Thursday, March 17, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

MARCH SADNESS DAY 2: The 64 Saddest Movies Ever Battle It Out

Posted: 17 Mar 2011 08:49 AM PDT

It’s Day 2 of March Sadness, the tournament of 64 sad films to determine once and for all (in a subjective, totally interpretable manner) which is the saddest movie of all time.

Voting for Brackets C & D is now open, after the jump. Once again, here’s the full bracket:

You can still vote for Brackets A & B from yesterday – some of the matchups are still reasonably close (*COUGH* *COUGH* Dancer In The Dark is really effing sad), but the voting for all of Round 1 will conclude tomorrow morning so we can move on to Round 2 for the weekend.

Remember, the only criteria is "Which Movie Is Sadder?", not "Which Movie Is Better" – how you determine “sadder,” though, is up to you. Also, if you’re not familiar with either movie in a particular matchup or don’t feel sad-strongly towards one option or the other, you don’t have to vote in all the matchups.

So once again, vote, get sad, spread the sadness around, and argue over sadness in the comments. Misery loves a crowd.

Voting For ROUND ONE Continues After the Jump:










Voting will be open until Friday morning – we’ll move on to Round 2 tomorrow!

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Reality TV Knowledge Now A Requirement For The SATs

Posted: 17 Mar 2011 09:30 AM PDT

First of all, for those of you who might not know, the SAT now includes an essay portion. Second of all, one recent version of the test included an essay prompt that contained the following question about reality television: "How authentic can these shows be when producers design challenges for the participants and then editors alter filmed scenes?"

So, now SAT questions can just be based on things people complain about on blogs? Perhaps next year they’ll ask if the end of Lost was bullsh*t or not. “For an ABC show about a loosely constructed world where rules were always a bit hazy, is it okay for the finale to include even more hazy rules and never answer some of the deepest questions posed in the series?”

You have to imagine that some of the kids most pumped to do well on the SAT might be among the least likely to watch and have a serious opinion on reality television. If you have a tiger mom, you’re probably not watching a lot of Real Housewives.

And the whole reality TV vs. actual things tension has special meaning for me because it was the basis of the biggest fight I had with my roommate freshman year of college. It was Tuesday, the night of the 2002 midterm elections, and instead of election coverage, my roommate demanded to watch the new episode of The Real World on MTV. I tried to yell at him about the irony of wanting to watch a show called The Real World instead of coverage of an actual event that would shape the future of the real world, but I lost the argument. I’m still pretty bitter about it.

Best actual quote from a student who was upset about the reality show question: "I ended up talking about Jacob Riis and how any form of media cannot capture reality objectively. I kinda want to cry right now."

Thanks, The Daily What and New York Times.

127 Hours: The Wile E. Coyote Version

Posted: 17 Mar 2011 08:00 AM PDT

Here’s Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner starring in a wacky, hilarious rendition of the wacky, hilarious film 127 Hours. The animation on this video is insane for a two-minute throwaway internet joke, and the ending — which you think you see coming 127 miles away — is really perfectly Looney Tunes-ey.

I guess this movie just kind of got overlooked this year because of all the buzz behind the Porky Pig King’s Speech:

I’m just glad this didn’t happen to the daredevil penguin jumping across that pit — oh man, if he would’ve had to have bitten off part of his flipper? SO SAD. Although then he would’ve gotten to host the Oscars. And he’s already dressed for it! Some of that should’ve happened.

(via Gorillamask)

Wait, There’s THREE More Episodes Of Top Chef All-Stars??

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 02:08 PM PDT

On the eve of tonight’s “Bahamas Finale Part 2″ episode of Top Chef All-Stars, I double-checked online to see if it was the actual last episode of the season or if there’s another one next Wednesday. Turns out, I was double-wrong: There are THREE more episodes of Top Chef this season, and the actual Finale doesn’t air until March 30th.

The next three episodes, according to Wikipedia, are:

Episode 14: Island Fever (March 16)
Episode 15: The Last Supper (March 23)
Episode 16: Finale (March 30)

That’s right – There’s an episode called “The Last Supper” then ANOTHER episode after that (The Supper and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?). What is this, American Idol Presents The NBA Playoffs (Chef)?

That being said, in the interest of turning lemons into lemon two ways (which would’ve been better if we had less on the plate and stuck with one concept), we’ll continue stretching out our corresponding Top Chef coverage with an open poll question (after the jump):


How long do we really need to drag this out? Either Richard is gonna win and we’ll be pissed for waiting 75 weeks to see the outcome we expected from the first minute, or Richard doesn’t win and we’ll be pissed off because we waited 75 weeks just to get pissed off. It’s a classic no-not-pissed situation.

Here’s The Glee Kiss Everyone’s Talking About

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 01:00 PM PDT

IT HAS HAPPENED!! IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!!! We have been waiting for this day! Glee finally debuted a bunch of original songs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh wait. That’s not what everyone is excited about???? WHAT IS IT THEN!?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
kissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
Well then.
Clearly.

