Cele|bitchy

Jessica Biel’s teal velvet suit: Elvis fug or rather cute?
Gwyneth Paltrow might not deign to record a country album for peasants
Angelina & Brad brought their kids to the ‘KFP 2′ premiere
Linnocent allegedly “only drank water” while cracked-out in Miami
Christina Hendricks claims her boobs are “so obviously real”
Catherine Deneuve lights up a cigarette at a Cannes photocall - nasty or her prerogative?
Russell Brand got deported from Japan, Katy Perry is sad
Nicole Kidman vs. Kylie Minogue at the Billboard Awards: Botox and black lace
Ke$ha vs. Nicki Minaj vs. Fergie: who was the worst-dressed?
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s secret 13 year-old son didn’t know that Arnold was his dad

Jessica Biel’s teal velvet suit: Elvis fug or rather cute?

Posted: 23 May 2011 08:51 AM PDT

Here are some new photos of Jessica Biel in head-to-toe velvet. Or is it velour? I think it's velvet. I have to admit… even though this is very costume-y and "Elvis has left the building"… I also kind of like it. Biel's style is usually so try-hard and awful, and this is a really lovely color on her. Sure, it's TOO MUCH, too much velvet, too much all of one color, but she's done much, much worse, you know? I usually hate those skinny pants too, but she looks nice in them.

Anyway, Biel is a Velvet Elvis today because she's doing some event for Revlon. Have you seen her Revlon mascara ads? They are HILARIOUS. Girl CANNOT act. She's so bad, I don't even "buy" that she's wearing mascara. And as for how overwhelmingly beautiful she is - you know how crushing her beauty is, and how her career suffers so much because of how gorgeous everyone thinks she is - well, the ads don't really make her look like anything special. I never really see what the fuss is all about regarding Biel's looks, though. Anyway, here's one of the ads:

Terrible line reading. "This is. The start of. Something big." DULL. That being said, if she wanted to sell me some hair product, I wouldn't be opposed to that. I really like this dark brunette she's working.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Gwyneth Paltrow might not deign to record a country album for peasants

Posted: 23 May 2011 08:33 AM PDT

For months now, we've been hearing about Gwyneth Paltrow's desire to sign a recording contract and record a country album. For real. Because when you think "country" you totally think of a half-Jewish, flat-ironed bottle blonde who lives in London and NYC and extols the virtues of "must-have" $18,000 wardrobes and endless juice detoxes. That just screams "country" to me. Anyway, from what I gather, Gwyneth made a lot of noise about wanting to record an album and several labels took the bait and offered her various contracts. Some even claimed that she was being offered a $900,000 signing deal. Now Page Six reports that Goop's recording contract is no longer in play, and that it all came down to how BUSY she is and how she wanted so much money for the pleasure of having her deign to twang it up for us peasants:

Gwyneth Paltrow’s talks for a record deal with Atlantic Records have crumbled, sources confirmed to Page Six.

We reported in March that the “Country Strong” star was close to a deal with the label to record a country album. But a source told us, “Atlantic bosses were very interested, and [Atlantic owner] Warner chief Lyor Cohen was very supportive. But then the talks halted and the deal fizzled out. There was a rumor that Paltrow wanted $1 million to sign, but that is a ridiculous figure. Atlantic is still interested in signing her.”

It’s believed the Oscar winner was distracted by other opportunities in her busy career, including possible movie roles and her new cookbook. There’s even buzz she might turn up for a few surprise appearances on this summer’s “Glee” tour.

Paltrow’s rep told us, “Atlantic was not the only company pursuing her, and she still has not decided if she wants to record an album,” adding, it “is still something she is considering.”

[From Page Six]

Classic Goop with her rep's line, right? "Atlantic was not the only company pursuing her, and she still has not decided if she wants to record an album." Meaning, "Everybody wants Gwyneth, because she's so fabulous and important and such an amazing singer and people are just WAITING IN LINE to hear some of her goopy lyrics, but she is still undecided as to whether those peasants are important enough."

