Cele|bitchy

Oscar Fashion: Reese Witherspoon channels Julia Roberts
Oscar Fashion: Natalie Portman is glowing in Rodarte
Oscar VF Party: Madonna had some more gristly plastic surgery
Oscar Best Couples: Colin Firth & Livia, plus RDJ, Jude Law & Susan Downey
Oscar Fashion: Hailee Steinfeld’s playful pink Marchesa
Oscar Girl Problem: Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel & Cameron Diaz
Oscar Fashion: Halle Berry’s crazy eyes in sparkly nude Marchesa
Oscar Fashion: Helena Bonham Carter isn’t kooky enough in Colleen Atwood
Oscar Fashion: Sharon Stone’s Cruella de Vil-esque Christian Dior
Oscar Fashion: Hilary Swank is a sparkly gray peacock in Gucci

Oscar Fashion: Reese Witherspoon channels Julia Roberts

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 08:55 AM PST

We all know the look. We remember it! Julia Roberts' Oscar win in 2001, wearing vintage black-and-white Valentino, with the big hairpiece. Reese Witherspoon is totally doing a Julia Roberts homage! Reese's black-and-white is Armani (which is one of Julia's favorites). I know many of you hate, hate, hate this on Reese, but I am IN LOVE with it. I think it appeals to my Southern side - this is very much what a Southern girl would choose for a red carpet - it's kind of prom-y and bridesmaid-y, it's flattering, and she's got big hair. LOVE!!! I could eat it up with fried chicken.

I also like that Reese looked so comfortable in it, and that she was really working it. She's so pretty and petite, and in my opinion, Reese can't do "big" dresses. She can't really do "high fashion" either. She needs to keep things simple, fashion-wise. And this dress is perfect. Whatever, bitches. I love it.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Fashion: Natalie Portman is glowing in Rodarte

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 08:45 AM PST

Pregnant Natalie Portman really nailed it at the Oscars in a draped eggplant-colored Rodarte gown that emphasized her gorgeous cleavage without revealing too much. I was surprised to see Natalie looking so red carpet-ready when she was a big yellow fail in a babydoll dress at the Independent Spirit Awards on Saturday. Plus who can forget her pink and red rose gown at the Globes? She recovered well at the SAGs, though, and she brought it last night at the Oscars.

Some people criticized me for disliking Portman’s effusive Oscar speech. I expected her to be a lot more polished, especially because she seemed very practiced in her interviews with Ryan Seacrest and Robin Roberts on the red carpet. I get the comments that she’s pregnant and hormonal and was overwhelmed in the moment. She’s been in the business long enough not to blather on like she did, though, and I honestly thought she would self correct a little after some of her earlier speeches.

Still, she looked gorgeous and so well put together. I love her wavy sideswept hair and she has on just the right amount of perfectly flattering makeup. Her dress was tailored so well and showed off her cute strappy shoes. The earrings were a little weird, but they were probably meant to mirror the subtle vertical beading around her bodice. Overall she was lovely.

Oscar VF Party: Madonna had some more gristly plastic surgery

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 08:38 AM PST

Um, so Madonna was invited to the post-Oscar Vanity Fair party. And she brought her daughter Lourdes as her "date". That's fine. I even like Lola's little minidress, although I'm sure Lola and Madge had a fight about the shortness. Lola looks so pretty and cute, though, which makes what I'm about to say even worse: Madonna had more junk done to her face. She wasn't content to just have those chicken-cutlet cheek implants put in (which completely mangled her face). Now Madge has gone and gotten her eyes done too - amongst other procedures. Her face just looks like a mask at this point. It's disgusting. And Madonna should seriously think about the message she's sending to her beautiful young daughter.

