry. Not that the scene was particularly sexy up to that point. I'm reminded of the Annie Hall joke: "Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know, and such small portions.'" Meanwhile, Sam took Luna camping, because having sex in the woods is the hot new thing on True Blood. They did indeed get down in a tent, after Sam let Luna (and the audience) know that he had a separate tent for Luna's daughter. Still, I hope that kid is a heavy sleeper, because they weren't exactly keeping it down. And Jessica and Jason finally did the deed. Good on the two of them for waiting until Jessica was actually single. Bad on Jason for wasting no time in fucking his best friend's recent ex. And in the back of a truck, you guys—where is the class? The fact that they did it under the stars is only a minor consolation. There's not much to say about this pairing: the show insists they have some sort of deep sexual connection, as evidenced by their instant coupling, but I'm still not getting anything past, "We'd look even better naked!" No matter. It's been a long time since True Blood gave a second thought to its characters. It's probably obvious that I'm more frustrated than ever with this series, and there are two reasons for that. First, "Let's Get Out of Here" really was the worst episode of True Blood I've seen. Second, because we're nearing the end of the season, and there's not a chance in hell they're going to tie any of this shit together. I never had much faith in the show, but it's become such a hot mess, I can't even enjoy it for the gratuitous nudity. So here's hoping I can somehow tune out the crap over the next few weeks and concentrate solely on the happy humping. Here's hoping we all can. Post from: Crushable  |
| Crush Links: Have Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber Called It Quits? Posted: 22 Aug 2011 07:25 AM PDT
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As further proof that the world revolves around her, Lindsay Lohan has (totally reasonably) 
With all the money that Kim Kardashian is getting out of her lavish wedding to Kris Humphries, you would think that she could’ve afforded to splurge a little more on the guests’ party favors! 
I should probably stop calling every episode of True Blood the worst, because it really diminishes what I'm about to say: Sunday night's episode of True Blood was the worst. It was a dreadful hour of television, full of absurd plot developments, laughable sequences, and the most unbelievable accent since Marnie pulled an Antonia. Seriously, if there were more than three episodes left this season, I would have to weigh the joy I get from writing this column against the agony of watching True Blood.| You are subscribed to email updates from Crushable To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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