At the end of the day, I just hate her voice. I hate her speaking voice and her singing voice. While technically she's a half-decent (but not great) singer, you can tell that she thinks she's super-talented vocally, like she's a blonder, skinnier, more important Adele. And THAT is pathetic. Here are some Classic Goop performances. That Glee clip makes me want to gouge out my eardrums.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News & PR Photos.

Angelina & Brad brought their kids to the ‘KFP 2′ premiere

Posted: 23 May 2011 08:27 AM PDT

In case you missed it yesterday, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie walked the red carpet for the morning premiere of Kung Fu Panda 2 in Los Angeles. Jolie wore black Michael Kors, Brad wore head-to-toe SAND. It was all lovely. But not as lovely as these photos - apparently, Brangelina brought their older kids to the premiere! Shiloh got done up in a little vest, tie and pants, and she was more dressed up than her dad. I love this little girl. I love that Brad and Angelina are like, "You want to wear a vest and tie to the premiere? Awesome!" Sidenote: Angelina slipped on a comfortable black SACK/poncho!!! Huzzah!

Meanwhile, Maddox is starting to get tall! He's starting to be a big kid now. Pax is just kind of there (I know he's a favorite of some commenters, but his style never really impresses me). And my favorite, The Empress, was shooting the stink-eye at everyone. And she was rocking the hell out of some awesome pink booties. I guess all of the kids at the premiere got those little drinks, it was probably some marketing tie-in with the film soon to be seen at Burger King or whatever.

All of the kids were in France with their parents at the Cannes Film Festival, but they weren't photographed once. Angelina had to confirm her kids' presences at the KFP 2 press conference: “Yes, we’re all in France. Our whole family is in France, and we’re very happy. They’re running around the hotel now, playing games and making a giant mess! I’m sure they’re having a great time. They love it here.” At the LA premiere, Jolie told Us Weekly that she is able to balance her work and her family life "Like every woman does in life. I think we just take time to do all the things we love. If you love what you do, and I’m very blessed that I love my job, and I love to do charity work and I love to be with my kids, so you find time. You’re not exhausted by it if you’re passionate.” Here's video from the premiere:

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Linnocent allegedly “only drank water” while cracked-out in Miami

Posted: 23 May 2011 07:58 AM PDT

Here are even more photos of Linnocent doing her cracked-out model thing in Miami over the weekend. We had some hideous shots of her yesterday, and these are somewhat better quality. Linnocent was lounging by the pool with what "appears" to be "water". But is probably vodka. She's also smoking too - she's been photographed with cigs several times the past few weeks, which is funny only in the context of one of Linnocent's crack-delusional leaks to TMZ a few months ago where Linnocent's "friends" all claimed she had quit smoking. Speaking of her delusional leaks to the press, Page Six had this item this morning:

Lindsay Lohan left little to the imagination during a Miami magazine shoot. The troubled starlet shot the cover of July’s Plum magazine at the Raleigh Hotel Saturday afternoon, in which she donned a dangerously low-cut flowing dress.

Lohan and Plum CEO Jerry Powers had dinner with Lohan’s mom, Dina, and her sister, Ali, at the Forge Restaurant and Wine Bar in Miami on Friday night before the shoot, where the actress was polite to everyone, avoided alcohol and only drank water, spies said.

[From Page Six]

Yes, I'm sure she "avoided" all of the alcohol, everywhere, forever. By the way, if you'd like to read an interesting piece on how the Family Lohan plays the media for profit, the NYT had an interesting report over the weekend. It's amazing how much they profit from leaking information about themselves, from arranging "candid" photo shoots and from cracked-out interviews. That being said, it's kind of a "duh" piece. As in, anybody who pays attention to celebrities and media coverage figures out who's selling what and how.