Oh, and style-wise… Madonna looks like a 60-year-old transvestite madam. I mean… do we need to see her leg gristle? No. No, we do not.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Best Couples: Colin Firth & Livia, plus RDJ, Jude Law & Susan Downey

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 08:15 AM PST

Colin Firth winning his first Oscar was definitely one of the highlights last night. But I also loved that Colin seemed to take his time and enjoy the moment, and I LOVED the kiss he gave his wife when he won. It wasn't slobbery and tacky, but it wasn't brusque either. He gave her a real kiss, like, "I love you so much, my darling." I'm getting a little teary. Sigh…

As for Livia's dress… well… I didn't hate it. I would have loved to see her in a jewel tone with her beautiful dark coloring, but she went with this "up-cycled Gary Harvey gown". It was "reclaimed" from 11 different dresses. Interesting.

Also, my other pick for favorite Oscar couple (or ménage à trois): Susan Downey and Robert Downey Jr., plus Jude Law. Susan and RDJ did the red carpet thing together for the Oscars, but they picked up Jude for the after-parties, which I LOVE. I love that Jude and RDJ are totally boyfriends. And I love that Susan just deals with it. Seriously, Susan and RDJ are so beautiful together.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Fashion: Hailee Steinfeld’s playful pink Marchesa

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 08:08 AM PST

Fourteen year-old True Grit star and Best Supporting Actress nominee Hailee Steinfeld wore a pale pink Marchesa to the Academy Awards that was very ballerina prom dress. She had her hair in an updo with a little ribbon around it, and accessorized with Fred Leighton jewelry and Ferragamo shoes. I hate to analyze a young teen’s fashion, but Hailee is more poised and media savvy at 14 than most 25 year-olds, so it’s not rude to observe that her fashion this season has been hit or miss.

At the Berlinale she had on a strange pastel and black swan dress that reminded me of Bjork’s Oscar getup. She was in a fussy jeweled number with a velvet skirt at the BAFTAs, and she had on a reverse tuxedo type dress for the nominee’s luncheon. Plus she wore a super bright long striped number to the SAGs. (Those photos are below and linked above.) I think Hailee just has fun with her fashion and gets a kick out of dressing up for these events. She’s just a kid, and she remains age appropriate and very cute.

Kaiser and I were in awe of Hailee’s performance in True Grit, and she took extremely complicated lines with difficult words and made them sound natural. She made that film, and I would have loved to see her take home an Oscar. Hailee has plenty of time to earn that statue and to hone her fashion. It’s nice to see a young girl dressed like one and looking so fresh and pretty. She’s so cute and she’s obviously enjoying herself. Look at the red Chucks she changed into for the Vanity Fair Oscar party! These look Photoshopped in but they’re not.

Thanks to Just Jared for the details on Hailee’s outfit. Photos credit: WENN.com

Oscar Girl Problem: Justin Timberlake, Jessica Biel & Cameron Diaz

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 07:53 AM PST

God, how much does Justin Timberlake suck? Like, so HARD. He got to present with Mila Kunis, and their little thing together on stage made me dislike them both. I think JT really, really wants to get into Mila's Spanx, and now I'm kind of wondering if Mila is up for it. But JT has serious girl drama - he brought his mom as his Oscar date, which is notable because JT has a girlfriend who enjoys going to the opening of any envelope, and she probably pitched a fit when she found out she wasn't going to be his Oscar date. Still, Jessica Biel got to get all dressed up… for the post-Oscar Vanity Fair party. Because she couldn't be ignored. Here's Biel in a surprisingly nice Versace - it would have been better on the Oscar red carpet, right? Hahaha.

Also at the VF party? Jessica Biel's nemesis and JT's ex, Cameron Diaz, in a biscuit-flasher dress. God, Camy. When did you get so pathetic and trashy? This is the kind of dress Pamela Anderson would wear. Tacky.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Fashion: Halle Berry’s crazy eyes in sparkly nude Marchesa

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 07:34 AM PST

Is anyone else completely over Halle Berry? Everything about her was annoying me last night. Her interview on ABC seemed "Oh, I'm so sad and serious, look at me." Her special tribute to Lena Horne bugged me too. And the Marchesa dress - ugh. When I saw her, I got déjà vu. I seriously feel like I've seen Halle wear this dress before, but I'm probably thinking about some older Armani or Elie Saab gown that was beige-nude and sparkly. Halle does sparkly beige-nude too much.