Yes, newborn angelface Charmin skin Kurt finally got some first base action from his long-time mancrush (all of ours, really) Blaine. It’s almost as though Ryan Murphy knew how unbearable Rachel has become, and as a reward for our faithfulness, repaid us with this glorious act of bromance. And right on time, actually, as my initial crushiness on Blaine had been waning. THERE IS SO MUCH HEAVY MAKE-OUT BREATHING HERE. For a show that officially jumped the shark at the beginning of the season, it’s nice to see they’re still throwing us little boners here and there.

Kyle Puccia’s Cover Of Rebecca Black’s Friday Is Somehow AMAZING

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 12:45 PM PDT

There is a singer songwriter named Kyle Puccia. He did a cover of Friday by Rebecca Black. It’s like some sort of commentary on postmodern commentaries on irony.

Whoops! Kyle Puccia just skipped the Grammys and went straight to winning a Nobel Price. He is the Albert Einstein of Rebecca Black cover song artists.

This is so amazing that you don’t even for a second question the fact that the guy is wearing dog tags. The bar for how amazing a thing has to be before you don’t question dog tags is very high, and Kyle Puccia cleared it with room to spare. I suppose there is the chance that he actually served in the army, but if he has a broad enough character spectrum to have both served in the military and successfully covered an internet meme as a joke, he should already be President.

Thanks, Reddit.

Meet Mrs. Chiggers: You Will Never Forget Her

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 12:31 PM PDT

Added to the list of people I have to meet before I die: The owners of Mrs. Chiggers. Not only because the name and the cat are hilarious, but because they are obvious internet rocket scientists of hilarity.

We’ve given you a template to place your own animal on the back of your car ahead, along with our suggestion.

We used our handy template (below) to make this:

NOW MAKE YOUR OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(via Buzzfeed)

Suri Cruise Bettah Work, Cover Girl, Do Your Thing

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 11:42 AM PDT

Our favorite celebrity offspring, Suri Cruise, just keeps getting bigger and bigger. For real, she’s like Bar Rafaeli’s size, and she’s, what, 4? No, really, she’s 4. She turns 5 next month. She looks like she’s right around the corner from hiring and firing a new personal assistant every week. I guess when your genes are made up of two of the most famous people in the world, Katie Holmes and Chris Klein (we kid), you’re pretty much guaranteed to be a hot toddler with better clothes than me.

Another Suri glamour queen shot ahead.

[via Splash]

Justin Bieber Gets Wax Statue, Finally Gets To Live Out Everyone’s Fantasy Of Squeezing Justin Bieber

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 11:08 AM PDT

When you’re Justin Bieber, you’ve got a lot of things going for yourself – youth, riches, benign nonthreatening Canadianness, ability to really lay into yourself with scathing Super Bowl commercial cameos, and a legion of crazed female tween-fans that is nearly Dan Hopperesque in size.

But there’s one thing that Justin Bieber will never get to do: Hug Justin Bieber. That is, UNTIL NOW:
I realize every time Madame Tussauds unveils a celebrity wax statue, we all reflexively make fun of how little that statue actually looks like the person, but in the case of this Bieber statue, once again, wow – let’s all make fun of how little that statue actually looks like the person. It looks like the teen-ified Leonardo DiCaprio from the beginning of Catch Me If You Can wearing a hair-colored Tron helmet.

After the jump, four more pics of Bieber & Fakeber:

“Whoa, I’m seein’ double here! Four Biebers!”

(via Getty Images)

DISTURBING NIGHTMARE MUSIC VIDEO CHALLENGE: How Much Of This Video Can You Watch?

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 11:42 AM PDT

There is a band called Detroit Grand Pubahs. They made a music video for a song they wrote called Sandwiches. While the video displays many different sandwich components over the course of its running time, it actually has very little to do with sandwiches and much more to do with some sort of bizarre sexual fetish carnival. It’s like a Tim and Eric video if Tim and Eric weren’t funny at all.

Can you watch this whole video? See how long you can make it. Oh, and just a heads up: There is immediately a dwarf in a tuxedo holding enormous pickles. Good luck!

So? Are you okay? How’d you do?

Obviously this was found on Space Ghetto which, as always, I will not link to because it is terrifying and I don’t want to get sued by all of your parents.

And, yes, this video was made roughly 11 years ago, but if you’ve already seen it, you’re really the one with the problem.

This Dog Cost $1.6 Million

Posted: 16 Mar 2011 12:31 PM PDT

A coal baron from Northern China bought an eleven month old red Tibetan Mastiff for ten million yuan ( just over one and a half million dollars). “I will give you ten million yuan for one lifetime with your puppy.” – Chinese Coal Baron to dog breeder.

It’s strange to think of a dog as “expensive,” but that is a really expensive dog. And you know that within three days, that coal baron is gonna be all like, “我倾斜相信I被支付十百万元那的事在我的地毯的粪!” (I can’t believe a paid ten million yuan for a thing that sh*t on my carpet.”)

Also the dog’s name is Big Splash.  According to multiple reports, that name translates in Chinese to “Hong Dong” which is scarily similar to what a racist person would guess that translates to.

Thanks, Huffpost Green Section, although I’m not sure what this has to do with the environment.
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