Two more things - one, Linnocent flashed her boob to the paparazzi. It's a pretty gross-looking boob too. Also, The Daily Mail is bashing Linnocent for her "pot belly". I hate to defend Linnocent about ANYTHING, but she doesn't have a pot belly. She has some coke bloat and she looks like hell, but for the love of God, don't criticize her about her weight.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Christina Hendricks claims her boobs are “so obviously real”

Posted: 23 May 2011 07:49 AM PDT

Christina Hendricks has become one of the most worshipped women, simply because she dares to be famous and sexy and NOT a size zero. Even though Christina has gotten a lot of love stateside, she and her hourglass figure have found an even more amorous fan base in the UK. I have no idea what that's all about - maybe it's the pale skin, the red hair, the boobs, all of it combined, but Christina is considered a goddess over there. So it's no surprise that Christina sat down to do an extensive interview with The Daily Mail, a UK publication. Christina is asked about everything, from her husband to her career to her early days as a model, and she's even asked about her boobs. Several months ago, Playboy released an old photo shoot they did with Christina. She was several sizes smaller, and wearing a bikini top, and her boobs looked much, much smaller. This made everyone sit up and ask, "Hey, are Christina's boobs real?" In this interview, Christina claims they are. You can read the full Mail piece here, and here are some highlights:

On boobs: It was reported this year that there had been a sharp rise in breast augmentation in the UK because British women were longing to look more like Christina, though she says: 'I hope I'm not encouraging that. If there's anything to be learned from me it's that I'm learning to celebrate what I was born with, even though it's sometimes been inconvenient. Having larger breasts has made it harder for me to shop throughout the years, but I've learnt to love it. It's so bizarre that people are constantly asking if my breasts are real or fake,' she adds. 'They're so obviously real that anyone who's ever seen or touched a breast would know.'

On playing Joan on Mad Men: 'I love playing Joan because she's such a departure from who I am. In season one I thought, "Oh Lord, this woman is terrifying – I couldn't be her friend!", but now I think I would be friends with Joan because she's so strong and pretty wonderful,' says Christina, adding: 'I'd just ask her not to tell me what she really thinks all the time.' Today her Mad Men wardrobe of fitted skirts and pillbox hats has been replaced by jeans, purple heels and a cream top (with cinched-in waist, naturally). Though it took her a while to get used to putting on Joan's accoutrements, Christina is now a seasoned pro. 'I was huffing and puffing into those things initially,' she says, 'but now I'm flipping on the garters with ease. It's so great at the beginning of each season to see what's in our characters' wardrobes!'

On Don Draper/Jon Hamm: Ah, Don Draper, a man who could unhook a bra while wearing a straitjacket. Played by the divinely handsome Jon Hamm, Don perennially has an eye for a pretty lady, which rather begs the question why he and Joan have never had an affair. 'Well, I think they have a mutual respect for one another,' says Christina, 'but because they're both very good at reading other people, they've sort of got each other's number.' Can Christina herself see the appeal? 'Who wouldn't? I mean, come on!' she laughs. 'Jon feels more of a brother to me, but listen, I'm a woman and I can look at that man and say he's astoundingly talented and astoundingly attractive. But so are all the guys on the show. I mean John Slattery [who plays Roger Sterling, Joan's sometime lover] – he's dashing and charismatic as can be.' And are the Dons and Rogers of this world Christina's type? 'No, I'd run a mile! I like a man with a nice, self-deprecating sense of humour.'

Christina on how she met her husband, Geoffrey Arend: The couple met after being introduced by Mad Men actor Vincent Kartheiser (who plays Pete Campbell), and though it wasn't love at first sight, 'because we were both coming out of other relationships and weren't in that mindset, I loved his energy and his spirit and I was always saying to friends: "You've got to meet my new friend Geoffrey – he's so much fun". Then my friends invited him to dinner and he was late – he's always late – and they asked me if I wanted to save the seat next to me for Geoffrey and I went: "No, no – it's not like that". Of course, as soon as I said it didn't matter, it suddenly did matter. I think my brain just had to catch up with my heart.'