So… is it a pretty dress, regardless of what we may be feeling for or about Halle these days? Eh. I think Georgina Chapman was just like, "Screw it, just Super Glue some more tulle on this junk and call it a day." I did like Halle's styling, though. She may be crazy, but she knows how to put an outfit together. Simple hair, dark eyes, very pretty. I also like that Halle didn't bring Olivier Martinez to show him off on the red carpet. I wonder where he was?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Fashion: Helena Bonham Carter isn’t kooky enough in Colleen Atwood

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 07:16 AM PST

Don't hate me, but I was seriously disappointed in Helena Bonham Carter. She wore Colleen Atwood - the dress was velvet and taffeta, and it had a big bustle on the back. I disliked the velvet strapped-cardigan thing, and the dress was really wrinkled, and… I don't know. If HBC wants to go kooky and silly, she should. If she wants to go classy and elegant, she should. What I hate is this in-between crap. It looks like she got in a fight with herself over how crazy she should go.

BUT - good hair. And I loved her Union Jack calf-detail (I think it was just a tied-on flag). And I loved how many cutaways there were for HBC and Tim Burton - the camera was on them constantly throughout the ceremony. Loved HBC's reaction shots, and I love that she doesn't feel it necessary to hide her bitchface. I also had so much sympathy for all of the women who were nominated in Best Supporting Actress - Kirk Douglas as presenter… and the way he dragged it out. That was just cruel to the ladies.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Fashion: Sharon Stone’s Cruella de Vil-esque Christian Dior

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 06:59 AM PST

Look, I'm not saying the bitch isn't fabulous. Look at her. Everything about Sharon Stone says "Fabulous Bitch". The beehive, the feathered "Black Swan" Christian Dior gown, the Kate Middleton eye liner, the fact that Sharon actually looks her age AND looks good for her age, and the little matter of her major Cruella de Vil vibe. I love it all. If you're Sharon Stone, this is how you come to the Oscars. You douse yourself in eyeliner and feathers and you work the carpet like the professional bitch that you are. I love her.

That being said, it is a little bit too much. Please don't shank me with your specially made "Original Bitch" shank, Sharon! All of the pieces put together - the liner, the dress, the hair, the face - it's just a touch too much. I think my biggest problem is with the ostrich feather detail - it's too big. Just tone that down, and this would be a huge win for Sharon. But seriously, how else is she supposed to roll? Bitches better recognize!!

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oscar Fashion: Hilary Swank is a sparkly gray peacock in Gucci

Posted: 28 Feb 2011 06:52 AM PST

Both Kaiser and I have mixed feelings about Hilary Swank’s Gucci Premiere strapless gown with a long dip-dyed feather train. Kaiser gives Hilary credit for looking less horsey with her styling as usual, and she likes the top of the gown, as do I. On camera this dress looked decent but in photos the different shades of gray on the bottom look muddy and seem to emphasize how feathers have no place on a dress that’s sequined on top.

What’s more is that Hilary presented at the Oscars, for Best Director, and that she went to the Vanity Fair Oscar party afterwards but didn’t change up her dress. I know it’s petty to point that out when a woman is rocking a dress that’s probably worth six figures, but it’s the damn Oscars - the dresses are free and the designers are throwing them at you. Switch it up for the after parties. Also, this needs accessories like some earrings and a bracelet. All she’s wearing is a ring!

I’ll say something nice - I like her makeup, and she had a nice jewel in her hair you couldn’t see. That hair needs to go. She had some beautiful loose curls at the SAG Awards. What happened?

Monday, February 28, 2011

Cele|bitchy

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