On kids: The couple, now based in Los Angeles, haven't yet decided whether children will feature in their plans, 'though I probably need to think about that soon because I'm getting older, but I'm not letting that determine any decisions. I'm on this wonderful show with all these opportunities,' says Christina, 'so it seems crazy to jump out of it. I want to really experience the career for a while, and then I'll see what happens.' Joan Holloway – now Joan Harris after marrying the frankly undeserving Dr Greg Harris – did end the fourth series of Mad Men pregnant, after an illicit romp with old flame Roger Sterling. 'She's been very naughty and I was shocked when I got the script,' says Christina. 'My first fear was that she'd quit her job, but also I wondered, if she did become a stay-at-home mum, how would she manage that? Maybe she'll carry on working – just strap the baby to her back and carry on bossing people around!'

[From The Daily Mail]

Do you believe Christina regarding her boobs? I kind of do. I think as she got older, she gained weight (it happens), and that weight spread out proportionally everywhere, including Christina's rack. I believe this because Christina's boobs have a natural sag to them, and when she has them hoisted up in a bustier, it doesn't look like she has two circular aliens trying to burst out of her chest.

Also - I love her chemistry with John Slattery. They're very sexy together. But I wouldn't rule out a Don-Joan drunken hookup at some point. I'd go for that before a Don-Peggy hookup.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Playboy.

Catherine Deneuve lights up a cigarette at a Cannes photocall - nasty or her prerogative?

Posted: 23 May 2011 07:21 AM PDT

Catherine Deneuve is 67 years old and while it’s clear she’s had a face lift (which she admits to) or three she doesn’t look completely plastic, unnaturally waxy or puffed up. It’s amazing how great she looks, especially when you consider that she still smokes like a chimney. The legendary French actress even lit up during a photocall for her film Les Bien-Amies (The Beloved) in Cannes.

This looks trashy to my American eyes, but I used to live right next to France and I realize that those bitches smoke much more than we do. It’s culturally acceptable to smoke there and in Europe in general, although I wish for the sake of people’s health that all countries were as intolerant of as the US. That’s about all I’ll say on that topic. Catherine wants you to know that’s she not about to hide her habit and that she’ll smoke during a photocall if she pleases. At least she didn’t smoke at the premiere. Oh wait I’m wrong. (I really wrote that before I realized I was wrong.)

I’m not really familiar with the rest of the actors in this movie, although I googled this chick in the doily dress, Ludivine Sagnier, and I saw that bizarre movie Swimming Pool in 2003 and she was the naked girl in that. From what I can find she’s not pregnant at this point so there’s really no excuse for that dress.

Chiara Mastroianni, the woman with the dark hair below, is Catherine Denueve’s 39 year-old daughter, can you believe it? She looks like Katie Holmes’ long lost sister. There’s something awkward about her, just like Katie too. Maybe it’s the t-shirt paired with a pencil skirt.

Photocall photos credit: Jean Catuffe/Pacific Coast News. Premiere/closing ceremony photos credit: WENN.com.

Russell Brand got deported from Japan, Katy Perry is sad

Posted: 23 May 2011 07:03 AM PDT

Although Russell Brand has long since left his heroin days behind him, the past still comes back to haunt him on occasion. This was the case over the weekend when both Brand and wife Katy Perry performed a blow-by-blow tweeting extravaganza that followed the saga of the former (for now) playboy who was kicked out of Japan due to his much publicized past drug offenses. Of course, these charges primarily occured in the UK, but Japan is completely serious about this stuff. Certainly, this won’t help the couple’s existing (alleged) marital tension, but at least Katy admits that she’s sad about it all. Or at least, she’s feigning sadness like she fakes everything else, but whatever. The point here is that Japan does not wish “Konnichiwa!” to Brand:

Not everyone’s a fan of Russell Brand!

The 35-year-old actor was deported from Japan on Saturday.

“So… my husband just got deported from Japan,” Katy Perry wrote on Twitter. “I am so sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place. Tokyo dreams crushed.”

So why was Brand taken into custody and subsequently kicked out of the country? “It was for priors from over 10 years ago!” Perry, 26, explained.

But Brand didn’t lose his sense of humor.

“Planning escape from Japanese custody,” the Get Him to the Greek star quipped. “It’s bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick.”

“Stockholm syndrome [is] kicking in,” he added. “Just asked my guard out for (vegetarian) sushi. He giggled.”

Perry added: “But of course I love my Japanese fans and the show must go on, no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings! It’s not right but it’s okay.”

[From Us Magazine]

In sharp contrast to the U.S. and England, Japan really cracks down on celebrities with previous drug offenses. I seem to recall that Paris Hilton was completely miffed when Japanese immigration officials denied her entry into the country after questioning her for six hours about her Las Vegas cocaine adventure. However, Russell Brand will survive this ousting in good humor, and Katy Perry, well, she’ll just have to get over it too.

Photos courtesy of Fame Pictures

Nicole Kidman vs. Kylie Minogue at the Billboard Awards: Botox and black lace

Posted: 23 May 2011 06:50 AM PDT

Aussies Nicole Kidman and Kylie Minogue were both at the Billboard Awards last night wearing black dress with beaded lace see-through sections. Both of their dresses were fug in unique ways. Nicole sported her usual matronly style and all her bits were covered. She wore a dress that looked like it should have ended mid thigh but somehow continued to floor length and gave us a glimpse of her legs on the way down. Nicole’s hair was really pretty in a loose side braid and I loved her earrings. I would have liked the dress if it didn’t have the see-through panel across the bottom and if she could have resisted sticking her hands in the pockets. She’s got an “aw shucks” look going on.

Nicole’s face is softening up a bit and you can tell she’s eased up a little on the Tox and fillers, although she’s still impossibly smooth and her lips look as plump as usual. When you compare her to poor alien-looking Kylie Minogue, she looks pretty normal. Doesn’t Nicole look a little high though, like she just smoked a joint in the limo?

Kylie has been cat-eyed and wrinkle free for a very long time, bless her heart. While she’s tried to claim that she doesn’t use Botox anymore, I think she means strictly Botox and isn’t counting any other injectables or work she’s had done.

Kylie wore a black crinkly-looking short dress with black sequins and rose details. The dress just looked like it would itch and it was bunching up slightly in the wrong areas. I could see her underwear through the skirt and it’s a good thing they were full coverage. She had on some banging black peep toe platform shoes with tiered fringe. I usually don’t like fringe on anything, but those shoes are awesome. She paired her dress with chunky white gem dangle earrings and a matching ring. It was all rather jarring put together, but I feel bad for picking on Kylie.

Photo credit: Fame and WENN

Ke$ha vs. Nicki Minaj vs. Fergie: who was the worst-dressed?

Posted: 23 May 2011 06:12 AM PDT

While Rihanna went professional and crisp in a white suit, and Lady Gaga didn't even show up, there was a void. A void three musical crazy women tried to fill. Those ladies? Nicki Minaj, Fergie and Ke$ha. Honestly, though, none of their costumes were as crazy as some of the junk they've tried to pull in the past, which leads me to believe that this entire Billboard Music event was totally budget and unnecessary.

Ke$ha wore this completely unflattering dress, allegedly by Jad Ghanour, although I can't imagine any designer wants to put their name on this. Here's the problem: I actually kind of like Ke$ha. In interviews, she's funny and clever and kind of cool. Her music is not really amazing or anything, but I'd be lying if I claimed I hadn't downloaded "Blow". But the problem is that the chick doesn't really "fit" into the molds of successful pop artists. She's not a Rihanna, a Britney, or even a Nicki Minaj. She doesn't have the looks to pull off the weirdness, IMO. This dress is just so… ugly. And it emphasizes all of the bad parts of Ke$ha's body. Ugh.

As for Nicki, she wore this horribly unflattering Mark Fast bodysuit and Versace heels. So, so trashy and ugly. The outfit, not Nicki, although you could make the argument for Nicki as well. She just… tries too hard.

And finally, we have Fergie in Max Azria. I can't even look at the fug faux bondage stuff because I'm too enchanted by her ridiculous drag queen face. Too much plastic surgery, too much makeup, too much fug. It's really difficult for me to pick a worst dressed.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s secret 13 year-old son didn’t know that Arnold was his dad

Posted: 23 May 2011 06:06 AM PDT

The NY Post has a piece that brings a sad sense of reality to the Arnold Schwarzenegger secret kid scandal. Apparently Arnold’s 13 year-old son had no idea that Arnold was his father, and used to call his mom’s boyfriend “dad.” Members of the woman’s family didn’t even know that her son was Arnold’s, including her sister and mother, who both worked for Arnold too. Like so many other women in his orbit, Arnold is said to have groped those two employees, but they just put up with it and aren’t thought to have put out like the maid who secretly had his son.

Maria Shriver wasn’t the only person kept in the dark about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s love child — the boy himself never knew his father was the Terminator.

Arnold baby mama Mildred “Patty” Baena never told the child — now 13 — that the “True Lies” star was his dad, even though Arnold showered him with gifts and put a down payment on his family’s home, a source close to Baena’s family said.

The boy’s Bakersfield neighbors said he would even refer to Baena’s current beau, Alex Aguiar, as his dad.
“He had no idea” about the truth, the source said.

The “Kindergarten Cop” star was forced to humiliatingly admit to fathering a child out of wedlock this week. Before then, Baena’s close family didn’t even know who the boy’s dad was, including her sister, Miriam Peña.

The family’s lack of knowledge was especially shocking since both Peña and Baena’s mother, Evelyn Peña, 76, also worked for Arnold. Miriam’s family says she still works for Arnold, even after the revelations.

The baby mama’s family is mostly upset with Patty — and feels sympathy not for her, but for Shriver.

“Maria would always make sure to help us, even with little things, gifts, Christmas stuff, things like that, and now we end up making her go through this crap because of Patty. It’s not cool,” the family source said. “The family is not happy with Patty right now because she never told us or warned us and now we have to deal with all this attention.”

Most relatives presume the boy now knows the truth, but they are not sure what Baena has told the boy about his parentage since this week’s stunning news broke…

Meanwhile yesterday, sources close to Baena’s family told The London Sun that Arnold also groped the mother and sister of his love child’s mom while they were working for him.

“He would touch all their backsides while they were doing the housework,” the sources claimed to the paper. “He flirted with all of them, even the mother.”

[From The NY Post]

That’s incredibly sad if this kid had to learn about through the press. I hope his mom told him ahead of time and prepared him for it. The woman and her son have not returned to the home that Arnold helped purchase for them with a down payment last year. They’ve stayed out of sight since the scandal broke.

A friend of mine was telling me that Maria issued a statement that she wasn’t “bred to look the other way,” but my friend was sort-of wrong because that’s what Maria said to Oprah Winfrey back in 2003 when Arnie was running for governor and was trying to dodge all the rumors that he was a womanizing bastard who groped women. Whatever Maria knew about Arnold’s cheating over the years, she’s said to have been “completely betrayed” to learn that he’d fathered the maid’s son. E!’s Ted Casablanca has some quotes from a “source” close to Maria who says that what he did to her is unforgivable, particularly since she put her career on hold and vouched her him during his campaign. “She got him elected, remember? Unless Maria stood by that man’s side and played the good wife. I guarantee you he would not have been elected. There were too many questions about him.”

Maria has hired a divorce attorney and she’s been spotted out without her wedding ring. It looks like she’s ready to divorce Arnold and move on. Meanwhile he has put all his pending movie projects on hold, and that “Governator” animated series and comic book he had planned has been scrapped too. The idea of a governor with a secret double life was looking pretty ironic in light of this scandal.

Here are Arnold and Maria in 1982 and at their wedding in 1986. They’re also shown out in February of this year. Credit: Fame

Monday, May 23, 2011

Cele|bitchy

Cele|bitchy

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